Rating: M

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost or any characters or anything that looks familiar. Natalie is my character.

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When Sawyer managed to catch up with Natalie she was already standing by Boone's body. She ran a hand over his forehead.

"I just can't believe its true, I keep hoping to wake up and find out that this has been some kind of bad dream, she said. "I was dreaming about the night we rode the ferris wheel," she told him. "You knew I hated ferris wheels," she said as a tear ran down her cheek. She wiped it away. "I can't believe your really gone, I keep expecting to wake-up and find out this has all been a terrible nightmare." She said. "I know you didn't fall off a cliff Boone, I wish I knew exactly what you were doing and if it involved this hatch you told me about," she went on. "Boone I love you and now I have to figure out how to move on without you. I mean yeah I lived without you for three years, but even when we were upset with each other and not together I was glad you were around and now I have to live without you permanently and I don't know how I'm going to do it," she told him and placed her hand over his heart and tears fell from her eyes again.

Sawyer walked over and stood behind her.

"Natalie," he said gently grabbing her arm, she turned around.

"Sawyer," she said surprised, he let go of her arm.

"Come on lets go," he said softly and held out his hand. Natalie looked at his hand. Natalie looked at him for a minute then back a Boone. Finally she placed her hand in his and he led her back to his tent. When they got back to the tent Natalie laid down. Sawyer laid down beside her.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked and she didn't say anything.

"Did you have a bad dream?" he asked and she still didn't say anything

"Ok fine, you don't want to talk, I get it," Sawyer said and Natalie rolled over and looked at him. She saw it in his eyes, he was actually worried about her.

"I had a dream about the night Boone and I went to a small county fair," she told him and he talked me into riding a ferris wheel, I'm not to fond of ferris wheels, they scare me," she added. "We stopped at the top and we were talking he told me he loved me and told me to close my eyes. He kissed me and when I opened my eyes he was gone and I was alone stuck at the top of the ferris wheel," she went on.. "Then I was in the jungle looking for Boone and when I found him he was dead and then I was back in the ferris wheel but you were with me."

"I was there," he said shocked.

"Yeah and you said you were going to take care of me and you kissed me."

"I did," he said.

"In my dream." she whispered and they were quiet.

"Have you ever been in love Sawyer?" she asked.

"No, I prefer not to love anymore." he admitted.

"Why would you want to do that?" she asked. "Love is amazing."

"If you love you have a chance at being hurt," he told her. "Look at you," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't trade any of the good times I had with Boone, I was never sorry I loved him. We had much more good times, happy times than we did bad. Though you have only seen the bad mostly."

"Yeah."

"He was really good to me when we first started dating. There was always hand holding and talking and flowers. I think he came along at the perfect time, I was having a rough time and he helped me"

"How?" Sawyer asked

"I met Boone a month after I broke up with Johnny and I dated Johnny for about two years and he walked out on me," she told him. "It doesn't matter why," she said before he could ask. "I was headed for disaster anyway after David."

"Who's David?"

"My high school boyfriend," she told him. "He was the quarterback of the football team."

"What were you a cheerleader?" he asked sarcastically

"Actually yeah I was," she said.

"Oh, so What happened?"

"We went to this party and they had alcohol, I got a little drunk"

"You got a little drunk," Sawyer said as if he didn't believe her.

"Ok a lot drunk way to drunk to drive." She said "Anyway, out of the two of us David was the smart one that night, he didn't drink. So finally we decided to go and David helped me out to his truck so he could drive me home, I guess we were going to get my car the next day" she said. "We were going around a sharp curve and he took it to fast and another car was coming, the car was in our lane. He swerved to miss it and we went off the road, there was a drop off,. We hit a tree and David wasn't wearing a seatbelt. The truck flipped a few times," She said her voice breaking. "I was knocked out and when I woke up David wasn't there," she said. "And I yelled for him and I didn't see him anywhere. People thought he might have crawled out of the truck and fell into the nearby river and drowned. We never found his body we all assumed he died," she said as tears ran down her cheeks. "I lived, all I had were cuts and bruises, a broken arm and broken leg" she said wiping a tear away "David died trying to help me, I blame myself for it, I should never have gotten drunk, he might still be alive if I hadn't got drunk" she said.

"Its not your fault,"

"On some level I still feel partly responsible for the accident, I should have never been that drunk, hell I shouldn't have been drunk at all." She admitted. "I just don't know why it was Boone that had to die"

"No one knows that," Sawyer said. "But you mentioned Boone didn't fall off a cliff because they weren't boar hunting," Sawyer added. "So what were him and Locke doing?"

"They found something in the jungle a hatch of some sort and they've been trying to figure out a way to open it."

"You think he died trying to open it?"

"I don't know, I don't know," she told him and a tear ran down her cheek.

"Don't cry again," Sawyer said wiping the tear away.

"Its like I can't stop crying" she told him as more tears fell. "I don't like crying all the time, it gives me a headache and makes my eyes red," she told him. "But I'm just glad I'm here with you."

"I don't know what you want from me," Sawyer said.

"Right now I just want you to hold me," she said. "Can you do that?" she asked.

"I…" he began. "Of course," he said and Natalie scooted closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder, Sawyer wrapped his arms around her. "This ok?" he asked.

"Perfect," she replied.

The next day when Natalie woke up Sawyer was still asleep so she made her way to the caves to see Jack. When she got there Shannon was sitting next to Boone's body. When Natalie walked out Shannon looked at her.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I'm just looking for Jack."

"He's in there," Shannon told her softly and Natalie walked by Shannon and went inside the caves.

"Jack," Natalie said.

"Natalie," Jack said shocked to see her. "How are you doing?"

"I'm ok Jack," she assured him.

"Where's Sawyer?"

"He's asleep, I wanted to come here so I figured I'd let him sleep."

"Ok," Jack said. "We're putting together a service for Boone today, just so you know."

"Alright," she whispered.

"I came by to check on you yesterday but you were asleep," Jack told her.

"Oh," she said and they were quiet.

"Natalie I don't want to bring this up now but Kate mentioned you said Boone and Locke weren't Boar hunting."

"I did say that," she confirmed.

"What were they doing?"

"Why don't you ask Locke?"

"Do you think he would tell me the truth?" Jack asked.

"I don't know," She told him honestly.

"What did Boone tell you?" Jack asked.

"That him and Locke found something in the ground, after digging it up it was a hatch of some sort but it was locked from the inside, they've been trying to get in."

"Is that how Boone died?"

"I don't know Jack if you want to know that ask Locke but he didn't fall off a cliff boar hunting, they haven't hunted together at all," she told him and walked out of the caves and past Shannon who was still sitting by Boone.

Back at the beach Sawyer had woken up and saw Natalie gone. He thought she may have gone back to Boone's body and got up and headed in that direction. As he heads off towards the caves he meets Natalie coming back.

"You finally wake up sleeping beauty" Natalie said and kept walking, Sawyer followed her.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I went to talk to Jack and I figured I was better off letting you sleep," she told him. "They are having a service for Boone later today."

"Oh," Sawyer said.

"I can't go, I'm not watching them put Boone in the ground," she said softly.

"You don't have to watch but maybe you should at least go," Sawyer suggested.

"I don't know if I can," she told him.

"Well no one will force you to go, its your decision," Sawyer said.

"I know that but I think I'm better off dealing with Boone's death differently," she told him.

"You have to do what's best for you," Sawyer said.

"I know that and I'll deal with it in my own way."