Several announcements:

1. So, I had another long hiatus. Sorry those keep happening. But I am not doing well. At all. I had to end last semester early due to a medical emergency that seems to have become a reoccurring thing now. I have severe insomnia. It took wayyyy too long after my surgery before I could sneeze or bend over without feeling like I was getting stabbed in the diaphragm. And that's just what's physically wrong here. Bottom line is, I was in a seriously not good place for the past two and a half months. That is not to say I didn't get any writing done. I did; it was for stories that I have not yet published.

That being said, I am OVERJOYED that I could finally get this done. And this semester will be rough too, in spite of the fact that it's my last one and I took mostly electives… Once again, literally 50 plus pages of academic writing this semester…

2. My roommate got very very drunk and left my other roommate a crying voicemail over how there's a fire station in Antarctica. Yep, there is. Consider me telling you that to be an apology for how long I left y'all hanging.

3. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the numerous reviews since the last chapter. I'm going to ask that you pretty please review this chapter too. It's the longest I have written for this fic so far (it's still pretty much a drabble though), and it's hands down the one I enjoyed writing the most and got the most emotional over. But reading it over now, it goes in so many different directions, seems like it has too much going on, and I'm not sure if it's the easiest to follow.

Also this chapter marks the 200,000th word of fanfiction I've published. I'll celebrate by writing more fanfiction.

A tear fell on page 179 of the book Kayano was reading. This was a surprise, as Kayano barely cried anymore. Sometimes she theorized that all her tears for her lifetime (or maybe just the next few years) had been released on the occasions she cried. When she sat at her mother's side in the hospital, screaming at the doctors that they were all liars and Mom would be fine, in spite of every single organ failing, one after the other. When she saw her sister crushed by rubble, and rushed over only to find no pulse and several gaping wounds. The dozens of times she was curled over in bed, paralyzed from the agony the tentacles inflicted on her.

And of course, when Koro-sensei died.

This all happened in the last three years.

She took a sip of her coffee. She thought of going to a café to get one of her fall drinks that she loved so much, but today was Halloween. It would be so crowded, and Kayano didn't want to deal with the crowds as of recently. The thought that many of those people would go to the movie theater to watch one of those trashy horror flicks that she avoided being in like the plague ate at her mind. So she went straight home after school.

Kayano, or more properly Akari, never liked the fall. Or winter. Her tiny frame made her so sensitive to the cold. It was toasty warm in the apartment she lived in alone, but she still wrapped herself up like a burrito in that fleece blanket that her sister gave her last winter, the one that had an ugly orange and pink floral pattern. When she was a child, her sister used to hug her to keep her warm. Prompted by that thought, Kayano got up and went to the butsudan, needing to get away from the outside world and closer to one of the people she loved most.

Kayano always found comfort in her belief that nee-san was really still there, and it was only her earthly body that died. Kayano often sensed her spirit, as if she was still on earth watching over her and her friends, as was Koro-sensei. Sometimes it felt like she was looking down from Heaven. Fuwa had said a while ago that she pictured Koro-sensei and Aguri wearing twin halos that dimmed a bit when they were disappointed in one of their students. They had transcended the limits that earthly life had placed on them, they could now move anywhere between Heaven and Earth, walk by her side as she walked along Shibuya Crossing, even though there may be little space between her and the rest of the crowd. They cheered her on, outside the windows of her classroom, while she took exams. They were right next to her now, patting her back and trying to bring her down from an outburst.

And Kayano knew with absolute certainty that nee-san would protect her, her children and grandchildren, and Kayano wanted to join Aguri to do the same to her own descendants after she herself died, in the far future. Okano tried to comfort Kayano when she had a crying spell on Aguri's birthday, with a 'Maybe you'll be reincarnated as sisters again someday'. While Kayano did believe in reincarnation, she preferred the idea that her sister could have an active role in the lives of everyone precious to her today.

Cue waterworks again. Reaching for tissues, and forgetting that she ran out the last time she did this. The urge to lie down on the floor struck her, but her downward spiral was interrupted when her phone ding'd.

It was a Line message from Nagisa.

Nagisa… Another person she loved dearly, though it was in a different way than all of the others who were always on her mind. She had no clue if he felt the same. One thing was sure, he didn't know that she felt the way she did. Nakamura was right, he could give Karasuma a run for his money for the title of Densest Guy in the Entire Nation of Japan. Everyone saw it but him. Everyone wanted them together. Karma and Nakamura sometimes sent her teasing messages, about the newest romance movie and how she should bring Nagisa to see it and the two of those devils would hide in the backseats of the theater and witness everything.

Did Koro-sensei see it? And did he want them to end up together? The test of courage certainly implied that. She was certain that nee-san did.

Anyway, time to look at the message and respond to it. It wasn't like her to just leave him hanging.

Hey, Kayano.

…And it wasn't like him to just lead with that. His messages always had a purpose. 'Hi, do you want to do karaoke tonight' or 'Do you want to go to Hakone with me this weekend?'. It was never just 'Hey'.

And how else could she respond to that? There was an endless list of things she wanted to say to him, but right now was not the time and Line was not a good medium for any of them. Call me Akari, I love you, be with me forever.

So she went with a response that was equally nondescript as his message.

Hey Nagisa. What are you doing?

Send. Now to her routine, the one that never cleared her mind but was necessary for going outside the house (the place she'd have to go soon, whether she liked it or not). She moved her book to the butsudan, as it was one of nee-san's favorites and she was the one who lent it to her. But it was a chemistry textbook. Nee-san really did prioritize education, didn't she?

To the bath Kayano went. But she merely sat in the hot water and meditated for fifteen minutes.

Kayano had an idea of where her future would go, which she was sure made Koro-sensei happy and proud. She would be an actress as long as she could, then just sort of… retire. She'd probably be thirty when that happened. Idols didn't last too much longer than that.

The faucet dripped.

What will I do after that?

Maybe she should go to college after all. Or maybe she'd still have enough money from her time in the spotlight to last until she breathed her last breath. That might be fun for a while, traveling the world and buying nice clothes. Or so she tried to tell herself. Kayano was not materialistic or greedy. It wasn't that she rejected the idea of a luxurious life, but more the fact that she needed little to be happy. A home or apartment or condo. Pudding. A family. She definitely wanted the last.

The future held a lot of time to think about that, but Kayano was rapidly becoming a long-term thinker since Koro-sensei's death.

The water bubbled with the soap that she poured in. It smelled like "moonlight path". Her favorite scent. Well, besides the smell of the cookies nee-san always made her after every audition. And Nagisa. She knew from the times he hugged her, when he kissed her… And she noticed it even more after her tentacles were removed, as that allowed her to focus on things besides her agony, which were previously only a footnote in her life.

The nape of Kayano's neck itched. And that was worse than the days that it burned, or ached, or that she had flashbacks. So she scratched it.

Of course, it didn't really itch. Nor did it ever burn or ache. It was a psychosomatic thing. When she thought about it, it would itch or burn or ache, a bit like when her face suddenly itched the moment they started shooting for a scene in that drama that everyone lost their composure over and that spurred 'fans' to take pictures of her when they thought she wasn't looking.

Those days weren't all sunshine and roses either. The pressure of stardom at times was too much. Maybe the focus on body image was the reason for her insecurities. She remembered the nights she spent crying into her pillow, and how her sister would comfort her. All the mornings she had panic attacks before walking to the set, in fear that a crazy fan would kidnap her, a tiny ten-year-old girl. She'd arrive late, and the co-star who played the role of her brother would give her a nasty glare until the director told him to knock it off.

Mmm, not this again…

When Kayano looked at her fingernails, they were covered in blood. Sigh. This happened sometimes.

Up out of the bathtub. She needed to wash the nape of her neck in a place where she could see it, and the mirror was a few steps from her bathtub. The last time she played a guessing game about where the blood was, she ended up missing spots and people at school took notice. Again. She didn't need that.

She had become a bit of a celebrity at school, now that rumors of her being Haruna Mase began to circulate. Maybe she'd have to change schools again. She didn't want to do that. But if she had to change schools, she'd like to go to one any of her friends were going to. Kunugigaoka's High School was looking really good right about now, she could visit her sister and Koro-sensei… Though they were always with her, she still felt closer to them when she was at the mountain.

Ding. Nagisa took unusually long to respond to that message. It never took more than five or ten minutes for him to answer her. Kayano picked up her phone from the little spot she left it, in the closet, on top of a folded towel.

Not much, just chilling. You?

What? That didn't sound like Nagisa, not at all. 'Chilling' was not a word in his vocabulary. And it wasn't like him to text anyone to just chat. Maybe Karma stole his phone and was messing with them… Wait, Karma would have sent her heart emojis and messages to proclaim love and a desire to kiss her again.

So it was Nagisa after all. Time to respond.

I'm reading a book.

She got a response immediately.

Cool.

Was he procrastinating getting schoolwork done? Nah. She knew him well enough to know that wasn't like him. He was emotional right now, that was what was going on here.

She wiped away what seemed to be the last of the blood with a washcloth and dried the area. Going back to the bathtub and finishing her bath, she wrapped a towel around herself and went to look for pajamas. She didn't plan on going out anyway.

Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz.

… And now it was time to ignore the dozens of emails that Kayano received from her director, manager, agent and whoever else. Surely this was about them wanting to know when she'd like to return to acting, they wanted to secure a role for then. Maybe someday there'd be a movie about the Assassination Classroom, and she'd get an offer to be in it. She could play herself, hell she'd probably look fourteen at the age of twenty-five.

But she hoped that wouldn't ever be made. Those Hollywood assholes would take the story and totally twist it. Koro-sensei would be portrayed as the villain, with E Class the poor victims of abuse and brainwashing, they all let their powers combine to overwhelm their captor. Koro-sensei dies in some big explosion and all the pairs that Koro-sensei tried to push together on Valentine's Day would walk off into the sunset together, hand in hand. And even if it was portrayed accurately, a movie couldn't possibly capture all that happened that year.

With that thought, Kayano returned to the window. The stars were coming out, and the sky was turning purple. She remembered her sister once saying that the stars looked like cracks in the sky that let in the sunlight of the daytime (surprising that came from a teacher, who of all people knew better), but Kayano preferred to think of them as the eyes of her ancestors, watching and guiding her.

That constellation caught her eye. The one that looked exactly like Koro-sensei. She very often prayed to it, and she knew from her meetings with Okuda and Okano and Kataoka and Nagisa that they did so too, and she was sure that many of their classmates did the same.

It seemed like time to do so again. She kneeled on the ground and clasped her hands together, contemplating how to begin her prayer. What to ask for?

Her phone started to ring. Kayano ran back into the bathroom to fetch it, only hoping for one person, and she saw the name that she hoped for.

Call from: Nagisa Shiota

Her heart leaped into her chest, she hadn't seen his face in person in two weeks. She accepted the call, her heart pounding.

"Hi," Nagisa answered the other line. "Today's… "

"Rough?" Her voice cracked.

"I suppose you could say that." She knew all too well. He was playing with his hair, staring at his feet, then she heard the thud of him sitting down on the hardwood floor.

"I just sort of… Want to talk?" He was asking himself, as well as her.

"You can talk to me." Surely he knew that? That's why he called her, that made sense.

Some silence. Then he spoke.

"… I want to go back."

"To the assassination classroom?" I twirled my hair, which was down in black waves around my shoulders.

"Yes." Another pause. "But it's cold today."

"We can still go. I'll come with you." She opened her drawer for daytime clothes, suited to being out in public. The outside might not be so bad if she was out there with Nagisa.

"No. Another day. It's too crowded out. I want to be alone. Besides, well, you… I miss you."

Her heart melted. "… I miss you too."

"I keep thinking of Koro-sensei, and how… We had so much time to prepare for him to leave us, but it still felt so sudden, as if we were in denial about letting go. About what was inevitable."

Her heart dropped into her belly. That wasn't what happened with her mom, her sister, they left suddenly. Koro-sensei may have not left abruptly, but her pain was the same… She lost almost everyone she had loved. That could happen to Nagisa too. He could be hit by a truck tomorrow on the walk to school.

She missed everything about Nagisa. His smile, his gentle nature, the way he focused on his target. It wasn't just the fact that she didn't want to be alone tonight; she needed him, no one else would do. Her apartment was empty and missing one Nagisa Shiota, even if it was only for now.

Kayano felt something slithery and gentle on her left shoulder. A tentacle? Then she felt a hand on her other shoulder, this one a human hand, and smelled the lilac perfume that her sister always wore.

"Actually… Can you come over?" The words escaped her dry lips, no more than a whisper, it was almost just breathing.

She could just hear Nagisa's expression over the phone. A gentle smile, the one that made her fall in love with him. She could hear his breathing.

"Yes. I want to see you too."

… Sorry for being so obsessed with Nagikae and Kayano. Please review (I think I wrote them kind of ooc), sorry about leaving ya'll hanging for two and a half months, and happy (late) Valentine's Day.