A/N: I wanted to be nice and type up the new chapter because, well, I've already kept you waiting long enough. I need to speed up my work pace so here is the brand-spanking new chapter.
Sai stared bleakly at the hall in front of him, his feet slowly dragging him across the carpeted floor. Just as Sakura ordered, here he was, reporting for the impromptu Team 7 meeting with the Hokage. Something about the bracelet or whatever. Honestly, Sai couldn't care less. In fact, he was disliking the prospect of seeing his team members again. Especially Naruto.
None of his proper conduct manuals guided him through the correct ways of dealing with a rejection. So, he was left utterly clueless and feeling unbearably alone. What's more, it felt like there was a hole in his chest, like someone tore out his heart. Which, he assured himself, is impossible for if his heart was gone, he should already be dead. But he sure felt like lying down on his bed and doing nothing for the rest of eternity. In any case, without the primary source of emotion, he didn't even have his own feelings to guide him. He felt hollow, and numb. It was unlike before, when he was just a Root lackey. This time he knew he was numb. It was like filling the world in color then bringing it back to black and white again.
Also, as if to add insult to injury, other than not knowing how to act around Naruto, just the thought of seeing him was becoming more of a problem. It would hurt. It would be like the rejection all over again. To see him. That ridiculously dickless fool with the impossibly, blue eyes, sun-kissed hair, and silky, tan skin. That boisterious idiot with the voice that forces you to listen, the determination to acknowledge him, and the never-ending sincerity and acceptance. To see all that. Damnit, to see all that and know it would never be his. It would be utterly unbearable.
As much as he loathed this little get-together with what Danzou-sama assured was but a temporary team, he could not disobey a direct order. Perhaps if his jounin leaders' commands were against Danzou-sama's orders then yes, he would disobey. However, no one usurps the power of a Hokage, not even Danzou, despite what the foolish man thought. And, he knew from an early age, that when duty called. You answered. No questions asked.
But that didn't stop him from taking his sweet, sweet time getting to the meeting. Stop and smell the flowers, and all that. So Sai took the round-about way to the tower, cheerfully looking about like a tourist. His pace was slower than a snail's, and he even occasionally paused to adjust his ninjato strap or check his weapon's pouch or tie his laces. Despite the fact that his ninja sandals had none of those.
The meeting soon proved to be unavoidable, unless he would like to suffer the wrath of a deathly strong Hokage, he found himself wandering the floors of the Hokage tower. In all technicalities, he had arrived at the assigned destination. He was just taking a longer time getting to the room is all. He wasn't stalling either, just...What did Kakashi-taichou say? Lost on the road of life was it? Yeah, he'll go along with that.
Sai heaved a worn out sigh, rounding the corner as he fast approached the Hokage chamber. The massive oak doors, that led to the Hokage's office, was coming into view when Sai suddenly began to hear hushed voices. One of them sounded like Sakura and the other...Well, the other he wasn't all too sure of. He was certain they weren't from any member of the team. Which thankfully meant, he wasn't Naruto either.
"...I don't know but it sounds serious."
"Fear not, my precious flower! Naruto-kun burns with the fierce power of youth! He will be fine!"
Why wasn't he surprised that the two were talking about Naruto? Due to this whole fiasco with the bracelet and the curse, it was quickly becoming apparent just to what extent Naruto ingrained himself into their lives. He was the sun-incarnate and they were the planets that revolved around him. He was only one of the many victims that had gotten too close and inevitably got burned.
"Still I..." Sakura paused as Sai stepped into her peripheral vision. "Oh, good morning Sai."
"Good morning." Sai automatically replied.
Sakura smiled that smile Naruto had labeled the 'worried smile'. Sai idly noted that she was flashing it more often. "It is, isn't? Ah, but I'm being awfully rude. I know you and my boyfriend haven't been properly introduced. Sai, this is Lee. Lee, my teammate Sai."
"It truly is an honor to meet one of my beloved's teammates. I have heard much about you." Lee announced, inclining his head forward a bit.
"I've heard snippets about you as well. Not just from Sakura-san here, but from Naruto and Sasuke-san too." Sai replied with his own nod of acknowledgement.
That seemed to ease Sakura, her worried smile vanishing as she clapped her hands. "Well, seeing that you two are getting along. I trust that I can leave you guys alone while I go and get my team set up."
Lee began to respond but Sakura cut him off with a wave of her hand. "No time for chatter. Gotta run!"
Quick as a flash, her hands formed a handseal and she was gone in a barely indescernible 'poof'. In her wake, she left two boys, nearly strangers, standing awkwardly a mere three feet from each other. A tangible silence filled the air as Lee desperately tried to think up of an interesting topic of conversation. Sai, on the otherhand, was as cool as a cucumber. He wasn't even trying to start up small talk, his heart just wasn't in it.
Closing his eyes, Sai leaned against the wall opposite to the one beside Lee. His eyes drifted shut as he let out a low breath. The other boy merely watched him with observant eyes. A look of comprehension dawned on his face and compassion swept through his entire being. Finally, Lee broke the silence.
"It hurts doesn't it?"
Sai didn't even bother looking at him. His eyes were still firmly closed. "What does?"
"The rejection." Lee stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Your mask is commendable but I am quite familiar with the aura of rejection."
Sai peered curiously at him now. It was surprising to see such perceptiveness from a man whose eyebrows were trying to swallow his eyes. "Oh?"
"Yes. Did you know when Sakura-chan finally agreed to go on a date with me, it was my 101th date proposal? I was rejected one hundred times."
"Impressive."
"You could at least pretend to listen."
"I am lis--!" But Lee interrupted him
"No! No you are not! I am not saying this for my own sake you know! I am doing this for you."
"You don't have to."
"But I want to." Lee locked eyes with Sai, his burning passion barely contained by his soulful, onyx orbs. "I know what it feels like. To be rejected. To not be good enough for the person you care for the most. It hurts. A lot."
Sai couldn't help but snort in disdain at this. "It used to, now...I can't...I can't feel anything anymore. It's all..."
"Broken?"
Sai glared at him with annoyance he didn't even know he had. "If you know so much, then perhaps you should tell me what to do?"
"I cannot."
Sai grunted, averting his gaze to the floor. Of course, kick a man while he's down.
"You have to figure that on you're own."
His head snapped up at that. "What do you mean?"
"From the way I see it, you've got options. First, you fall into a very unyouthful depression and wallow in your misery for an indefinite amount of time. I hope you realize that this has no purpose and is a very selfish act. Second, you can keep courting your love. This is a most youthful choice but take care to realize even the most determined warrior knows when to stop. Last but not least, if you truly care for this person, you will let go of him. And in whatever endeavor of love he is in, you will always be there for him."
"Him?"
"I may be strange, but I am not dumb."
"Obviously..."
For a moment, there was silence again. Sai heavily contemplating Lee's words. He struggled for a moment before asking, "If you were in my shoes, what would you do?"
Lee answered without hesitation. "Option three."
"What about two?"
Lee gave him an empty stare. "If you want to, by all means, perhaps you will prevail as I did. But I believe even you can see it."
At this, Sai slumped to the ground. He hugged his legs to his torso, laying his forehead to his knees. "I can. But I don't even know a thing about love. Would it end just like that? Would it stop if I choose not to pursue him any further? If that's the case, then what's the significance? It's all too fleeting, what's the point?" He paused, before murmuring breathily. "I...don't want to stop this, this feeling. I don't want to stop believing that he is precious. I-I don't want to stop 'loving' him."
"You do not have to." Lee replied. "Option three is not the only option."
"But you said-!"
"I gave you the option I believe would be most beneficial for you and Naruto, the path with the least amount of pain. If you choose to pursue him further, you might only serve to confuse him, or perhaps raise your hopes only to have it come crashing down. I'm not saying your love for Naruto stands no chance but there is no denying the fact that these are possible outcomes. As for option one, it is obvious. You will suffer needless hurt and Naruto will suffer the heavy burden of guilt for causing you that pain. And I'm sure nobody wants that."
Sai heaved a tired sigh, forcing a smile on his lips though his eyes grew watery. "Option three it is then."
Lee bent down to Sai's eye level, offering him a hand. "Nobody said loving someone was going to be easy, and this is a very difficult choice. Think about it."
Sai eyed the hand. "Why would you choose option three?"
"I love Sakura, with all of my heart and more. Her happiness is something I cherish and if I would not make her happy, then I will bow out. I believe that as long as she is happy, I am happy, even if I am not there to share it with her."
Sai closed his eyes, a few tears escaping and weaving a path down his pale cheeks. He gave a shuddering sob then returned to staring at the offered hand. "I-I would like that too..." He whispered, taking a hold of Lee's hand. "Naruto's smile is something that I really...I really care for."
Lee grinned, pulling him and the other boy into a standing position before letting go of Sai's hand. "That is the spirit. But I still hope you realize that you there is no rush. Choose whenever you feel ready. Just promise me this, if you could."
"What?"
"Do not ever choose option one."
"Alright." Sai grinned, a genuinely easy grin. He felt lighter somehow. He didn't really solve anything but, as eccentric as the man is, Lee was a good listener. He was good at giving advice too, come to think of it.
"No, no, no!" Lee shook his head in disapprovement. "Not like that! You must first pose like this!" He raised his left hand to eye level and formed a thumb's up sign with it while his right hand rested on his hip. He smiled as well, his teeth gleaming in the faint morning sunlight.
"But...Why?" Sai couldn't help but stare incredously at the pose.
"This pose was taught to me by my sensei, Maito Gai. It is called the good guy pose. It represents one's determination and strength of will."
"You still haven't answered my question."
Lee relaxed, bringing his hands to fall limply at his side. "It is because I want your word, Sai-san. I want your word that you will not, under any circumstance, fall into the darkness of depression. Nor will you, despite how painful it may become, sink into the depths of your misery. And I'm sorry, but I won't feel reassured otherwise until you do that pose."
Sai sighed, carding his hand through his hair. "Once is fine with you, am I correct?" At Lee's nod, he couldn't help but sigh again. Nonetheless, he copied Lee's pose, and he stated. "I promise that no matter what, I will keep on striving forward and never once will I falter."
"And?"
"And what?"
"You should declare something about your springtime of youth!"
Sai was about to retort but consented anyways. He rolled his eyes as he proclaimed, "Because the fire of youth burns within me!" And at Lee's expectant gaze, smiled the same twinkling smile.
"I'm never leaving you alone with Lee. Ever again." Sakura's voice muttered. She had arrived with her newly formed team in tow, just in time to hear Sai's announcement and smile. She slapped her palm to her wide forehead.
Ino and Hinata, standing behind her, were given the priviledge to witness as well. They were both giggling softly behind their cupped hands. At least Hinata was, Ino was outright laughing. Sai felt humiliated for the first time, his face rivaling a tomato.
Due to being so engrossed with his and Lee's conversation, he hadn't even noticed their approaching footfalls. Oh how Danzou-sama would've been disappointed had he seen this. Now what was that saying again? What he doesn't know won't hurt him? Yeah, that sounds about right.
"Oh my precious flower has come back to me!!" Lee shouted, running up to hug her.
Sakura stopped him, placing her hand on his face as he drew nearer than a foot. "I love you Lee, but I would very much appreciate it if you did not corrupt my friends."
Lee detached himself from Sakura's hand, his eyes burning. "I have not done anything! Sai-san was simply displaying his youthfulness! That is all! No corruption whatsoever!"
"If you say so..." Sakura replied doubtfully.
"I thought it was very cute!" Ino piped up from behind her best-friend, winking at Sai.
Sai blushed again, and Hinata took pity on the poor boy. "Um, e-everyone? Let's all stop now please. The Hokage must be very impatient."
"You're right Hinata-chan! We should start our mission instead of flirting with guys, unlike someone!" Sakura hissed, her eyes obviously on Ino.
"I have no idea what you are talking about." Ino replied innocently, flipping her hair as she walked to the double oak doors. "That was just friendly banter, and you should know by now Forehead-girl, that I am dating Chouji. But of course, you don't. You are so behind, as usual."
"INO-PIG!" Sakura yelled, following her as she entered the chamber.
Hinata smiled at her friends' antics and then turned to the two boys. She bowed slightly in greeting before following her teammates into the office. Watching the pale, Hyuuga girl disappear from his sight, Lee was suddenly reminded of another Hyuuga. Neji.
"I am quite sure my team has arrived and is duly waiting for me in the lobby." Lee proclaimed, his gaze shifting unto Sai. "I must leave now but I wish you luck with your decision."
Sai slowly nodded, waving good-bye to his...Friend? Yes, friend. His newfound friend. After all, Lee was the textbook definition of the word, and the hallway couldn't help but feel emptier without the eccentric man present. Letting a bitter smile grace his features, Sai found himself alone again.
As if to comfort him, the warm sunlight gently caressed the boy's face, bringing Sai's attention to a nearby window. He approached it, drawn by the beauty laid out before him. Konoha, beautiful, precious Konoha. The sun was high in the sky now, and everyone was awake. Market Street was already alive with the calls and shouts of the merchants. From his position in the top floor of the Hokage tower, Sai had the priviledge of seeing the shinobis and civilians alike go about their daily business. It was as if they had not a care in the world.
But this was a shinobi village, it would be stupid to disillusionize himself with the thought that everyone was happy here. He was a prime counter-example of that statement. Ironically enough, his problem was that he cared too much. Far too much. Even if it was only about one person.
His gaze drifted upwards, his eyes narrowing to squint at the sun. Lee's words, their entire conversation came back to him. What would it be like, he wondered, without Naruto in his thoughts? What would it be like not feeling this feeling anymore? What would it be like without Naruto being at the center of his world? To not be the first thing that came to mind when he woke up? Sai closed his eyes. It would probably be like a sky without the sun. It would be dark. It would be cold. It would be sad.
And yet...
A strange chakra signature wormed its way to his senses. It was soon accompanied by slow, forceful footsteps. With that icy, slightly menacing aura, it could only be one person. Sai opened his eyes, his stare meeting with Sasuke's disdainful glare.
That's right. Naruto's smile. He loved Naruto's smile. It was one of the reasons he fell in love with the idiot. Whenever the blond flashed it at him, and not one of those cheeky grins or foxy smirks, but a genuinely happy smile, Sai felt as though he would melt. It gave him such a warm and fluttery feeling, almost as if he was floating on a cloud. Though how he could've known what being on a cloud was like eluded him, the fact that he felt something was quite a miracle on its own.
Sai hummed thought. Yes, Naruto's smile was truly special, and more than anything, he would love to preserve that smile. He wanted Naruto to keep on smiling happily. After all, there's no one else in this world, at least in Sai's thoughts, who deserves to be happy more than Naruto. And the key to his happiness was standing right in front of him.
Sasuke.
Lee was right, he wasn't blind. He could very well see it. So, why couldn't Sasuke?
A slam. The Hokage's doors were thrown wide open. The girls came out with Naruto leading their little troupe. The blond was shouting rather excitedly about his newly given mission. He couldn't wait to escape from all his troubles here in Konoha. Not that he was being a coward or anything but he honestly felt the need to cool off a bit.
"Ne, ne Sakura-chan? Do you think Gaara will--!" He paused in mid-sentence, his eyes falling upon the two sources of his problems. Just as he thought he tasted freedom, his troubles smack him right in the face. Ooh, so close.
There was an awkward silence. Sai stared at Naruto, Naruto stared at Sasuke, and Sasuke went on ignoring everyone else. A few moments and still no one spoke up. Actually, Sai was having difficulty breathing. It hurt much worse than he thought to see Naruto. Especially Naruto looking at Sasuke with those...those eyes.
"To not be good enough for the person you care for the most. It hurts. A lot."
Lee's words drifted back to him and he wound his hands into fists. Outwardly, he was smiling. The mask, the facade was just too easy of a survival tactic for him to commit. Inwardly, there was darkness. Pure darkness and agony. Lee lied. It didn't hurt. For it to hurt was such a serious understatement.
Sakura looked at him worriedly. Concern etched so blatantly upon her features she might as well have stamped the word on her forehead. Sai waved her off, taking a deep breath. Still, he had made a promise. He had given his word. And he wanted more than anything to keep Naruto happy, to keep exuding that warmth. He wouldn't be able to accomplish that if he showed signs of distress, of pain. He took in another lungful of air. Never falter.
"Good morning, Naruto." Sai greeted, a little louder than he wished.
Naruto flinched. He was sort of hoping Sai wouldn't say anything. He was sort of hoping he could avoid the guilt. Ah, wishful thinking. Swallowing, the blond turned to Sai. "Hullo, Sai."
Sai stiffened, his heart skipping a beat. Then, he smiled genuinely. "I hope you aren't feeling guilty Naruto."
Naruto stared at him, blinking in surprise.
"I chose to confess. You had every right to accept or...or reject. But I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not okay."
Naruto grimaced. Was that suppose to make him feel better?
"No, no! What I mean is, right now, I'm not okay. I truly don't know if I ever will be but give me time. And it would be so helpful if you didn't kick yourself for what you did."
Naruto seemed to sag with relief. He returned Sai's smile with one of his own. Sai melted. It was all worth it.
Sasuke huffed in contempt. How sickening. This foolish display of emotion. It disgusted him to his core. Pathetic weaklings. He crossed his arms, his movement catching everyone's attention. For the briefest moment, coal orbs met with cerulean pools, and the blond jumped. His face completely aghast. In an almost instinctive act, Naruto reached out towards his best friend. His nature dictated him to help the other out.
But what do you do...
Sasuke made a sound, nothing short of territorial growl, and moved away from Naruto's hand. Naruto bit his lip and brought his hand back.
When you are the problem?
There was a tense silence which nobody broke, and it seemed to hang so heavily in the air even after Sakura ushered Naruto away. Ino and Hinata, who had known very little of what was going, remained quiet during the ordeal and had obediently trailed after Sakura as she left. That didn't stop Hinata, who still held a soft spot for the blond, to glare rather spitefully at Sasuke.
Sasuke was not intimidated. Despite never having seen the Hyuuga heiress look anything remotely angry, when you saw one death glare, you saw them all. He huffed again.
Sai had known it was not his place to interfere between the relationship of Sasuke and Naruto. Therefore, he had held his tongue at Sasuke's cold dismissal. Seeing the man so apathetic and so uncaring for affection he would gladly die for, however, gave him very little patience. Once the girls and Naruto were far away, Sai narrowed his eyes at Sasuke.
"If you give up on him...I'll kill you."
Sasuke gazed at him through the corner of his eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You're rejecting him before he's even said anything. It was almost as if you're afr-!"
"Shut up! Don't you dare finish that sentence!"
"It's the-"
"No! No it isn't! Shut up!"
"The fact that you're denying me so vehemently means that-"
"I don't want to hear another word. Not another fucking word." Sasuke snarled, walking up to the office doors. "I refuse to be a weakling. I refuse to be broken! I refuse to feel such unnecesarry pain!! I refuse to be someone like you!" With that, Sasuke opened the office doors and slammed them shut.
Sai grit his teeth, tightening his fists. He stared at the closed doors, almost as if to bore holes into them. How could anyone be so foolish? So blind? Was it because of the Sharingan?
"I'm not like you, Uchiha." Sai ground out. "You have something I don't have."
A/N: I tried to type it up quickly. I know it is unBeta-d but bear with me. Anyways, okay...Nothing really happened huh? Just bear with me.