Author's Note: [September 7, 2010] It's been constantly Shiho's POV because... It works out better for me that way. Hehe, I've forgotten how much I rambled in my last Author's Note. -Blushes profusely- Gomen, gomen~ I'll try to keep it short in the future.

Thank you Seiuchi, I appreciate your words plenty. I find myself searching for that particular beach episode. On your personal note, I'm a little relieved that I'm not the only one, good luck to both of us then!

A hello to Aldaeus- I hope the new chapter fits to your liking! I'm glad you're looking forward to it- It helps me look forward as well.

Tyn, Tyn, Tynuccia! Always a pleasure to hear from you, and that I haven't lost you yet! Haha, my updates are sporadic, this is probably the soonest I can make it.

Thanks for everything everyone- my efforts are doubled.

'

Disclaimer: I, Candide Avedo, do not own anything that has to do with Gundam Seed. Or any other commercial franchise that I fail to mention.

'

Bittersweet Confession

'

Each footstep into the room sounded thunderous as it landed on the floor. Her throat felt raspy and dry, like someone had taken a brush and scraped inside her larynx. Both hands became too sweaty, which rarely happened. Her body briefly felt disconnected from her mind.

''Yzak, are you there? I need to talk to you.''

No answer.

Feeling as if she spoke to no one in particular, she flicked on the switch that turned on the lamp beside a large bed. He insisted she took the bed while he took the couch an hour ago. The soft glow of the lamp barely filled the room, but she dared not to light any further. Squinting over the side table, she found her bag resting there as she had left it before her bath.

Scanning the room, she found a glass door slid open; she crept softer still, contemplating whether she should or shouldn't speak to him. For the sake of their mission and safety, she had to.

Besides, he probably already heard her calling and just didn't bother to answer.

Poking her head out into a wooden balcony, Shiho found Yzak leaning up against a wooden post, face tilted up towards the sky.

What was he thinking? Shiho couldn't help but ponder. She also couldn't resist taking in his borrowed attire; men's flannel pajama pants with a matching flannel shirt. A deep blue robe loosely tied at the waist. Self-consciously Shiho retied her own robe, of white silk fabric over an evergreen sateen nightgown.

''Yzak?'' she called again. This time he looked towards her expectantly.

''You wanted to talk?'' he queried. Shiho felt the smooth calm of his voice- a change from hours earlier. Yzak was clearly relaxed now. They had been force-fed leftover soup with bread by the elderly couple; both of them never even thought about being hungry until then.

He saw Shiho's eyes travel over his attire once more over, and he shot her a look that dared her to ridicule what he was wearing. If he only knew what Shiho was really thinking.

''The old man made me wear it. He said it gets cold here in the morning.'' Yzak explained bluntly, this time looking Shiho up and down. He frowned.

Shiho fidgeted under his stare. ''His wife made me wear this...'' she flushed further. ''I know it looks bad and the colours don't match, but...''

Yzak shrugged. ''The colours match, and it doesn't make you look bad.'' he mumbled, returning his gaze to the view of the clearing.

A shy smile graced Shiho's lips, unwilling to believe what Yzak just said. Was he even aware that he sent her a complement? Not prepared with a reply, Shiho changed the subject. ''Shouldn't we be hiding ourselves inside the house? We're in danger of being discovered here, aren't we?'' Shiho asked uncertainly.

Her commander removed himself from the wooden post he was resting on, and sat down on one of the two wooden chairs near the glass doors. ''It's really late... I don't think they'll be trying anything at this time, or anything funny that involves civilians.'' he leaned his head back, combing through the front fringe of his hair away from his face. ''I wanted to just be outside a bit before going to bed.''

Shiho joined him on the other chair beside him. ''Me too.'' She breathed deeply. Her nose faintly detected the soap he used as a breeze playfully passed by.

''So, you wanted to talk to me?'' he repeated, catching Shiho off-guard. She almost forgot her main purpose of finding him. Relaxing outside would have to wait.

Eyes demurely downcast and hands folded on her lap, Shiho sought out how to begin. ''... I wanted to begin by apologizing to you for today. I don't remember if I have...'' She glanced at Yzak for his expression that might que her in, but he wasn't looking at her. ''Okay, maybe not only for today- for every trouble I caused since we partnered up. My plan was to never endanger lives, or create hysteria.'' Even when his face was angled away from her, Shiho had no doubt that he was listening.

She could still tell he was listening by the twitch of his leg, or the repositioning of his hands on the armrest. Was he angry? Maybe it was wrong to mention this again.

''Honestly...'' Shiho continued, when Yzak remained quiet. ''In the mansion back there...'' It was difficult for her to show vulnerability, although her whole purpose was to head in that direction. ''I didn't mean to make you lose your faith or change the way you think of me.'' Her mouth felt like it was talking without her brain registering what she really said. ''I understand that I'm making you look bad. I tell you again that the whole purpose of me acting that way is to help you solve this case, and to make sure you succeed in the end.''

Shiho faltered. She was rambling too much. Her hands had twisted themselves into her nightgown tightly. This time Yzak was looking at her, with a small hint of being overwhelmed.

''I don't think you have anything to worry about.'' Yzak answered slowly, watching Shiho untwist her fingers from the fabric. ''I accept all your apologies, but I don't think you needed to.''

Confused, Shiho furrowed her brows. ''Didn't need to? But you-''

She was given a grim smile. ''I know it looks like I demand perfection all the time, but I only expect that always from myself. I know I'm not the best person to work with, or work for, and people do because they want success. I know they think I just mouth off, with a hot temper, and hate people in general. I ignore that... As long as my subordinates understand what I expect.'' Yzak spoke slowly. Shiho felt no tone of resentment, or of complaint. Merely acceptance.

Somewhere in her chest ached again, as she heard him assume what people thought of him. Concerning her, he was wrong.

''Yzak... Not everyone thinks of you that way.'' Shiho whispered, biting her lip. ''I know people that adore you, listen to your mentoring well- heck, I know someone that even...'' her voice faded off, unable to continue. She couldn't even utter the word.

Since when had it become so taboo?

Yzak noticed her hesitance, and scanned form again. He definitely noticed her tense shoulders, fidgeting hands, impatient feet, and flashing eyes. ''Shiho, are you okay?'' he asked her, and Shiho was taken aback by the sincerely concerned tone of his voice. The previous topic was neglected.

Her heart skipped a beat.

''I'm fine... Thank you.'' Shiho replied gently. She was forcing her will to summon up the courage again, which was proving to be next to impossible.

Not believing her reply, Yzak prodded further. ''Look, I grabbed you a few times- sorry- and I tried to make sure I didn't grab your injured arm by accident. Did I hurt you though?'' he leaned forward from his chair to take a closer look at her injured arm, but Shiho suddenly stood up, letting out a nervous laugh.

''HA! Ha...'' Shiho blushed, taking her turn to lean on the wooden frame. ''Really, I'm fine Yzak, thank you.'' she correctly interpreted his face from her reaction. ''I'm just jittery today.''

Unconvinced again, Yzak this time appeared upset. ''I'm sorry if I hurt you, okay? I just wanted to see if you needed first aid again.'' He crossed his arms defensively. ''If you didn't want me touching you again like last time, just say so.'' he snapped. Yzak said nothing more, crossly returning his stare upwards into the stars.

Realizing he misinterpreted her actions, Shiho felt guilty for moving away.

It was ridiculous how they could misunderstand each other so easily when both of them were so guarded.

Nevertheless, she couldn't trust her own actions if he did touch her again. At the mention of 'last time' when he gave her first aid, Shiho had already controlled her emotions to the maximum. She could barely contain sounds of surprise as his fingers traveled along the surface of her skin. Along with how he recently held her beneath the tree, with his body pressed up against hers so innocently, she wasn't sure what she would do if he touched her now; lean into his hold, or surrender every little bit of what she wanted to say.

To prevent being unprepared, Shiho preferred to say it purposefully. Saying everything in one conversation as though ripping a large Band-Aid.

''Yzak, I didn't mean it like that.'' Shiho pleaded lightly. She couldn't afford him to be angry with her just now. ''You helped a lot, really you did...'' Shiho felt embarrassed. ''I don't remember either if I thanked you for that time, actually.''

''You did.'' came Yzak's reply.

''Mhm...'' agreed Shiho. ''To tell you the truth...'' she turned to Yzak, who was still sitting on the chair. ''I'm the one who's a little concerned.''

''About?'' asked Yzak, genuinely curious. ''The case will be solved. With the disk that you took, we'll have enough proof thankfully enough.''

She shook her head gently. ''No, not about that.'' She swallowed the butterflies in her stomach. ''...About what you think of me.''

Shiho watched Yzak, as he looked up at her sharply, surprise written all over his usually composed face. Well that was certainly not expected, coming from her. If this scene were happening to someone else, Shiho might have found it funny to see.

Yzak's mouth gaped a moment. ''About what I think of you?'' Shiho nodded, not trusting her voice. ''...Shiho, I don't know what you mean... ''

Smiling wistfully, she undeniably saw that answer coming a mile away. ''That's alright...'' She moved to face him fully, eyes softening upon him. ''I promised myself not to expect anything, Yzak.'' She saw that he was still confused, that a part of him also wanted to head back inside. To avoid an awkward predicament.

Her suspicions were correct as Yzak stood up, turning his back to her a moment. ''Shiho, it's late. I think we should head back inside-''

A hand shot out to reach for his sleeve, letting it go quickly as he stopped. ''Yzak, I wanted to talk to you, so you'll hear me out. Please... Don't interrupt.'' Shiho felt brazen for even daring to tell Yzak to remain silent. However he respected her demands, and stayed silent, with Shiho facing his side.

She took deep breaths, a little angry at herself for prolonging this moment. ''You told me that you knew what people thought of you. I want to say... That you couldn't be more wrong, Yzak.'' Shiho felt her body tense, and her eyes fog. ''There was always that someone who appreciated everything about you...'' She forced the tears back, refusing to succumb to what Yzak found was a show of weakness. Her audience was as still as stone, with no signs of movement.

''You see... When I joined your squad, I had no intention of joining other just to be able to be with you.'' Her voice grew firm at her first admittance. ''If you remember, I told you once that I admired your work, your loyalty, spirit, and sense of duty. I wanted to learn the best from you. You were always my inspiration to keep going and doing my best.'' Shiho was alarmed to feel a tear bud at a corner of her eye.

Yzak shifted so that his hair partially covered his face. Shiho knew how uncomfortable he must be, but she had to continue.

''Once all was said and done... Yzak... I'm so sorry...'' She couldn't control it. Her fingers had been tightly clenched, yet she ignored the nails digging into her palm. Her body gave a shudder. ''I couldn't help myself, Yzak.'' she looked up at him, feeling her control slip away.

''I fell in love with you.''

Shiho herself felt her voice echo into the night. There was some time until she registered the fact that she did just confess. Her body felt light, as if it disappeared. It was strange, because moments ago it felt heavy, like lead. Upon confessing, Shiho had expected to feel a burden lift off her chest; but in fact it grew tighter- like a vice had gripped around it threateningly.

The silence fell heavy, as tense moments passed. Yzak continued to be motionless, however his head had looked up upon her words, face shocked, his eyes a midge unfocused. His mouth moved open and closed, as if he were looking for words to say.

''Shiho...'' Yzak managed to let out, his voice heavy. Shiho could see a light tremble in his form. She had never seen him so unsettled before. ''Shiho...'' he repeated again. ''I don't know what to say...'' he turned his face away slightly, evidently ashamed. Clearly he didn't want to look at her right now.

With a sadness that filled her, Shiho felt that she had just confirmed Yzak's feelings towards her. There was... Nothing. The only thing he felt for her was the relationship between Commander and Subordinate. She was a fool to think of anything else. Subconsciously, she could feel the vice that had been wrapped around her heart tighten. If she strained her ears, could she hear the gods laughing at her from above?

So, what she presumed would happen did happen, but... Why did it hurt so bad? Why did she feel an uncontrollable urge to run away, hide under a rock and hide her shameless face? Why did it feel like it had begun raining again- this time, inside herself?

Unable to stand the silence, Shiho looked up at him, ignoring the tears that now trickled down her cheeks. ''It's okay, Yzak.'' It really was, wasn't it? She briefly shut her eyes, moving to stand in front of him, her hands closing around his wrists. ''You don't have to say anything. I understand, really, I do.'' Another drop of wetness stained her robe. ''I'm sorry that I put you through this.''

It felt as if every thought caused a teardrop to fall. She met his eyes. ''I had to, Yzak... Thinking about you distracted me. I'm okay now... I promise I won't endanger anyone again.'' Her voice was firmer then, as if to solidify her vow.

Yzak coughed to clear his throat. Gently he removed his hands from her grip. His face looked apologetic and more somber than she had ever seen. ''Shiho... I-''

She couldn't bring herself to listen to his rejection again, so she pressed a finger to his lips. He didn't move away; nothing could tear them away right now. Even as she had confessed; why is the ache and longing she endures remain? The desire she had multiplied again, as if mocking her assumption that all would go away when she confessed.

Maybe... She should sate one last curiosity?

Shiho gazed up at him, so close that she could feel his breath lightly caress her face. Her eyes fell upon his lips, parted halfway. She took a half-step closer, and he stiffened; it appears he was afraid to move. Yet the desire to flee the scene didn't go unnoticed.

Opposed to further keeping him against his will, Shiho summoned her will to make her last request, while she still had the courage. ''Please Yzak... One last thing before I let you go...'' She let her breath out lightly. ''Please... close your eyes.''

Yzak hesitated a moment, his countenance uncertain. The mesmerizing blue of his eyes forebode her breath taken away.

Shiho stared at him for a while, smiling at how soft he appeared now. The yearning look returned to her eyes as she took her right arm to gently cup his cheek. She heard him emit hiss at her body lightly pressing against his own. Thankfully he kept his eyes closed. She couldn't imagine having the courage with him staring at her.

If roses are meant to be red

And violets to be blue

It was hard enough for her to stand so close to something she couldn't have. This was all she could do, even if she craved, and admittedly needed him badly. Only this one time.

Why isn't my heart meant for you;

My hands longing to touch you

Lifting both her arms, Shiho reached up to slide her hands up his arms, gently reaching up to his shoulders. His muscles felt firm and tense beneath the fabric. She felt her fingers brush up against his hair; loose strands caught the moonlight, making it shine platinum.

But I can barely breathe

Her throat constricted; she really wasn't used to being so bold. However it wasn't the boldness that mattered anymore; this was what she wanted. She used her toes to level her face to Yzak's, now both hands cupping his jawline.

Starry eyes that make me melt

Right in front of me

Closing her own eyes, Shiho closed the distance left between them, her lips making contact with what they dearly sought. Then, she felt something-

Lost in this world

I even get lost in this song

An electrifying sensation, melting her nerves, scalding her insides with a burning heat. Her feet were reduced to jello; it was a struggle to remain upright. Shiho's lips trembled, unable to resist moving her lips over his a little more ardently. She pressed herself closer, exposing her complete vulnerability to him.

Time blissfully stood still, Shiho taking the opportunity memorize how Yzak's lips felt against her own. She could only revel in her new-found euphoria.

And when the lights go down

That is where I'll be found

That was when Shiho realized- with agony- that there was no one else she would rather be with; no one else that could make her feel that way. In the one kiss she spilled all she felt, hoping Yzak would understand. To explain herself. Her kiss meant to tell him how much she cared for him, that even if...

Mister Inaccessible

Will this ever change

She was surprised to feel his hands come up to her shoulders. Shiho stopped her kiss abruptly, letting him go. The hands on her shoulders left, and Shiho saw that his eyes were open now, his expression heavily troubled.

After she kissed him, Shiho expected Yzak to be upset, yelling and intimidating as usual; not heavily troubled.

''Shiho-'' Yzak began, but Shiho cut him off, feeling herself regain her senses.

''I'm sorry Yzak, I don't know what got into me.'' Shiho stepped away from him quickly, straightening out her nightgown profusely. ''I'll just say goodnight now- I'll see you tomorrow.'' she spoke quickly, wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

Dashing at an alarming rate, Shiho slid the glass door behind her shut. Her heart was erratic in her chest, like a caged bird clamoring to be free. It was a miracle her feet didn't trip over themselves. Without a backwards glance she headed straight for the bathroom, shutting it quietly.

One thing that remains the same

She slid to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself. Considering that inside the bathroom was her haven, Shiho buried her head under her arms, gasping out a sob.

...You're still a picture in a frame

Shiho smiled bitterly. Now that all was said and done, did she feel the burden lifted off her chest? No, absurdly not. In fact, she made it worse.

All that she had managed to accomplish was adding the haunting recollections of Yzak not returning her kiss and pushing her away.

'

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Author's Note: Oh hellow... I'm sorry for the necessary cheese and angst. -Laughs- I'm sorry to disappoint... BUT! I'm not done, of course. I didn't want to overdo anything again either... So yeah- That's done.

Is it wrong to feel evil at this point? xD

Oh, well. On a last note, the insert song is 'Lost', by Anouk. My family's probably so tired of listening to this song from my computer, but I just love it.

C.A. [September 7, 2010]