Rise of the Phoenix

Chapter Thirteen

Catherine was pacing around the lounge awaiting Loki's return. She was done arguing. All she wanted was to show Loki that even she could say stupid things at times. She didn't want this escalating like before. She was going to prove that she was sorry and that it was a stupid mistake, saying what she did. She wasn't going to let him wallow any longer; he was very good at that.

When the door opened and Loki walked in looking rather sullen, Catherine moved so quickly that she didn't even give him a chance to close the door never mind back out of it.

His back slammed against the door as her lips met his hotly and her hands immediately ran through his hair. For a moment she felt him loosen up, his lips moved passionately against hers and his hands reached up to hold her back briefly. He seemed to come to his senses and pushed her back a little. She kept hold of his hair and stood her ground.

"We're not turning this into a fight, Loki," she whispered. "I'm sorry, okay? I should never have said what I did. It was a stupid, thoughtless thing to say. I was just angry because you didn't want to help, that's all. It's your choice and even if I'm disappointed, I shouldn't have said something like that."

Loki was just staring down at her. "It hurt, hearing you say that."

"I can imagine," said Catherine quietly. "Forgive me… please…"

Loki frowned a little as he looked down at her. "Take me to my son's grave… now," he said. "I don't want to wait any longer. Take me there and I'll forgive you."

Catherine sighed and pulled back a little. "Alright," she said and went to get her coat and bag. She walked out the apartment as he held the door open for her.

The walk down to the Memorial Garden was silent and Catherine feared that Loki's promise of forgiveness was empty. Had she really hurt him that badly? She hoped not. Perhaps it was his pride preventing him from forgiving her so easily? As they walked through the paths, she glanced over at him. She looked ahead just as they turned a corner and came face to face with the memorial.

XMARVELX

Loki noticed Catherine tense at the sight of the memorial and he knew they were there. He looked ahead and saw the statue of the angel standing over the grave. Above the earth was an inscription. Bending down on one knee, Loki read it silently.

Tyr

Beloved son of Catherine and Loki

Nephew of Thor

Grandson of Odin and Frigga

Born asleep and forever missed

Loki felt a lump rise in his throat. His son lay in this earth. A son he would never see and who he had never known. He felt a hollow feeling rising in his chest, a profound sense of loss filling his veins. That was something else that had been taken from him. He had lost his sense of family, equality and now his son. Though maybe he had never had any of this to begin with… After all he hadn't been around for Tyr's birth. He was a father but only through biology. He wondered if that made him anything like Laufey.

He immediately shook that thought away. I am nothing like Laufey.

Feeling eyes on him, he turned and looked at Catherine. "I'll see you at home. I need some time with our son," he said quietly. She looked like she was going to protest but nodded reluctantly and moved away quietly. He felt a little bad for that but she had had more time with their son than he had. He turned back to the memorial and laid a hand on the angel, staring down into the ground.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered.

He closed his eyes, finally letting his guards down and letting his thoughts go to Tyr. His little son, who would have been one of the few rays of hope in Loki's life, lay under him. If Tyr had lived, it would have given Loki some hope but then Loki had been gone so maybe he would never have met him anyway. A pang of guilt touched Loki's heart. If he had never left then maybe Tyr would have lived. Catherine would not have been stressed and he could have protected her from anything that might harm the pregnancy, just as a good father to be should do. He felt like a failure. He hadn't been able to look after his family. Maybe he was a poor father just like Laufey.

Loki wished he could shed tears for his boy but the truth was that he had no memory of him to cling to, nothing that connected him at all with his child. That truth in itself brought immense sadness to him. There was nothing for him with Tyr. Catherine had that but not him. He missed out again. He stared up at the angel sadly before turning back down to the earth. There was his baby, his child.

He sat there for a few minutes brooding on this and after some time, he felt a tear trickle down his cheek as he realised just how much he'd let his family down. Letting himself drop into the wormhole had ruined their family before it had even begun and it was all his fault. Another tear fell and before he knew it, he was silently sobbing. Not for Tyr but because he'd failed Tyr too without even knowing about him.

XMARVELX

Catherine was sat by the window gazing at the last rays of sunset waiting for Loki to return. She wondered how he was coping and felt a little shut out that he hadn't allowed her to be there for him. Instead he was dealing with it alone. Was that because he felt alone? She couldn't tell but she couldn't wait for him to get back so they could deal with this. In the end, Catherine found herself dozing off. She sat there silently resting, legs curled under her as she slept a little.

She began to stir when she felt movement beneath her. She blinked and realised she was being carried to the bedroom. She looked up and saw Loki staring ahead as he carried her to the bed. When he felt her stir, he looked down at her and Catherine immediately reached up to touch his face. He looked so lost and vulnerable that she wanted to hold him.

"Loki…" she murmured.

"You're tired, you need to sleep in a bed," was all he said. As he gently placed her under the covers, Catherine reached up and cupped his cheek.

"Loki, please… can we just forget about today?" she asked, looking up at him. "I hate it when we argue. I already said I was sorry. Can you not just forgive me?"

Loki sighed and sat on the bed, cupping her hand in his. "Catherine, I'm not impressed by what you said today but… after visiting Tyr's grave, I'm beginning to imagine what you went through. I'm surprised you forgave me that easily."

"If you'd have known about Tyr, I doubt you'd have disappeared" said Catherine. "How was it?" she asked referring to the graveside.

Loki looked down. "It was horrible… and yet I was glad to be there. Does that sound odd?"

"No," said Catherine. "I felt the same way when we returned." She stroked his face. "Come to bed…" she murmured. Loki smiled a little and leant in to kiss her. She returned it gently and heard him sigh.

"Will we ever be allowed to live in peace?" he wondered.

Catherine sighed too. "Maybe one day. But once Nikephorus is dealt with, we can."

"Do you still think I should help?" Loki asked.

Catherine smiled weakly. "I would like you to but I also know you've paid your dues, you don't need to help if you don't want to."

"You've paid yours, why do you want to help?" Loki asked.

"I want to live in a peaceful world with you," Catherine said plainly.

Loki looked conflicted. "As do I but…"

"Sssh" said Catherine, placing a finger on his lips. "Come to bed, we can leave this discussion till the morning," she said opening the duvet. She was relieved when he climbed in with her.