AN: Hi everyone, I'm sorry for the much longer than usual wait for an update. I was out of town for a few days last week and then the site went down... yeah. Umm, something has also seemed to give me a big sense of discouragement. I don't really know what's different or has changed but I feel like the quality of my writing has waned... I'm not sure. I got pretty bummed out about it and though I really want to finish this story and keep going - I have so many scenarios and things in my head that are just waiting for the ending, I just love these two characters so damn much - I've felt a bit discouraged lately and have a had lack of... creativity I guess. I don't know how many are still reading, but to those of you who are you are too kind and I appreciate it. I really want forge on and keep going, but I cannot guarantee every-other-day updates like I used to do. I'm sorry :(.
Anyway, enough of that rambling. Some people may think I've taken Joel and Ellie out of character at the end... but I don't know - I've evolved and grown their relationship and them as human beings as a whole throughout my stories that it seemed like a natural progression to me.
Also, to Cass: I should have been more specific, you are right. I meant a Christmas gift, not just a gift in general. That is my bad.
And to the other reviewer, you are right - Ellie is also scared of fairies... well, they at least creep her out.
Five days had passed since they reached the trailer park in Wells, Nevada. It was in the heart of December and the average in the desert wasteland dipped to just above freezing. Joel gave Ellie one of his flannels to wear underneath her plaid hoodie, along with her t-shirt and thermal to stay warm. The soft, warm fabric of the large flannel shirt crumpled into thick bunches under the black and red hoodie, the sleeves of it long enough for her fingers to withdraw into, keeping them protected from the numbing cold.
A nipping, winter wind blew down the interstate-eighty corridor, as if the cruel season they dreaded the most was taunting them with its arrival. Each step they took further west, inching closer and closer to the Sierras, it seemed as if some mystical being looked down on them from the sky, emitting a silent but evil laugh knowing the hardships that awaited them in the mountains.
It was late in the afternoon and they'd begun searching for a place to rest for the evening. Ellie lifted her empty gaze from the blacktop beneath her feet and noticed another sign welcoming them to their next checkpoint.
"Winne - " she started, then scrunched her face in confusion as she paused while trying to read the sign aloud.
"Winne... Winnemucc - Winnemucca? Did I say that right?"
Her voice pulled Joel's mind back to the present. It was the first words either of them spoke in hours. The continuous expanse of nothingness and the biting cold weather along with long days of extended travel was wearing them thin. Silence became a necessity, both of them thinking that every joule of energy spent on something other than the simple act of stepping forward was a waste.
Joel, with his arms pulled back and his thumbs curled around the straps of his backpack, lifted his head as well to read the puzzling town name.
"Winnemucca - yep, that's right."
She let out a small laugh.
"Who the hell came up with that!? Some of the names people came up with in your time Joel... soooo weird!" she said through her chuckles.
A half-amused grunt escaped his cold and almost numb lips.
Feel like I haven't heard her talk all damn day - then again neither have I - nice to hear that laugh of hers though.
"Tssht - yeah, right about that. Ain't the funniest name for a town though, I've heard better," he responded.
"Oh really? Do tell," she said with a curious smile.
It was the first time she smiled all day.
"So just south-east of Dallas - in Texas - "
"I know what state Dallas is in, Joel," she said with a roll of the eyes.
"Well sometimes you surprise me with the shit you don't know so - "
"Yeah, yeah, yeah - alright anyway, south-east of Dallas."
"Yep, south east of Dallas there's a place called uhh... Gun Barrel City."
She burst into laughter. The delightful sound reminded him of why they were traveling west. So she could be happy. So they could be happy.
"Are you fucking serious!?"
"Reckon I am there missy."
She wiped her nose with a sleeve of the flannel and continued to laugh.
"God - you Texans are - "
"Are what?" he interrupted, giving her a playful stare and a smirk.
"I dunno - fucking hilarious I guess. Who the hell names a city Gun Barrel!?"
"People in Texas," he laconically responded through a snicker.
She snorted and continued to giggle to herself.
"Hahaha - oh man, that's awesome - too funny."
With the flannel sleeve still wrapped around her hand, she reached for his and held it tight. Somehow, it made her feel warmer in the cold weather. It always made her feel safer, more at ease, protected and closer to him and she wondered why she even let go of it in the first place.
Feeling the small palm wrapped in fabric against his caused him to smile and he cleared his throat.
"Population seven-thousand, four-hundred," he read aloud as they passed the sign.
"Isn't that kinda small?"
"Yeah, it is. But, take a good look around you - we ain't seen shit for miles."
"Eh - you're right. I guess this is the biggest place we've seen since entering this stupid fucking state," she responded with a sigh.
Wonder how she's doin' - poor girl looks cold an' tired as hell.
"Joel," she said with the slightest of pouts.
"Yeah? How you doin' kiddo?" he asked, gently rubbing his thumb against her hand as he gave her a sideways glance.
"I'm tired and hungry."
"I know - I am too. Reckon we're gonna be stayin' here for the night," he said with an exasperated groan.
"Alright, well then this is our exit - hope this place doesn't suck," she said with a hint of sarcasm before blowing a raspberry.
"I'll keep my fingers crossed."
They veered off of the highway and trotted down the off ramp, entering the town that sprawled before them. Cars and trucks, heaped in a pile of wreckage in the road littered the street. What used to be a gas station sat on the corner of the nearest intersection. Its windows and doors blown completely off and piles of magazines and newspapers covered the ground around the pumps. To their left, stood a large brick building, covered in overgrowth with big, red, spray-painted words strewn across its walls.
"Joel - look," she quietly said, tugging on his hand and pointing to the brick structure.
Nervous to avert his gaze from the road before them, constantly checking for anything that could be remotely viewed as a threat, he quickly darted his head around to observe her find. The red spray-paint held his attention for longer than he'd wished.
"None will survive," he said as he read the words across the wall.
"Jeez - way to be positive about all of this," she sarcastically said.
"Yeah well, when the outbreak happened people had all sorts of different - "
"Look, another one - up there," she interrupted, pointing to a rotting, wooden structure that was once a popular bar among the locals.
"They did this - let them take you - none will survive," she continued as she read the strange, cryptic transcription.
"What the fuck? Who's they? This place is already giving me the creeps... did these people go insane or something?"
He sighed and rubbed his beard. They approached the maze of broken down automobiles and began to slither through it in single file.
"What?" she asked, ensuring the grip on his hand remained tight as she now walked behind him.
"Just... like I was sayin' - people had all sorts of different reactions," he responded over his shoulder.
"Like how?"
"Some people thought it was all some damn conspiracy - that the whole thing was set in motion by the government or some crap," he said as he continued to guide them through the labyrinth of rusted metal.
"Pssht - that's stupid," she said with a snicker.
"Why the fuck would they do that?" she continued.
He chuckled to himself as well.
"Eh - well, after what I've seen can't say I'd be surprised. But, people were just... I dunno - people went nuts for the first few months after the outbreak. Shit, I remember hearin' some folks sayin' it was done by aliens or somethin' crazy like that."
"Aliens? Wait - what? What the fuck are aliens?" she asked, coming to halt in the middle of the road among the crashed cars and trucks.
The ensuing tug on his hand pulled him around and he noticed the usual skeptical, yet curious look across her face.
She just has to know everything about everything don't she? Reckon she would'a driven her teachers fuckin' mad at school - hah.
"Uhh... how the hell do I explain this - umm..." he said as he looked towards the ground and rubbed his brow.
"Basically - they're people... things ain't from this planet."
He felt the tightness of her grip on his hand increase.
"You mean like - people from space?" she asked.
"Yeah basically - that's the commonly known definition I guess."
She arched and eyebrow and scrunched her face.
"Sooooo there are other people in outer space then?"
He snickered and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Well - I mean... crap - no one knows, honestly."
"But you just said - "
"I know, I know - but back then the entire concept was really just a damn culturally created thing from T.V. shows an' movies. I mean - people had stories of seein' things in the sky or spottin' some sorta critter runnin' around in their backyard, but most of it was just all made up - no evidence of anything really - 'least not that I know of."
"Huh - okay... but, with all that space up there, how could... it just doesn't make any fucking sense if we are literally the only ones."
"I agree - like I said, it'd be an awful waste of space if we were, but to be honest... no one knows really - ain't a shred of proof that I'm aware of."
"Alright... so some people thought that creatures came down from space, and did all of this?" she sarcastically asked with a light laugh.
"I told ya - people thought all sorts of shit."
"Wow - I mean, I guess it's possible but... I dunno - I'm not buying it. It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense, you know?" she said, finishing with a sigh.
No wonder she likes to read - girl can't seem to turn off that noodle of hers.
"Yeah... you uhh - " he paused and cleared his throat.
"You ever heard of Occam's razor?"
A frigid gust of wind blew down the road, causing both of them to shiver.
"No, what the hell is that?" she asked, pulling her free hand deeper into the flannel sleeve.
"I ain't one to give ya the official definition but it just means that... ya know - if you got competing theories on somethin', generally the simplest one is the correct one."
"Oh?"
"Yep - hell, what makes more sense an' is more likely? Some goddamn secret government conspiracy, or - " he paused and snickered to himself.
"Aliens... or maybe it's just some virus from this planet an' mother nature herself?"
She shrugged and bit her lip.
"Huh - yeah I see what you're saying I guess."
A few seconds of silence fell between them as she shifted her feet then looked him in the eyes.
"So what do you believe?"
He sighed.
You. Us.
"I... I dunno," he said as he wiped a hand down his face.
A slight smirk appeared across her lips, as if she knew what sparks formed from the gears grinding in his head despite the veiled response. He may have always known what she needed, but she could always see through him. Reading him like a book was as natural and easy as flipping through the pages of Savage Starlight.
"I thought I knew the way the world worked - then... shit just... turned upside down on me - everything. All I know is that right now I believe in gettin' our asses to California safe an' sound."
"Yeah, okay," she said with a widening smile and a nod.
Suddenly, the click of a rifle lever being pulled back shattered the otherwise silent air around them.
"Freeze and put your hands where I can see them," a stern voice said.
"Oh shit!" Joel spat as he snapped himself around.
He pulled Ellie closer against him, feeling her grip on his hand tighten and her fingers immediately dig into the back of his shirt.
"I said put your hands where I can see them asshole!" the man yelled.
Four men, Hunters, three with a firearm pointed in their direction and the other wielding a crowbar, stood twenty feet in front of them among the maze of cars.
"Joel!" Ellie anxiously peeped behind him.
"It's okay - stay back baby," he quickly said under his breath as he rose both hands in the air, trying to position himself directly in front of her.
Please tell me they didn't see her.
"And the girl," the lead Hunter said with a small motion of his rifle.
Goddammit.
Joel gulped and felt Ellie shuffle out from behind him and stand at his side. She rose both hands in the air and looked up at him, unsure of what to do.
"Just stay close honey," he whispered as he gave her a sideways glance.
He didn't even have to say it, she was already nudging up against the side of his torso.
"Looks like you two took a wrong turn and it's our lucky day," one of the Hunters said.
"We're just tryin' to pass on through - don't want any trouble," Joel said.
The four Hunters, who appeared famished and practically emaciated looked at each other and let out a sinister laugh.
"Passing through huh?" the lead one asked.
Joel and Ellie simply nodded. Another gust of wind blew past them, wafting the foul scent of the four filthy men in their direction. They smelled as if they hadn't bathed in years.
"I see. Well - it's gonna cost you old man," he continued.
Joel gritted his teeth and grunted.
Don't you dare fuckin' say it asshole.
"We got umm... plenty of food. You - you guys look pretty fucking hungry if you ask me," Ellie said.
No... shit, we - she needs that food - I'll be damned if I let her go hungry.
The four hunters uncorked another a nefarious laugh in unison. The sound sent a chill down both of their spines.
"Food's a given - I was talking about you there cupcake," the Hunter said with a lick of his lips.
She cringed and felt another shiver crawl down her spine as the Hunter's threat repeatedly ran through her mind. All at once, she was angry, sad, terrified and quickly filled with rage yet also began to quiver in fear. Those words, that threat, tore at the emotional scab that had been slowly healing since the last winter. She gulped and tears of pain and hate began to fill her eyes.
"Back the fuck off!" Joel barked, the veins in his neck protruding through the surface of his skin as he sidestepped in front of Ellie and instinctively reached a hand back towards her.
He was a lion fiercely protecting its cub. Within seconds of his massive frame hiding her, she knelt down and took off her backpack. She quickly and stealthily unzipped the largest pouch and rummaged through it.
The hell is she doin'?
"Stupid - motherfuckers - pieces of shit," she quietly spat under her breath as she sifted through her pack.
The Hunters all looked at each other and snickered.
"Check out this asshole - c'mon Phil, just blow his fucking head off already will you?"
Joel felt Ellie flinch behind him following the maniacal request of the Hunter. Each passing second, he sensed the fuming-with-rage aura emanating from her small self. A faint, metallic rattle echoed behind him and the next he thing he saw was a metal canister arcing through the air towards the Hunters.
Ellie reached up and violently tugged on the back of his shirt, causing him to twitch upon realizing what was coming next.
He dove to the ground and pulled her into his arms as he pushed himself backwards against the side of a car.
"What the fuck!? Shoot them you - " one of the Hunters yelled, only to be fatally interrupted by the explosion of the nail bomb flung by Ellie.
BANG!
The loud boom rippled through the area and the two of them heard the quick, sudden pings of shrapnel slamming into the derelict automobiles surrounding them. Three of the Hunters were caught in the middle of the blast. Their flesh tore to pieces, the bomb beheading one of them and blasting away the legs of the other two.
Their screams of pain lasted mere seconds, no more.
Joel gulped and wiped his brow.
"Je - Jesus Ellie - good thinkin'," he said through a panted breath.
"Shh! Wait! There's still one more!" she spat as she ripped away from his grasp, peeking her head up to look through the car's window.
"Serious?" he asked, turning himself around to get a glimpse as well.
"Yes! The asshole with the crowbar - piece of shit dove outta the way."
All they could see was the leftover smoke cloud from the bomb and blood splattered across the ground.
Joel drew his pistol and leaned around the front end of the car.
"Careful!" Ellie whispered, reaching a hand towards him, half wanting him to stay put.
He crouched and quietly made his way around the front of the car, gun in hand. Just as he turned to his right, he heard the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching him from behind. He spun back around and pointed his gun then pulled the trigger, but only to have the last Hunter immediately slam the crowbar down on his arms, causing the bullet to fire into the asphalt.
"Aaaggh! Fuck!" he screeched in pain.
"Joel!" Ellie shouted.
The protective instincts of her own kicked in. Without even thinking, she unhitched her switchblade and frantically dove over the hood of the car. As the man wielding the blunt weapon that threatened her purpose cocked his arms for another swing, she leaped onto his back, ramming her knife into the base of his neck.
"Get the fuck away from him!" she screamed as she repeatedly stabbed him over and over again.
Blood spurted out of his neck, spraying across his disgusting, filthy and slimy skin that hadn't felt the touch of soap or a washcloth in years. The crowbar fell from his hands, clanking against the pavement below. His legs went limp and he fell to his knees as he gurgled and twitched in his final moments of life, blood continuing to spout from his mouth.
He was beyond dead. But she was still angry. She was still stabbing.
"Fuck you - fuck you - fuck you!" she shouted, driving the blade into his corpse as she punctured hole after hole into it.
Tears dripped from her eyes. She wasn't sure why she was crying. She only knew the waste-of-life that lay before her threatened rip away the one thing that mattered most.
"Ellie! Ellie! Stop!" Joel clamored as he quickly lowered to the ground and tried to pull her into his arms and away from the mutilated corpse.
"Gah - agh - goddammit!" she stammered through her panting as she squirmed about.
"Ellie! Stop! Stop. Stop... it's okay - we're okay," he said, his voice coming to a soft hush as he gently held her face.
She finally came down from the white flash of fury. Her hands shook and she could hardly breathe.
Christ girl - killed 'em all by yourself.
"Shh breathe sweetie - are you hurt?" he asked.
She wiped both eyes with a sleeve and gulped, forcing the next wave of tears to hide behind her eyelids.
"Unh-unh," she responded with a shake of the head.
"Too damn close - but shit Ellie, that was all you," he said with a deep breath as he rose to his feet, helping her up in the process.
"Yeah - motherfuckers," she hissed under her breath as she wiped her brow.
"Let's get the fuck out of here," she continued, immediately reaching for his hand and stepping forward.
"Yes ma'am."
They tentatively made their way through the heart of town, seeking a place to rest for the night. Nearly an hour of dead silence from Ellie went by. Her head was drooped down as she kept her gaze focused on the ground below and nothing more. The light skip in her step seemed to have faded and each time he spoke, he received a painfully terse response. However, despite the sudden change in her body language, her hand remained firmly gripped around his.
She refused to let it go.
You know what's on her mind. Just... no - don't bring it up. My poor baby girl... every time I fuckin' think she's healin', shit like this reminds me how goddamn hurt she is.
With an exaggerated amount of effort and volume, he cleared his throat.
Not a peep escaped her lips in response. Her eyes continued to stare at the ground and she didn't even flinch.
The hell you doin' dumb ass? She's squeezin' your hand so damn hard it nearly hurts - don't say a damn thing. Bein' here for her right now is what she needs an' you're doin' exactly that. Just shut the hell up an' be quiet - let her come to you when she's ready.
They turned off of the main road, onto a smaller side street in hopes of finally finding a place to rest. The temperature was quickly dropping and exhaustion and hunger were already digging their way into both of them.
Tiny, one story bungalows staggered along the edge of the road in a line. The wood siding on all of them was rotted and the original paint color that once covered the houses was unrecognizable.
This place is a shit hole - but it'll have to do.
While his head was cranked to the left, examining each structure they passed by, he felt Ellie come to a stop. His attention immediately turned to her and for the first time since tearing her away from violently stabbing the corpse of the Hunter, he witnessed her eyes gazing upward as opposed to emptily staring at the ground.
He hesitantly traced the path they left in the air with his. An eerie, terrifying tingle scurried through every nerve in his body.
Hanging before them from a streetlamp were two skeletons. One the size of a grown adult and the other that of a small child. The skinny, frail bones of their fingers somehow remained intertwined. A dark gray, tattered, flannel shirt hung over the rib cage of the larger one and a faded pink bow draped across the shoulders of the other. The tips of it fluttered in the wind after each gust.
Oh fuck - goddamn...
She gulped then sniffled. Both sounds, though as quiet as they were, slithered into his ears.
That, along with the sight, nearly shattered him. He clenched his throat and reigned in the burn of tears in his eyes.
"C'mon - we're findin' a place for the night an' tomorrow we're gettin' the hell outta here."
She squeezed his hand even tighter and nodded.
"See? This ain't so bad - got ourselves a cozy twin mattress here, a place to keep dry an' outta the wind. Pretty good right kiddo?" Joel asked.
Ellie was lying on her side at the edge of the mattress, facing away from him. All he could see was the auburn ponytail of hers sprawling out over the hood of her plaid sweatshirt and the barely noticeable rise and fall of her chest.
She didn't respond.
His hand remained firmly held by hers, lying over her waist and pulled down to her stomach. She still refused to let it go. He made an earlier attempt to pull it away, only to immediately feel the strong tug in return from hers. Of course, he never tried again.
He sighed and rubbed his brow with his free hand.
I can't stand seein' her like this - I hate knowin' she's upset.
Minutes of silence went by and he sat there next to the little girl that hours ago was bouncing with life. But who now merely lay with her back towards him, seemingly dead to the world.
He glowered at the ceiling, replaying the words from the Hunters in his head over and over again. Part of him wished they were still alive. So he could make them suffer and slowly kill them all over again for crushing her damaged psyche.
I swear to god I ain't ever lettin' anyone hurt a hair on that little head of yours.
Finally, a sound, he didn't care what it was, peeped from his right. It was a sniffle, followed by another. He heard a whimper and saw her small frame quiver.
"Ohhh baby no," he said sympathetically as he leaned over, giving her a light kiss to the cheek.
Don't ask what's wrong - you know what's wrong, let 'er come out an' say it if she wants to.
He began to rub her back and simply witnessed her eyes clench shut as tears streamed down her face.
"Let it out - it's okay," he soothed as he continued to rub her back.
The touch of his hand against her shoulder blades seemed to halt the shaking in her body but she continued to cry and emit a flurry of sniffles.
"J - Joel," she struggled to say through her cracking voice.
"It's okay sweetie - c'mere, c'mere baby girl - I gotcha," he cooed as he lifted her by the armpits and propped her up in between his outstretched legs.
He kept both hands pressed against her back, supporting her weight as he continued to gently glide them over the surface of her hoodie. She brought her legs into a cross legged position and drooped her head. Her whole body tilted forward, as if the weight of the world and gravity itself was now too much to bear, forcing her tiny frame to wilt after so much stress, pain, sorrow and anxiety.
He cupped both of her cheeks with his hands and lifted her face until her eyes met his, wiping away every tear that dripped from her eyelids with his thumbs.
"Ohhh honey," he said with an elongated pout, bulging out his lower lip as if to match the saddened shape of hers.
He pushed back the pesky and rebellious lock of hair behind her ear and gave a long kiss to the bridge of her nose. More tears dripped from her eyes but this thumbs continued to act as windshield wipers, gently swatting them off of her cheeks as they trickled out.
She took a deep breath and let out another sniffle.
"Each time I - " she paused and swallowed hard.
"I feel like I'm over it and have moved on something just... just - fucking - " she said, struggling to force the words through her tears as another sob shook her little body.
"Oh no - my little sweet pea - c'mere, c'mere," he soothed as he pulled her into his arms, resting her head against his chest just beneath his chin.
She let out another sob and simply cried in his embrace. Before long, the fabric of his shirt was soaked by the saltwater draining from her tired eyeballs.
"Shh - it's okay baby - take your time. I'm not goin' anywhere - I'm right here - shh."
She wiped her nose with a sleeve and tried to collect herself to speak again.
"You heard what they were gonna do."
Goddammit I - fuckin' - shit - I... can't even think about it.
He clenched his eyes shut, struggling not to get choked up himself from the thought and pressed his lips into her hair.
"It ain't ever gonna happen - ever - we won't let it happen, I swear Ellie. You hear me?" he whispered to her, feeling the greasy and rough, yet also delicate and soft touch of her hair against his lips.
"I - I know, but - " she said through another sob.
"But what?" he softly asked as he began to lightly rock her back and forth.
"Each time I think I'm past it - each time I think I've finally forgotten his fucking face, something... something brings it back. I can still... I can still see it - his fucking eyes!" she shouted, pressing her nose into his shirt as another intense wave of sobs coursed through her little frame.
Even now, in his arms, her favorite place, she shook like a leaf.
"Oh god sweetie - I... I'm so sorry baby - I am. Oh fuck I wish I'd gotten there just a little bit sooner."
"And I can... his hands - I swear I can still feel them around my neck sometimes," she nasally said as she wiped both eyes with a hand.
My poor, sweet, little girl - how could the world treat you so fuckin' cruelly?
"No - no - oh Jesus honey - he can't hurt you - I'm here now, he ain't ever gonna hurt you - no one is gonna hurt you," he said through his trembling lips.
Seeing her in such a state was torturing him. Holding back his own tears was quickly becoming difficult.
"It's... it's all my fault. I couldn't stop him - I wasn't good enough. Everything's my fault - I couldn't stop Sean, Michelle - why we had to leave Jackson - why everything's gone to - " she spouted through her crying, twisting the collar of his shirt in her fingertips.
"No, no, no! Ellie! Sweetie! Stop," he said, his voice beginning to crack as well.
WHAT IN THE HELL!? Fix this shit right fuckin' now Joel Miller.
He gently planted both palms over her cheeks again and pulled her face up from his shirt until her adorable, freckled little nose was mere inches from his.
"Look me in the eyes when I say this."
She simply nodded in the loving, protective grasp of his hands.
"Don't you ever, ever think that way. You hear me baby girl? Ever. None of that is on you - none of that is your fault."
"But - "
"Shh!" he interrupted, sliding the base of his thumb over her lips.
"None of it. You don't - oh god Ellie," he said, dropping his head before taking a deep breath.
"You're the most... Jesus - the most adorable, sweetest little creature I've encountered in twenty-one years. You don't deserve any of what this shitty world has piled onto you an' none if it is your fault. You're strong, tough, smart, wise, fuckin' - everything dammit. I'd be a dead man - or at the very least the most miserable piece of shit out there if it weren't for you. Don't you ever think down on yourself like that, you understand?"
"Okay," she responded with another nod, giving way to even the smallest of smiles.
There she is.
"Ellie - you're my little girl - hell, my - " he paused and snickered to himself before clearing his throat.
"Your what?" she diffidently asked through a sniffle, her smile slightly growing.
"My sweet little angel," he said as he rubbed her temples with his thumbs.
A massive flutter of warmth shot through her. No one had ever made her feel so important. However, an impish smirk stretched across her lips.
"Well... I'm only part angel," she quipped.
"Tssht - yeah I guess you're right about that one there missy. But it's plenty for me."
She sniffled one last time and let out an airy, little laugh.
"C'mere you," he said, pulling her into his embrace as he enveloped her in his arms once again.
She nuzzled into his shoulder and her smile widened even more as she let out a deep breath upon feeling the ensuing kiss to her hair.
"I love you so much sweet pea - I ain't lettin' a single, goddamn thing harm even a hair on that cute little head of yours."
After simply enjoying the familiar feeling of being cuddled in his arms, she tilted her head up and for the first time since leaving Twin Falls, noticed the dark bruises that remained on his jaw underneath his beard.
The sight immediately caused her whole body to perk up and she wiggled an arm free to gently rest the back of a hand against his cheek.
"Joel - my god! What the fuck is this!?" she exclaimed as she inspected the discolored skin that tried to hide behind the thick scruff of his beard.
He looked down and met her red, tired eyes with his then snorted.
"Joel Miller - tell me right now how you got this!" she demanded with a smirk.
"It's nothin' - just from that asshole back in Twin Falls."
She squinted her eyes and leered at him.
"What? It's the truth - I swear."
"I know - I believe you. It's a good thing that you fucking killed him, for him anyway - 'cause otherwise I would'a hung that motherfucker by his entrails."
His eyes widened from the graphic, austere response from the otherwise innocent looking little girl sitting in his arms.
"I'm serious!" she said.
"I - I know," he responded with a light laugh.
"Does it hurt still?" she asked with concern.
"Nah - not anymore."
She let out a sigh and returned the side of her head against his shoulder.
"Those fuckers were gonna shoot you," she mumbled.
"But they didn't - 'cause someone here went ape shit."
She couldn't help but smile and snicker.
"Ape shit... hehehe - that put a funny image in my head. But umm, yeah - I told you, I'm pro at keepin' your ass alive big guy!" she proudly said as she patted his forearm.
"Tssht - ain't that the truth."
Suddenly, her stomach unleashed an epic growl as it grumbled in hunger.
"Oh - it's that time now huh?" he asked.
"I guess so - stupid thing won't ever leave me alone," she said with a sigh.
"Alright, c'mon kiddo - let's get some food in ya before we get some Z's," he said as he patted her on the back.
She lifted herself off of him and stretched both arms up while letting out a yawn. And for some strange reason, he viewed the act as an invitation to pinch her nose.
She let out a guffaw.
"Wha - why!?" she asked humorously.
He shrugged.
"'Cause - you left it wide open, couldn't resist - reckon it just had to be pinched."
"Pssht - fine, whatever. By the way - "
"Yep?"
"I... I know what you've been doing," she said, dropping both hands into her lap as she began to twiddle her thumbs.
The hell she mean by that?
"What you on about?"
"Food - when we eat... I know what you've been doing."
Ahhhh shit - 'course she does - ain't sneakin' anything by her.
"You give me like half of your portion - if not more," she said as she crossed her arms.
"Ellie - "
"Joel, you need to eat too! I don't want to see you going hungry okay?"
"Besides - we need you stay big and strong right? Rawwwrr!" she continued, trying to flex her biceps as much as she could.
"Tssht - you're cute, but look, you... you need it more than I do an' I just - "
He sighed and ran both hands down his face.
"Just what?"
"Well... I guess in the spirit of openin' up here... I uhh - " he scratched the back of his head as he scrunched his face.
"Oh my god c'mon Joel fucking say it, it's just me!" she groaned with a sarcastic roll of the eyes.
"Fine, fine, fine. It uhh... it kills me knowin' how much... how much shit you've had to go through already."
Her smile faded and she fidgeted in her cross-legged posture, scooting herself closer to him.
"Every time I think about you growin' up... never gettin' enough food, attention, affection, love - hell, fuckin' everything I... I just wanna make it all right."
She planted a small hand on his sleeve and felt her eyes begin to water once again.
"It breaks my heart sweetie when I think about you sufferin' like that," he softly said with care as he cupped her cheek.
"I just wish I could'a been there long ago - from uhh... day one - to take care of you an' make sure you were treated the way you deserve an' whatnot. An' I feel - " he paused again as he looked down at his hands.
"You feel what?" she asked, tapping his forearm with a finger that remained resting on his sleeve.
"Guilty, that I wasn't there - makes me sad as hell thinkin' about my little munchkin goin' to bed cold an' hungry an' ain't ever havin' a single damn person hold you - it just... kills me sweet pea."
"What!? Don't - no! Joel, you've... for once I'm actually happy - as much as one can be I guess. You... ugh - "
"What?" he asked in a leading tone.
"Okay, even though I've basically become so attached to you - have clung to you like... fucking glue - you've never... ya know - left me, abandoned me. You're still here and - you still... love me," she said, her voice taking a soft turn as she finished.
"I actually feel important for once and you're here now, that counts for something, right?" she sheepishly asked, though she knew the question was ridiculous.
"Always baby girl - you ain't gettin' rid of me, ever. An' I just like seein' that big smile across your face while you fall asleep with a full belly of food," he responded, gently patting her stomach.
Her smile returned and she gave way to a light chuckle.
"I just want you to be well fed, happy, warm an' loved - that's all," he said, returning her smile with his.
"Well umm... I'd have to say you're four for four on that front - soooo... keep it up!"
His smile widened and she saw the faintest glimmer of tears in his eyes.
"Don't you worry about that."
"I won't - now let's eat, I umm... think my stomach is starting to eat itself."
"Yes ma'am," he replied through a light laugh.