a/n: ok thank you soo much for the response to the last chapter. I thought I would be good and get this one up ASAP since you were all so good but - Also I'm going to be mean - I want to reach 100 reviews so the next chappy wont go up till I reach it! - Ohh a know what a cow lol! but please review cos I'll be doing a little happy dance for the rest of the week if you do!!

Chapter 13

"Bella, dear." Esme greeted me as Edward and I got back from our walk in the forest.

I gave a smile and a small 'hey' as I brushed off the dirt on the mat at the back door before removing the dirt laden trainers.

She looked over at Edward and her smile dropped as she took in Edwards's tired expression. "Edward, are you feeling ok?" she wiped her hands off from the vegetables she was chopping and felt his forehead checking his temperature.

"I'm fine, just tired." He pulled back from her, removing his jacket as she continued to inspect his features with a glaring eye, clearly concerned about his health.

"Maybe you should have a rest before dinner." She told him as he nodded to her with his head hung, trying to avoid both our worried looks.

"Did you have a good time Bella?" she asked with the smile forming on her face again as she moved back to the task she had in hand.

"Yeh, it was really nice, a lot like home. I still can't believe you live so close to the city but still have that. It's incredible."

"Though I suspect it's still quite different from Phoenix, that's where you lived before, right?" Edward moved to the fridge pulling out two cans of coke and passing me one as I continued my conversation with Esme after thanking him.

"Yes. It's a lot different. At first I didn't like it too much, but it kinda grew on me." I popped the can open with my finger as Edward passed through the kitchen door, to I don't know where.

Esme scanned the door and the hall following it before she spoke again. "I hope Edward was well behaved to you Bella, and that you would feel comfortable telling me if he wasn't." she reached over placing a gentle hand on mine.

I smiled and nodded before breaking my gaze from hers, returning it as I spoke. "Edward was fine," I shrugged. "He does ok, really." I didn't want to give her too much information that could make her suspicious of our conversation but didn't want her to think her son was arrogant to me either.

I let her believe it was…civil. That we managed to survive it without any disturbances or her suspecting that he was opening up more than she knew. It was the way Edward wanted it and as long as he kept talking, he could have it.

"It was pretty tiring though. I'm a little tired myself." Playing off of Edwards's worn look from when he came in. "Is Alice and the rest back yet?" I asked. I wanted to see them but not just yet. I wanted to make sure Edward was ok.

On our walk back down he had been silent walking back as he held on to my hand before he let it go as the house came into view. This was his call and we would do it whatever way he wanted.

"There not back yet, perhaps you should make like Edward and have a little rest too." She smiled as she patted my hand in a caring motherly way.

"I think I might. Thank you." I smiled brightly before making my way out the kitchen and up both flights of stairs.

I held onto my can of coke pausing for a moment outside Edwards door pondering on weather he needed space or if I should check on him. He did look so worn out I worried more that he might not be feeling well so decided to check on him.

I gave a small chap with no answer from him; I walked in to find him lying out on his bed like he had been this morning. I took a sip from my can, feeling nervous at the new change our relationship had taken. I walked in slowly as he turned his head a little seeing it was me before returning to how he was.

I placed the can on his bed side drawer as I sat down silently, beside him. I lifted my legs and lay along side him, not talking, as he stayed in the same position.

He didn't seem to bother that I was there beside him, most likely because he knew no one would be coming up to check on us anytime soon. I slid along the bed further, making sure I was on it completely as I felt our two sides brush against one another.

There was a surge of energy transporting between us, our emotions clearly on high alert after all we had spoken about today.

His knuckles brushed against mine once again and I let myself enjoy the sensation as he did it again and again. It was teasing and wondered if he was trying to get a reaction out of me or if it was just simply him toying about.

His fingers reached around my hand as we both continued to look at the ceiling above us and clasped our hands together. He made another movement, making our fingers comb through one another's as we lay there in silence.

The awkward moment passed and I let go of the breath I never realized I was holding. I turned my head to his, him turning to meet me with a small knowing smile.

I gave a small smile back and I gripped onto the top of his arm that I already held, with my free hand puling myself into his side, giving him a small hug at his arm.

He looked back up and I kissed his t-shirt covered shoulder, hoping he was not feeling as worn down had he looked earlier.

He used his other hand to run his fingers through his hair, he wasn't pulling it out like he seemed to normally do but I let go of his arm, catching hold of his hand with my hand and placing it on his chest along with mine on top.

I could still feel the vibe I had gotten off of him on the way back. He was trying to let go of the negative emotion but it had drained him completely earlier that it was a struggle for him to even attempt to feel normal.

We hadn't spoken since we had arrived back home and there was no need. Everything he had wanted to say he did. So I embraced his silence, enjoying it for once. It wasn't the end of things to be talked about but we had made good headway for today and I was proud of him for it.

I squeezed his hand as I rested my head against his shoulder to let him know it as we continued to let the peaceful atmosphere bring some tranquillity back.

There was a chap on my door and Alice walked straight in sitting on my bed with a wide grin not speaking.

"What's got you so happy?" I asked with her infectious smile rubbing off on me.

"Guess?" She teased.

I rolled my eyes but played along as I pulled up beside her from my position at the top of the bed. "You and Jasper had sex in the back of the car?"

She laughed. "He's not that lucky." She bounced some on the bed.

"Hmmm…you got attacked by a bear and he came and rescued you?" I had no idea what I was to be guessing at, at all."

"Ok, your rubbish at this game." She told me. "He told me he loved me." she let out an ear piercing squeal as she let the moment pass through her bouncing on the spot on the bed grabbing at me, making me join in.

At this moment I felt like the squealing girls I would see at high school and for once let my self enjoy it as I was genuinely happy for her and it wasn't over a pair of new shoes.

"That's great Alice. So do you love him?"

She nodded her head to answer, though to be honest I never needed an answer. I had suspected for the past two weeks now. This girl had fallen head over heels, and hard. It was nice to see that she was getting back what she deserved.

"I'm just worried that Edward will freak out if…you know…I…you know?" she mumbled as she looked down at her hands suddenly shy.

"I don't know what you're talking about Alice." I told her honestly but gently hoping she would just let it out.

She began whispering. "We haven't…you know. I don't want Edward freaking out when we do, you know, if I want to stay the night with him."

"Alice, don't worry. He likes Jasper, they get along. He knows what happens. He will get over it." I assured her as she relaxed.

"Your right, I'm worrying over nothing. When that bridge comes we'll cross it."

"Besides, I think Jasper is a little more scared of Emmett."

You seen her eyes widen at the thought of her even bigger brother and it hit her. "Shit." She gave with a laugh. I had to join her.

Edward was quiet for the rest of the day, his tone that he showed at breakfast had continued in front of the others, not giving way to any speaking or speculation.

Alice and I sat and spoke as she played with my hair while Rose had me pinned down with a bottle of nail varnish. The two seemed concerned after my disappearance last night and were trying to get it out of me. Emmett and Jasper played pool as Edward sat in the corner on a large arm chair with his legs bending over one of the arms. He was quiet all night and I think he was still letting the day catch up with him.

I refused to give into the girls' torcher and tell them why I had ended up in bed so early. No one except Edward was aware of the shaky ground Jake and I stood on. I knew as soon as I was awake on Monday morning I was missing class and driving straight up there. This had to be talked out. He hadn't called me all day, not even a text and I missed him. My heart ached for him and how he must have been feeling.

"So did you manage to keep up with flash Gordon over there today?" Rose asked with a smile but never looking at me as she concentrated on my pinkie.

I guessed she was referring to Edward, I looked over in his direction and I could see that he had picked up on her question and he rose up his head slightly waiting for my response. I could only see the back of his head but knew he was paying attention to what was going on around him

"He let me catch up with him a few times." I gave a small laugh. "Nothing too bad."

His head relaxed back down at that and he seemed to be happy enough from my response with what I could gather.

Rose's eyes had followed mine as I looked over at Edward; I snapped my head back not wanting to seem too interested when I noticed her look. She looked back at me with a tight smile and I felt confused from the signal she gave me.

"I win," I heard Jaspers smug southern drawl roll out as Emmett let out a defeated sight.

"Edward, you're up next." Jasper told him.

"Not tonight." He replied as he wriggled lower into his chair.

"On you go Ed; you were to play the winner." Emmett chased him.

Edward stood up, his shoulders hunched down, turning to face us, he looked even whiter than earlier on. It was scary. He looked so ill; his forehead was gleaming with sweat. "I said not tonight." Once Emmett took in his appearance it was clear he wasn't feeling well, Emmett nodded as Edward headed out the door.

"He…he looked so ill." I stuttered out in shock.

"I know, he will be fine though, he just needs to lie down and sleep some more maybe." Alice told me, paying more attention to my hair than her brother.

I panicked that he was as ill because I had went to his room and kept him awake, not letting him get the proper rest he needed.

I nodded numbly thinking of him holding my hand when he should have been sleeping. I didn't realize he could get so ill like that.

"You know, I better call Jake. I haven't spoken to him since yesterday." I let out in a daze. "I think I might go to bed myself after it. If that's ok?" I checked not wanting them to feel I was leaving them.

"I think I'm heading soon anyway." Alice answered. Jasper nodded.

"Yeh, come on babe. It's getting late," Rose ordered Emmett.

"Ok, I'll see you in the morning." With that I was free to go and see Edward. Check he was ok again. He had me worried.

I got to the top of our stairs and I heard him being sick in the bathroom. He wasn't wrong when he said it was part of the norm for him, if he had been sick last night as well.

I gave an almost silent knock before I tried the door. It was open and I pushed in, then leaned against the door as I examined his body, flaccid with exhaustion.

"Not now Bella, I don't want you to see me like this." He told me.

I chewed on my lip assessing the situation. I could leave him be and let him deal with it on his own or I could try and help him be a little more comfortable as his body went through this.

I decided the latter.

I shook my head turning on the cold tap and reaching for a clean face cloth, drenching it in the chilly water before wringing it out as he once again threw up in the toilet before sitting back again.

I hunched down on my knees placing it across his forehead, letting it cool him down. "You forget that I've seen worse already." I smiled at him, trying to make this a little easier on him.

He gave a miniscule laugh and tried to shake his head. He was breathless and I placed my hand on his chest and felt his heart race.

"Is that normal?" I asked looking at my hand on his chest.

"Yeh, its part of the deal." He slid down more and closed his eyes. I turned the cloth around the other way letting the cooler side touch his skin. I wiped it down the side of his face and down on to the back of his neck.

He let out a deep staggered breath. I guessed it was helping. "Are you going to be ok?" I asked worried and I knew there was a hint of fear in my voice that I hoped he didn't pick up on.

He opened his eyes slowly looking at me giving a nod "I will be now." His eyes closed again.

After a few more wipes with the cool damp cloth I helped him to his feet and he brushed his teeth and took a drink, he seemed wobbly but the fact he could walk with how he looked amazed me. I held on to his hand as I led him back to his room. I wasn't letting go, despite his try at breaking our contact. I knew he was only worried in case we were seen.

He sat on the bed and he began to get comfortable removing his joggers he had changed into after dinner. "Do you mind if I take these off?" he checked.

I shook my head. "No, of course not." He continued taking them off, now sitting in his boxers and t-shirt. He lay back into the covers of his bed and you knew he was absorbing the cool feel before they warmed up. "Better?" I asked. He nodded and his eyes closed.

I turned to leave him to get to sleep and headed for the door when he called my name out in a low voice.

I turned round instantly, worried there was something wrong. He lifted himself up on his elbows and looked at me with his crooked grin but a little worn on him right now. "You don't need to look so worried." He teased. "I was going to ask if you wanted to stay for a little."

I thought about it for a second. "I better let you get to sleep. I already made you ill because I kept you up when you should have had a nap."

"You made me sick alright. But not because I never slept."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I was worried that you were going to say something earlier, it let my nerves get the better of me."

"I said I wouldn't. Really Edward, I wont" Worried that he thought he couldn't trust me.

"I know. I know that now." He let his body drop back down into the mattress as he patted the spot next to him, inviting me across.

I took the invitation.

I walked over to his bed and got in it like I had before dinner, lying out beside him again.

"You sure you're ok?" I checked again, still worried and still feeling guilty that it was me that made him worried and ill.

"I'm fine Bella." He rolled over onto his side placing a hand below his head. I turned to face him "Stop worrying, you're driving me mad with that frown on your head." He smiled gently as he reached up and let his finger slide in the grove of my forehead.

I let his touch relax me and it smoothed out, Edward removing his hand once again and I missed his warm soothing sensation.

"Are you tired?" I asked because I knew he was.

"Yes." He let out in a whisper; I knew he didn't want to lie so he hoped I didn't hear him. "But I don't want you to go just yet."

"I'll stay till you fall asleep." I promised, knowing he would be asleep before me.

He nodded and his eyes closed.

He fell asleep not long after but I stayed some more, watching him sleep, his chest rising and falling as his partial opened lips took in the air he needed.

I heard a small beep from my phone and once I managed to assure myself he would be fine I pulled myself away from him and his bed and floated back to mine before checking it.

'I love you. x'

It was Jake but It was late and as much as I wanted to call him back I worried I would wake up Edward so I sent a message back.

'I love you, I miss you. x'

The alarm rang next to my bed and my hand reached from my balled position hitting it off.

It was Monday and it was seven in the morning.

I had to go back to Forks, I had to get to LaPush and see Jake, make sure we were ok. He said he loved me on Saturday and I knew he did. But I still had to make things right because they still weren't.

Yesterday had been a busy day. We had all spent the day together with Esme and Carlisle celebrating her birthday. It was great but Rose kept me close to her side talking about that damn Christmas ball that Alice had been trying to talk me into going. Apparently I had to go. Now Rosalie was on my back about it I was sure there would be no escaping it but I was still fighting it out with them. We left after a late lunch and back through the Sunday traffic back to halls.

Alice had decided that she needed to talk some more about her and Jaspers situation of the exchange of 'I love you's' She should have been happy, and she was but there was too much worry of things to come after the exchange for her to enjoy it.

She had explained that she had never really had a proper boyfriend before, she had the odd date but being the sister of Edward and Emmett Cullen was a disability to her on the boy front at high school.

"Alice, if he's the right guy for you he'll give you all the time in the word." I told her as I slurped on my iced vanilla milk.

"I'm not worried about it so much, I want too; I'm just worried this will change everything when it seems all so perfect."

"Well wait until you don't feel like that. It's only been four weeks. You have already moved pretty quickly." Pretty quick was an understatement. It took me four months of being together to tell Jake that I loved him though I was sure I had actually loved him from the moment we had met.

"What about you and Jake, you're perfect, when did things happen for you?" she asked then drinking down her strawberry shake.

"We didn't rush things too much. I was just turned sixteen and he was only fifteen." I reminded her that he was younger.

She sniggered. "What, did that stop you?" she seemed amused. I stayed quiet.

"It did?" she asked surprised. "Did the passion not get out of control at any time and you know…?" her eyebrows were knitted together at my silent revelation. "What about heat of the moment and all that Bella?" she asked sounding as if I had just killed romance with my own bare hands.

"My dads a cop." I reminded her. "We waited until he was sixteen." I shrugged.

"God and here I thought you had been at it from the word go." She sounded deflated but she was still joking.

"What have you been letting Jasper touch all the bases?" I asked with a laugh.

"He's been close to a home run so many times." She let out a heated sigh and I laughed as her eyes rolled to the back of her head at the thought.

"It's the passion, you can't deny it." She told me as she shrugged.

I was happy she felt so comfortable, love was different for everyone. Some it was that thing that just took its own time growing.

I let myself forget about everyone else's relationships and thought about my own.

I was going to go home and make everything all right with Jake and me.

Driving up I made record time arriving at twelve, trying to get all the minutes I could with him. I wanted to hold him, kiss him and for him to tell me everything was alright.

Opening my front door I headed for my bedroom and gave him a text telling him I was home and for him to come see me. He texted back saying yes, he would be there when he could. I smiled and lay out on my bed waiting.

I waited, and waited and waited even more. It was four in the afternoon and it had been almost four hours since I had texted him and he still wasn't here.

I waited some more and it reached five. I began to grow nervous, I wanted to speak to him before I seen Charlie but I didn't think it was going to happen.

At half five Charlie had arrived in early from work. "Bells." I heard him call from the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeh dad, I came for a little visit." I walked down the stairs and he wasn't around. I found him through in the kitchen with his head in the fridge. I hadn't made him anything to eat or myself for that matter. All day.

"Sorry, I lost track of time, I can make you something?" I smiled trying to get past him at the fridge.

"Don't be silly, I can feed myself, besides, I'm heading to Billy's. I was just getting the beer; he has some of Sue's fish fry."

I didn't need to worry about him at all; he obviously had a good little thing going since I had left for Seattle.

"I think you might want to come with me? Talk to Jake?" his tone was gentle and I knew he knew all about it.

"Billy tell you?" I asked him.

"Yeh," he sighed "Billy said he was pretty upset."

I looked down at my hands, distracting myself with a corner or chipped purple nail varnish not wanting that look of disappointment from Charlie.

"I'm changing my shirt, I'll be leaving in five, you should come." I knew it was more of a command, that even he knew this would take some fixing and the sooner I started the quicker we could try to forget about it.

We arrived up at LaPush half an hour later. Charlie letting himself in the door that opened to the kitchen.

"Well, well if it's not the city girl?" Billy teased but there was no menace behind his words and I reached in to give him a hug as I seen Jakes face go from warm to cold as he seen me.

This was going to be a lot more work than I thought.

I walked up to Jake and his eyes fell to the floor, I heard Charlie and Billy mumble something about giving us time before they vanished to the small living room past the kitchen.

It didn't matter; Jake was quick on his feet and pushed past me and out the house.

I followed after him and he headed to his garage. I called after him three times on the way and he ignored my calls.

"Talk to me." I demanded as I followed him inside the garage, closing the one open door.

"Why?" he asked. And I didn't know what to say, why should he talk to me?

"Where were you today?" I asked, I waited hours for him and he never showed.

"Not a nice feeling is it Bells, not knowing where the other is?" He seemed to smirk as if he was amused he had managed to upset me.

"You did it on purpose." I walked up to him, slapping my hands heavily of his chest. And I did it again.

I was mad. I was upset, but I wouldn't let it show. He wanted it and he wasn't getting it. He wasn't getting tears.

"What I did was an accident, you did this on purpose." I raised my voice.

"Lets just say I forgot about you and we can call it quits" he still had the amused look on his face and it made me want to claw at him, make him feel the physical pain that he was causing my heart right at that moment with his words.

"You smug bastard." I slapped him on the chest again, harder, and again.

He grabbed hold of my wrists stopping me from doing it again. I looked at him in the eye and wondered where my Jake was. This was the pissed Jake, the one I didn't like. It was like he changed into something else.

"You're a bastard." I told him as I broke my look away, my voice low and I tried not to let any emotion show.

"And you forgot about me." his tone was as low as mine but his emotion sang through his words and I knew I had done more damage than I had thought.

I fought my wrists out of his grip and stumbled back a few steps before I sat down on the cold concrete floor.

My heart called for him, the tears beginning to flow out my eyes and I hated that I couldn't control any part of this.

"You promised it wouldn't change anything." I reminded him of the promise he made on my first day in Seattle, the day I moved down.

There was silence in the air. He stood there next to the rabbit, the car we had so many great times in. The car that kept all our secrets.

I loved him, he loved me. It wasn't going to destroy us. He promised, we promised. I needed him, he was mine and he was my family.

He stood tall and quiet, you could see the pain in his face too, if only he would give in, know I was sorry.

"You promised." The words were only a hushed mumble but he heard them.

"You forgot." And it was true. It was me who was wrong. Not him.

He stepped forward and crouched down in front of me. "I love you." I told him honestly with a sob. "I'm sorry."

He stayed in his crouched position looking of past my head, not meeting my eyes. I reached for him; pulling at his t-shirt and making him lose his balance into to me, making him land on me.

I pulled him in closer with his shirt and reached my arms around his neck making our lips meet.

He broke away "Don't you want to be with me?" I asked him.

"You know I do." he hovered above me as I leaned on my elbows.

"Well we need to get past this, let it go and keep moving. I'm sorry, but I need you to forgive me."

"Bella you know I forgave you the moment I texted you, I'm just upset."

I nodded, understanding as I chewed my lip before reaching up to kiss him again and pulled him down with me.

I parted my legs, letting him rest in between me as we tried to get closer on the cold floor. I reached for the hem of his t-shirt and began to lift it over his head. "Wait." He ordered. "Not here."

I smiled at him. "Let's just go with the passion." I remembered my conversation with Alice. I pulled him into me again savouring the kisses I got from him. I could taste the orange from the juice he drank when I came in, it was sweet but you could still taste a little bit of bitter in there too.

I reached for his top once again, pulling it off of him, him finally going with the passion between us.

"Wait." Perhaps not completely, I thought as he broke away once again.

He stood up pulling out a couple of blankets out of the car, placing them on the floor. He sat down, pulling me on top of him. "I don't want you getting cold." He smiled and I smiled back at his worried thought about me.

He began pulling at the bottom of my jeans, opening them up as he lay down taking me with him as I felt his hand slide down the front of my jeans going exactly where I knew they would. His fingers touching me the way they always did.

a/n: **Ducks for cover ** Please dont hate me!!

like I said I have a story - it not written out but I know where its going - just bare with me!!!

Review and let me know what you think.