Chapter Fourteen: The Missing
I had never enjoyed going to the doctor, but this appointment was different from all the others; and they would be from now on. Not only was I going for myself, but also for the little pea pod in my belly: assuming that those three home pregnancy tests that I took before coming here, were correct.
I spent hours each day praying for all this to be real. I was as afraid as always that I would miscarry, so I didn't keep much hope.
But I didn't need a doctor's confirmation for anything. I knew I was pregnant. I could feel my pea pod slowly growing; I just needed to know if it was healthy. The doctor's office was crowded and it took Rosalie and I almost an hour to get back to see Dr. Weber.
The best thing about Dr. Angela Weber, besides her being incredibly kind and gentle, was that she was new to town. She wouldn't know Jacob, his family, or anyone else that did. I was trying very hard to keep it all on the down low. The last thing I needed was to start rumors, but I knew I would need to face the truth soon enough. Right now though, I had to deal with a pelvic exam.
Sure enough, I was almost seven weeks pregnant. My pelvic exam checked out, and Dr. Weber even did a special ultrasound to check on the baby. It was healthy and thriving, with no damage caused by my reckless drinking. It was the best news I had gotten in my entire life. I was healthy, and so was my new baby. Unfortunately, fear still stabbed the back of my mind painfully. I returned from changing back into my clothes and took a seat on the exam table.
"What about my miscarriages?" I asked shakily. Rose took my hand and squeezed it.
"I've read your file, so I know your history. But, I have a good feeling about this. Your past pregnancies never went past five weeks." Dr. Weber pushed her glasses further up her nose and smiled.
"How is this possible, though? I was told that my uterus was too damaged."
"Miracles happen," she replied softly. I smiled and thought of Edward.
"We'll monitor you closely for a while, but I really think you're okay, and the baby is doing great."
"Thank you," I gushed, shaking her hand. "Thank you so much."
"You're welcome," she said with a chuckle. "I'll see you next week. If you feel any pain, or start to bleed, call my office and go to the hospital."
"Okay," I said.
"You'll be fine," she said, patting my hand.
We burst out of the office on a bright summer day in July with smiles on our faces. Rosalie was just as excited as I was about it all. I spun around to face her as I walked backwards to my Volvo.
"My little pea pod is so cute!" I exclaimed. Rosalie chuckled.
"It looks like a peanut," she replied, looking back down at the ultrasound photo. "So, where to now?"
"Edward! I have to go tell him," I said, smiling. Rose's face fell slightly.
"What will you say?" she asked, with a tilt of her head. I shrugged, still smiling.
"It'll come to me," I assured her. Rosalie's eyes narrowed.
"Be careful," she warned. "Can we talk about it first?" I stopped walking and shrugged. I followed Rosalie to my car, but didn't get in.
"Well?"
"After all you two have been through, this is huge news, so break it to him easily."
I chuckled. "I will."
"Do you think he's still upset about your last night together?" My face fell.
"I need to apologize to him, Rose. And I need to do what I should have done weeks ago. Today is the first day of the rest of my life."
"Okay," Rose said skeptically.
"Rosie, you can't be the aunt and the daddy," I said teasingly. She smiled and shrugged.
"This is all so great," I beamed. "Now, I'm going to put my house on the market, finish my book, and take care of my little pea pod."
Rose chuckled, "Okay, yeah, you definitely need a man around." I laughed and poked her arm. "I'll see you later, babe. I'm meeting Emmett." Her smile was infectious.
"And how is that going?" .
Rosalie batted her eyelashes.
"It may be too soon to say, but I'm going to anyway...he's the one for me." I squealed in delight and hugged my best friend. "Just as Edward is the one for you," she whispered in my ear. I pulled away, but kept her at arms length.
"I hope he's excited," I said hopefully.
"How could he not be?" she countered. Then she patted my back, and I felt better about it all.
After a swift kiss to her cheek, I left Rosalie at her red mustang, and sped towards Seventeenth St. It wouldn't take very long to get there, but my mind was racing faster than the speed limit, with different scenarios. The first scenario was a vision of horror; Edward refusing me and the baby. I knew him better than that, though, didn't I? My last vision was of Edward scooping me up in his arms and promising a life together with the three of us as a family. I smiled, and drove faster.
Pulling onto Seventeenth St, my eyes caught sight of a horrific vision, though I wasn't sure if this was better than my worst fears or not. Sitting neatly in the small patch of grass outside of Edward's townhouse, was a "For Sale" sign. Beneath the red metal sign, there was an attachment that read, "Sold."
My stomach fell away from me, and my breathing sped up. He couldn't be gone, he wouldn't leave without a word. I quickly grabbed my iPhone from the center console, still parked in the middle of the street. I scrolled through dozens of missed calls from Edward in the past weeks, back when I wasn't strong enough to face him.
Apparently I was too late. I dialed his number anyway, and placed it to my ear. My fingers tapped the steering wheel while waiting, until a recorded voice spoke to me. Edward's number had been disconnected. My mind went into a fog-like frenzy, think of anything and everything I could about where he could be. Then, I remembered his Gallery.
A loud car horn sounded behind me, and I jumped in surprise. I waved a hand out the window, and started to drive again. My hands shook, and my heart was hurting, but I kept my speed well over the limit, racing to his Gallery.
Sadly, Edward wasn't there either. The gallery was dark and empty from where I sat, parked in front of it. I bowed my head, laying it on the steering wheel, and cried. My right hand rested softly over my belly, and I silently apologized to my unborn child for driving its father away.
Suddenly, I saw an elderly man with silver hair and hazel eyes, coming out of the dark studio with a large sign in his hand. It was awkward, and he seemed to be struggling beneath it. I jumped out of my car and hurried over to him.
"Can I help?" I asked, taking an end of the sign. The old man smiled an old wrinkled grin at me.
"Thank you, dear, I'm just trying to clean the place up," he crackled. He stepped down a few cement stairs and we made our way over to the dumpster.
"You own it now?" I asked.
"Yes, indeed. I'm going to open up a clock shop," he said proudly. I smiled.
"I guess the owner left in a hurry?"
"Mm, nice young man. Couldn't seem to get away quick enough, though." My heart constricted in my chest painfully. We made it to the dumpster and stopped. The man raised his arms, pulling the sign up, only it wasn't a sign at all. It looked like a scrap canvas. I smiled, seeing the colors of acrylic that were always smeared onto Edward's jeans.
"Actually," I said quickly, "Can I keep this?" The old man shrugged.
"Suit yourself."
After lowering my back seats, the old man helped me fit the large and awkward square canvas into the back of my Volvo, and bid me goodbye. I wished him luck in his new business, and climbed back into the driver's seat.
I had no way of finding Edward, and nowhere to even start looking. If only I had picked up the phone or not pushed him away, would he still be here? My self loathing flushed back into me like a tidal wave. The bright sunny day outside, suddenly changed into a dark stormy night within me.
What was I going to do, now? There was nothing to do, so I drove away from what was left of him, and went home to my empty house alone, with Edward's canvas.
Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change
Later that day I found myself eating dinner alone. I was trying not to feel sorry for myself, but it was difficult. I wasn't sure what to do now. How could I raise my baby without Edward around? I assumed that he left because he thought I hated him, and wanted to never see him again, but it was all a lie: a lie I allowed to happen.
Lying to protect myself never got me anywhere but hurt. I did it to myself, and now when I needed to fix it the most, I couldn't. My chances were gone, and when I did have them, I took them for granted and didn't think about how all of this would affect me for the rest of my life. My left hand flew to my stomach in sadness.
Even if it was just me and my pea pod, I would give this child everything I had. I was set financially. I could finish my novel, and we could have a good life together. I already loved my baby more than I ever knew possible.
I heard my doorbell ring, so I dragged myself to the door to answer it.
"Oh, Bella, I was expecting Bethany," Billy Black said. My eyes were wide with surprise.
"No, uh," I stuttered. "I let her go. She's got school and she's getting married."
"Good for her," Billy replied happily. I nodded until an awkward silence fell over us. He raised his eyebrows at me.
"Oh, come in, come in," I gushed, embarrassed. Billy chuckled and stepped into the foyer. He turned to look at two men in black suits with expressionless faces. The bodyguards nodded once to him, and stood still on the stoop. I smirked, and closed the door, knowing they would be in the same position when Billy went to leave.
"I came in place of Sue," he said. I turned around and tried to smile.
"I appreciate that," I whispered. Billy smiled widely. His dark eyes were painfully familiar. "What would you like?"
"I have a list," he replied hesitantly. He took a small piece of paper from his coat pocket. I spoke again before he could start listing off items.
"Billy, you can take whatever you want to take. I don't want anything, so please, go ahead."
"That's kind of you, Bella." I nodded, and led the way upstairs.
We went through Jacob's office first. Billy grabbed a couple of things here and there, but nothing too big. When we got to my room, Billy removed Jacob's old baseball jersey from our closet, and a couple of things from his dresser. I watched in silence, suddenly feeling like I was at a flea market as I watched Billy take remnants of my husband.
I gave Billy a duffel bag for him to put Jacob's things in, and led him back downstairs. I heard my father-in-law sniffle. It broke my heart, and I wasn't sure what I should say. I turned to face him.
"Would you like a drink?" I asked. Billy nodded quickly. I smiled and we went to the kitchen.
I still had some alcohol left over from a hidden cupboard where Jacob kept his whiskey, that I never told Rosalie about. It didn't matter because I never drank that nasty stuff. I poured some Jack Daniel into a small glass and sat across from Billy at the table with my water in front of me. He sipped his drink and sighed.
"I'm very sorry about your son. I should have said that sooner, especially to Sue. You both have been nothing but kind to me since I was kid." Billy chuckled.
"Thank you, Bella. I always knew Jacob won the gold when he got you."
"I don't know about that," I replied sadly, looking down to my water glass.
"I do. He really did love you, sweetheart." He sighed, and I was about to reply, but he began again, "Jacob came to me a couple of months ago asking advice about how to go about a divorce." My face stayed the same, and I didn't stop breathing. "I figured you knew about that," he added sadly. I nodded.
"It wasn't all him. We both made a mess of things in the end. I just wish it wouldn't have ended the way it did. We were friends once upon a time, and I miss that more than I miss the marriage," I admitted quietly.
"I told him he was nuts for wanting out, but he wouldn't listen to me. I'm sorry for the pain he caused, Bells." I nodded and swiped a stray year off of my face.
"Thank you," I whispered. "We were so afraid of being in the public eye with it all...I still am."
"Don't be. I'll protect you." I paused, then looked up from my water. Billy Black was a handsome man. His jet black hair was smooth and shiny, his face clean shaven, and his eyes were soft. He had always reminded me of a big teddy bear. He was a father to me when I had no one else.
"Billy, I'm not better than Jacob," I choked. "I made mistakes, and now I have to pay for them..." I cut off, and my hand went to rest on my stomach. Billy cleared his throat awkwardly. "It's not Jacob's," I whispered sadly. "I wish, for your sake, that it was."
"I understand," he said. "Things happen, and even though things weren't meant to be forever with my son, you shouldn't stop living." I had heard the same piece of advice from a few other people in the past few months, but it meant something different coming from Billy. "You were a good wife, and you and Jacob had something special. Don't forget it, but don't dwell on it."
I smiled through tears, and leaned across the table to hug him tightly. Billy allowed me to cry on his shoulder without a word of judgement or a single question.
"Alright you fucking guard dogs, chill out," Billy said smiling. His men didn't move. I rolled my eyes. Billy handed his duffel to one of his men, and turned back to me. "I'm always here for you. Don't worry about Sue. Get on with your life, okay? Sell this house, and check in with me from time to time. I would love hearing about you." I smiled widely.
"Thanks again, Billy." He nodded, and left with his guard dogs. I closed my front door and leaned against it feeling better than I had in a long time. Billy was right about my life, and I needed to take his advice. With or without Edward, I chose to live.
Sad about Edward? You know he'll be back... :) you trust me, right?! And I hope you liked Billy!
Song is: Maybe, by Sick Puppies
Special thanks to Beffers and Jules as always!
More soon, lovelies! xoxo