Thanks for the follows and favorites and reviews! Keep em coming! This was difficult to write, but I am finally done. I apologize about the language and violence in this chapter. I am going to try to keep it toned down, but if it truly bothers you, skip the flashback and sorry in advance! Also, Puck, he didn't make it into this chapter, but he is a big part coming up, and will stay that way, as him and Mercedes going to LA together, and Mercedes staying very important to Sam. And finally, speaking of Puck, I am really thinking about starting another story, with(really random, I know) Puck and Sebastian. I've had this idea floating around for a while and, well, I'll give you and update next post!

Stop Crying You're Heart Out - Chapter 14
You'll Be In My Heart (Reprise) - Original Broadway Cast of Tarzan the Musical, Josh Strickland & Merle Dandridge

(Blaine)

I was about to lose it all. All I put in the past was about to flood out in the unhealthiest of ways. It's hard to reconcile your past with the present, especially when you have been hiding from it as long as I have. I thought with Dalton and the New Directions that all of my doubt about who I was had been eliminated, but apparently all I did was bury it, and deep. Now it is hitting me especially hard, not because of it affecting me, but Sam. My Sam. That thought strikes both fear and happiness into my heart at the same time.

Sam has done an amazing job showing me, and explaining, how strong he really is, but I know, deep down, that there is something there that can tear us apart. Something eating at his seams. It is with that realization that his coming out scares me so much. He says he is ready, in part at least. He has already made steps, and I thought that is what I wanted. If I am being honest, being in the closet was one of the worst times of my life, only second to coming out. It's a hilarious contradiction and I might laugh if I wasn't so terrified. So there is a part of me that does want that, for him and me.

Fear. It is a terrible thing. We are inching closer to a healthy relationship, and things seemed so exciting only hours ago. I am realizing, in a wave of information, that as much as we know about each other, there is so much that we don't. If I don't feel comfortable talking about any of this, then how can that translate into me trusting and loving Sam?

I do. I swear I do. I hope I do. I just promised to talk to him on our way to Puck's, but here we are, sitting in the car and I am silent, ignoring him even. He isn't making any effort to hide the fear on his face, just as mine must be plastered on as well. How can I tell him that I never told the whole truth about Cooper, or my family, or my life before Dalton? It was only months ago that I swore Cooper hated me. I mean, he might as well of said as much one of the last times we spoke. Ok, maybe he never said he hated me, but the ridicule and belittling came on full force when he found out about me. That was before his unexpected visit a few months ago, and even then me being gay never came up except for the brief moment he met Kurt.

There is so much uncertainty in this course of action, and is it fair of me to push Sam in this direction? Everything he has done so far has been on my selfishness. None of this would have happened if I could have left him out of my heartache. God, I wish I had that power.

No. This isn't the right time. I can't lie to him. I won't start a habit of that, but figuring out what to say isn't any easier. All I do know is that he isn't ready. Who could be ready for the kind of ridicule waiting for him? More importantly, is my support enough to get him through what I started?

"Blaine, please. I am trying really hard to be patient but I am freaking out." I know what I am doing to him is wrong, on some level, but I can't see it any other way. My heart is cracking just a bit as I take a deep breath and force a smile.

"Sammy. I don't think this is the right time to announce ourselves. I know this seems like it's been a long time, but it's only been a few days! We have only been speaking as friends for a few months! Your closest friends are in your corner, but we almost could have expected that." I knew I sounded ridiculous. I probably even sounded insane. I was pushing for the exact opposite thing a day ago.

"Blaine, I..."

"Wait. Let me finish. I know you want to do this for me, but that isn't ok. I've seen the flashes of fear on your face. I saw the immense fear when Mike and Tina saw us that first night. You are not ready for rejection, and as much confidence we have in our friends, nothing is one hundred percent. Trust me." That last part was under my breath and I don't think he heard me. I wasn't lying. I wasn't saying anything that he didn't need to hear. I just wasn't telling him why I felt all of this all of a sudden. "You aren't ready for this. I am not ready for this..."

"Blaine. What do you mean? You've been out for years." I said nothing. I can't. I turned to face the window and crossed my arms. I can't look at him. I can't reassure him that everything will be alright if he reveals himself. I can't be the one to bring that pain on him. "Blaine, I think I can..."

"No Sam! You can't! If you only think you can, then you can't!" The shock on his face turns to pain and I feel my chest ache. A tear starts to roll down my cheek and I have to turn away so that he doesn't see me. My fists have clenched and I'm fighting all the emotion around me right now. He can't be this naive? He can't honestly think that after everything all of us have gone through, after everything that he has heard on the news and seen done to Kurt and Karofsky, that he could possibly be ready for this. Glee club is a bubble, and one he isn't ready to step out of. When he can tell his closest friends with certainty, then I can accept anything that comes from that, but I will not be the cause of that pain for anyone. I have lived it, and it's the closest thing to a death blow I have ever known. My fists are clenched so tight, the pain rising, and I can faintly hear Sam saying my name, but I tune him out, thinking only of that dance four years ago.

(Sadie Hawkins Dance: 4 Years Earlier...)

"Blaine, come on. My dad will be here any minute." He looked handsome, and nothing was going to bring me down tonight. I stepped outside as we waited for his dad to pick us up and take us to the dance. I was really excited to finally be going to a dance with a guy, even if he was just a friend. His father knew about him, and me, which was why he was picking us up. My parent's don't know about me yet, and now isn't the time to tell them. I don't know how they will react, and this is the first time I can be myself. I can't let them ruin it.

The unfortunate thing in all of this is that we are the only two out gay people either of us know, and we are not attracted to each other. When life hands you lemons, right? We can make the best of this though. Word spread quickly that we were going together and we spent the afternoon in isolation. Not by choice, but we had a great evening planned and we want to enjoy it. I sat down on the curb and pulled out my phone, flipping it open and sending a text to my mom. My parents thought I was spending the night at his house since neither of us had dates and made me promise to check in a few times.

I was about to hang up with her when I saw them. Some older high school kids, who I recognized seeing around school and because one of them was a brother of a friend. I should have known something was wrong when I said hi and he didn't respond, but I just blew it off as him not noticing who I was. They were leaning against their cars whispering among themselves, and I swore I heard them call us... well, something. No. It couldn't be.

Where was his dad? He was supposed to come right from his meeting. I started to feel more and more uncomfortable as they stopped outside the restaurant and didn't go inside, standing there whispering to themselves. I leaned into my friend and suggested we move somewhere else to wait. "It's alright Blaine, he will be here any second. Ignore them."

"So!" Not good. "What are you guys up to tonight?"

"Going to the dance." Shut up, man.

"Where are your dates?"

"Uhh. We are going toge..."

"We haven't picked them up yet!" I don't know why I was so worried, but something told me I couldn't let them know we were going together.

"Liar. I know who you are." The one finally recognized me, or always did and chose now to trap me in my lie.

Now, there is something that always bothered me. You are always hearing about how all types of discrimination was bad, heavy with consequences and a poor show of character. Never was this said about me, and what I am. Even so, all I ever got was teasing and a few nudges, but never anything I'd consider hostile. So I don't know how I knew what was coming, but I saw it in their eyes.

"You're the fags, aren't you" That word. I retreated into myself, feeling inches tall and smaller than a spec of dirt, physically and emotionally. "Why do you think it's ok to flaunt around, together?" We weren't even holding hands. What were we flaunting. If my vocal chords hadn't run away in fear I may have stuck up for myself. Who am I kidding? No I wouldn't have.

"Back off. It's none of your business." Stay quiet and let them pass!

"Oh, but it is. See, you are standing outside my mother's restaurant. We don't like your kind here."

"Fine, we are leaving." Two of the older boys ran to the other side of us and blocked us in. I expected more taunting. More harassment I saw the glint in the eye of the guy in front of me. Terror. I had no time to react to my friend planting face first into the ground. If it weren't for the shock I would have been hysterical. He was knocked out, and that seemed to piss them off more. They didn't make that mistake with me.

I was taken out at the knees, collapsing with a crack onto the cement. It was then that I saw them. My friends. Our friends, coming up and doing nothing, cheering them on even. Laughter, cheering, taunting. I heard it all and my heart shred inside me. Tears were now flowing down my cheeks, and I could faintly make out things like "Look he is on his knees, just like he likes" and "look at the girl, crying about her boyfriend." I moved to wipe my eyes. Bad idea. One of the boys grabbed my hand and twisted it behind my back. The kick to my ribs came immediately after, all the breath knocked out of me as I felt bone crack inside me.

My arm was still twisted behind my back as fists connect with my jaw, my stomach, kicks just weak enough to not knock me out connecting with the back of my head. Excruciating pain already racked my body and there was no end in sight. They were yelling things the whole time but I no longer heard them through my tears, the sobbing. All I could do was wish for this to end. Kicks continued to my crotch, my ribs, and finally, finally, one more to the back of my head that brought the darkness, the welcoming, comforting darkness.

(Blaine: Current Day)

It was days before I woke up, and even more after that before I remembered what happened. No one would talk to me but one of the nurses. My parent's were there, but wouldn't look me in the eye. Cooper was a blank slate. No comfort was sent my way. I wasn't even able to tell them about me myself. They knew it all, and they heard it from a paramedic, or a kid shouting slurs my way, I don't really know.

I had several broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, my right kneecap was broken, and testicular torsion. Fantastic. It was 2 weeks after the attack and I was still on bed rest, luckily everything healing appropriately. Everything but my heart, my confidence, and my love for myself.

My parents refused to speak about it. They even ignored Cooper calling me a fag and fairy and his hatred directed my way. The only person to even speak to me like a human was the court appointed counselor. That's right, I was attacked and I was appointed the counselor.

I lost all faith that day. I woke up and all I remembered was that god was not real. The only reason I survived was because my attackers wanted me to, and the remarkable absence of any witnesses left two of the group of 5, maybe even more, with minimal hours of community service. I have long since forgotten their name, but it took a lot of work to do so.

I never thought I would have friends again. My family hated me, my friends may have helped attack me. Nothing was ok. I never heard about my friend again. They told me in the hospital that he was fine, but I would never return to that school, and I doubt he ever did either. I wonder what happened to him?

The day I met my counselor is when my faith started to rise again. She talked my parent's into Dalton, talked me off the edge of the cliff, and started me on my path to self acceptance. Dalton was a lot to do with that, but there was also the promise I made to myself. I would never be weak again. I would never be unable to defend myself. My parents eventually started talking to me again, and even came to accept who I was, but I never felt love from them again.

"Blaine, babe, please. Please, I.." I snapped back to reality. What felt like weeks was actually only 30 seconds, a minute max. I had forgotten the tears in my eyes until Sam wiped one away with his thumb.

Sam...

No. What am I doing? I can't, I won't, be weak again. I have someone to protect besides myself now, and I refuse to let anyone down ever again. My pain needs no parade today. Strength. I perfected masking my pain those first months at Dalton. I muster up the strength to shake this from my mind and sigh heavily, turning to look at Sam.

"I'm sorry. I really am, but I meant what I said, Sam." It was barely a whisper. Building this strength might take a little time, but no better place to start then here. "I won't let you do this to yourself. You aren't ready. I won't let you feel that pain. I can't handle someone rejecting you and you holding it against me, as stupid and selfish as that is."

"Blaine, I would never do that. This is my choice. I want this. I want you." It brought a smile to my face. He wasn't running from me. More of my selfishness making me happy. The best thing I could do for him would be to steer him away. in reality.

"Still, Sammy. My deal stands. When you can tell everyone in glee, Mr. Shue included, without any fear, then we can be in public. I want nothing more than to parade you around as mine, but only when you are ready."

"I don't know that I ever will be." A knife just started dragging its blade around my heart, waiting to plunge in. He looks away and I let the worry cross my features for a brief second before he turns back and grabs my hand. "I mean, there is always going to be some sort of fear associated with this. You aren't wrong, but this is like a band-aid situation. rip it off, all at once." He gripped my hand firmly and tried to reassure me, but he wasn't getting it. I was silent for a little while before I spoke, gauging his feelings and trying to figure out how I could get him to understand what could happen to him.

"What would you have done if Mike berated you that night? What would you have done if Mike looked at you with disgust? Would you have stayed by my side, or what?" He wasn't getting it because I wasn't letting him get it. My past is proof enough that this has to be this way, but he needs to see it without seeing me break down. I have to be strength for him so he can find his own strength, naturally and without the crutch that I would become with any other course of action. I can't fight his internal battles for him, but I can be the support I never had. Only if he accepts the worst case scenario as a possibility and works to be okay with that happening. It may not be the easiest way. It may not even be right, but it is the only thing I can think of. I am selfish. I know.

"I don't know. We probably wouldn't be here right now" he said after a long, unbearable silence. The knife entered, a familiar ache and pain. Thank whoever that he was choosing this moment to look away in shame, cause my eyes couldn't hide the pain that the possibility of a life without him brought to the surface. We are here by luck, by remarkably fortunate circumstance, not because Sam was ready to be. If I didn't feel so torn up already, realizing that I forced this upon him is eating me alive. I couldn't stop here. It may be the only chance.

"What are you going to tell your family?" His face betrayed him immediately, and I knew all of this was the right choice. "Sam, please believe me. I want nothing more than your happiness. It even surpasses my own needs, for me. When you are ready. I am taking that pressure away from you. I will not leave you. I will not force you. I am here, and you can count on me. That won't change. It has to be for you, not for me." Relief and tears filled his eyes as he buried his face in his hands.

(Blaine)

Don't be afraid, it'll be all right
Just take my hand, hold it tight
No matter where I am, I'll be with you
Just think of me, don't you cry

He looked at me as I grabbed his hands from his face into mine and I saw a shy smile sneak out.

(Sam and Blaine)
No one could understand the way we feel
How would they know, how can we explain?
Although we're different, deep inside us
We're not that different at all

'Cause you'll in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on, now and forever more
You'll be in my heart

(Blaine)
You'll be here in my heart

(Sam)
No matter what they say

(Blaine)
Oh, you'll be with me

(Sam and Blaine)
You'll be here in my heart
Always, Always

(Blaine)
Sammy...
I'll be there for you always

(Sam)
Always and always...
Just look over your shoulder

(Sam and Blaine)
Just look over your shoulder
Turn around and look over your shoulder
'Cause I'll be there always...

I leaned in and kissed him, feeling him smile against my lips and making me smile as well. I pulled away and squeezed his hand tight, reassuring, comforting, strengthening.

"Come on, we are late meeting Puck."

I put the car in drive and started away from the house. My smile faltered, just briefly, and Sam would never know why. I can do this. I can hide this from him. For him. It will all be ok. I swear it will be. I hope it will be...