He talks about murder with stars in his eyes and laughter bubbling in his throat. Then he's actually in the arena, and driving swords into the backs of sobbing children is exhausting and filthy and kind of pathetic, but he keeps laughing because he chose this and he's never chosen anything in his life and nobody pointed a gun and made him lunge for the stage and how dumb is he, really, and no fame or fortune could ever be enough to balance out how disgusted he feels inside, but it's all just a game and he has to win.