Chapter 13: On The Road Again

Things weren't going well for Jor-El and Lara back on Krypton. Inside Morgana's lair, they were locked in a cage, suspended over a pool filled with ravenous space alligators. Morgana said, "See this? In this pool, longing for your juicy tender Kryptonian flesh, are a volatile breed of genuine space alligators, fresh from the murky swamps of Alpha Centauri. And if you don't tell me where you have sent that freak-show son of yours, I'll lower your cage closer and closer to the alligators' dinner plate!"

"No, Morgana!" answered Jor-El. "We'll never tell you where our son is. Lara and I have kept it a secret."

"Secrets, eh?" said Morgana, cracking a sly smile. With that, she produced a small remote and pressed a button on it, causing the cage to fall down with a jerk. Then, it stopped. Jolted out of their wits, Jor-El and Lara sat down huddled. Morgana continued, "Don't make me want to press this button-you'll regret it. Now, let's try this again-WHERE IS THE BABY?"

The couple didn't answer and they shook their heads reluctantly. Morgana pressed the button again, and the cage shifted closer to the hungry alligators. When it stopped, Morgana shouted, "Last chance, Jor-El and Lara! I want to know where the alien baby is, and you'd better cough it up already!"

Lara cried out, "We'll never tell you where he is, Morgana! He's our treasure, and we'll never let you get away with it!"

Morgana chuckled and said, "Suit yourselves, Superfreaks. Good luck with the tour through the digestive system..." She was about to press the button again when Jor-El shouted, "Wait! NO!"

"Now what?" snapped Morgana.

After a soul-searching pause, Jor-El replied, "I know where the baby is, Morgana. Please, we'll tell you anything-just don't feed us to the alligators!"

Morgana cocked her head, her hand to her ear, and said, "I'm listening..."

Jor-El sighed, before saying, "A short while ago, before you invaded our planet, Lara and I sent our baby back to Earth in a rocket, in hopes that someone there will protect him."

"And who is that person?"

"We found out from one of our diplomats that the baby's recent caregivers are Bentley Raccoon..."

Lara added, "And his wife, Vanessa."

Morgana rubbed her chin for a moment. Then, she growled, "Bentley Raccoon? That actor who assisted the blasted Time Toon Cops in the battle at the Neo-Fairlane Mall? And now he has the baby in his paws. I'm going to give that dirty little raccoon star a piece of my mind." She turned back to Jor-El and Lara, asking, "Where is he now?"

"I don't know," replied Jor-El. "We never knew him. In fact, we didn't even see him or his films and TV shows. He was a complete stranger to us."

Morgana snarled, before shouting to Dark Cream, "Set those two free!"

Dark Cream nodded and went over to the side of the pool. The cage was lifted from there and set on the ground, where Dark Cream unlocked it and let Jor-El and Lara out. Morgana continued, "You're so lucky to be alive after giving me the information that I needed. But since you failed to tell me where that Bentley Raccoon is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put you through another sad tragedy. And by that..." She snapped her fingers. In an instant, a group of Epsilons entered the room. She went on maliciously, "You're Epsilon chow!"

Jor-El and Lara trembled at the sight of the drooling, buzzing Epsilons. Jor-El whispered, "I guess this is the end for us, Lara..."

"Any last requests," asked Morgana evilly. "Before I send you off as the main course?"

Jor-El replied sadly, "Yes, Morgana-just one."

"And what would that be?"

"A Holo-Telegram and two laser guns."

Morgana nodded, before ordering Dark Cream to get the requested items. She thought, "Just what do they want with the laser guns, anyway?"

Dark Cream returned with a Holo-Telegram (which looked just like the one Clark Kent found in the first episode of the Superman cartoon) and two fully loaded laser guns. Jor-El pressed a button on the box, which opened up. He whispered, "I hope Bentley receives this new message from us. And it will be our last, I fear..." Lara sobbed quietly, as the two prepared to record their last and final message to the baby's caregivers.

Meanwhile, back on Vulpes, the wedding was just getting started. In an old large stone church, everybody (including the TTC) gathered to sit in their assigned seats. Standing at the altar with Derrick were a group of people: Alexander Armington II, Sky Armington (Alex II's younger brother, who's married to Dot Warner), Ardal, Skippy Squirrel Armington (Alex II's half-brother), and the bridesmaids Fifi La Fume, Dot Warner, Murice Furshine (a female fox, one of Una Gracepaw's cousins), and Susan Squirrel (Skippy's girlfriend). Derrick stood there, waiting for his love to arrive.

The drum/tambourine/flutes/bagpipe band began to play their version of "Here Comes The Bride", as Brandy came walking down the aisle in her wedding dress with matching white high-heel shoes. She smiled at the guests while heading towards the center. She finally arrived at the altar and stood right by Derrick, and she looked up to smile at him. He smiled back. Then, Father Angus (the village high priest) came in to perform the ceremony.

He declared, "My dear citizens of Nuala, we are gathered here for the royal wedding, to witness the marriage of two very important people-Derrick Armington, the son of Michael and Mariana Armington, and Princess Brandy Harrington, the daughter of His Blessed Majesty, King Faolan. As far as you will know, to us, marriage is but a splendid creation of our ancestors. In fact..."

While the priest went on giving a lecture about marriage, Bentley whispered to Vanessa, "Speaking of marriage, Vanessa, I have one little thing to ask you."

"What is it?" asked Vanessa.

Bentley sighed, before replying, "Did you ever, in your life, have suspected that the one you love has started to cheat on you?"

"What do you mean by that, Bentley?"

"Well, you see...I was wandering through the field outside the village this afternoon, and I happened to meet a beautiful young lady out there. Her name is Una."

"Una?"

"Yes, that's her. Man, she was so beautiful, she'd kick Marilyn Monroe's behind at a beauty contest any day. She was the niece of Aunt Enya Gracepaw, the village midwife."

"Oh, I know her. One of the villagers told me that she was an old woman with 75 years' experience of delivering babies."

Bentley and Vanessa sat there, continuing to listen to Father Angus' speech. At last, he said, "Now, if there's any one member of the party who has any reason why these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

There was silence from both sides of the aisle. Not one person dared to say anything that could ruin the occasion. Finally, King Faolan whispered eagerly, "Go ahead!"

Father Angus smiled, before continuing, "Do you, Derrick Armington, take Brandy to be your wedded wife, and love her forever?" Derrick smiled and said, "Yes, I do."

"And Brandy Harrington," Father Angus went on, turning to Brandy. "Do you take Derrick to be your wedded husband, and love him forever always?"

"I do," Brandy replied, smiling.

As the couple proceeded to say their vows, Bentley and Vanessa continued their discreet conversation. Vanessa said, "Bentley, I have a confession to make, too."

"Really?" asked Bentley. "What is it."

"...I lied."

"About what, Vanessa?"

"Remember the story I told you about the day I lost complete control of my reproductive system? I was only 15 when I fell from a building at my best friend's wedding in Las Vegas. My parents feared that I would never be able to have any children in the future, but then one day, the doctor told me that the system wasn't harmed from the big fall-I was safe. And so, you see, Bentley...I'm not infertile."

Bentley stared at her in shock. He said, "Y-you mean that you've been telling me that you were infertile all this time, only when you're not?"

"I told you that lie," replied Vanessa. "So that we could pursue other things such as the adoption of the alien baby we found. I'm sorry I did this to make you feel so upset." She buried her face in her paws and started to cry. Bentley rubbed her back gently, saying, "I'm stunned, Vanessa. But I'm used to it-most couples lie to each other sometimes, even on TV. In one of the soap operas I starred in, I played a detective who lies to his wife in order to carry on a love affair with his mistress, until he gets caught in the act. And then there's us-we've never lied to each other in the two years that we've been married, until now. But I still love you, Vanessa. I love you with all my heart, no matter what happens." He lifted up her head and kissed her on the lips. He continued, "And that's okay. We could still take care of Kal-El when we adopt him. Nobody will ever know...at least."

"Thanks, Bentley," whispered Vanessa, wiping a tear from her eye.

After Derrick and Brandy had exchanged vows and put the rings on each other's fingers, Father Angus happily declared, "And now, by the power vested in me, you are officially husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." And the two started to kiss. Everybody cheered.

Soon, there was the party in the village square, with everyone singing, dancing, laughing, eating, and drinking. It was the biggest party in the universe, compared to Mardi Gras and the St. Patrick's Day parade. But there was one highlight of the party the TTC couldn't afford to miss-the drinking contest.

"It's called 'Ka'," said King Faolan, explaining the rules of the game. "Named after the Reynardian word for 'more', which you will need to shout out in order to get more cups of fresh white grape wine. The person who consumes the most wine without passing out will be declared as the winner."

"Great," said Bentley. "I wish I could take part in that kind of contest. But what's in that grape wine, anyway? I hope it doesn't contain any alcohol."

Ardal replied, "In it is the secret ingredient that can only be revealed to the victor after the contest is over. Do you plan on entering it?"

"You bet!"

"Good. You go against the village's 50-time champion of Ka. His name is Cyrus Snooper."

Everything went quiet at the mention of the name. Bentley asked, "Who is he?"

Snooper came up and said, "He's my twin brother, the biggest pain in the rear. We were separated at birth, and were adopted by two different families."

"Like us," muttered Brandy.

Snooper continued angrily, "Cyrus was raised by my wealthy uncle Jeremy, who lived in a marvelous mansion in the big city. He has a neat penthouse suite in Manhattan, a summer house in the Hamptons-East Hampton, to be exact-and just about enough money to fill up the Grand Canyon. I'm telling you, he's the world's richest cat...and I HATE him."

"But what about you?" asked Bright Eyes.

"What about me?" whined Snooper. "What about me? I'll tell you what happened to me-I got nothing! Absolutely nothing! All I had was a dinky little job as a stinkin' private-eye! He's got money, I don't. He's got class, I don't. He has everything that I don't have right now!"

A sly male voice said from out of nowhere said, "Wanna bet, bro?"

They turned to see a handsome young cat standing right next to a well. He looked exactly like Snooper, except that he was wearing a neat white polo shirt with a cream-colored jacket and blue pants. That was definitely Cyrus Snooper.

"Ah, Delbert Snooper," said Cyrus, strolling over to Snooper. "It's so good to see you again after all those years."

"Not so good for me," snarled Snooper. "And how did you know my real name? Everybody knows that I'm Super Snooper."

Holding up a large piece of paper, Cyrus replied, "That wasn't until I saw your birth certificate in the records room in City Hall."

This made Snooper blow his top. He shouted, "You snuck in the building and stole my private records? You cheating, lying thief! I'll tear you from limb to limb with my claws!" He was about to lunge at Cyrus when Selena held him back and said, "Snooper! Have you gone mad? There's got to be a way to settle this in a gentlemanly way."

"But he's my twin brother, Selena," said Snooper. "I'm so jealous, I want to feed him to the dogs!"

"I think you wife could be right, Delbert," said Cyrus. "There is a way to settle this quarrel. How about I challenge you to the drinking game-me against you, loser leaves the village."

Snooper froze. Alcoholic drinks were his main downfall. He remembered the last time he ventured into the world of drinking-it was at Bentley and Vanessa's wedding reception in the Blue Spruce Cafe two years ago. But he wouldn't want to take on it a second time around. He turned to Bentley and said, "I need your help on this. Cyrus is the only cat in the world who never passed out from having a drink too many. It's no wonder that he's the champion of this village. I know you've never participated in this contest before, but this could be your only chance. Please, Bentley...do it for me."

Bentley looked at Snooper for some time. He wasn't sure if he was going to do this. Finally, he nodded and said, "I'll do it." He then shouted to Cyrus, "You're on!"

The villagers cheered as Cyrus and Bentley shook hands and went over to a wooden table. Two women came in with pitchers of grape wine, and poured some into two separate chalices. King Faolan said, "Are you ready?"

"Ready when you are, Your Highness," answered Cyrus with fierce determination. King Faolan nodded, before shouting, "Shalut!" (Translation: "Go!")

Cyrus and Bentley began gulping down the wine, as the band played merry Celtic music. Everybody cheered them on, but the Time Toon Cops cheered even harder. Soon the chalices were empty, and the two men sat down wiping the remainder of the wine off of their lips. Cyrus said, "Had enough, Bentley?"

Bentley stared at Cyrus. He wasn't ready to give up. He said, "I'm not down yet, Cyrus. But you're going to be." He continued, shouting, "Ka!"

The women poured some more wine and the game started again. This time, the music played a little faster. When the chalices were empty again, Cyrus laid back on his chair with a contented sigh. Bentley, after having drunk his second cup of wine, looked no different than he was since the first drink. "Give up?"

"No. Ka!"

More wine was poured into the chalices, and the music picked up a faster pace. The third drink had Bentley feeling frazzled, but still he didn't give up. Again, he called out, "Ka!" More drinks followed, and the music became faster and faster, until...

"This is the tenth and last drink in the contest, Bentley. Can you handle it?"

By this time, Bentley looked and felt terrible. His tongue was furred, his eyes were glazed, and he was moaning and hiccupping all the way. He looked up at Cyrus and answered (with the slurred accent of a drunkard), "Yes. I think I can."

The women poured the last drop of wine into the chalices. This was it-the moment the villagers had all been waiting for. Cyrus gulped down the wine with no problem at all. Bentley looked at the chalice and gulped. "Bentley, you can do this. You're not a kid anymore--you're an adult. You're old enough to do those things. So get to it!"

He lifted the chalice slowly up off the table and looked at it one more time, before taking a long sip, up to the last single drop. The villagers looked on, waiting to see what would happen. Then, after having drunk all of the remaining wine, Bentley set the chalice back on the table. Silence reigned in the air. Cyrus and Bentley just sat there, doing nothing. Vanessa whispered to King Faolan, "Did he win?"

Suddenly, Cyrus' stomach began to rumble. Cyrus moaned sickly, "Ohhhh...what...what's in this...this wine? I feel kinda funny..."

"Since this must be a tie," said Ardal. "I think you might want to know the secret ingredient to this delicious grape wine."

"Really? What?"

"It's the liquid extract of dandelions."

At hearing this, Cyrus groaned again. He whined, "Oh, man! I'm allergic to dandelions!" With that, he got up with a start, with one paw on his stomach and the other clamped on his mouth. Then, he ran away. Bentley asked, "What happened? He didn't pass out."

"Of course, he didn't," replied King Faolan. "But he did get a little queasy. And that means...you're the winner!"

The villagers cheered. Bentley waved to the crowd with a weak smile, before falling headfirst into the ground and passing out. Later, he woke up in the arms of Una, with Vanessa and Aunt Enya standing beside her. The party had continued. Una said, "I think you already knew about the secret ingredient of our famous white grape wine. But you'll be surprised at the effects the dandelion extract will do to you."

"What?" asked Bentley.

Aunt Enya said, "For as long as we could remember, the liquid extract of dandelions has been used in wines as a sort of aphrodisiac. Once a single person and his mate take one sip of it, they'll soon fall deeply and passionately in love. And right after that, well...you know exactly what I mean."

"What happened to the wine that Cyrus and I have been drinking in the contest?"

"They made some more of the wine," said Una. "And passed it around to the villagers and your friends. The bridegroom seems to be very fond of it, and so is the bride."

Bentley smiled. But in a minute, he was aware that the pleasant side-effects of the dandelion love potion were starting to work through his bloodstream and into his brain. Just then, on an impulse, he said to Vanessa, "Hey, Ness-wanna go out into the forest and make love by the big river?"

Vanessa blushed. This was the first time Bentley had ever asked her to do something like that. She replied nervously, "Uh...yes." When she held out her hand, Bentley snatched it and flung her away to the gate, and the two headed straight for the forest. The effects of the dandelion extract began to work in some of his friends, too-Bert Jr. invited Nose Marie over to a barn near the corn field, Rocky escorted Bright Eyes to a cave deep in the forest (not far from where Bentley and Vanessa's going to be), Ralph and Melissa went to their guest cottage, and Derrick and Brandy retired to a fancy room in the castle. And what of Cyrus, the loser of the contest? Nobody knows-a girl wasn't with him at the time.

A few weeks passed, and the time vans were all fixed and repaired like new. The TTC were now ready to leave the planet. Rufus said, "Well, it didn't take us months to fix up our vans. I guess Tails must've had quicker hands than ours."

"Or maybe it was the food at the party," said Tails. "They might've given me enough energy to repair the vans in a few weeks rather than a few months."

King Faolan was there at the village to give the TTC a special going-away present. He said, "I know we're going to miss you and all of your crazy, modern-day antics. But in our hearts you'll always remain, for many centuries to come. Before you go, I want to give you one last present-as a reward for keeping us company over the past few weeks, I give you this..." He took out a large ivory box inlaid with gold at the rims. When Rufus opened it, he couldn't believe his eyes. There, inside the box, was a collection of jewels in the shape of the creatures of the tropical jungle: a red jaguar, a blue barracuda, a green monkey, an orange (topaz) iguana, a purple parrot, and a silver snake.

"The Six Gems of Olmec," Rufus gasped in awe. "The lost treasure of the ruins of Nickelodeon Studios! I've been looking for this for ages!"

"Consider it a perfect going-away gift, Rufus," said King Faolan. "For your good job as the interpreter." He turned to Bert and said, "President Raccoon, I'll give you a bag of moose jerky and some apples to sustain you and your crew for the whole journey. And Bentley..."

"Yes?" said Bentley.

Giving him another large box, King Faolan continued, "I want you to have this. It's not much, but I think you're going to love it."

Bentley opened the box and found what was inside. It was a collection of cards...with pictures of kids on them...but the kids didn't look cute or anything. They were just plain disgusting! Bentley recognized the cards as those of the Garbage Pail Kids! Bentley said excitedly, "Wow! Are those for me? But...what are they for?"

King Faolan answered, "You'll find out soon enough. Goodbye, Time Toon Cops, and godspeed."

The villagers waved "goodbye" as the TTC drove their time vans off into the bright morning sky. Una wept, whispering, "Goodbye, Bentley...I'll never forget you..."

The TTC vans floated off into the deep dark voids of outer space. Krypton was only just a lightyear away. Bert said, "I sure am going to miss Nuala. Sometimes I wish we could've stayed there longer."

"Me, too," said Charles. "And the moose soup was really great."

Meanwhile, in the Time Car, Bentley was with Vanessa. Bentley said, "Did you enjoy the wedding feast, Vanessa?"

"I did," answered Vanessa blissfully. "We had so much fun...especially the time when we were at the river, making...uh..."

"Whoopee."

"Oh, so that's how you might say it. Anyway, it felt so good to be back on the road again."

"Same here, Ness. Same here."

The car drove on for a while. Suddenly, Vanessa started feeling pale and weak. And to top it off, she was feeling a little bit nauseous, too. She murmured, "Uh, Bentley...can you, uh, pull over?"

"For what?"

"I feel pretty sick. I think I'm going to throw up..."

Bentley screeched his Time Car to a halt and took out a small paper bag. He said quickly, "Here! Throw up in this one!"

Vanessa grabbed the bag and proceeded to vomit into it. When she was done, she motioned for Bentley to continue driving. Bentley sighed and said, "This is too weird. First, you came to Vulpes looking fit as a fiddle, and now you're going to Krypton feeling like you've caught some sort of a virus!"

"But Bentley," blubbered Vanessa. "You just don't understand. You see, I'm..."

"I know, I know! I'm thinking of taking you to the doctor the next time we head back to Earth. He'll be able to figure out what's making you tick."

"Bentley, I'm not sick with a virus. It's just that..."

"Then WHAT?"

Vanessa sighed, before answering, "I'm pregnant."

Bentley stared in surprise. He muttered, "You...you are?"

"Yes," replied Vanessa shamefully. "I told you I wasn't infertile."

"I can't believe it. I thought this was some kind of a joke."

"It's not a joke, Bentley. It's for real. When I told you that I'm not infertile, I meant it, so there."

Bentley heaved a disappointed sigh. "Why didn't you tell me in the first place before we left?"

"I was afraid," answered Vanessa. "That you'd react in the same way you did when I told you I had lied."

"Oh..."

Kal-El looked up at Bentley and cooed curiously. Bentley patted his head and said, "It's just me and Vanessa talking, little guy. Talking about something..." He looked back at Vanessa, who smiled and nodded at him. Bentley smiled, before continuing, "I have some great news, though-once we take you into our home, you're going to get a baby brother or sister." At hearing this, Kal-El babbled happily and clapped his clamp-like hands. Bentley and Vanessa smiled. Now that Vanessa's recent pregnancy was revealed, they knew that they were going to be one happy family.

But Vanessa wasn't the only one suffering from this calamity. From Team 8's van, there was Brandy: "Whiskers, where's the bag! I'm feel like blowing chunks already!"

Team 16: "Oh, goodness gracious! I've never felt so tired like this in my whole life!" "Yeah, me, too."

And of course, Team 5: "Ralph, I don't feel so good..."

Yes, it was going to be one crazy day. But what the Time Toon Cops didn't notice is that Morgana has been watching them. Peering through a giant telescope, Morgana grinned evilly and said, "I knew the TTC would fall into my trap one day. Dark Cream, did you get rid of the bodies?"

"Yes, Mother," said Dark Cream. "And I've hidden the Holo-Telegram so Bentley won't discover it."

"Good! This is going to be the greatest battle I'll ever fight in. Oh, yes, it will..."