Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter, the characters, the settings, and the details are not my own. J.K Rowling holds the rights to these wonderful things, and I am in awe of her talent. I own only my original characters, and of those there are not many.

Chapter Fourteen: The Pain of Recollection

"For the happy man prayer is only a jumble of words, until the day when sorrow comes to explain to him the sublime language by means of which he speaks to God."- Alexandre Dumas The Count of Monte Cristo

Harry was reminded of standing around the pan of blackened fish. The embarrassment was here, but he didn't feel manipulated. He counted that as a positive. He could have spared Severus some of his tension by mentioning that Neruda had already known this would happen. He wasn't sure what kept him silent. He may have been spending too much time with Slytherins.

"Neruda, sometimes when two people are sexually attracted to each other-"

Harry turned to Severus with his mouth gaping open. The older man glanced at him, cleared his throat, and started again.

"Neruda, Harry and I have decided to pursue an adult relationship. Is this an issue?"

Severus shot Harry a look that stated he wanted no more commentary on his handling of the situation, but Harry could barely concentrate on it. He was distracted by the overly elated grin on Neruda's face. She leaned forward and asked breathlessly, "Are you in love?"

Severus shook his head at the same time Harry said no. They glanced at each other, and then back to her. Harry took up the conversation, "It's not an impossibility that it will happen, but at the moment we're just seeing where it could lead. Does that make sense to you?"

Neruda's smile didn't dim a bit. "But if it does will you stay forever? Will you stay with us Harry?"

Harry looked to Severus, lost for words. Severus cleared his throat again, "If Harry decides he would like to do that, and the relationship has reached that point, then the offer would be extended."

Neruda's smile got impossibly wider, and Harry was beginning to worry for the state of her face. "You two need to go on a date. A real date. Without me. That's what people do to fall in love."

Harry was alarmed when Severus began to laugh, and he started to wonder if he was the last sane person in the room. He turned carefully to Neruda and said, "A date? I'm not sure-"

Severus placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, and Harry turned to look at him with caution. The laughter had left his eyes, and he looked incredibly serious. "Would you like to go on a date Harry?"

Harry couldn't help but glance at Neruda, who was nodding her head encouragingly at him. He turned back to Severus, and shook his head in resignation. "I would love to go on a date with you."

Harry had promised to see the Weasleys today, and Severus was planning on putting in his appearance at Malfoy Manor. Harry had just finished getting ready and gone downstairs when the knock came at the door. He opened it to find an auror standing on the other side. The auror looked up from the file he had open in his hand, and raised an eyebrow to see Harry standing in front of him. "Mr. Potter? Is Severus Snape not here?"

Harry stepped back, and cautiously invited the man in. He didn't realize Severus had come up behind him till he heard the silky voice almost in his ear. "This is Hadrian Watts. He's the auror that helped me adopt Neruda. He will be watching her for the day."

Auror Watts stared at the two of them for only a moment before looking past them down the hall. He smiled brightly, and waved the hand not holding the file at Neruda. She looked at him from the base of the steps, and then came forward returning his smile tentatively. She asked, "Is this business too Auror Watts, or simply babysitting?"

Hadrian shook her hand, "A bit of both. Thought I'd get the annual review out of the way. I'll cover your father's portion later."

Neruda's smile dimmed a bit, but she nodded and then turned to Severus and Harry. "The two of you go on. I'm fine with Auror Watts."

Severus nodded and wished them both a pleasant day before heading for the study. Harry followed him, and grabbed his arm before Severus had picked up the floo powder. "She didn't look happy. Can he be trusted?"

Severus gave Harry a look that he hadn't seen in a long time. He gently removed Harry's hand from his bicep. "Harry, I assure you she is perfectly safe with Auror Watts. She simply does not appreciate him questioning my abilities as a father, and despite my reminders that this is his job she finds fault in him for it."

Harry didn't like the idea of leaving Neruda with this man he didn't know, but he couldn't argue with the logic of it. Finally he nodded and stepped back, allowing Severus to throw the powder into the fire.

"It will be fine Harry. I will see both of you tonight. Malfoy Manor."

Harry shot one last look through the doorway, and saw that Neruda and Watts had left the hallway for some deeper part of the house. He gathered up his own handful of floo powder, and threw it in the fire. "The Burrow." He stepped through to the first family he had ever known.

Molly Weasley waited on the other side of the fire, and Harry found himself wrapped in a hug that rivaled even Hagrid's. Molly was crying. Harry felt like a bigger twat than he had on Christmas Eve, and he found himself apologizing profusely even as Molly insisted it was not a problem and squeezed the life out of him. Eventually she released him to Arthur. Harry was led into the kitchen of the reconstructed Burrow, where an incredibly elongated table housed every Weasley Harry knew. There was a flash of the old pain seeing George sitting alone, but Harry swallowed it as quickly as he could.

The sounds of conversation stilled as he entered the room, and then George stood up and stated, "Harry Potter. Finally. Sit down so we can eat!"

Harry found himself merging into the family with little trouble. There was awkwardness between himself and Ginny that he had expected, and he found it hard to be polite to Percy, but the others were all simply glad to see him. Harry found himself apologizing for his absence over and over, but each time the apology was rebuffed. After it seemed that no more food could be shoved into him Molly came out with dessert, and Harry grimly considered the idea of putting more food into his swollen belly.

After dessert the Weasleys began to disperse, and Harry found himself alone with Ron, Hermione, and George in the kitchen. George was telling a story about the latest testing of a Weasley product and Harry found himself laughing so hard he was bent over double. Which was probably the reason he was so unprepared for George's moment of seriousness, when he turned to Harry and asked, "So are you living with Snape now?"

Harry sat up quickly, and saw the blush on Hermione's face, and the surprise on Ron's. He turned to George and considered his options. He didn't know what exactly he and Severus were doing, and he had no idea how the man would feel about his talking about it. He made his decision as quickly as he could.

"Sort of. I got a key for Christmas, and I enjoy it there."

George waggled an eyebrow and leaned in, "Are you shagging Snape?"

Harry choked on his beer. Hermione leaned in and slapped him on the back till he had coughed it all out. George's lascivious smile had disappeared, and he was looking at Harry in shock. Ron's face mirrored this expression. Harry took a deep breath and croaked out, "George-"

"Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't know or else I wouldn't have joked." George interrupted looking mortified. Ron's face was turning the most incredible shade of red, and Hermione was watching Harry very carefully. Harry wanted to flee the room, but he knew it wouldn't solve anything.

"You guys have to keep this quiet. It's not… I don't know what it is right now, but I know we haven't discussed making it public knowledge. We're just testing the waters." Harry realized he was pleading, but he couldn't stop himself. He could envision in his head a hundred different scenarios that all ended with someone saying something to Severus, and Severus throwing him out. Ron went to speak, and Hermione covered his mouth.

"Harry it's great that you've found someone who makes you happy. Ron is going to be very quiet, and after we discuss this he'll have a comment. Until then he's just going to stay quiet." She was glaring at him so hard Ron's mottled coloring went pale, and he nodded slowly. Harry remembered their yearly fight, and saw that without Hermione's interference this would have been it. He nodded at her gratefully, and then stood up.

"I've gotta head back. Neruda's got this babysitter, and I don't want to leave her with him much longer."

George's smile was back, and he touched Harry's hand briefly before asking, "Before you leave Harry just tell me one thing. Is he a top or bottom?"

When Harry stepped through the floo into the study he heard the sound of a guitar coming from the kitchen. He entered the room to find Neruda playing softly with Watts listening. Harry didn't recognize the tune, but when she glanced at him entering he saw her eyes were normal and relaxed. She wrapped it up, and smiled as Watts and Harry applauded softly. Then Watts leaned in, and said seriously, "Neruda I want you to sing a song about the past. Maybe about your sister?"

Harry started to move forward, and then jumped a foot in the air when a hand landed on his shoulder. Severus was standing behind him, and his face was grim. Harry's eyes moved back to Neruda, who was looking at the floor. Watts looked at the two men standing in the door, and said softly, "I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was important. If the song becomes too much you can stop. Alright?"

Neruda nodded. She tuned the guitar a bit, and then looked cautiously at Harry and Severus. Harry saw Severus nod encouragingly, and was surprised when Neruda waited for his approval as well. Reluctantly he nodded. Neruda began to pick out a haunting melody.

"The question asked in order, To save her life or take it, The answer no to avoid death, And yes to make it, 'Do you believe in god, Written on the bullet?, Say yes to pull the trigger', And my sister Cassie pulled it."

Harry closed his eyes. Neruda was weeping, but her voice came out clearly and smoothly. Severus's hand was gripping Harry's shoulder tightly.

"They didn't love their loves so much as to shrink from death-"

When the music abruptly stopped Harry opened his eyes, and wiped the tears from his face. Neruda was looking up, and her pupils were dilated but still under control. "I have to stop. I can't stay if I keep going."

Watts leaned in, "What does that mean Neruda? Where would you go?"

Neruda shook her head, and she looked scared, "She'll take over and make me leave. I can't explain." She sounded younger than she ever had, and Harry rushed past Watts and to Neruda pulling her into his arms. She began to weep when he touched her, and he held her tightly as she clung to him and cried into his shoulder. "Cassie died Harry, Cassie killed herself to save me and mom! He made her do that, and then he didn't care!"

Harry shushed her gently, stroking her hair and making soothing noises. His eyes met Severus's, and he saw that the older man was both grief-stricken and furious. Severus turned to Watts. "Auror Watts. May I suggest we finish the interview in the study. Harry will you take her up to bed? I will be there in a moment."

Harry nodded and left the room, carrying Neruda upstairs. When he sat down on her bed and wiped wet hair away from her face he saw that her pupils were normal again. Her crying only got harder when Harry tried to smile at her. "I messed up Harry. I was supposed to show him I could handle it. Now he'll put bad marks in the report. What if they take me away?"

Harry gripped her so tightly that he was afraid he'd hurt her. "No one is taking you anywhere. No one. I'd stop them if your father didn't get them first."

She shook her head against his shoulder, "When do I grow up? When can I stop crying?"

Harry considered this, and then he pulled her back a bit so he could look into her eyes. "It's not a matter of growing up Neruda. I'm an adult and I still cry at the anniversary of every death. You loved them, and they were taken from you. It's natural to cry, and don't let anyone tell you any different. You're safe here, so just let it out."

Neruda clung to him tighter, and cried herself to sleep in his arms. When Severus came up Harry had laid down with her still hugged to him, and he looked up at the man standing in the doorway. Severus came over without a word and sat down on the opposite side of the bed. He removed his shoes and joined the two of them there, wrapping his arms around Harry and Neruda simultaneously. When he spoke his voice was rough and uneven, and Harry thought his heart gave a strange stutter. "Thank you Harry."

They fell asleep like that.

Author's Note: The song is the acoustic version of Flyleaf's "Cassie". This scene was actually the original inspiration for this story. I don't know why it's what I saw when I heard the song. I just did. I would like to clarify, for those that know Flyleaf or the story attached to the song, that I didn't know they were a Christian rock band or the inspiration for the song until I started writing this. Attaching it to Neruda's story was an unfortunate parallel, and that's not the intention behind it. The GRE general test is over, so I'll have more time to work on this. I hope you're still enjoying the story, and I thank all of you again for following or reviewing, or simply sticking with it.