AN: Reference made to Season Six's episode twelve, Corazon.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, Dr. Who, the Space channel, Gnomeo and Juliet, Harry Potter or Red Riding Hood. Catherine Jareau along with any other characters that you do not recognize belong to me.

Chapter 12: Happy Birthday to Me

Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had,

and what you've learned from them,

and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

Tuesday June 21st, 2011

Today is my twenty-first birthday. This is supposed to be my champagne year, a lucky year because I am turning twenty-one on the twenty-first. Wishes are supposed to come true and all that, but the only wish I have is for Emily to come home and that isn't going to happen today. I still have to wait another forty-seven days for Emmy to come home. I have to wait, but I can do that. I have already waited one hundred days; I can wait a little while longer for my family to be put back together.

According to Dave, the team arrived back late last night. Normally conferences are a Thursday-Friday thing, or sometimes a full week but this time they traveled there on Thursday and were gone all weekend. I probably should have asked what the conference was about, but I doubt they would have told me. Ever since Emily died, left, or whatever you want to call it, the team has blocked or sheltered me from cases even more than the summer I spent with Jenny when I was thirteen turning fourteen.

It's almost like they don't trust me. Which I know isn't exactly right. It's like I am some scared kid or victim whom they need to protect. I don't need to be protected by anyone. I'm getting by just fine on my own. I mean, I suppose I get it, what my family is trying to do; it's the whole idea of 'protect the innocent.' Even if I'm not innocent, I'm still their baby sister. I get it, but I don't have to like it.

Logically, I know that they trust me. Even though I'm no longer authorized to walk around Quantico, I'm still allowed to visit with them outside or in their homes. I've also been asked to babysit Jack and Henry a few times, but as a family, we are not as close as we once were. Emily's death changed everything. For a time, everyone was broken, but some of us are putting ourselves back together better and faster than others. I have to believe that everything will be all right when Emily comes back in forty-seven days.

When they first started protecting me, I was thirteen and thought it was kind of sweet. Jenny had been taking care of me my entire life so being protected by her team, her family, which was now mine, was a novel idea. Just like homework was back when I was in kindergarten. That first case Jenny was away that summer I spent with her in 2004 went horribly. Not just for the team, but for me as well. Jenny wasn't comfortable leaving me home alone so I stayed with Penelope. I had to go to the BAU with her every day. I remember being terrified because Jenny wasn't around. I couldn't even hide in Jen's office all day because I wasn't supposed to wander around the building. I spent my time in Penelope's office, at a little desk in the far corner, with my back to the wall, where I could easily see the door but not the screens.

I spent a lot of time on Jenny's personal laptop researching and Penelope managed to distract me sufficiently when my homework could not. That summer I became fluent in L337. Ever since then, all of my emails to Penelope have been written like that because it makes us smile. That was also the summer I first learned how a computer works. Not just how to use one, but how the innards, the guts work: which piece does what, when and why. It certainly was interesting and I was instantly hooked.

I remember crying at the end of the summer when I had to go home to Valencia because my parents were finished with the case my daddy was working on in New York. At the time, I didn't know that I would only have a few months left with my parents and in that moment, I hated them for taking me away from Jenny, from the person I considered both my mother and big sister.

The night before I left, Penelope presented me with a laptop she had built in her tiny amount of free time using salvaged parts. Apparently, it was a belated birthday present. I was taken aback, stunned, flabbergasted, and so very touched at the gesture. Penny said that it was so the two of us could keep in touch, but I know she meant for me to be able to reach Jenny at anytime, anywhere she might be.

I lived with the protection of Jennifer's team for six and a half years before it started to chafe. For the longest time I could not have cared less about what the team was working on while they were in the field, provided I had access to the information through Penelope once they got back home if it seriously impacted my newly adopted family. That was just the way our family worked. It was a two way street; if I needed to know something about the team, someone would tell me and if someone needed to know something about me, I could trust the team to fill each other in or come see me for clarification.

This didn't change when Jennifer went to work at the State Department. Penelope would still find a way to tell me if something was wrong. I remember getting a text from her in January telling me to get my ass over to Spencer's apartment ASAP (as soon as possible). I later found out that the case had been in Miami and Spence had taken down the unsub by himself by pretending that he had a headache (I still can't believe that Spence lied to Aaron). His migraines had been getting progressively worse. I didn't sleep that night and Spencer's sleep was sporadic and not restful in the least.

I know that his migraines are still present but until earlier today, I hadn't seen Spence since early May and there is no way I would ask him something like that in front of the team. I don't even know if they know about the migraines. There is no way I would even consider 'outing' him to the rest of our dysfunctional family. I'll just have to talk with Spencer about his migraines again, and what he has been up to since I left on Friday. We have a 'date' as it were. I'm leaving Sunday and so long as no case comes up, there is no way Spencer is getting out of spending time with me. Not that I think he would try, especially since we're supposed to watch a Dr. Who marathon on Space with Penelope and Kevin. Even if I wouldn't chew him out for backing out, Penelope would and that makes all the difference.

My birthday party was wonderful. I haven't seen all of my family together since we were supposed to clean out Emily's apartment after the will reading back in March. Seeing everyone individually or in small groups is nice but it has been way too long since we have had a proper family dinner. Dave's birthday doesn't count both because I wasn't there and because neither Henry nor Will nor Jack were there either. Today, the only person missing was Emily and everyone could feel the hole her presence used to fill.

We were back at Jennifer and Will's house for a barbeque. The tables actually groaned in protest due to the amount of food they were required to support. We had hamburgers, hotdogs and chicken, corn on the cob, Caesar, regular, macaroni and potato salad. Then there were two different kinds of cake, cheesecake and white cake because Aaron, Derek and Kevin will not eat cheesecake.

I was mildly surprised when no one from the team noticed, or at least they didn't comment on the obvious tension between Jennifer and Will. I don't want to think about that right now. I don't want to come between them, but I will have to talk to both Will and Jenny before I leave. I don't want to be forced to pick a side, because as much as I might like Will for my sister and as Henry's father, I will always pick Jennifer. That's just how these things work, family loyalty and all that crap. Jenny comes first. It's funny when I think about it; I came first in Jen's life for so many years and now I'm somewhere farther down the list. Maybe third after Will and Henry, but I would never, could never force Jennifer to chose between me and Will or me and Henry.

I don't want to think about that anymore. What else should I think about then? Oh right, my birthday supper. I must say that I was mildly surprised when Ashley Seaver was invited to my twenty-first birthday party. I'm not sure who invited her and I'm also not sure I would like the answer if I did ask. Somehow, Ashley's presence made the gaping hole where Emily, her mentor, my big sister and surrogate mum should be, feel bigger.

I guess I don't really hate her, even though I told Spence that I did. He was a little bit upset with me. I suppose that it is understandable, he has, or rather had, a soft spot for Ashley. I will admit that I was a little jealous in the beginning when Spencer started paying more attention to Ashley than me. Emmy was direct about it, telling me nothing had changed, but not my Spence. He didn't even notice anything was wrong until he came looking for me earlier today and caught me hiding around the side of the house mumbling, cussing, and kicking the wall.

My voice is lowered for discretion even though there are only two people present who might understand what I'm saying, "Ich hasse Er. Ich hasse Er. Ich hasse Er."

Spencer's voice comes out of nowhere, "Whom do you hate?"

I am so embarrassed that Spencer caught some of what I had just said, "Sorry Spence, I didn't see you there."

Spencer blinks, "I know you didn't, you jumped."

I glare at him, "I did not jump."

He smiles faintly, "You did to."
I shift my weight to my other foot, favoring the one that had just been kicking the brick wall, "Fine maybe I did. What is it to you?"

Spencer frowns, "Why are you being hostile? I haven't done anything."

"Sorry," I mumble, "I'm just mad at myself for not noticing you."

"I know why you didn't notice me," he pipes up.

I narrow my eyes at him, "Yeah? Why?"

He takes a deep breath before blurting out, "By your standards, your hyper-vigilance, I'm classified as a non-threat."

I blush.

Spencer is smiling now, "So… Am I correct in my assumption?"

I look away, "Yes."

"Hey Kitty Cat?" he sounds nervous.

I look back, "Yeah Spence?"

Spencer has his hands palm up in front of him, "Whom do you hate?"

"Spencer," I warn while acknowledging his attempt at not frightening me.

His eyes are wide, "Please?"

I resist the desire to cross my arms, "I was saying I hate it. I didn't say that I hated anyone specifically."

Spencer rolls his eyes, "Catherine I'm not completely useless at reading social queues. I know that you meant someone, even if you said it and not him or her."

I spit out her name; "Ashley."
"Ashley Seaver?" he asks, wrinkling his nose in confusion.

I look down, "Yeah."

He cocks his head, "Catherine why do you hate her so much?"

I look away from Spencer, "I don't hate her really… I just hate what she represents. I hate that she's here and Emily isn't."

Spencer still looks confused "What does she represent?"

I look up, anger rising in me, "Don't play games with me Spencer."

"No, really. I do want to know. Please tell me?" he asks quietly.

I frown at him. From what I can tell, Spencer is being honest, "She took Jen's spot on the team and now…"

Spencer frowns, "First off, no one took JJ's spot. No one can replace your sister, besides she's back now. And now, what?"

"Huh?" I am confused.

"What were you going to say?" he says encouragingly.

"Nothing," I say evasively.

"Don't lie," Spencer demands.

He may have commanded me, but I'm not scared right now, I don't have to do what he says. So instead I growl his name; "Spencer."

"Catherine," he says simply.

I glower at him and give in. Sometimes it's just easier to give Spencer what he wants. He's like a dog with a bone; he never gives up. I scuff my tennis shoe on the concrete, "Emily was our buffer; she made sure that Ashley wasn't too close to me and now Emily is gone and Ashley is here. This isn't how everything was supposed to go. This isn't the way our lives were meant to be." I whisper, "Why did she have to come today Spence? Why couldn't she have stayed away? Everything would have been better if she had stayed away."

"Nothing ever goes as planned," Spencer sounds sad.

I look up, "I know that Spence."

"I know you do." Spencer's smile doesn't reach his eyes, "I just thought you needed a reminder."

I take a step back so that I am leaning against the house.

"Are you jealous of her?" he asks out of the blue.

"Who?" I ask.

"Ashley," he says firmly.

I avoid eye contact when I answer, "Not anymore."

"But you were?" he prompts.

I shrug, "Yeah."

"Why?" he looks so confused.

I glare, "You stopped calling Spence. You stopped texting. You stopped all forms of communication after…"

He looks lost, "After Emily? But I-"

I cut him off, "No. You stopped after Ashley joined your team."

Spencer frowns, "Oh. I didn't realize."

I shift uncomfortably, "I know you didn't Spence."

"I'm sorry Catherine," he whispers brokenly.

I continue as if he hadn't spoken, "I saw you once in January and you weren't the one to reach out Spencer, Penelope texted me. You didn't even try to ask for help."

"I didn't need any help!" he declares loudly.

"Bullshit!" I emphasize my point by kicking to the wall with my heel, "You Spencer Reid are still having migraines."

"I am not," he denies.

I raise an eyebrow, "Now who's lying? You're wearing those sunglasses again Spencer."

He frowns, "We're outside Catherine, and it's summer."

I frown back, "Spencer you only wear that particular pair of sunglasses when you have a migraine."

Spencer sounds like Jack, "I do not!" He glares at me, "And how would you know that? Like you said, I haven't seen you since April."

The glare isn't very effective since he is wearing black sunglasses, "Spence you only have two pairs of sunglasses and we're getting off topic here."

That stops his impending rant short, "What are you talking about?"

"You really stopped talking to me after," I pause and take a deep breath and release it, "Montréal. Until Emily," I swallow the lump in my throat that that particular name brings, "Then you were in almost constant contact with me for weeks. Spence why you didn't write or talk to me when I was in France? I had more contact with Aaron, and he was in Pakistan, than with you and you were right here. I Skyped with everyone else almost everyday."

Spencer shifts his weight from one leg to the other, "I didn't want to bother you."

I frown, "You sound like me and you wouldn't have been a bother Spencer, I like talking to you. Why did you pull away after we came back?"

"I… You…" he trails off.

"Yes?" I ask, honestly curious.

Spencer leans against the wall next to me, "You didn't want anyone to touch you. I thought it would be better if I stayed away."

I tilt my head up to get a better look at him, "Spence, when are we ever not uncomfortable with physical contact?"

Spencer's fingers twitch, "We're talking about you, not me."

I roll my eyes, "Just answer the question Spencer."

He frowns, "When it is not forced upon us, when we initiate it ourselves."

I snicker, "One point for the genius."

"Hey!" he protests.

I laugh quietly, "Think about what you just said. Come on Spence, you're a damn good profiler." He really needs to figure this out on his own.

"If I had stuck around you would have wanted to have physical contact with me?" he asks tentatively.

I bite the inside of my cheek, "Is that a question or your answer?"

"My answer," he huffs.

My lips twitch, "Two points for the genius."

He frowns, "You're serious?"

I resist the urge to roll my eyes, "Spencer, think about it. The only people we touch willingly are on your team."

Spencer cocks his head, "You didn't touch Ashley."

"Spencer," I growl.

"Okay. Okay." He holds up his hands in a placating gesture, "I know why you didn't touch her."

I raise an eyebrow, "Why?"

He shrugs, "You don't trust her."

I laugh, "Oh course I don't trust her Spencer. I don't know her."

Spencer frowns, "Did you try to get to know her?"

I glare at him.

"I'm just asking Catherine," he says, exasperation evident in his voice.

I blush, "I'm sorry Spence. I didn't mean to be so rude."

He whispers, "It's okay Kitty Cat. I just want to make sure…"

I frown, "What do you want to be sure of Spencer?"

Spencer turns his head to see if anyone is nearby, "If I had tried to touch you after Montréal… Would you have been okay with it?"

I shrug and look away, "More so than with pretty much anyone else."

Spencer looks thoughtful, "Look… I really am sorry for abandoning you Catherine. I promise that it won't happen again. Can I make it up to you?" he asks quietly.

I frown, "How are you going to do that?"

He shifts nervously, "You could come over on Friday and we could watch the Dr. Who marathon with Garcia- I mean Penelope and Kevin."

I look at him consideringly.

He continues talking, "We could uh, read and you wouldn't have to go home right away. I promise I won't kick you out again."

I frown, "You better not."

He looks worried, "Do you accept?"

I smile at him, "Yes Spencer, I accept your apology."

He smiles, "Oh good!" then frowns, "Am I supposed to hug you now?"

My smile broadens, "Yes Spence, we can hug now."

After our conversation, the air was cleared and we went back to the party to eat dinner and have cake. Then everyone watched Gnomeo and Juliet with Henry and Jack. After the 'babies' went to bed the rest of us watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1 followed by Red Riding Hood. I ended up sitting on Spencer's lap and had to cover his mouth a few times when he started pointing out the inaccuracies in the movies.

Later, after everyone has left and Spencer has driven me back to Emily's condo. I put on my favorite pair of pajamas and I crawl into my bed and lay down next to Spencer, who is sleeping peacefully. I glance over at my clock to check how much time I have left before I have to get up. It reads 11:59 pm, Happy Birthday to me. I push Una gently off the bed and pull up the extra blankets. She makes a 'brrrow' sound and looks at me curiously.

I whisper, "Go to sleep Una."

She jumps back up onto my bed and settles down on top of Spencer's legs.

I laugh quietly, careful not to wake him.

I take one last look over at my clock; it now says 12:01 am. One very childish thought runs through my mind; Emily, you missed my birthday. I stomped on it furiously.

47 days.

Never allow someone to be your priority

while allowing yourself to be their option.

- Mark Twain

AN2: Thank you for reading, please review.