Maybe I'll Catch Fire

Disclaimer: The only story I own is this one.

EPOV

As I stood, waiting to destroy everything Bella and I had, I couldn't help but think what a special spot would be reserved for me in the deepest pit of hell where I would surely burn for all of eternity. Not for the sins I had already committed but for what I was about to do. I was going to commit the blackest form of blasphemy. I prayed one last time to a god I had begun to question, to stop time and spare my love but my prayers went unanswered as Bella eagerly stepped into the meadow.

"Edward" she breathed smiling happily as she made her way toward me, throwing her arms around my waist and resting her head on my chest. "I'm so glad to see you. I know I wasn't gone long but it seemed like an eternity without you so I've decided to make a new rule. We can never be apart."

I stood stiff, unsure how to react. I was at war with myself. Every selfish fiber of my being was screaming for me to hold her close and never let her go while my mind was telling me that I had to get away from her as fast as possible in order to save her. My mind eventually won out and I cursed myself for what I was about to do.

I allowed myself one last long look at a happy grinning Bella, my light, my life. I sealed away the memory of her for eternity. I knew that although I didn't deserve it, I desperately needed this memory in order to survive for Alice's sake since after this I would have nothing left to live for.

"Isabella," I said quietly as I loosened her hold on me and stepped back from the arms I wanted so desperately to be held in forever. Bella looked up at me with a mixture of confusion and hurt on her face.

"Isabella, we're leaving."

Bella cocked her head to the side, obviously not understanding the permanence of my statement.

"Okay," she said. "I'll come with you. Just let me call Carlisle and let him know that we're going to be go…"

"No," I said firmly.

"What?" She asked even more confused than before. "I thought you said…"

"I said we're leaving, meaning Alice and I. Not you and I."

"Alright," she said slowly. "Well, when will you be back? Jasper didn't mention anything earlier, is this some sort of wedding surprise you're planning or…"

I cut her off again, my resolve faltering. "No Isabella."

"Bella" she corrected quietly. "Why do you keep calling me Isabella? Edward is everything alright?"

"No Bella." I said pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration "Nothing is alright, everything is all wrong, that's why we're leaving. We can't go on pretending anymore."

Bella stepped forward grabbing my hand and pulling it to her chest. "I... I don't understand Edward. What ...what are you saying?"

"Bella we're leaving, for good."

"Well I'll come with you," she said stubbornly, furrowing her brow.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going … It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me," she insisted.

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous," she said grasping my hand more tightly and looking determinedly into my eyes. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," I said grimly. A life amongst the Volturi would be no kind of life for Bella. Someone as good as she was would never survive long in the bloodthirsty world of Volterra. It would destroy her from the inside out.

"You promised! You promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted to correct her. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

"You … don't … want me?" she asked dropping my hand.

"No," I answered steeling myself for that fight that was sure to ensue. There was no way in hell that Bella was going to believe I would ever not want her. Everything I had done since we had met was for her and she knew that. Didn't she?

"Oh well that changes things," she said calmly.

I was taken aback by her cool tone. Bella's easy acceptance shattered what was left of my cold heart into microscopic pieces. She was giving up on us, on me so easily, how could she? But then, looking deeper into her eyes I could see it, she actually believed that I didn't want her anymore. She believed that I could actually exist without needing her. Why had I never told her how I truly felt? I needed to try to tell her how much she meant to me, how important she is, she needed to know that I loved her, would always love her.

"Of course I'll always love you… in a way. But I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." I looked away into the forest toward Seattle where my captors were waiting willing her to find the deeper meaning in my words. I had just told her I loved her, for the first time but nevertheless it was out there in the universe I just hoped that someday she would realize how much I truly loved her.

"Don't." She said, her voice just a whisper now. "Don't do this."

I stared into her pleading eyes and I felt every good feeling I had ever had leave my body. Inside I was begging her to fight me, to fight for us but I knew that if I wanted to save her, to save them all, I had to play on her one weakness, her self deprecation.

"You're no good for me Bella." The moment I said those words I knew Bella would let me go. I had garnered through the thoughts of the rest of the Cullens that Bella was convinced she was undeserving of me for some inane reason when in truth, I was a monster undeserving of her love or kindness. As I saw the look of anguish that settled on Bella's face at my words every bit of the humanity I had so desperately clung to for the past ninety years crumbled to dust.

"If… that's what you want."

Through my numbness I struggled to nod once in acknowledgement as I prayed that I would be smote down where I stood. I deserved to catch fire and burn for the rest of eternity for what I had just done. But somehow I was able to keep my composure for a few moments longer in order to finish the job.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."

"Anything," she responded, her voice faintly stronger.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid" I ordered struggling not to let my pain show in my voice. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" I looked her in the eye begging her to see the meaning behind my words. If Bella, or any of the Cullens, ever decided to come looking for us that would be all the reason Aro needed to order them all eradicated. The only way to keep them safe was to keep them as far away from us as possible.

"I'm thinking of Carlisle, of course, and the others. They need you. Take care of yourself – for them."

She nodded helplessly. "I will," she whispered.

I relaxed just a little, relieved that I wouldn't have to worry about her coming after us and getting herself killed.

"And I'll make you a promise in return," I said. "I'll promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

I took another step away from her. "That's everything I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back", she said so low I almost missed it.

I shook my head slowly always watching her face, memorizing every perfect detail of her. From her long mahogany waves to her golden eyes and pouty pink lips down her slender body, she was a goddess meant to be worshipped not tossed aside like yesterday's garbage yet that was exactly what I was doing.

"No. She's gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" she said her voice blank with disbelief. Why was it so hard for her to believe that Alice would leave but not me? Did she honestly think that I loved her any less than Alice and Jasper loved one another?

Oh God Jasper. How would he take it when Bella told him we had left? He would of course have known that Alice and I were lying if either of us had tried to feed him this line of bull and never let her leave but he and Alice would never be afforded that chance or even luxury of a goodbye. I would never forgive myself for allowing any of this to happen, it was all my fault.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for both you and Jasper."

I needed to leave immediately. I was torn to shreds and I knew I was going to need any strength I could muster in order to get Alice through this as I was a lost cause. The safety of Alice and the Cullens was all that mattered now and if I was going to be good to anyone I needed to go, otherwise this would all have been in vain.

"Goodbye, Bella," I said quietly.

"Wait!" she pleaded, reaching for me desperately.

I caught her arms, locking my hands around her slender wrists and pinning them to her sides. I leaned down carefully, praying I would have the strength not to lose control and beg her to forgive me for what I had just done and pressed my lips to her forehead for the briefest moment. Bella's eyes fluttered closed.

"Take care of yourself," I breathed. Then I took off running faster than I ever thought possible getting as far as fast as possible. I wove around creating false trails in case Bella or any of the others decided to try to follow me, losing myself completely in my misery. It wasn't long before my legs gave out and I fell sobbing to the forest floor somewhere in Canada.

I lay there curled in on myself allowing the sobs to wrack through my body until I heard Alice approaching. Within moments she was at my side, pulling me into her arms and sobbing with me.

We cried and cried for what seemed like hours. We cried for what we had been forced to do. We cried for what we were and what would never be. We cried for those we loved and lost and we cried for one another.

Too soon the first rays of sunlight shot across the horizon illuminating the gloom of the forest. Knowing that our time was up we clung to one another for a few moments more before pulling ourselves up and readying ourselves to face the rest of eternity.

We did the right thing Edward. I know we did and you have to believe it too. There was no other way, you saw it too. This is the only way they can be safe.

I nodded knowing Alice was right but that didn't make me feel any less like a monster.

"What can you see waiting for us?" I asked speaking for the first time since saying goodbye to Bella worried that our sacrifice may be in vain.

Aro and the rest of his guard step out to meet us. Renata, his personal bodyguard stands before him, protecting him from any threat that we might pose to her master. Alice and I kneel before him, begging to be forgiven for abandoning the guard. Aro raises his hand and Jane steps forward with a deceivingly sweet smile on her face. She turns her gaze on Alice and I, immediately we are writhing on the ground, screaming in response to the pain Jane is causing us. After a few tortuous moments Aro raises his hand again and the screaming stops. Shakily, Alice and I manage to right ourselves and resume kneeling. Aro reaches out with his hand toward me. Repressing a shudder I clasp his hand and watch as he reviews all of my memories from the past several months. With a chuckle he drops my hand.

"It would seem you and Alice have met the Cullens. Tell me Edward, how is dear Bella?" he asked cunningly.

I repress a snarl, knowing it could mean death and in the very least more torture from Jane for both Alice and myself. I could see in his mind how badly he desired Bella and he saw that perhaps this was his chance. Maybe if she loved me as much as I loved her he could convince her to join the guard by promising me to her.

"It will never work," I said firmly in response to his thoughts.

Aro considered my words for a moment before sighing. I suppose you're right, after what you did to poor Bella it would be a miracle if she agreed to be on the same continent as either of you. Oh well perhaps another time, we do have forever to wait don't we," he said with a laugh. "Well my children I would love to welcome you both back with open arms but be warned. Should this ever happen again I shall let my darling Jane have her way with you before I send the rest of the guard to hunt down and eliminate every one of the Cullens as punishment."

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Okay so Edward left Bella in the woods. Crappy right? I agree. At least it was for a good reason this time. Edward's time is over for awhile and we're going to focus on Bella and Jasper. Poor Jasper, can't forget him, he's got it rough. I mean Alice did just run away from their wedding without so much as a goodbye.

Anyway please leave me a comment and let me know how I'm doing. I always respond and honestly, they make my heart happy. Watch out for the next update!

XOXO,

Bellarella