Caught between guilt at the idea of Puck coming back to the city and a nagging fear of nightmares, Sabrina couldn't sleep. Hours into the night she'd managed to drift off, just to frighten herself awake around dawn. Then her brain had kicked into overdrive, and she'd struggled to get her mind to stop going a mile a minute. It didn't help that she was currently sharing a bed with Basil—after she'd been declared healed, the family had rearranged themselves around the house in an attempt to get everyone in a bed. Daphne and Red were in Granny's room with her, Veronica and Henry had been given Red's room, and Uncle Jake was somewhere in Puck's woods.
Basil slept facedown with his arms and legs splayed, like he was skydiving, which made it difficult for Sabrina to get comfortable in the first place. But she could have had all the room in the world, and it wouldn't have made a difference as to what was going on inside her head. In her dream, Puck had returned and was ruling Faerie. At first, everything had been fine, but as the dream had gone on, he'd become miserable and angry, until he'd taken off a mask and she'd discovered he had been Ariel all along. It was the kind of dream that was so vivid that she'd fruitlessly wished she was dreaming while she was having it.
At first she'd written it off as one of her standard nightmares, an irrational byproduct of her insane life. But then she'd pictured Tobias, watching Puck in the graveyard, and then she saw Ariel the way he had been on the rooftop—alive and glaring and full of hate.
Maybe because it was late and the rational part of her brain was shut off, but Sabrina's mind was putting together pieces. Pieces to a puzzle she wasn't sure she wanted to see finished.
Puck would never be like Ariel, Sabrina was sure. But she also knew that coming back to New York right now wouldn't make him happy. Being King was a big job, and one that went on forever, as far as Sabrina knew. It was hard for her to picture forever, having only been around for eighteen years, but after going to Faerie it was clear regardless why he'd been putting off coming home. With a sigh, Sabrina flipped her pillow over to the cold side, moved Basil's arm, and flopped down. It seemed like a Catch-22. He couldn't come home without being forced to be king. She couldn't have him if he didn't come home. It would be too hard to be together otherwise, what with the casual way he and Jake jumped around the planet.
Maybe he had changed his mind and he really did want to be King. That's possible, said the desperate part of her who wanted more than anything for him to stay.
Or maybe he would come back and discover that being tethered to a kingdom made him miserable. More likely, replied the nasty voice in the back of her mind that was never helpful.
Plus, Mustardseed had skipped several years of his life to age quickly. Would Titania make Puck do that when he came home? The idea of Puck being a different age than her made her feel queasy.
Doubt weaseled into Sabrina's brain. There was no way that he had thought this through.
Should she say something? She didn't want him to leave! But she also really didn't want to be the reason he returned to rule a kingdom before he was ready.
At least she had the day to figure it out. Cursing under her breath, Sabrina gave up on sleep for the time being, rolled out of bed, and padded to the bathroom. Easing the door closed behind her, she moved to stand at the sink. She stared at herself in the mirror for a while, searching for evidence of the battles she'd fought. Her eyes looked huge and dark, her skin as thin and unscarred as blank paper. Uncle Jake's creams and the Faerie medics had done a stellar job on her. Feeling oddly like she was floating outside her body, she traced the plane of her cheekbone with her finger, half wishing for some sign of her old injuries so that the past week felt less surreal.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, Sabrina opened the door and walked right into Daphne. Both sisters let out identical, muffled squeaks of alarm and backed up.
Daphne rubbed her eyes. "What are you doing up?"
"Uh, what do you think?" Sabrina snapped, stepping aside to let her by. But Daphne didn't move, and the bleariness in her eyes was quickly being replaced by coherence. She scrunched her eyebrows.
"What's wrong, 'Brina," Daphne asked. And her voice was not the bubbly voice that Sabrina was accustomed to, but soft and calculated, as if she already knew.
Sabrina crossed her arms and straightened, trying to warn Daphne to drop it. "Nothing."
"What…" Daphne began, and then seemed to steel herself. "What's going on with you and Puck?"
"Um," Sabrina said, willing her brain to work. If they hadn't been standing in the bathroom door at seven in the morning, if she hadn't been as tired, or if she hadn't been so worried about what to do about Puck, she would have been able to think of something clever to say. Instead she squeezed her eyes shut for a long moment as if that could make her sister go away.
"Moth told me you were together. I didn't believe it, obviously, but then I saw him kiss you on Christmas, during the snowball fight," Daphne supplied helpfully.
Sabrina pinched the bridge of her nose, wishing she could stop the heat from rushing to her cheeks, and let out a breath. "Would you keep your voice down."
"So it is true!"
"Daphne!"
"Sorry," she whispered, but her eyes were shining. "Does this mean you're together?"
"What? No," Sabrina hissed, crossing her arms and squeezing her elbows hard.
Pressing her lips together, Daphne replied, "I guess that makes sense, since they're leaving again in a few hours."
It took Sabrina a minute to process Daphne's words. "Wait, they're leaving today?"
"You didn't know?" Daphne's eyes widened. "I heard Uncle Jake telling Granny before I went to bed. Something about the pyramids in Egypt and warlocks?"
All of the air went out of Sabrina's lungs. There was a funny taste in her mouth. "I knew that," Sabrina whispered. "But he said tomorrow."
"What does that mean for you?" Daphne asked in a low voice, undaunted by the way Sabrina was scowling at a warped spot in the door frame about six inches above her head.
"Nothing," Sabrina replied, suddenly sick with nerves. "I'm going to back bed. Goodnight, Daph."
"Sabrina," her sister replied, grabbing her arm as Sabrina went to leave. "It's going to be okay. You'll figure it out."
Her eyes were wide and earnest. Sabrina forced herself to breathe. "Thanks, Daph."
And she pushed off the wall and strode toward her room, her mind racing. Distantly, she heard the door close behind her sister, and before her brain could catch up with her feet she had redirected herself toward Puck's room.
She knew she should probably stop and collect her thoughts, but in this moment Sabrina was sure that nothing had ever been as urgent as getting to him. She barged into Puck's room without knocking and looked around. There was the pit in the ground where the pond had been, there was the forest, clean and bright in the raw light of morning, and there was Puck, emerging from a stand of trees, carrying a bundle of clothes.
"Hi," he said, confusion written across his features. He checked his ugly watch. "What's going on?"
Sabrina took a deep breath and replied, "Is Uncle Jake here?"
Puck shook his head.
"I just came to ask if you still plan on staying in New York," Sabrina explained, the words rolling around in her mouth like marbles. "Daphne told me your departure time got moved up a day."
The waterfall roared in the distance. Puck's eyes were wide. "I was planning on staying, but I haven't told Jake yet. Why?"
"I was thinking. Have you thought about what you're doing? Are you ready to really come back and be King?" she asked, hearing her voice as if it was coming from somewhere very far away. It was easier to distance herself from what she was saying, to not think about the meaning behind her words.
Puck paused and thought. Sabrina waited on tenterhooks for him to respond. When he spoke, doubt flowered in his tone. "I could be ready."
Now Sabrina was fighting to keep a tremor out of her voice. "Let's say nothing happened between us on this trip, Puck, and your mother confronted you about staying. What would you say?"
The waterfall roared louder, or perhaps that was her own blood in her ears.
Puck blinked, and then replied defensively, "I don't know. I hadn't thought about it."
"You'd say no, wouldn't you?"
And something about the urgency in her tone made him relent.
"I'd say no."
Sabrina let out all of the air that she'd been holding in. She felt like a balloon that had been popped.
"But that's not the situation," Puck protested, not getting it. "So what does it matter?"
"It matters," she replied, knotting her fingers together. Her heart was hammering so hard that she felt like she was about to vomit, which made it hard to speak. "I just—Puck, I think you need to go to Egypt."
Puck jerked back like she'd slapped him. "Why?"
She saw the hurt and indignation and reached out, grabbing his hand. "It's not like that. Of course I want you to come back to New York. But you shouldn't."
"Why?"
Because I'm afraid I'll do to you what Victoria Fairchild somehow did to Ariel. Or you'll do it to me. She tried to form the words, but she couldn't say it. Not out loud.
She didn't have to. He read it, she watched him read it. And he pulled his hand back, stung, and strode off into the copse of trees from which he'd emerged.
"Puck!" Sabrina cried, and ran after him. The part of her brain that was panicking the most realized suddenly that there were no chimps around.
He whirled, eyes blazing. "I'm not Ariel!"
"I never said you were! Would you just let me explain!"
They'd reached the trampoline. Puck leaned against it and crossed his arms, his face twisted in a scowl.
"Ariel wasted his last years with Victoria traveling. He tried so hard to save her that he lost sight of what he wanted and what he was doing. We're only eighteen, and I don't want us to lose sight of what we want. You want to travel, and I have to finish school. You might want to come back to Faerie in this moment, but how are you going to feel in a few weeks? Happy? Or miserable, in meetings all day? This isn't the Dark Ages, Puck, no one would put someone our age in a position of power like that," she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth like they'd been pushed. She knew there was no reason for her to be yelling, and yet she couldn't seem to lower her voice.
Puck's frown deepened and he looked like he was about to argue with her, so Sabrina continued with the thing that had been making her feel the most awful.
"And I couldn't do that to you. Puck, I took away your childhood. I'm not taking away the rest of your youth as well."
Silence fell between them, not the comfortable silence that Sabrina had grown accustomed to, but a kind that was prickly and tense.
"You didn't take away my childhood," Puck replied after a long minute of processing Sabrina's words. He set the clothes down on the trampoline behind him.
"In a way, I did," Sabrina said, feeling a lump form in her throat. "You remember the Pegasi? Don't you remember how angry you were back then?"
"I'm not angry about that anymore," Puck replied, still not getting it.
"But you were. And I can't do that to you again. I know you don't want to grow up yet but if you come home now, Titania will make you. Just like Mustardseed."
Puck looked past her, clearly seeing something that wasn't there, the corners of his mouth tilted down.
"No one would put someone our age in charge?" he asked distantly.
Sabrina shook her head violently. "Most people our age are in school for at least four more years. Or they're working entry level jobs. Our brains don't even finish developing until we're twenty-five."
Once the scientific fact came out of her mouth, she realized she was rambling and pressed her lips together.
There was something like relief in Puck's face. As soon as Sabrina noticed it, her heart sank. She was the one pushing for this, but that didn't mean it made her happy.
His eyes slid to hers, questioning.
"I really, really want you to come back," Sabrina said softly, not trusting herself to speak louder. "But it's not the right time and I don't want to be the reason you come home before you're ready. And what's a few years in exchange for eternity?"
Some of the conflict melted off of his face, and his eyes sharpened. "Eternity?"
Sabrina cringed. She hadn't meant it like that. And she didn't want to freak him out. But as she scrambled for the words to clarify what she meant, he reached out and pulled her into him.
This time she knew why he was kissing her so desperately, why he crushed her against him like he was afraid she'd slip away anyways.
He was going to leave. Going to go to Egypt. For the first time since she'd heard, Sabrina felt hot tears prick her eyes. She'd been concentrating so hard on how to explain her thoughts that she hadn't let herself feel anything. She was glad that the way he was leaning against the trampoline meant he was supporting most of her body weight, because she wasn't sure her legs would work if she needed them to.
And then he was breaking away, words tumbling out in a rushed, hoarse whisper. "So I guess this is it."
They were still pressed together and Sabrina thought that if she never pulled away, then maybe she'd never have to let him go. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt her heart shatter into a million pieces, just like she'd told herself it wouldn't. "I guess so."
Mouth slightly open, he pulled his head back and looked at her, her uncertainty mirrored in his eyes.
Far away, the door opened. The pieces of Sabrina's heart sank.
"Puck!" Uncle Jake hollered, sending a flock of birds twittering out of a tree. Frozen, Puck and Sabrina stared at each other, and then, as Uncle Jake tromped towards them, pulled apart.
He emerged from the trees dressed in his long overcoat and wearing a smile brighter than the sun itself. When he saw Sabrina, he did a double take.
"Good morning, 'Brina! Why are you up so early?"
"Couldn't sleep. Came to say goodbye," Sabrina replied faster than she should have. She tried to force herself to sound nonchalant instead of miserable. It didn't really work.
Luckily, Uncle Jake was too caught up in his own thoughts and plans to notice. He slid the bottomless knapsack off his back. "Well, I'm glad you're here, because I wanted to give you this."
Too upset to ask why, Sabrina stuck out her hand and accepted it. Completely oblivious to the tension between Puck and Sabrina, Uncle Jake continued, "Kladenets is in there. There's a higher chance of it getting stolen if we take it to Egypt, so I'm deputizing you and Daphne. Find a safe place for it."
"We will," Sabrina said, her mouth dry. Just to have something to do, she slid it onto her back and then stood there, staring at her uncle, wishing he would go away. It was hard to believe that he was here for her last few moments with Puck.
"You packed?" Uncle Jake asked Puck. He nodded. "Let's go say goodbye to everyone."
Sabrina barely registered the tight hug he gave her, and then the next few minutes seemed to blur together as Puck gave her a brief, awkward hug in front of her uncle, hanging on just a moment longer than normal, and then they left the room so that the pair could say goodbye to everyone else.
It was too painful for her to wait around in the house. Sabrina slipped out the back door and jogged toward the woods. Once she was under relative cover of the naked branches, Sabrina let the tears that had been making her throat ache run silently down her cheeks. She tried to remind herself that in a few days she would feel relief that she'd done the right thing, even though right now she wanted to go inside and take it back.
"This sucks," Sabrina said out loud, just to hear her own voice.
At least the guilt was gone. And it wouldn't be forever. She repeated that to herself as she walked, wandering numbly through the trees with no real goal in mind other than to get away, wiping her nose on her sleeve. She wished she had a tissue. Her heartbeat slowed down to normal as she walked.
"Sabrina," said a familiar voice that Sabrina couldn't place.
Sabrina bit down on her lip to stop a scream from escaping and whirled around, raising her fists in preparation.
The Valkyrie was standing behind her, a small smile on her face. There was a soft silver glow that emanated from her, so dim that Sabrina hadn't noticed it before. It reflected off the snow at her feet, making it gleam.
Sabrina felt the tension go out of her back. She relaxed her fists, but remained on alert. This mysterious girl had helped her multiple times, but Sabrina didn't understand why.
"Hi, Maria," she replied, running the back of her hand across her eyes hastily. "I'm glad you're here, I never got a chance to thank you for helping me so many times."
Maria took a step forward, causing the shadows around them to shift slightly. "No need to thank me. We do these things voluntarily. But, I have to admit that I was interested in something other than you on your quest. I do have a favor to ask of you."
Sabrina forgot how to breathe. Everafter favors were volatile, usually two-sided, and Maria's expression was unreadable. But how could she say no, after Maria had basically saved her life?
"What is it?"
"The sword, Kladenets. It belongs in the Hall of Valkyrie. I'm asking for it back."
The Valkyrie's eyes drifted to Sabrina's shoulder and the pack she wore. In her hurry to get away, Sabrina had forgotten she was carrying it.
"Oh," Sabrina said, although the sound was less than relaxed. Based on the intensity of Maria's gaze, Sabrina figured there was no use in pretending she didn't have it. "Um, how did you know where it was?"
"As Valkyries, we can always sense our creations. The sword of Kladenets was stolen from the Hall of Valkyrie hundreds of years ago, during a great war, and hidden in the Lost Cave. We are not allowed to walk the earth for long periods at a time, making it impossible for us to open the cave, and we have always longed for its return."
She pressed her lips together and forced a smile. Sabrina wondered if this was the first time Maria had attempted to smile, and if she knew that it made her look like she was about to lunge forward in attack.
"So that's why you helped me," Sabrina said, sinking into misery again. "You were using me to get your weapon back."
The Valkyrie shrugged one shoulder. "Yes and no. I meant what I said in the bar, Sabrina Grimm. You fight well and deserve to be helped. You're more selfless than most Everafters I've known. None of them would have had the courage to do what you just did, to let go of the fairy boy."
Sabrina's stomach clenched. Desperate to ask someone this question, she blurted out, "Do you think I did the right thing?"
A frigid wind swept through the woods, knocking a dusting of snow down on them. Sabrina shook off the powder.
"My people are a people of war, not peace or love. Humans and Faeries are an odd mixture of both. I do not know much of love, but I suppose time will tell," Maria said, her olive-green eyes unreadable. She ignored the snow that blended in with her hair. "It was a warrior's choice."
Without taking her eyes off Maria, Sabrina slid the knapsack off her back. It occurred to her that maybe Kladenets had been taken from the Valkyries for a reason, but she reached into the bag and groped around anyway.
Six years ago, Sabrina would not have given Maria the benefit of the doubt. She would have run off with the sword and hid it in a place that only she could find it. But that Sabrina was long gone. Now, she found the sword and pulled it out. Better to Maria than to anyone she knew, anyways. If it turned out the Valkyries were misusing it, Sabrina figured that she and her family could just steal it back.
"Will I ever see you again?" she asked, holding the sword out to Maria.
"I'll be around. I'll know if you need me," Maria replied. She took Kladenets by the hilt and held it with a tenderness that was at odds with both its brutal actions and her heritage. A radiant smile spread across her face, lighting up her features. The odd glow that surrounded her brightened.
"Wait!" Sabrina said, sensing she was about to leave. The glow dimmed slightly, which Sabrina took as a sign to speak. "What was happening to me when I was asleep? Why couldn't I wake up without you?"
Maria's eyes flashed. "Sycorax may have thrown the bones to hurt Puck, but Moth and Ariel didn't forget about you. You had some of Sycorax's poison in you as well as Puck did, although not enough for the Faerie medics to take notice of it. That's why you weren't waking, even though your sleep was so disrupted. The poison is gone now, although I don't know if your nightmares will ever fade."
"They've been bad for years," Sabrina said, dread filling her stomach at the idea of an eternity of nightmares.
The Valkyrie nodded sympathetically. "I know."
"Thank you for waking me up," Sabrina said, and meant it with every fiber of her being.
"Thank you, Sabrina," she said, and with a flash of light, left Sabrina to blink the spots out of her eyes alone.
A little dizzy and overwhelmed from the morning's events, Sabrina sat down hard on a rock. It wasn't even breakfast time, and yet she'd managed to break her own heart, break someone else's, converse with a Valkyrie, and find a good resting place for Kladenets.
Sabrina dropped her head into her hands. She felt like a different person than she had been a week and a half ago. She'd caged a Yeti, survived the Nightingale's whistle, been appointed fake Queen of Faerie, and battled ancient fairies on the roof of their kingdom, prepared to die as one of them. It would be strange to return to the human world and carry on at school, with a new knowledge of the world of Everafter, and without Puck.
At least Moth was in prison. Sabrina hoped against hope that she'd made the right call in sparing her life. She wished that she'd never had to watch her kill Ariel, wished she'd never see the grotesque X on Puck's chest.
It had been a whirlwind of adventure and Sabrina was exhausted. She knew that although everything was calming down for the time being, the rooftop wouldn't be her last battle ground, and Kladenets wouldn't be the last magical object she fought for. This was her life now, whether she liked it or not, and as far as she was concerned, it wasn't ending anytime soon.
Sabrina listened to the trees breathe in the wind and tried to feel prepared to face whatever eternity threw at her. Surely it couldn't feel worse than today did.
When the sun had risen much higher in the sky, Sabrina found the energy to get to her feet and walk home. She went straight to her room, where she sat down in front of her journal and tore out the pages she'd written the day before.
And when she started at the beginning again and wrote down her latest adventure, she didn't leave a single detail out.
A/N: Last chapter! Since this is it (aside from the Epilogue), please leave a review and let me know what you thought of the ending/the story in general if you have the time!
Guest reviews:
Guest (7/21/17): Thank you! I'm glad you liked it and I'm glad the emotion came across!
Lilly: Thank you so much, that really means a lot! I hope you like this last chapter!