Chapter 14

Kendall's first thought wasn't about Gustavo, it was about himself.

I have a 50% chance of being number 13.

That was his one thought. It echoed over and over again in his head. He could be number 13. He was actually very likely to be number 13.

It was the scariest thing in his life. Even more scary than when James got into that car crash when he was 6, even scarier than when Logan got beat up by those bullies and had to be taken to the hospital, even scarier when Carlos had that asthma attack and almost died.

It was even scarier than when Katie had died.

And that was saying something.

How would he live knowing that he had been the primary reason Katie had killed herself, ended her short life?

He wouldn't be able to, that's what.

He may end up the same way Katie ended up.

Dead.

But then he tried to calm himself down. He couldn't end his life just because he was number 13. He would be just like Katie, hurting so many people who still needed him even if he didn't realize it.

His mother, who was fragile and weak now that Katie was torn away from her. James, Logan, and Carlos, who needed him to be there to be their best friend.

The countless people who still needed him that didn't pop into his head at that moment. They all needed him. He couldn't die.

So Kendall decided that he wouldn't. Even if he was number 13, he would learn to take it like a man and learn from his mistakes.

Even if his mistake had cost someone their life.

Now, his head allowed him to return to Gustavo. Gustavo had always been mean. After all, he had made Logan cry during their auditions, he made Carlos cry once too when he started screaming at him for messing up all the time, and he crushed James's confidence time and time again.

And don't forget the fact that Kendall and Gustavo had always been sort of enemies, with Kendall's stubborn attitude and Gustavo's impatience.

But Gustavo liked Katie, even though it didn't seem like it. He had even admitted it to Katie, Katie had told him herself. Kendall had thought, finally, finally, Gustavo had started to take a liking to someone.

But even Kendall wouldn't have expected Gustavo, the man with apparently no heart, to stoop this low.

Knowing that a little girl, his boy band member's little sister, needed his help, but not providing it and tossing her aside, was something not even someone heartless would do.

And Kendall had started to think that Gustavo had a heart at that time.

Gustavo had lost Kendall's respect the moment he appeared on these tapes and Kendall knew what he had done to Katie.

He was Katie's last hope, and he had ruined it just for fame and work and success and the band. Kendall was disappointed in Gustavo. He had let him down. He hadn't provided the comfort Katie needed at a critical time.

But why hadn't she come to Kendall, her big brother?

Why hadn't she trusted him to help?

Kendall knew the answer. Because he had done something horrible to her and she was afraid to approach him.

Never in his life would Kendall think that Katie would have been scared of him. Like, for real scared of him. So scared of him she didn't want to get help from her big brother when she had suicidal thoughts.

Kendall hated himself for putting his sister in a position like that.

He absolutely hated himself.

Kendall had hated himself before when he had ditched his friends and blamed other people for Katie's death, but now he hated himself more than he ever did before.

Because while he was playing the blame game, it was him all along that had caused Katie's death.

He was reason number 13. He was.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when his cell phone rang. He had completely forgotten it was there in his pocket. He hadn't used it since a week after Katie died. He was surprised it hadn't lost battery yet.

The caller I.D. said Kelly Wainwright.

Kendall was immediately brought back into the days when Kelly would call him and tell him about rehearsal changes and concert dates and such. But he had no idea what Kelly would be telling him this time.

"Hello?"

"Kendall, is that you?" He hadn't heart from Kelly… or Gustavo, in a long time. Not since they had called in saying how they were sorry Katie had died.

"Yeah, um, is there something you need?" Kendall asked hesitantly.

Kelly sighed. "Kendall… I know you got those tapes."

Silence.

"What… what are you talking about?" Kendall asked, bewildered and shocked. He had not expected this. Anything but this.

That meant Kelly was number 12 or 13. Kelly had done something to Katie, too. Kelly had-

"I… I'm the keeper of that second set of tapes Katie talked about." Kelly said softly. Kendall let out a sigh of relief. Kelly was at least still his friend. She hadn't done anything wrong. At least not to Katie.

"I'm sorry, I just found them one day on my doorstep, and by then, she was already dead, and-" Kelly rambled on. Kendall interrupted her.

"Kelly, don't worry about it. It's not your fault… is that all you wanted to talk to me about?" Kendall asked.

"Kendall… if you've gotten to Gustavo's tape yet… well, can I speak you about that?" Kelly asked cautiously.

Kendall didn't know what to do. Blow up at Kelly or talk it out?

"Yeah, sure."

"I know it sounds bad, Kendall… but you know Gustavo, he's just that kind of person. And just so you know he's vowed to change now. He hasn't yelled at anyone in 5 days. He's really sorry, Kendall…"

Kendall sighed. "Then why didn't he come and say so himself?"

"Kendall, sweetie, Gustavo… he's afraid, you know? He may seem so tough on the outside… but really, he's just afraid people will take advantage of him. He's so guilt-ridden that he didn't eat for 3 days, Kendall…" Kelly explained sadly.

Kendall paused. Gustavo… scared? When had those two words come together?

But Kendall understood. Kendall's stubborn, I-don't-care attitude was sometimes put on as a façade to hide his fear of people taking advantage of him, too.

In a few ways, Kendall was just like Gustavo. He'd hurt Katie, he'd regretted it (though he didn't know what exactly he had done), and he was afraid of other people taking advantage of him.

Just like Gustavo.

And never in a million years would Kendall have thought that he would ever feel sympathetic towards the large, angry man.

But he did. He understood him. He knew he didn't mean it. Gustavo wasn't like that, at least not on the inside. Where it mattered.

"Tell him that I forgive him." Kendall stated confidently. And he did forgive Gustavo, because everyone made mistakes, and he and Kendall were so alike…

Kelly sounded surprised. "So fast? Kendall, he-"

But Kendall didn't want to hear it. "Please, Kelly… just… tell him, please?" He begged quietly.

Kelly agreed. "Alright, Kendall. You don't know how much this means to Gustavo. You're a good kid, and I'm really sorry about Katie. But things will get better, Kendall, don't worry. And if they don't, that means that they will soon."

And then she hung up. Kendall sat there, listening to the beeping of the phone.

He felt different. Like something had just opened up inside of him.

Logan had used a word for it before, something that began with an e, but Kendall didn't remember it.

But he suddenly reached a conclusion. No one was perfect, and everyone made mistakes. Some worse than others, but really? They all felt some regret for it; they all felt guilty, even when they didn't show it.

And Kendall just had to learn how to forgive and forget, even if the forgetting part had to do with his baby sister's life.

His friends alive now were the most important. Don't get him wrong, Katie was important, and still was, but now it was time to start caring about the other living people around him.

Kendall was ready to restore the friendships he had lost. He's already gotten James, Logan, and Carlos back, and now he thought he got Gustavo back.

Katie would be proud of him.

Kendall smiled at that. Katie had always been forgiving, and though she didn't sound like she forgave any of the 13 reasons, Kendall bet that if she were still alive, she'd be forgiving them, even if it hurt her.

So that was what Kendall was doing. Forgiving, and soon, forgetting.

And that was that.

He opened his tape player and started number 12.

He was going to keep on going, no matter what happened. If he wasn't number 12, then he was for sure number 13.

But whatever he was, Kendall would learn to forgive himself. It would take a long time, but Kendall would forgive himself. He'd never forget, but he would try to.

Because that's what would have made Katie happy.

It was time for reason number 12. If this was him, then he wasn't going to be number 13. But if it wasn't…

Kendall pressed play.

It's the moment of truth now. Reason number 12 and 13. For the two of you out there, congratulations!

One of you will be rotting in the underworld forever. The other… well, you'll just be feeling guilty.

If you're name has not been called after this reason, then you are for sure number 13. Unless you're my keeper of the second set of tapes. You know who you are. You're listening in on this, too, right?

You can keep these tapes if you are number 13, as a memory to go on with you forever, and forever, and ever… Sorry about that.

Alright, let's cut to the chase. Number 12, oh… number 12.

I never thought number 12 would ever betray me like this. But they did.

Number 12: Kendall Knight.

Kendall dropped his phone on the ground.

A/N- AAAAHHHH! IT'S KENDALL! Almost all of you guys have been waiting for this one… next chapter's gonna be about what Kendall did! And who's number 13? Hmmm… only I know! wink

Anyways, Big Time Dreams was SO SAD! I wanted to cry… but I couldn't. It was too sad to cry, you know what I mean? Probably not. I loved that show… I'm still grieving over it. And at the end… the "We Are" video… AAAAHHH! They've grown up so fast…

And as a tribute for BTR, I'm going to start a little "How They Met" story thingy about them. I know I already have one… it's gonna be another one, hopefully more accurate this time. Hopefully. So look out for that. (wink)

Peace, Love, and BTR,

Anonymous Skrtle