Ok, this chapter isn't as long as some of the others have been, but I struggled to find a good place to stop it so that it didn't become too long or ridiculously short. I hope you enjoy, I kind of enjoyed writing this. Sorry, I always seem to find it easier to write Paily angst, but fear not! Good times lie ahead! Thank you for sticking with this story despite the seriously slot updates, the bad writing and the lack of Paily fluff! I have the next chapter written so it'll be up within a few days! Thanks again, guys! xx
The next morning I awake to find Paige's car already gone, she hasn't left a note, which isn't like her. I send her a text saying morning and politely asking if she could come home earlier tonight because we obviously need to talk. I try to act as if it's just another day, but I struggle. I call Paige on her break but it goes straight to voicemail. I feel tears bubble in my eyes at the thought of her ignoring me, but I carry on as normal, resisting the urge to call one of the girls and sob. I know they'd all be supportive, but this feels like something I need Paige to help me with. We need to be there for each other through this. I throw my keys on the table by the door when I get in, finding Paige's car not in the drive, not that I'd expected it to be. She hadn't text me back or called me, so I assumed she'd be home late again. So I'm surprised when I find her in the kitchen, shoulders slumped, chopping vegetables to take to work that week. She's wearing her old Stanford hoody that I love so much I stole it during college, there are a few holes here and there, but somehow that only makes it more comfortable. Her hair is up and she's wearing a pair of my slouchies, simply put, she looks stunning.
"Hey," She gives me an almost smile over her shoulder when I walk in.
"Hello, princess." I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and place a lingering kiss on the back of her neck. I feel her stiffen at the contact and have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying. "Where's your car?" I ask, turning to put the kettle on.
"I left early and dropped it at the garage."
"Did you give them your phone to fix too?" I bite, anger slipping into my tone.
"Sorry, I forgot to charge it last night, it's been dead all day." I sigh, instantly feeling bad for thinking she had been ignoring me. Not that I could blame her if she did.
"Paige," I start, but can't continue when I hear her take a deep steadying breath, a sign that she's already been crying. "Have you made me a salad for tomorrow?" I ask instead.
"No, sorry, I will." She sniffles.
"No, it's fine. I don't really fancy salad anyway." I say truthfully. Having salad every day has gotten so boring.
"No, it's ok, I'll make you one." She moves to grab salad ingredients from the fridge.
"Paige, it's fine, really. I don't want a salad." I turn to grab a cup from the cupboard, "Do you want tea?"
"No, thank you." Her voice so soft it almost breaks me. I hadn't heard this voice since high school and truthfully I'd hoped I'd never hear it again. I ignore her reply and set about making her a hot chocolate anyway, clutching at straws. I add whipped cream and marshmallows and top it with chocolate shavings. I put it in her favourite mug and set it down in front of her while she works on some drills at island in the middle of the kitchen. I hope the puppy dog eyes I give her are enough to make her want to open up to me. But they aren't. She simply lifts her head and offers me the weakest hint of a smile as I nudge it forward with the tips of my fingers.
"Thanks." She mutters as the smile slips from her lips and her head dips back down.
She takes her hot chocolate to the study saying she needs to write down some practice routines, but that it won't take long. After an hour I find myself knocking on the door, gently pushing it open, "Hey," I see her hunched over her laptop, hot chocolate left untouched on the desk. "Are you going to be done soon? Just so I know when to start dinner…"
"Yeah, I'm just signing up to some volunteer work online… Maybe we could do it together?" She asks, turning to look at me with red-rimmed eyes for the first time today. Her hair is in a messy bun on the top of her head, hair escaping everywhere. I'm suddenly thankful I listened in to her last night now. If I hadn't known her reasoning behind volunteering, I'd have snapped and ranted and raved about when we'd have time to volunteer when we barely have time to see each other already.
I give her an encouraging smile as my heart melts, "Of course, that sounds like a brilliant idea." I walk in and lean over her shoulder, "Wow," I say, looking at the kids charity site that's open on her laptop.
"It's for kids with disabilities." She mutters, embarrassed. "I just thought…"
"It sounds fantastic," I kiss her cheek, relishing in the fact that she doesn't freeze up. When I sense that she's done I spin her chair round and straddle her lap. She looks everywhere but at me. "I've been thinking." I play with bits of fabric that tighten her hood, running them between my fingers. "Maybe I could model the clothes I bought the other day, for you?" She stays mute as a blush creeps up her neck, "I use the term 'clothes' lightly, they don't really leave much to the imagination." She clears her throat and swallows, still refusing to meet my gaze. "Please?" I try, knowing she'd cave for sure if she only looked at me.
"What do you want for dinner?" She asks, staring down into her lap. I sigh and lean down, resting my head against hers.
"Please, Paige," I whisper, eyes shut tight. She knows I'm not pleading for her to let me seduce her, I'm pleading for her to open up to me. The worst thing about this is that it's not like a real fight, we aren't angry at each other, ok, maybe she's a little angry with me. But it's that kind of anger than can't be resolved by getting it out of your system in a different way. It's like it's settled deep in the pit of her stomach, laying there dormant, unwavering like a black cloud. This can't be fixed so easily and I know it kills me as much as it does Paige that we have to watch the other suffer and know there's not a lot we can do about it.
"I'm thinking pasta," She suggests, her voice about to crack. I grit my teeth so I don't break down, determined to be strong. I cradle her face in my hands and pull it up to meet me, forcing her to look me in the eye. I lean in and kiss her, it's not the same. It's sad and empty. There's no want in it and when Paige's breathing becomes erratic, I know it's because she's starting to cry, not because she wants to jump my bones.
"Pasta sounds great," I concede, removing myself from her lap, hand clasped tightly around hers as I drag her out of the study and down the stairs to the kitchen.
"What're you doing?" I walk into the kitchen to find Paige cutting tomatoes; I fill my flask with tea and curl myself into her side, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.
"I'm making you salad, I didn't do it yesterday and you have nothing to take. Sorry, I should have just made you one." She apologises, continuing to cut.
"I said I didn't want a salad, princess." I say, stilling her hand.
"It's almost done now."
"Thanks, but I'm really getting sick of salad, I'll just grab something at work."
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't make it last night, it just slipped my mind. I wasn't trying to be shitty with you." She grumbles, shrugging me off, continuing to put salad ingredients into a box for me.
"Paige, stop. I don't want a salad!" I can't help getting annoyed, I don't want a salad and she isn't listening. Sometimes her being so cute and attentive is really frustrating, she's so oblivious.
"It's fine, I'm sorry, I've made it now." She shakes her head, placing the lid on and pushing it into my chest.
"Why are you so insistent I have a salad? Is that what this is about? Because I've gained a little weight?" I fume, grabbing the box from her and throwing it back onto the counter. I don't know if I'd gained weight or not, but if she thinks I should go on a diet then she should just come out and say it.
"What?" She eyes the box I've just thrown onto the counter, her brow furrowed. "Emily, you're being stupid." She shakes her head, like I'm completely insufferable.
"I'm being stupid?" I let out a bark of laughter and quirk a brow at her, "I'm not the one who refuses to talk about how we feel." I say. "If you think I need to diet, Paige, you should just say it. Lord knows you're already keeping everything else bottled up."
She scoffs, "I can't," Shakes her head at me, "I can't do this right now." She grabs her bag, "I'll take my bike to work."
"Hi," Spencer greets me with a warm smile and a big hug, "Where's Paige?" I lean down to pet Spud, ignoring her question for a minute. She raises her brows at me when I stand up, awaiting an answer.
I shrug, "Probably still at work." I step around her and make my way into the living room to avoid further questioning. After our argument this morning Paige and I hadn't spoken, again unusual for us because usually if we'd argued like this one of us would have text the other saying 'sorry' and make an attempt to make up for what had happened.
"Hi, there, trouble!" I open my arms wide for Luca to clamber into, the first honest smile appearing on my face all day.
"Aunty Emmy!" She shouts, tiny arms wrapping around my neck as I lift her up, settling her on my hip. "It's my birthday." She smiles, eyes bright with excitement as Hanna stands to greet me.
"No, it isn't, silly." I say, "Your birthday is next week, are you excited?" I ask and she lets out a little squeak of excitement. Hanna gives me a hug on my other side. "I'm super excited, do I get to be a princess, too?" I ask.
"Yes!" She shouts, "and Aunty Paige!" I smile at her, thankful she's not yet able to realise that it doesn't reach my eyes, and place her back on the floor to play with Spud.
"Speaking of-" Hanna starts, but I cut her off, not wanting to talk about it.
"I love your dress! Your boobs look great in it!" I gush, saying what I assume Hanna wants to hear. An instant smile appears on her face.
"Hey, back off, ok?" Caleb chastises jokingly. "Where is McCullers, anyway?" He asks.
"I'm so glad we could all get together, aren't you?" I say, grabbing a glass of something undoubtedly expensive and alcoholic from Toby, regardless of whether it was meant for me or not. I catch Hanna and Caleb eyeing each other and choose to keep conversation going so as not to leave any silence for them to ask questions in. "Are Aria and Ezra here yet?" I take a long sip, the bubbles fizzing in my nose.
"No," Hanna looks confused, "Not yet."
We chat aimlessly for a while about nothing important, everyone is very careful to avoid the subject of my absent wife and I'm thankful for it. We're in the middle of discussing how Hanna is going to force a proposal out of Caleb when the doorbell rings. "That'll be Paige," Spencer leaps up having checked the wall clock for the time and gives me a look I can't define, it's somewhere between apprehension and confusion. I resist the urge to roll my eyes as all my friends train their eyes on me, no doubt to check my reaction.