Now firmly planted in Lister's dreamscape, the others followed him out of the flat and down to the car that was waiting for them below.
As they proceeded to climb aboard, Rimmer took a moment to admire the place. "You know, now that I'm actually looking at it properly, this isn't actually a bad place you've dreamed up, Listy. I wouldn't mind living in a place like this. How far is the nearest service station?"
"Oh, get in the car, smeghead!" Lister snapped, crawling into the passenger side seat, while Cat retook the driver's side.
Rimmer sighed and joined Kochanski and Kryten in the back, squeezing between them.
"Buckle up, everyone!" Kryten said urgently.
Quickly, everyone put on their safety belts.
"Everyone been to the restroom?" the mechanoid continued.
Everyone looked at him, confused.
"Er, yeah, man, we're fine," Lister said, slightly disturbed.
"Good, good… Well then, shall we sing a song?"
Cat hissed with frustration. "Ohh, forget this," he growled. He started the car up, and it proceeded out of the car park, and not a moment to soon.
From behind them, there was a rumble, followed by the sound of pavement breaking apart, and they saw in the rearview mirror that the whole place had been obliterated some sort of large green plant that was twisting and turning its way around the entire complex.
Various other cars were still driving past them on the opposite lane, honking indignantly at the Cat's sporadic driving style.
And all the while, windows in buildings were bursting open randomly, sending glass, papers and various other objects flying through the air over them. A manhole in the street hissed with steam before it too went hurtling into the air, a fountain of water underneath it, towering high into the sky.
And then, the weirdest thing happened.
They rounded a corner, and they found themselves face-to-face with rush hour.
Cat slammed on the brakes, and they all jerked forwards as they came to a halt just two inches behind the car in front of them. They looked around, and they saw that there were several cars surrounding them now.
"What the hell is going on now?" Kochanski demanded.
"Where did all these cars suddenly spring from?" Rimmer asked incredulously.
Lister checked his wristwatch. "Ohh," he moaned. "It's five o'clock. Must be chuckin' out time."
"You mean we're stuck in traffic?" Cat asked, confused.
"Yeah, it looks like it."
Rimmer stared at him. "You mean to tell me we're on the run from some psychotic psychotropically-induced virus, and we're stuck in a traffic jam?" he demanded furiously.
"The road's blocked, smeghead! What can we do?" Lister shot back.
Kochanski sighed and gripped his shoulder from behind. "Dave, this is your fantasy," she reminded him gently.
Lister blinked, and then his eyes widened. "Oh…"
"And you're betrothed to this idiot?" Rimmer sighed.
Kochanski shrugged. "I like it rough. What can I say?"
Ignoring the cheap shot, Lister concentrated on altering their surroundings.
Cat noticed the numbers on the car's digital clock suddenly go speeding by in a frenzy, and they all took note of the sun suddenly booking it towards the horizon, cooling the air and plunging them into darkness, and in rapid succession, the cars around them went flashing past, followed by the streetlights all lighting up.
After a few moments, they were alone in the street. Everything around them was still twisted and deformed, but now it was nighttime, throwing a disturbing angle on everything.
Lister looked around. He checked his watch. "Okay, it's ten-thirty. Traffic's gone. Let's vamoose."
Rimmer took in the town, staring at the twisted buildings and the huge plant thing looming in the background. "Nice idea, Listy. Making good old-fashioned nightmare fuel."
"Beggars can't be choosers, sir," Kryten said, trying to focus on looking at the back of Cat's head instead of how creepy everything was looking.
Lister shrugged. "Car chases are always more exciting at night. Don't you ever watch the films? Come on, Cat – let's leg it."
Cat pressed down on the gas, and the car peeled away from the spot, and everything started up again. "Right, let's cruise!" he proclaimed.
"Where are we going?" Kochanski asked.
"We've gotta find Curo," Lister replied. "He can help us. I need to know how to get out of here."
"Oh, are we?" Cat asked uncertainly. "Then this is probably a good time to say that I have no idea where he is."
"He'll be at his office."
"And his office is…where, exactly?"
Lister thought for a moment, and then he grinned. He held up his watch and pressed the stud, aiming it at the digital screen in the middle of the car.
Holly appeared on the screen. "Alright, dudes?"
"Hol, can you tell us how to get to Curo's?"
"Ooh, I get to play GPS. How fun," the computer sighed. "Right then. Cat – turn left at the next intersection."
"On it!" Cat replied, and upon arriving at the next intersection, he flung the wheel to the right, and everyone slid to the left as the tires squealed, making the turn just as the road behind them began to crack and crumble, spilling away into the sewers below.
They followed Holly's directions as close as they could. But as they were driving along a straight stretch of road, they noticed the buildings on either side of them were growing and stretching over their heads, curving over them and intertwining into each other, creating a tunnel around them made of drycleaners, apartments, garages and sex shops.
The Cat's reflexes were nothing if not admirable. Every time the virus chucked something at them, he managed to wrench the wheel in another direction just in time for them to avoid it.
"Smegging hell," Lister gasped, gripping his armrest.
"Sirs, I think I may need to evacuate my abdominal cavity in a moment," Kryten said, sounding almost woozy.
"Ohh, I am not going to have a mechanoid blow chunks all over me," Rimmer moaned.
"I second that," Kochanski added, closing her eyes with annoyance.
Cat ignored them and reacted to a sewer pipe that erupted from the ground, peeling up like that weird spaghetti thing that you'd peel off the side off a banana, tearing the road up with it. The feline wrenched the wheel around, putting the car into a one hundred and eighty degree corkscrew spin, and they all held on as they went spinning like a top across the pavement, until after a few seconds, they straightened out and somehow managed to keep going.
Even Holly was dizzy. "I wonder how many miles you took off tires just now," she moaned, spinning around on her screen. "Oh yeah – and turn left at the next intersection."
"Check," Cat replied, and he slammed the pedal again, pressing everyone into their seats in the process. They swung to the left, and they tore up the road, finally leaving the tunnel.
But then the buildings on this street began to lower and vanish somewhere beneath the road, making it look like they were on a bridge.
Before anyone could voice their concerns, the road itself seemed to twist around into some sort of spiral, as if they were on a roller coaster.
"What the hell…?" Lister breathed.
Rimmer raised his hand. "Why'd we need to come here again?" he asked nervously.
But Cat grinned at the challenge, and he sped up even more.
The car went so fast that it was actually able to hang onto the twisting road, peeling along like a toy going down a drain.
The group held on tight, closing their eyes.
Holly decided she wanted to play radio as well, so she started singing, "…Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, never ending or beginning, on an ever spinning wheel…"
No one had the strength to tell her to shut up.
Finally, the road straightened out again, and Cat began to slow down.
"Hooo!" he cheered. "I wanna go again!"
"No chance in hell!" Lister shrieked. "Holly, how much further?"
"Nearly there. Just turn left at the upcoming corner," the reply came.
They all looked up the road at the upcoming corner. There was some sort of huge monster there, standing in the yellow glow of the streetlight it was standing other on its goat legs, with flames in its eyes, scaly reptilian body, horns in its head, a ring in its nose, and its thumb sticking out.
Lister swallowed. "Left at the corner – gotchya."
The creature growled at the car as it came closer. It bared its long ugly teeth, all yellow and twisted around each other like vines.
"Maybe we could go on to the next corner and go around the back," Cat suggested.
"There is no next corner," Holly replied. "You're going to have to go for it."
Lister nodded at the Cat. "Go for it, man."
Reluctantly, the Cat nodded back and slammed the gas, and they charged towards the corner, with the creature growling at them, waiting for them to approach. It held out its arms, extending its huge claws.
Rimmer bit his tongue to hold back his terrified shriek.
The corner was coming closer.
The creature loomed over them.
And just as they slowed at the corner, it jumped at them.
Everyone let out a yell of horror as it came towards them, its teeth glistening in the streetlights.
But then, a most peculiar event took place.
The creature seemed to be slowing down. As it flew through the air, it began to slow down, grinding to a halt in mid-air. Its terrifying expression was frozen on its face, glaring at them with an intensity that most stage actors could only aspire to.
Everyone stared at it, stunned into temporary silence.
Finally, Rimmer found his voice. "…I think I can see its tonsils."
"How'd that happen?" Kochanski asked.
Everyone looked at Lister, who blinked before he realized the truth, and he smiled. "I think I'm getting the hand of this time manipulation lark," he said at last.
Kryten cleared his throat. "Er, suggest we drive on, sir," he suggested.
"Check," Cat agreed, gently pressing down on the gas, and they slowly drove out of the creature's line of attack.
And as soon as they were around the corner, the creature started moving again, and it continued to sail through the spot where the car had once been, and it collided with the side of a building, smashing through the brick wall and vanishing in a cloud of dust.
"Nice," Cat grinned, watching it in the rearview mirror.
"How much further?" Lister sighed.
But there was no need to ask. The familiar building loomed in the distance, and soon they were pulling up to it. Cat slowed to a halt, and, after making sure he turned on his turn signal and making sure no one else was coming, he pulled into the car park, coming to a gentle stop, and putting the car in park.
"You have now reached your destination," Holly announced.
Satisfied, the crew unbuckled, and they all scrambled out of the car.
"Come on, let's get inside," Lister ordered, leading the way to the doors.
They were just about to enter, but then they heard the sound of loud footsteps coming from the darkness of the city behind them, which now that they looked at it from the outside, looked twisted and contorted.
"What the hell is that?" Kochanski asked, shouting to be heard.
"I do believe it to be the virus's avatar, ma'am," Kryten replied.
"Lani," Lister corrected. "Come on, let's get to Curo."
He flung the glass door open, and the others scurried in after him.
Through the mist and out of the darkness, Lani the waitress walked calmly out of the city and into the car park, watching them disappear into the building. Her eyes glowed mint-green in the dark.
And her face contorted into a twisted sneer. "Humans…," she growled, her voice laced with electronic feedback.