Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Summit has the rights to the movies. I love to play with the good (and bad) people of Forks.

This chapter beta'd by Bronzehairedgirl620. Thank you.

Mirage


Chapter Fourteen


After the memorial service
Edward and Bella conversation
After I came back from hunting with Jasper, everything happened pretty quickly. I really felt the need to clear the air with Edward; this newfound knowledge of his continued love for me was burning a hole in my pocket, for lack of a better phrase.

Bella POV

Carlisle called me aside to discuss my memorial service. Esme and Carlisle were going to make certain no one suspected anything. After some convincing, they agreed to allow me to ride along to the service, safely tucked away in the back of Carlisle's Mercedes under Edward's watchful eye. I really needed the closure of seeing my parents one more time; I needed to know they didn't hate me for what I had done, what I had taken from them. I knew my actions were selfish, I knew I would hurt them, probably nearly as much as I was hurting over Edward all those months. I hadn't acted on the spur of the moment - I know Charlie saw this coming, and truly, nothing could have stopped me from finding a way once I had made the decision.

There were several occasions when I thought about ending the pain. I knew it was the only certain way that it would stop. Edward had ceased to love me. I no longer had the concern that he would try to follow me if I ceased to exist. I sat down and wrote the notes one day after school. Strangely enough, it was a day when I had absolutely no suicidal notions. I guess I'm just a preparer when it comes to worrying about the ones I love. If I took my own life, I wanted to be certain that the people I was close to understood my reasoning. I suspected one day some occurrence would create a memory too painful, and that would be the catalyst for my demise. I didn't want to be unprepared and leave the ones I love without closure, with guilt, or even with sadness. I wanted them to understand that even though the pain was too great to bear anymore, I was finally set free.

I only wrote a few letters, starting with one for each of my parents. I didn't want Charlie to ever think that he hadn't done a good enough job. I don't know where my life would have been without Charlie. His love was unconditional. He wasn't an affectionate person, but even through his gruffness, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved me without boundaries. He was a wonderful father, a wonderful man. I hope my decision to end my life didn't leave him an empty shell. I wanted him to continue living, knowing he did the best that he could. I wanted him to know that this was in no way his fault.

The letter to Renee and Phil was easier. Renee was never really a parental figure, so I wrote her letter more like the ones I wrote my friends. I did explain to her that the blame for my actions did not rest with Charlie, or with Edward, for that matter. I didn't want to leave Forks in a wake of destruction.

Mike and Angela both got letters. Mike had been a constant in my life since the Cullens left. He wasn't pushy or demanding, often times saying nothing, but was always there. He let me know that he was there for me any time I needed him, and all I had to do was ask. Sometimes, when I was having a particularly bad day, I didn't even have to ask. He just knew. He'd let me cry on his shoulder, or give me a ride home when I was too upset to drive. Angela was the most genuine friend I've ever had. There were never any false pretenses, no manipulation. Just friendship in its truest form. I suspect she sensed something, as she often asked if I was doing okay. I think she saw through the facade.

My final letters were for my second family, the Cullens. Alice was the most wonderful friend; she brought me out of my shell and made me want to do things beyond my comfort zone. She always knew the right things to say and do. We fell into a sisterly relationship as soon as Edward allowed her to be a part of my life. I sensed she would "see" my decision. I had hoped that they would be so far away that there would be no chance of stopping what I had resolved to do. Little did I know they would be in Forks when I decided to put an end to everything.

Edward's letter was intended to set him free. I knew that out of all of them, he would feel the most guilt. Edward had this masochistic way of harboring guilt for everything that occurred with me, no matter whose fault it was. I needed him to know it was okay for him to move on. I never believed I could hold the heart of such a magnificent creature. Edward was the most beautiful being I've ever encountered. He deserved to love a goddess, not a nobody like Bella Swan. I wanted him to find happiness.

As I sat on Edward's leather couch, I thought back over the letters, over the memorial, and of those I had left behind. I felt sorry for my family and friends. I had resolved long before my 18th birthday that I would one day be like Edward, and the only reservation I had at all was giving up my loved ones. Edward thought I was making a rash decision. In reality, it was the only thing I thought about when I was alone at night, waiting for sleep to overtake me. I knew that if I were to die, I'd leave them all behind. I also realized that one by one, they would die, and I would still lose them. Some would go, leaving me with the closure that comes with old age, or a terminal illness. Some would go suddenly with no warning at all. One by one, we would all cease to exist. Edward questioned heaven for his kind, he felt that he no longer had a soul and he was simply the walking dead. I looked at my new family. I don't think I've ever encountered more kind hearted people. They were as beautiful on the inside as their perfect outer appearance. I can't imagine how Edward could ever really think that someone loving and giving like Esme didn't have a soul. Or Carlisle. He is one of the most gentle, compassionate and selfless people I know. Edward wasn't looking at the picture clearly. I think I needed him to understand what I saw, objectively from the outside long before I was on the inside. They say heaven is a place where you see all your loved ones, where you are healed of all your earthly injuries and illnesses. Heaven is an eternity with the ones you love.

Here I sit, in the only place I ever truly felt "at home". I am surrounded by people I love, who love me in return. My earthly body, with all its self-inflicted damage was whole again. I wasn't sick, and my heart was no longer breaking. I was invincible; no one could hurt me. I will be in this new body, with these people I love for eternity. Where does Edward think Heaven is? I don't believe it's some place in the sky. I believe it's this place in my heart, and this place with my family, where we will be together until the world ceases to exist. We have differing opinions on the subject. It's a moot point now; I'm changed, Edward doesn't need to carry the burden of the guilt, because he didn't change me and there is no going back. I just hope he has enough love in his heart to last an eternity with me. Even at my very worst, I never stopped loving him. I can't imagine another day without him by my side.

All these things have brought me to this point in my life, where I'll have to explain my actions and hope that the things I have to share with Edward aren't so appalling that they push him out of my life forever.

I could hear Edward coming up from Carlisle's study. He said he'd be right up so that we could have "the talk." I had a pretty good idea where this is going to go and honesty is the only way to handle things.

He knocked lightly on the door before he opened it.

I looked up. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." He held up an envelope I recognized immediately. "Charlie gave this to Carlisle. Do you want me to read it? I assume when you wrote this that you weren't planning on being in the room with me when I read it."

"Uh, no. I mean, yeah, you can read it. But no, I didn't expect to be here for that part."

He opened the envelope and read the short note, tugging at his hair or running his long fingers through it.

"Bella, do you mean all these things? Even after everything I did to you, you don't blame me for any of the pain, upheaval, upset?"

Our conversations so far had been simple and friendly, but not at all deep. I wanted to have this discussion at the memorial service while we waited in the car, but I ended up hanging on every word spoken by my human friends and family. Edward never tried to take my attention away from the service, even though we had agreed we'd talk in the car.

"Edward, I never stopped dreaming of us. I never stopped loving you. I had to put you away in a safe place in my heart, that's true. The pain without you engulfed me so completely that I couldn't breathe without holding myself together. It just got to be too much. I couldn't exist like that anymore. Alone."

"I understand why. Bella, I sort of…heard what you said to Jasper. I didn't mean to eavesdrop." Then he proceeded down the path I had been waiting for him to approach. "I am very upset that you took your own life. Why in the world would you ever jump off a cliff? And onto the rocks, no less? What if Charlie had been the one to find you, all broken and bleeding to death the way Jasper did? That would have killed him. It nearly killed me!"

"I didn't realize that the tide was out, Edward. I was just so upset. I held all those emotions in on the ride home from Port Angeles. I had plenty of time to pull the walls up so the guys wouldn't suspect anything. Mike doesn't drive like you." I smiled. "That wasn't the first time I jumped off the cliffs at La Push."

"You tried. To kill. Yourself. BEFORE?!" He bellowed. If his face could have turned red, he'd have resembled a beet.

"No, Edward, I did it for recreation. Everyone does. The kids on the Rez don't have a skateboard park or an arcade, or anything like that, and most don't have computers or internet. None of them have flashy cars. They find what they can, and use their imaginations to have fun. I'm sure jumping from the cliffs is much like the rush of bungee jumping- without the bungee. When the tide is in and the water is calm, as long as you avoid the riptides, you're fine. It's fun. I also learned that if you run at the cliffs, and throw yourself hard enough, you can get out far enough to get into trouble. I nearly drowned once." Then I quickly added, "By accident." Then I remembered the vision. "You were there with me that day, Edward, when I got pulled under by the rip tides; I got sucked way down below the surface. At first I struggled. Then I saw your face. You were beautiful, perfect. It was as if you were right there with me. You kept telling me to fight. I realized that if I couldn't have you for real, at least you were there with me in that moment. I decided that I could just let go of the pain and it would be so easy. I wasn't consciously trying to commit suicide, it just happened, and for the first time since you left, I couldn't feel the pain. Jacob pulled me out of the water before I got too much water in my lungs."

"Let me get this straight." He was pacing and holding the bridge of his nose now. "You decided to just drown because you had a vision of me with you? Are you insane?"

"Yeah, Edward, maybe I got a bit crazy. I couldn't deal with the pain. I was devastated. Since we're being honest, I might as well tell you the whole story." I sighed.

Edward looked up questioningly. "Yes, please, from the beginning? From the time we left Forks?"

"I explained it all to Jasper." I looked up at his face. He took my hand and sat on the couch next to me, facing me.

He nodded his head, "Again, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I heard what you said; was it really that bad for you? You were supposed to get better, to forget with time."

I frowned. Would he ever understand? "Nothing about our relationship was a typical teenage romance. You know that. How could I ever forget you? You haunted me 24 hours a day. I couldn't bear to hear your name, the pain was so great. It was killing me one day at a time, losing you."

He held his head in his hands. "Do you think you could have ever moved on? What happened after we left? I saw your human body. I'm disappointed, Isabella, you said you'd take care of yourself for Charlie. You promised."

"And you promised it would be like you'd never existed. There wasn't one moment that I was able to wipe your memory from my mind. I couldn't eat without retching, I couldn't sleep for fear of the nightmares coming. I literally stopped living. I didn't recognize the girl in the mirror anymore, Edward. She was empty. No. She was dead. Walking dead. That's when I made the decision."

"The decision to take your life?" He was pacing and nearly screaming again. Note to self, don't piss off the big vampire! Aside from that first day in biology class, this was the first time he truly intimidated me.

"No, Edward, the decision to live. It's ironic; the day that I died was the day I had finally decided I wanted to live. Charlie wanted to send me to Renee. I knew this was killing him and he isn't getting any younger. I love Charlie. I got up and dressed in decent clothes, I tried to do something with my appearance. I agreed to make plans to do something with a friend, to show him I really was going to try. I didn't want to worry him anymore."

"Lauren and Jessica took me to the movies in Port Angeles. I had no idea what was playing, I hadn't seen a television or newspaper in months, I was in my own little world and didn't interact with people at school. I guess "Twilight" is all the rage at Forks High. If I'd had any idea what they planned, I would have never gone with them. Edward, they said terrible things to me. They put into words, all the doubts I ever had about our relationship. They said I wasn't good enough, I was plain, unattractive. Seeing all your faces on that movie poster, and hearing the things they said was just too much. I ran. I had to get away."

"But they didn't find your truck at the scene. How did you get to the beach, who helped you, Bella?"

I was hoping he'd understand and just let me explain without going all vampire on me again. "Mike and Eric gave me a ride to La Push from Port Angeles. I pulled myself together pretty well. In Mike Newton's defense, he really made an effort to get me out of there and back home safely. He had no idea. He thought I was going to meet Jake. I know you don't like him, but he became a fairly good friend. Mike had no idea I didn't plan on going home ever again."

"And I know the rest." I shook my head yes.

Edward looked devastated. Very quietly he commented. "You've lost weight. How much?"

"Um, last time I weighed myself, it was a little over 30 pounds. I think I was just over 80 pounds when I died. I didn't recover any of that in the change, did I? I know I must be the ugliest vampire that's ever existed."

"You are most definitely NOT an ugly vampire. Far from it, Bella. As for your shape, I don't think you recovered all of it, but in changing you filled out a bit. We become more attractive than our human self was in order to attract our prey. You have a few new curves, as well. Have you not looked in a mirror, Bella?"

I hadn't really looked, Alice had helped me after my shower, but I didn't stop to look at myself, we were in a hurry to get to the services.

"I know you were mortally wounded when they brought you here, the change hadn't really started, Bella, I wasn't sure that the venom would even help you. This is all my fault. If I hadn't left you. If I'd have left Alice watch. I wish we'd never met."

I growled. "Edward, stop it. Now. I'm tired of your self loathing. Knock it off. The past is in the past."

I took his hand again and moved in closer to his face. I could smell his breath. Even when I was unable to escape his face, or the sound of his voice, the thing that always affected me the most strongly had begun to fade. His scent. I couldn't help myself any longer. Aside from that one kiss, we had barely touched.

"Edward, do you want me to go? I need to know what you want. Jasper said you haven't changed, and all this was for my protection. You need to tell me, what is it that you want?"

In a split second, he closed the gap between us. His hands were in my hair; his lips were on my lips, my neck, trailing across my shoulder and down my arm. I could feel the corners of his lips turn up into a smile. "You have no idea how I want you to stay, Bella."

After several not so innocent kisses, Edward tugged on me. "Bella, come on, get up. Everyone thinks I'm hogging you. We need to go spend some time with the rest of them."

It had been such an incredibly long day. It had been a whirlwind of activity from the time I awoke. We made our way down to the living room to find them all assembled there. My beautiful, pale, vampire family. Everyone had hesitant smiles on their faces. This was the first time we'd all really been together since my birthday.

Esme came over and gave me a big hug again. "Oh, my beautiful new daughter, it's so good to have you with us once again. I've missed you so."

Carlisle just looked up from the medical book he was reading and smiled, nodding in agreement. Emmett just laughed and grabbed my around the waist.

"Hey, little sis, it's so good to have you back! What were you doing upstairs with Eddie, or don't I want to know?"

I hung my head, hiding my grin, and he said, "Don't worry, I was trying to make you blush. I just wanted to see if you lost that. It was one of your most endearing traits." He laughed again. Alice stood up, and came over to where I was standing; she put her arms around me and said "Bella." That one word and the way she said it conveyed all her feelings. She didn't need to say anything else to me. Jasper smiled. Rose stood in the corner, grinning, and said, "I knew eventually we'd get you back."

Alice and Jasper excused themselves to round up a few belongings they wanted to take, mostly designer clothing, I'm sure. I noticed that Alice had rented a small U-haul truck.

Carlisle set his book on the coffee table. "Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Rose packed up their most prized possessions. We are leaving for New York in the morning, before daylight. I want to be out of Washington early; I don't want to take any chances getting Bella out of here. I don't want anything to happen that will hurt Charlie. Edward, anything you wish to have access to in the next 50 years or so, you need to grab. We won't be coming back to Forks for a very long time, not until everyone who might remember us by appearance is dead and gone. I know you took nothing but your iPod when you left Forks in September. Bella, is there anything you wish to get from your home? I believe Charlie is with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black, fishing at the lake tonight."

I thought about the things I'd left behind. My mom had most of my pictures in Florida. The ones at the house were Charlie's, and I wouldn't take those away from him. I hadn't brought anything from Phoenix other than a few books and my clothing. The things that meant the most to me were a few mementos from the months at Forks High with Edward. "No, I suppose I can get a copy of Wuthering Heights in New York."

Edward snickered. "Your copy is so dilapidated, it was falling apart months ago." I just smiled. It was a beloved book; I don't know why I loved it so, but I did. "Actually, I have a copy in my nightstand." He said after a moment.

I gaped at him. "Why would you buy a copy?"

He shrugged. "I actually started to understand Heathcliff a bit. And I bought a copy because it was something that linked me to you. I can't remember how many times I've watched you read it. You were completely wrapped up in it every single time, like it was a new read for you. I wanted to actually sit and read it."

"So, Edward, did you enjoy it?"

He just shook his head. "Not really." He smiles a small smile.

I looked at Carlisle. "No Carlisle, I don't want to risk anyone being seen at the house. There's nothing there that I can't live without. Charlie is going through enough right now, and it's all my fault. I won't do anything to jeopardize his well being."

I looked at Carlisle, "He has a weak heart. Did you know that? Harry Clearwater started having heart troubles, so Charlie had a physical and we found out he has some problems. He's trying to take care of himself."

Carlisle looked puzzled. "The last time I examined Charlie, he was as healthy as a horse. It appears that our leaving and the stress that followed affected a lot of people. We left a lot of devastation in our wake."

I still felt like it was my fault that the family had to be on the move. I didn't like being the cause of upheaval for them.

"I feel terrible, making you run from your home in the middle of the night like criminals. This is the second time in less than six months that you've fled Forks because of me."

Edward shook his head forcefully. "No, Bella. You didn't make us leave the first time, it wasn't your fault. I made that decision for the family." And then more quietly he said, "Honestly, if nothing had happened, we'd be leaving soon anyway. I started at Forks High School as a 15 year old. How long do you think it'll be before someone notices that I haven't changed? We only get three or four good years in one place."

Esme spoke up. "How are you doing, sweetheart? Are you okay? I know you didn't expect this to happen like it did. We've put you through an awful lot."

I smiled, and I could feel it, not just my face, but my whole body felt it. I hadn't smiled and meant it since the night of my 18th birthday. "Esme, I'm great, it's okay. I really am happy. I'm so looking forward to my place in the family. You always made me feel like I belonged."

The conversation became lighter. Emmett and Jasper were horsing around, throwing fake punches at each other. Alice broke into a huge grin and said, "Did Edward tell you about his first job?" I was meaning to ask about that, it hadn't really come up other than the conversation I had with Jasper. I found a lot of humor in the thought of Edward working in a Hot Topic. I knew the place put the fear of God in Charlie. Edward had a good 50 years on Charlie. I could only imagine what he thought of the place.

I turned to Edward and grabbed his hand. "So tell me about Hot Topic, Edward."

He hung his head. "Well, Carlisle made me get a job, he was afraid I'd slip. I had been isolated for several months after I left you. I couldn't face my family after what I'd done, and I had no other friends, I had no place to go, so I ended up in South America hiding in an attic of an abandoned house, letting the wounds fester."

I had heard some of this from Jasper, it still made me sad to think of my beautiful vampire hiding in some dark, dirty attic because he had no place to go.

Edward continued talking. "Alice took me out job hunting for a week or so until I had proven that I wouldn't just snap and eat someone. The day I found the job I went out on my own. There was just something intriguing about Hot Topic. I had been listening to a lot of the music they sell. It just looked like a good place to watch people and see what was on their minds."

Emmett held his side and laughed a big hearty laugh. "You should tell her what was on Troy's mind."

I looked at Edward, and he appeared to be...embarrassed? "Troy is gay. Apparently since the movie came out, he's a huge 'Edward Cullen' fan. I almost died when I "heard" what was on his mind." Edward shuddered.

Alice spoke up then. "Bella, you should see the merchandise. I know it's not really us, but it's uncanny, our likenesses. Troy has an Edward Cullen fleece blanket and a pillowcase. Apparently he likes to sleep with your man."

I had to laugh at that, but then I remembered the poster. "I saw the poster in Port Angeles. They do look amazingly like us. Seeing it was too much for me. It was a reminder of all the things I could never have, it reminded me that my dreams were unobtainable."

Everyone looked sad. I wasn't trying to throw it up in their faces, I didn't want them to hurt, but they did.

Alice thankfully changed the subject. "You should see everything I bought. I got at least one of everything. When we get back to New York, I'll show you what I got. Tomorrow let's stop and buy some clothes for you, Bella. Do you want to at least get some of your clothing from Charlie's?"

"I can't wear any of those things, Alice. I had taken to wearing several layers so no one would realize how thin I had become. The things you had bought for me were skin tight when you gave them to me. Only a few of those things were snug enough to stay on. I'll wait until we get to New York. I'm not going back to the house. That's no longer my world."

"Are there any personal things you'd like to take with you? We could sneak in through your window while he's at work. I can check his future."

No, I didn't want that. "Alice, there are no 'things' in this world that have any real meaning to me. I explained to Carlisle and Esme a few minutes ago, I don't want to take anything from Charlie's house and risk getting caught or have someone see one of you there and have Charlie upset thinking someone is desecrating my memory. The most precious things to me are the seven of you. Charlie has a few pictures of my human life, but those are not mine to take. He'd be devastated if they were lost."

It was time to change the subject. I looked at everyone. "Tell me about Kristen, please. Edward, I hear you had quite a few amazing experiences while we were apart. I'd love to hear about your adventures."

He hesitated. "I didn't think you'd want to hear about any of it."

I just shook my head. "Edward, come on, you're talking to me. Of course I want to hear about it! If it weren't for her, it sounds like I might have succeeded with my suicide. I owe her my life. What was she like?"

"She was very much like you, only not clumsy. Well, not very much. I was hoping she would be, I missed that about you, Bells." Emmett said with a smirk.

"She didn't smell like you. Not at all." Edward said.

Quietly, Carlisle spoke up. 'She was sweet, quiet, reserved. A very nice girl. She spent a lot of time with me dissecting the movie and books. I still anticipate a visit from the Volturri."

I shuddered at the mere mention of the name. Edward just gave me a weak smile.

"Have you read the books? You've always had your nose in a book, Bella." Rose asked.

"I had no idea until I was at the theatre and all of you were staring me in the face."

"She took us to see the movie. I ate popcorn and drank root beer. It was awesome! It was my first time in a movie theatre!" Emmett said excitedly.

"And you puked the whole way home, idiot." Rose said again, shaking her head.

I remembered some other things Jasper had told me. "So you went on tour signing with her Edward? What was that like?"

He looked unsure of himself.

"It's okay, Edward, I want to know. You won't hurt my feelings. I think I'd like to meet her one day."

He cleared his throat. "It was hard at first, being around all those kids. They all smelled so good. But I didn't want to be a monster. The first time was the worst. A bunch of them walked up to me and said 'Bite me Edward!' I was appalled. After that night, it wasn't so bad. The signing in Manhattan was huge, they shut it down early. Kristen's co-star couldn't handle all of the attention. I hear he's rather shy. After the first signing, Kristen came to stay with us for a week. She asked me to help her keep her co-star under wraps. She was afraid he was going to have a meltdown, and not be able to continue making the movies. They were signed to appear in three of the four books. The rights to the fourth book hadn't been sold to the movie company yet. Rob went to London before Christmas, he practically shaved his head, against the orders of the company, and he just wanted to hide out and blend in at home for a few months. The movie company would have taken action against him if he decided to breach his contract. I wanted to help him out. Kristen says he's a great person. Extremely shy, and she says he's extremely humble. I don't think he realized this was going to explode like it did. I can't imagine living like that everyday. He can't even go to the toilet without being followed by a bunch of girls. I haven't met him yet."

"So you helped a complete stranger cope when he felt overwhelmed?" I asked.

"Yeah, guess so."

"The Academy Awards, Edward?"

He smirked. "Yeah, I kind of committed to doing that. It's in about a month. Third Sunday in February, I believe. She's going to call me once everything is confirmed. Rob's manager called Kristen looking for him, apparently the people at the Oscars want him to present. Kristen has set everything up. The director of the movie knows about us. She flew out to Ithaca to meet all of us. Don't worry, it's just a two day trip. I won't be gone long. You'll be okay, won't you?"

I just nodded, marveling at the fact that Edward, my Edward, was going to participate in the Academy Awards. "Do you think you'll meet anyone special? Famous people? There are so many stars I'd love to meet."

"I don't know if I want to meet anyone while I'm there. There's no one I'm particularly interested in meeting. They all seem snide, conceited, and pretty much full of themselves. So many young actors have destroyed their careers with drugs and alcohol. Hollywood isn't the grand place it once was. Hollywood actors back in my youth were more isolated, revered by their fans. They were wholesome people doing a job. Hollywood today is very scandalous." He didn't seem overly impressed. I was a bit miffed. "Kristen is very down to earth though. She hasn't been spoiled yet. I hear most of the cast is the same. I suspect I'll meet all of them at the awards. It pleases me to know we're not being portrayed by a bunch of kids with substance abuse problems. I look forward to meeting all of them."

"She's going to be a lifelong friend of the family, I suspect?" I couldn't help but ask, and I couldn't help but think I'd like to meet her one day to thank her. If it weren't for a simple twist of fate bringing her and Edward together, I'd be a rotting corpse in the Forks cemetery.

He just smiled and nodded his head slightly. He was watching his mother intently. As I looked in her direction, I noticed she was walking around with a box. She was gathering pictures and small mementos off the small tables in the living room. I stood up and decided to give her a hand. Sometimes she'd walk by something and shake her head. Once in a while, she'd go back and pick up an item she had passed up the first time. We worked silently, going down the foyer, into the dining and kitchen areas.

When we got to Carlisle's study I stepped inside. I noticed all the medical books were gone, as were the paintings from Europe. The beautiful mahogany desk was no longer in the room.

"He put them in the car earlier, dear. The desk is in Alice's moving truck." The other books, the priceless classics were still there. "He decided he couldn't justify taking them all for himself, as we all have things we want to bring along and space is limited. Since you're not taking anything from home…"

Carlisle interrupted her, clearing his throat from the door. "Since you're not taking anything from home and Edward's car has plenty of room left in it, I'd love for you to take anything you choose, dear. Many are first editions, and are quite valuable, but I need to be fair to Esme and leave room for things that have special meaning to her in my car."

I stood, mouth open, shocked that anyone would offer me such a gift. "Carlisle, I can't possibly take your books." I remember the first time in his library, the day I met the family, ghosting my fingers over the spines of these incredible works, knowing they were a priceless collection. A greater collection of classics than I'd ever seen in any public library.

"Bella, really, whatever is left on the shelves when you are done will go to the basement. I've stored them there before, and as you can see, they fared quite well, however I know you love to read, and many of them have never been read more than once. I bought the first editions as they were written."

It never occurred to me, most people with collections such as this went to famous auction houses and spent, sometimes, millions of dollars on rare pieces in this condition. For a human to go out and buy each of these books as they were written was something that I knew didn't happen, they rarely became this valuable in a human lifetime.

"Carlisle, I don't know where to start. There are so many wonderful volumes here."

I heard Edward laughing from downstairs someplace as he hollered up, "But no Wuthering Heights!"

Carlisle smiled and leaned in whispering, "He's read it several times since we've been gone."

And from the living room, "I heard that."

Carlisle looked thoughtful, "Bella, I'll make it easier for you to decide, choose a handful of books that really want to read, ones you haven't read yet, or can't live without. I know what we'll do with the rest of them." I chose six books and carried them to the trunk of the Volvo in a heavy cardboard box.

When I came back inside I passed Carlisle in the foyer; he was humming a tune I didn't recognize. He began bringing crates similar to the ones in the trunk of his car that contained the medical volumes safely packed in them. In these crates were the books I had passed over.

I found Esme in her room to room quest for treasures. I just shook my head. "Esme, I wish you didn't have to do this for me." I had felt the same sadness watching Edward pack up his music collection. The complex stereo and the boxes of music were safely tucked inside of the Volvo. I heard Emmett, Jasper, Edward and Carlisle talking on the third floor.

Esme answered my unspoken question. "They are taking the furniture down to the basement. The storage vault seals up to protect everything. It's not that we can't replace it, but we come to love our things. Those we can't take with us, we'll store until the next time we come back. Then we'll buy what we don't use out of storage." She smiled at me, put a finger to her lips, and showed me a receipt for a moving company that specialized in pianos. The baby grand was coming to New York! "Carlisle and I are leaving an hour or so after you kids go. We have a few private matters to attend to before we leave." She was smiling broadly. I understood completely the need to have the piano. It was an extension of Edward, and it would be a shame for it to sit in a basement for the next 50 years.

"Edward covered it until someone can come and dismantle it and move it to the basement vault for us. It will be a few weeks until they can get to it. Tanya and Kate will come down to ensure everything is handled properly since we won't be here." She winked at me, confirming that this was a blatant lie simply for the benefit of Edward's surprise.

When I went to Edward's room, it was empty. There were a few things sitting about, but nothing of consequence. Walking through the Cullen mansion, each room looked the same. I had never been to the basement, but knowing the grand scale in which they did things, I imagined nothing short of a bomb shelter down there. I didn't want to think about it.

I decided to go outside and just sit to clear my head. I still felt like they were making a huge sacrifice because of me. As I passed the music room, I noticed the crates of books from the library were now sitting near the piano. The piano had been all closed up and was covered with a huge sheet. Carlisle gave me a big grin as he passed me in the hallway. Apparently my indecision over the books had given Carlisle the incentive for his first grand gesture on my behalf. I knew what he was doing with the books. I imagine they'll be arriving with the baby grand in a few days. I just shook my head. I was beginning to realize that there was no winning when one of the Cullens had their mind set on something.

As I headed onto the porch, Esme hugged me and said, "You'll find it can be a very boring life after a while, Bella. He simply doesn't want you to become bored and he knows you love to read. He was trying to justify a reason for taking them anyway, but couldn't. He loves them so. But, he loves you more; by doing it for you, he could easily justify it. The house in Ithaca has an incredible library. You'll love it. It has plenty of room for more books." She gave me another squeeze and headed to the Mercedes with her last box.

Edward found me on the porch. It wasn't light yet, but I could hear the world around me coming to life. The birds were singing, a breeze was blowing. I was very much looking forward to the nearly 3000 miles on the road with Edward. With no need for food, or bathroom breaks, the only reason we had to stop was for refueling. We'd be in the car for nearly two days alone, and I figured that'll give us plenty of time to talk. I knew we'd be leaving soon. I was born here, in Forks, spent 2 weeks out of thirteen summers here with Charlie, but the last year or two was what made it my home. I was going to miss it here. The dense undergrowth, the lush forests. Charlie. I thought I loved the sun and Phoenix, until I grew to love Forks. I never imagined I'd be lamenting over leaving here.

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