Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters they belong to Stephanie Meyer

This story is rated MA for content

Ok get your tissues prepared you'll need them.

I'd like to Thank Mandee for everything she is very busy with personal shit helping out a friend in need and yet she takes the time to edit the chapters anyway. Thank you Mandee you're FUCKING AWESOME! (sending best wishes hope things get better and my prayers are with you)

Chapter 14: Saying Goodbye

BPOV

Seven days, three hours, twenty-two minutes and six seconds since my night with Edward. It was the most exotic thing I have ever had done and it worked out very well indeed. I thought he was going to come before we ever got started especially when I took the blindfold off. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw what I was wearing. When he ordered me on the bed, after I released his handcuffs, I nearly had an orgasm. The look in his eyes was of lust and need and I reveled in the fact I got him that way. He was not gentle by any means but afterward he rubbed my wrists to make sure they weren't hurt and then held me in his arms until morning. I left Edwards knowing exactly where I wanted and needed to be, in his arms forever. Everything seemed going very well and happiness was in my hands. I was on cloud nine for the next two days but then things changed.

It had been almost two weeks since I learned about James and having my house searched, I was on pins and needles and wasn't doing my work very well. I felt like a prisoner in my own house. I would check and double-check the door and window locks three or four times a day. I knew they were locked, but I somehow couldn't feel safe knowing James was out there somewhere and Aspen or anyone of the children in Port Angeles could be his next target.

Two different times I had gotten into the shower over the last week and scrubbed myself raw nearly to bleeding. The thought I had been touched by such a vile, disgusting, man made me ill. I was trying to scrub myself clean, but realized I was just hurting myself and nearly driving myself insane in the process. Every day I would hope for that phone call that James had been caught and was sitting behind bars so I could relax. Every night I went to bed knowing James was still out there and doing only God knew what. Thank God my kids spent their days at the reservation so they didn't see how tightly wound I had become.

There was one more problem, I still hadn't figured out, that was also making me anxious and on the brink of insanity. How was I going to tell Edward about everything that had and was happening? God I was dreading it so much. I loved Edward and wanted to be with him, but between the James thing and my feelings of not only unseemliness but unworthiness of Edward, I was sure I couldn't have my dream anymore. When Edward found out who James really was, and the reality hit, I was sure he wouldn't want me anymore knowing I had let a monster touch me. I would make myself sick just thinking about it and end up vomiting until I had nothing left.

Edward had been so busy at work and we hadn't seen each other. We were only able to have short conversations on the phone when we had some spare time. I had been avoiding going to see him because I knew I had to tell Edward everything. I also knew that Edward would get hurt if James did something to me or someone I cared about. James might even hurt Edward and I couldn't live with myself if that happened. I had convinced myself no matter what happened I had to break it off…TODAY. No matter what I had to do to accomplish it including breaking mine and Edwards's hearts.

Edward had called me in the morning and told me he didn't have to work and asked if I could come see him. It had been one hell of a week without him and I got excited at first because I had missed him so much, but then I remembered what I needed to do. I was now standing in front of his house full of dread and tears ready to spill from my eyes. I loved him so much and never wanted to spend a day without him. I was going to have to let him go for his own safety and happiness. I shook my head clear of the tears piercing the back of my eyes and I knocked.

"Hey love," he said as he opened the door. "It's good to see you. I've missed you."

I stepped inside and he shut the door. He leaned in to kiss me and I quickly turned my head so he would hit my cheek. I knew what I was about to do would be hard enough without a kiss lingering on my lips.

"I've missed you too Edward." I said honestly and the tears started to well up in my eyes again.

He helped me remove my jacket and placed it on a hook. God I loved everything about this man, his eyes, his body, his mind and most of all his beautiful heart. I looked at him trying to memorize everything and store it in my mind knowing this would be the last time I got to see my beautiful angel. How was I going to tell this wonderful man goodbye?

"I wasn't sure you would be able to come see me today since it's not a weekend and you have the children." He said with an excited smile.

"Yes…the children" I said taking a good look around knowing this would be the last time I saw the inside of Edwards house.

I still couldn't believe how beautiful and large his home was. It was a two story home separated by an Oak staircase. Its five bedrooms, that were all upstairs, each had their own themes ranging from jungle to fairytale. Each one was maxed out with very expensive furniture, bedding, and all of them had walk in closets. There were two other baths, one was upstairs and it was the size of my apartment and the other was downstairs and just as enormous. The kitchen was very extravagant and wonderful, with its chrome appliances that looked brand spanking new and the cupboards were all done beautifully out of Oak and were very inviting. Edward put good use to the kitchen with his cooking. He said it needed to be the grandest and most elaborate room in the house. The indoor pool, game room, and spa, were all adjoined with the library and gym near the back of the house. Edwards study was just to the right of the stairs. Double doors, at the back of the study by his desk, led out into the garden and his beautiful and vast five-acres. Honestly his home was a palace and was fit for a queen. I would never see this place or Edward again and it was starting to suffocate me.

Please please please don't do this my inner annoyance said on her knees in her tiara.

"Edward…I…we…need to talk." I said swallowing hard on the lump in my throat as well as trying to keep at bay the tears that were threatening to escape.

"Of course let's go sit in the study." With a now curious look on his face he grabbed my hand and led me into the room. He walked us over to the couch and sat down. I pulled my hand free before he was able to pull me down next to him, which made concern replace the curious look on his face.

"Edward…I" I swallowed hard trying to force the emotion threatening to escape back down. "I've learned something recently and…" before I could say anything else Edward started to smile which was quite unnerving considering the situation.

"EMMETT!" he growled

"What about Emmett?" I asked confused.

"Emmett told you didn't he?" he questioned and stood up.

"Edward I haven't talked to Emmett…I'm trying to tell you-"

"I just thought…" he ran his hand through his hair. "I just thought Emmett told you" He said moving toward the study doorway.

"Told me what?" I said with a confused look on my face.

"Nothing…nothing…Bella sit please let me get you some tea"

Before I could tell him I didn't want any tea he had already left the study. All I could do was sit here and wait. I was losing my nerve which was not a good thing. The longer I was near him the harder it was becoming to reaffirm why it was better for us not to be together. I was going to break any moment and I couldn't figure out what the hell he had thought Emmett had told me. God I couldn't concentrate. How am I going to live without Edward? What am I going to do about James? Should I run or stay here in Port Angeles? Will Edward be o.k.? What do I do if he doesn't let me go? I was lost in thought because next thing I knew Edward was holding a teacup and saucer in front of me.

"Bella…love…your tea"

"Sorry." I said as I took it from him. He sat down in front of me on the footstool.

"It's alright love…" he took a sip of tea. "Now what is it you wanted to tell me?" he said with a smile.

"Edward" I sighed. "I'm still married, which I didn't know until twelve days ago and my apparent crazy psycho may be here in Port Angeles. I had to go talk to a detective and they have no idea where James is." I said it all so fast I wasn't sure if it was understandable until his concerned face turned to fury.

"Twelve days ago! Bella…why didn't you tell me this before now?" He said angrily as he sat his teacup down on the coffee table.

"Edward it's my problem to deal with not yours." I stated matter-of-factly as I sat my teacup down next to his.

He reached over and grabbed my hands. "Bella…Love…we're in a relationship and when you have a problem then it becomes mine as well"

"No…" I jumped up. "Why can't you just be furious with me for not telling you or upset because I'm still married? Or get angry and tell me to leave?" I said angrily through tears that had started to flow from my eyes.

"Bella…" Edward stood up and walked over to me. He reached up with his hand and wiped the tears falling from my face with his thumb. "I'm not angry with you…concerned yes…but not angry and you leaving is the last thing I want you to do." He leaned in and gently kissed my lips and I lost my breath. I was definitely going to miss his lips and the sweetness of his breath. The thought made me cry even more.

"Why…why would you still want me? I'm dirty." I whispered through the sobs.

Damn it why couldn't he just be angry so I didn't have to hurt him?

"Dirty?" He questioned "You're not dirty…" he shook his head in disbelief "and I don't want you to go because…I…um…"

NONONONONO

I can't let him finish that sentence it will only make it worse.

I knew what he was going to say. I mean he had been calling me love for the last couple of months. He just had never said he loved me and there were many nights I wished he would, but not now. There was no way I was going to be able to leave without completely breaking his heart.

PANICK ATTACK

Oh god I can't do this I love Edward too much.

No you've got to do it…it's the only way.

I pushed on his chest moving me away from him "Edward…" I said stopping him before the L word came out. I could barely keep my footing because the room was now spinning. Maybe someday he will forgive me for what I'm about to do.

"I have lots of baggage Edward. I have two kids who are still very young, I have a crazy mother who should be ruling the fire pits of hell, and apparently I have a husband who likes children which I found out after my house had been searched because they thought I might be hiding him" I said and backed toward the study door.

Please God...give me the strength to make it out of here

"Bella… it doesn't matter-"

"Yes it does matter to me!" I yelled while sobbing. "It's too much. I could never ask you to…I'm dirty and not worthy of you because…you can't still want…" I couldn't form a coherent sentence because as fast I was backing up he was coming toward me and I knew if he caught me I couldn't go through with this.

I had to leave NOW!

I turned and quickly bolted to the front door before Edward could reach me. He was walking towards the doorway and I could hear his footsteps on the floor. I grabbed my coat off the hook as he rounded the corner.

"Bella don't…please stay and we can dis-"

"I lllove you Edward, but it's not fair to you. Not only the fact I'm still married to James, but children. I know if I ever let you in my children's lives you would be wonderful to them," I placed my hand on the doorknob and Edward just stood where he was facing me. "but they will only ever be just my children…I can't have anymore…ever and you deserve…to be a father…and if I don't leave now then you'll leave me…you'll end up getting nauseous thinking about how a child rapist has touched me…I know… because I get sick when I think about it…good bbye Edward." I sobbed.

My heart was breaking, I could barely breath and my knees where shaking ready to give out. I knew by the tears now running down Edwards face his heart was breaking too. I opened the door and walked outside, he called out to me before I could shut the door

"I love you Bella...please don't leave me."

I ran to my car as the tears started coming full force and I nearly tripped. I had just broken the heart of the one man I had ever really truly loved and was never going to be able to fix this. I could feel him standing in the doorway, but I knew if I looked I was done for. I drove away without a second glance and three corners down I had to pull over. I was afraid I was going to wreck because my vision was blurry from the tears streaming out of my eyes. I buried my head in my hands and was shaking uncontrollably as I broke down. God help me James was going to pay for this no matter what.

EPOV

When Bella first started talking I thought it was because Emmett had told her I was thinking about asking her and the children to move in with me. I had been so excited and wasn't planning on telling anyone until she said yes, but Emmett could see something was up. He wouldn't let it go until I spilled everything. I was going to ask her today when she came over and when she started talking I thought for sure the surprise was blown. Now I see it's not anything I had fathomed possible. Bella thinks leaving me is the best way to protect me from whatever nightmare she's in. God as soon as she started backing out of the study I knew she was leaving me and this was her way of saying goodbye. What was I going to do without her? I loved her and she was my entire world. She was the reason I woke up in the morning. She was my breath and without her I was sure to suffocate. I had to stop her, but before I could, she started saying things that stopped me dead in my tracks.

"I lllove you Edward, but it's not fair to you. Not only the fact I'm still married to James, but children. I know if I ever let you in my children's lives you would be wonderful to them, but they will only ever be just my children…I can't have anymore…ever and you deserve…to be a father…and if I don't leave now then you'll leave me…you'll end up getting nauseous thinking about how a child rapist has touched me…I know… because I get sick when I think about it…good bbye Edward."

I would never feel or think that way about her. It was all lies and she didn't mean it, but I was frozen from the ache now in my chest and tears where actually streaming down my face. I had never cried in my life but I was now. She opened the door and my damn feet wouldn't budge.

Move toward her Edward stop her; hold her down, make her listen to you. Tell her you don't care about that! TELL HER YOU LOVE HER!

I couldn't do it. Between her sobs and the tears that had started to flow down my cheek I was unable to move. My heart was breaking and the ache in my chest had glued me to the spot I was standing. Just before she walked out I did the only thing I could do.

"I love you Bella...please don't leave me." I pleaded as she shut the door.

I heard her car start and my feet finally moved and I ran to my door. I threw the door open and watched her leave without a second glance in my direction. My entire world was driving away and there was no way I would be able to live without her. I ran out onto the sidewalk and I watched as her taillights started to fade…fade…fade and stop.

What the hell?

I started running down the street toward her knowing I may have a second chance if I could just make it to her and get her to listen to me. As I neared her car I slowed down and I could see my poor Bella with her head buried in her hands. Her whole body was shaking from the sobs I could hear coming from the car.

God she was sobbing, completely sobbing…in her car.

She didn't want to be telling me goodbye anymore than I wanted her to go. There had to be another way than this. I opened her door and with a start she looked up at me.

"Bella…Love" I said and kneeled down on the ground next to her. I reached up and stroked her face with the back of my hand.

"Edward…what are you…I…I'm so sorry" she started sobbing again. I reached in and wrapped my arms around her.

"Bella…my dear Bella…I love you" I said and she broke down even more. I picked her up and slid her across the car into the passenger seat before climbing in. I drove her car back to my house, carried her inside and laid her on my bed. She was still sobbing when I lay down next to her and wrapped her into my arms.

"Shh love it will be ok. I promise we'll deal with this together." I whispered into her ear as I stroked her hair.

Bella cried herself to sleep in my arms and I just held her. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened. Why was she so afraid that her only resolve was to tell me goodbye. I couldn't bear to be without her no matter what the situation was from her past. Yes the fact she was still married we would have to deal with, but I could care less. I knew she hadn't been with him for over a year and as far as I was concerned they were no longer married. If James hurt her…I couldn't think about that now. I knew that the only way to keep her safe was to protect her by having her here with me. Bella started to wake so I gently leaned down and kissed her on her lips.

"Hey" she said sleepily "How long have I been sleeping?"

"About two hours" I said into her hair.

"Sorry" she said and started to move off of my chest. I held her in place which made her giggle.

"Edward…let me up please I need to use the restroom." She said through her smile.

"As long as you promise to come back in here and never try to leave me like that again" I said as I released my grip around her a little.

She pushed herself up on her elbows and looked into my eyes. "I promise to come back." She kissed me and I tightened my grip again. "Edward…I will be back and we can talk about what happened if you'd like. I will not be leaving you like that without talking first okay?"

I nodded and released my grip once more. Bella jumped off the bed and headed into the bathroom. I just lay there staring at the ceiling thinking I may still lose her. She said she would come back and talk… not stay for good. I had to get to the bottom of her dilemma so I could keep her in my arms forever.

"Edward…about…earlier-" she started to say when she came back in. "I just didn't want you to be involved…I love you too much…it would kill me to have you hurt over this…that's why I-"

"Bella…I know why you did it. I'm just not sure why you thought you had to" I said still staring at the ceiling. Bella came and sat down next to me on the bed and grabbed my hand.

"Edward…I thought it would be easier than being afraid of what might happen or what you would think of me"

"Think of you?" I asked confused.

"I'm dirty I let a vile man touch me" she said with a disgusted look on her face.

"Bella I could care less about that. I love you and you are still exactly the same to me…beautiful." I said reaching up touching her face with my hand.

I could see Bella still had doubts and if I didn't do something very quickly, to show her I really didn't care, she would leave again.

"Move in with me. You and the kids move in here." I said turning onto my side so I could look at her. "With the security system it's safer and you won't be nearly as fearful as you are right this moment."

She blinked a couple of times before she spoke.

"Edward I…wow" she said and stood back up off the bed "That is so very sweet of you and it would be safer, but the children…well you haven't even met them yet don't you think that would be kind of a lot for them?"

"Maybe they wouldn't take it as hard as you think." I said with a shrug as I sat up on the bed.

"You may decide I'm really not as beautiful as you think once I tell you everything either." She sat back down and looked at her feet with tears in her eyes.

I ran my hand through my hair and then placed it under her chin and lifted it gently so she was looking at me "I will NEVER… not want you. There is nothing you can tell me that will make that change. I love you and I'm not letting you go without one hell of a fight." I said and the tears started falling down her cheek. I wiped them away with my thumb.

"Edward really you won't let me go?" She looked at me in disbelief and I leaned in and kissed her gently.

"Never… I will never let you go" I reiterated.

"Edward…I'd like you to meet my children."

"I'd love to"

I was actually nervous about meeting them. I knew everything about them by what she had told me, but to finally be meeting them was different. I was good with children, but if things worked out the way I wanted them to then they would be…well my children.

Bella grabbed my arm and drug me off the bed

"Love what are you doing?" I asked with a laugh.

"Now's as good of time as any." she said with a smile. "I have to go get them from La Push and you can go with me" She said as I got off the bed and started to follow her down the stairs.

"La Push...Beach? Why are they-"

"Oh…" she stopped and turned around to face me. "After the police searched my house Rose, Emmett, Sam, and I decided the reservation was the safest place for the children."

She went down the stairs with me right behind her and stopped at the bottom with her back facing me.

"Edward…I really didn't mean what I said earlier…the hurtful things I said-"

I turned her around so she was facing me again and kissed her lips gently before pulling her into my chest.

"I know." I said into her hair

She let out a sigh and lifted her head so she was looking into my eyes

"Will you ever be able to forgive me Edward?"

"I already have" I said and gently kissed her again.

Bella blushed and started toward the front door.

"Are you coming?" She said with her hand on the front door.

"Yes love I most certainly am."

*sniffles and whipes eyes with tissue*

Please don't kill me I know it was sad but at least they stayed together.

Still no Sighting of James but don't worry he will make an appearance in the next chapter.

Please Review let me know what you think.

Check out the new blog for the story at rupturebyme(dot)blogspot(dot)com I will have teasers and uptdates on it for you