Jude (age 19, December 23rd, Somewhere in San Diego)

I could hear the rain falling outside as a laid here next to her. It always kind of felt wrong to lay net to her. She didn't like to snuggle and I missed Connor as I laid here staring at her sleeping beside me. She had told me a few days ago I was the love of her life. I felt guilty for not feeling the same but I was still in love with Connor. I had tried so hard to move on and it still hadn't happened. I thought about him all the time. There were several times I picked up the phone to call to text him but couldn't go through with it. I was the one who broke up with him and he had probably moved on. Wasn't that the point?

I looked over at her and she was awake smiling at me. She had that dopey love look in her eyes and I wanted to bolt. But I knew I couldn't. I was stuck here doing the right thing. I tried to smile back at her. She didn't notice my smile was fake. There were times when I wished I'd never gotten involved with her but it was too late now to back out. I couldn't do that to her. I had to take responsibility for my actions.

"Are you ready to tell them today?" she asked.

Fuck no I wasn't ready. Adam and I had a great relationship now and I was so afraid this was going to destroy it. Her mom was probably going to hate me too. I had taken her daughter down the same path she had taken at her age. I was going to stick around though unlike her dad. I just couldn't do that to her or my child. I wasn't that type of guy. I knew how hard life could be and I didn't want that for my child.

My moms had taken it well. Way better than I thought they would. Momma had cried and mom had pulled me aside afterwards in the kitchen. Talking about mistakes she made with Mike and I was headed down the same road. She didn't know the only difference I think was so had loved Mike. I didn't love her. I had tried so hard to love her but I just couldn't. I felt like such a liar every time I said I love you back to her. I never said it first.

"Yeah we can't hide it much longer," I assured her.

It had been four months since that day. The day I had made the biggest mistake of my life. We had been flirting back and forth for a while. It was just innocent flirting for me but I knew it meant something more to her pretty early on. I had known she had a crush on me from the first time we met and I felt like such an asshole sometimes for encouraging it after Connor and I broke up. The fact that Adam adopted her soon after he married Macy, making her Connor's sister, made it even worse. I had taken my ex-boyfriend's sister's virginity and destroy her life in the process.

Later that afternoon we were sitting in the living room of her house. I was sitting in the chair and she was in my lap. She kissed me and I kissed her back. She had he hands in my hair and I started to run m hand up her thigh. Adam had gone into work for a few hours and Macy went to the store for something. So we were alone in the house. She turned so she was straddling me and ground her hips into mine. She kissed my neck and I moaned and through my head back. It felt good but different. It was just sex for me not like it had been with Connor and I often closed my eyes and tried to pretend she was him. I knew that made me even more of an asshole right?

"What the fuck?" we heard from the doorway.

I would know that voice anywhere. I thought he was going to his new boyfriend's house for Christmas. I opened my eyes and made eye contact with him. Then I quickly looked away. I looked at the tall red head by his side. I had never seen anyone more beautiful. Leave it to Connor to find the most attractive gay guy at Yale to hook up with. Fuck my life. I wanted Connor back but how did I compete with that. Tamarin got up off my lap and I continue to watch the red head. I knew I was staring but I couldn't help it. He was that good looking. I could see though he only had eyes for Connor. I sighed but couldn't look away.

Connor stormed out of the room and the red smiled at me before following. I looked away from where he had been standing to see Tamarin staring at me with a hurt look on her face. She smacked me in the back of the head so hard my head lunged forward.

"Jealous much?" I asked.

She flicked me off and as she turned and left the room I noticed the tears in her eyes. I knew I had fucked up by trying to eye fuck Connor's new boyfriend. I needed to get up and fix it but I just sat there. I knew it was just her emotions going haywire. It hadn't been that bad had it? I got up and went to find her.

She was in the kitchen with her back to me. I walked up behind her and put my arms around her. I didn't know what to say. She turned around and looked at me. I reached up and wiped the tears from her eyes with my fingers. I hated myself for making her cry. I smiled at her and she smiled back through her tears. I knew I needed to say something to make this right but what?

"Don't worry baby you know I love you," I said.

She smiled widely and buried her head in my chest. Panic rose in my chest and I tried to fight it back. I had just said I love you first for the first time. It wasn't a me too! It was an outright I love you. For the first time I wondered if I actually meant it. Was I actually really falling for Tamarin? Could I be in love with her? I had spent so much time trying to hide my feelings since Connor left that I had shut myself off from everyone. This had been a wakeup call for me. I actually did love her.

A/N: So there you have it. Jude is dating Tamarin and she's pregnant. For those of you who guessed Wilke you are wrong for that! The thought never crossed my mind to be honest! Wilke will be mentioned again though a few times. Next up, Jude and Tamarin share their secret with her family and Connor reacts in a big way.