CHAPTER 14

I open my eyes with a pressing urge to pee, the first thing I notice is that sunlight is streaming in through the window, then I glance to my left and see Christian sleeping in the chair beside me. I sigh and shake my head. I should have known better than to think he wouldn't come back and spend the night here.

Easing out of bed I make my way to the bathroom and when I return Christian is still fast asleep, so I quickly get dressed, wincing as I move my right arm and feel the pull of the incision from the biopsy. I try and ignore it, as I really don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. The door opens and Nurse Rose walks in beaming at me, she glances at Christian slumped in the chair and gives me a sympathetic look.

"Good morning Mrs Grey" she whispers, "How are you feeling?"

"I feel good, thank you, and eager to go home" I reply, looking hopefully at her.

She smiles, "Well let me go and check with Dr King, but I don't see any reason why you shouldn't go home," she says.

As she leaves the room, Christian stirs, he looks up at me and smiles and easing himself out of the chair he stretches and yawns.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asks looking at me with his eyebrows raised.

"Planning my escape!" I say with a grin.

He laughs, "I have to say I don't really want to be here any longer than I have to be" he steps closer to me and pulls me into his arms, just at that moment the door opens and in strides Dr King, he stills as he sees Christian, and I notice an almost disappointed look on his face which he quickly hides and he recovers quickly smiling at me. I wonder if Christian was correct and it wasn't just his insecurity making a mountain out of a molehill.

Christian keeps his arms around me, and deliberately kisses me on the lips, I know he is doing it on purpose, and he knows that I saw Dr King's momentary reaction and that I know what he is doing.

"Mrs Grey" Dr King smiles, "Well you are free to go, we should have the biopsy report back this afternoon, so I have made an appointment for you to come in at 4 pm and so I will see you then."

"Thank you" I reply and shake his hand, I am a little unnerved by how his hand lingers on mine, now that Christian has pointed it out I am noticing odd things which don't appear to be quite right. He offers his hand to Christian who shakes it and he offers his thanks. Dr King dismisses it with a wave and then he leaves the room.

"Come on then baby, let's go home" Christian says with obvious relief and happiness.

As we are leaving the hospital, I look at Christian, "Thank you" I say.

"For what?" he asks. He looks genuinely confused as to why I am thanking him and I let out a small laugh and I shake my head as I grip his hand tightly.

"I'm not naive, I know things don't usually happen this quickly and it is only because of you that it has, I still feel uncomfortable when you use your wealth and your name to get special treatment and get things done quickly but on this occasion, I am grateful you did."

He pulls me close "Ana I would move mountains and stop the world spinning for you if I could, but I can't do that; so making sure you got the best treatment available and as quickly as humanly possible will just have to do!" He smiles at me and plants a small kiss on my forehead.

When we arrive home the house is quiet, the children are at school, and Gail is out, Taylor appears as I throw myself on to the sofa.

"Mrs Grey how are you?" he asks.

"Hi Taylor, I'm good thanks" I reply with a smile.

He nods but hovers as though he wants to say something else.

"Is everything alright?" I ask.

"Mrs Grey, I..." he stops, he sees Christian walking in and he swallows whatever it was he was about to say, then he simply nods and then turns and briskly walks from the room, I am confused and wonder what that was all about.

Christian walks over to me holding his hand out to me; I stand and take it, "Where are we going?" I ask.

"Out for breakfast, you were so keen to get out of the hospital this morning you didn't have anything to eat and I am going to remedy that now".

He leads me to the door and out to the R8 which we have only just recently stepped out of. He helps me fussing around me as I climb in and then when he is satisfied I am comfortable he climbs in and we roar off down the driveway.

"What's up with Taylor?" I ask as we are driving along.

"Nothing, as far as I know, why do you ask?" Christian glances at me and frowns at my question.

"I don't know, he seemed to want to tell me something and then changed his mind, it was weird it wasn't like him, he was acting... odd."

Christian looks unconcerned "I'll speak to him when we get back," he says.

We pull up outside IHOP, and I smile as this place has a number of good memories, including the very first time Christian brought me to one of these places after he had taken me soaring for the first time, shortly after we met. As we sit tucking into some delicious pancakes and I have been amused by the waitress who cannot take her eyes off Christian and is desperately trying to get him to notice her, I suddenly feel afraid. I have tried to block out the worst case scenario in my mind and up to now it has worked but thinking back to when Christian and I first met and how far we have come over the years it has made what could be happening now suddenly hit me with the force of a wrecking ball and the negativity consumes me of what could happen next.

I look up at Christian and as our eyes meet the tears start to fall from mine. I drop my fork on my plate with a clatter as I feel myself starting to lose control. Christian immediately stands and reaches into his pocket and leaves some money on the table, and after gesturing to the startled waitress he wraps his arm around me and leads me outside.

"Come on baby, I've got you, let's go home," he says softly.

I sob quietly all the way home as we drive in silence. When we get home Christian carries me inside and sits gently cradling me in his lap, he doesn't say a word to me, just lets me sob until I can sob no more.

This has to be the longest day of my life. Christian is watching me like a hawk, he follows me around all day, trying to make it look like he's not, I get more and more exasperated as the day goes on, and mixed with the dread and fear I am feeling in the pit of my stomach I am almost ready to explode. In the end, I go to our room and lock the door behind me and throw myself on the bed. I can hear Christian pacing around outside, but I just want a few minutes to myself.

When I feel ready to face Christian and the world again, I go to the door and unlock it, he is standing and leaning against the wall as I open the door he looks up into my eyes, I walk into his arms and he just holds me without saying a word.

I hear the children coming home and my heart lifts a little, I break away from Christian and run downstairs towards the noise. Standing in the lounge are Theo and Phoebe, arguing about something, and as I walk towards them they stop and both run to me.

"Mom" Phoebe cries as she flings her arms around me which makes me wince a little.

Theo beams at me, "Where's dad?" he asks.

"Upstairs" I reply and he runs upstairs calling for Christian.

I turn to Phoebe, I look at her carefully, I have been worrying about my decision to tell her what was going on, ever since I did it but deep down I still feel I did the right thing even though the doubts still linger.

She looks up at me her eyes shining, I can tell that she is bursting to tell me something, "Mom, you will never guess what has happened?"

I sit and she sits beside me "What's happened?" I ask.

"Mr Kennedy my art teacher took some of my drawings and entered them into some competition and I won!"

"Oh Phoebe that's wonderful, well done you" I hug her tightly.

She grins at me. "That's not all they are going to be shown in an exhibition, Mr Kennedy said I was the youngest person to have ever won this contest, and at the exhibition, some people could buy my drawings."

Christian comes towards me, I glance at my watch and my mood plummets its time to go to the hospital but I am determined not to break this moment.

"Christian, Phoebe has some fantastic news"

Phoebe proceeds to tell Christian about her art and he smiles widely at her and hugs her tightly, "Well done Phoebe" he says with such pride in his voice it is thick with emotion.

Phoebe looks up at him "Will you come to the exhibition and see my drawings dad?" she asks.

Christian pulls her back towards him, "Of course I will" he says. He glances towards me and I smile widely at him; but now the moment has to be broken.

Christian pulls Phoebe away from him "Pheebs" he says, Phoebe looks up in surprise, only Theo calls her that normally, "Listen to me sweetheart, your mom and I have to go now, as we have an appointment at the hospital, we have an appointment with Dr King for your mothers results, but when we get back I promise you I will talk to you about the exhibition ok."

Phoebe nods and then looks at me and turns to me and hugs me tightly, "Good luck mom" she says, understanding immediately.

"Thank you, darling," I say.

Christian bends down to Phoebe, "Mrs Taylor is in the kitchen ok, Alex and Izzy will be home shortly with Ryan, Theo is upstairs, and Grandma Grace is on her way, and we will be as quick as we can."

Phoebe nods and as Christian rises Grace appears, she walks briskly towards Christian and plants a small kiss on his cheek.

"Hello darling," she says to him and then she turns to me.

I stand and she hugs me tightly and plants a small soft kiss on my cheek, but doesn't say a word. I look up at her and I can see tears in her eyes, I panic wondering if she knows the results.

"Do you know?" I ask in a small voice.

Grace looks shocked and shakes her head adamantly. "No dear, I don't, but I am hoping and praying for the best possible outcome", she hugs me again.

"Ok we're going then, let's get this over with," I say with forced bravado.

I smile at Phoebe and grasp Christian's hand, I shout upstairs to Theo and he answers but doesn't appear.

I turn and look back at Grace and she holds her hand up she has her fingers crossed and smiles at me.

"Come on baby" Christian whispers to me, just as we are leaving, Taylor appears from nowhere.

"Mrs Grey" he calls.

I turn and look at him, "Good luck Mrs Grey" he says and then turns away.

"Thank you, Taylor" I reply as I climb into the car.

"What was that about?" I ask Christian as we are driving to the hospital.

Christian sighs, and then hesitates, whatever he knows, he doesn't want to tell me, "I spoke to Taylor earlier after what you said" he pauses, "it seems Taylor's mother died of breast cancer, and this whole situation has struck more than a few nerves."

"Oh, I see," I say lamely.

A heavy silence descends on us for the rest of the journey.

We are sitting in Dr King's office, as he arrives, I grip Christian's hand tightly, this is it, I am willing myself not to cry. I glance at Christian and I can feel the anxiety coming from him in waves, I want this over with and over with quickly so I can work out what to do next. As Dr King enters the room with some papers in his hand I try and gauge what the answer is by his demeanour, but I find it impossible to get any clue.

He sits and smiles at us. "Well, Mrs Grey," he says "I have some excellent news, the mass we found in your breast was benign – there no trace of cancer." He carries on and says more stuff I think he is describing what the mass was but I don't hear it as I stopped listening after the word benign.

I feel and see Christian sag with relief, I am buzzing with elation, but I need to hear that it wasn't cancer once more.

"Just say that again," I ask staring at Dr King.

He laughs, "Benign Mrs Grey, you don't have breast cancer".

I stand and fling my arms around him he laughs loudly and hugs me back, "Thank you" I say gratefully. I feel Christian pulling me gently away; I turn and fall into his arms the tears I was desperate to hide, falling down my cheeks.

"Oh Christian!" I sob as I cling to him and before I think too closely about what I am doing I pull back slightly and then pull his head towards me and kiss him passionately on the lips, he responds briefly but then gently eases me away from him.

"Come on baby lets go home," he says in my ear, he turns to Dr King and shakes his hand "Thank you, for everything," he says sincerely.

I walk out the door, and immediately call Gail, "Hi Gail, I say when she answers, "Its all clear" I blurt out.

"Mrs Grey that's wonderful news I am so pleased, I will tell Jason, oh that must be such a relief for you both."

I smile "yes it is" I reply "Thank you Gail; we will be with you shortly."

I hang up and look at Christian who is talking to his mother he hesitates a moment as he sees me looking.

"Got to go mom, we will be home shortly, bye" he hangs up and he wraps me in his arms and smothers my face in kisses. I lift my head up to his and he kisses me soundly on my lips deeply and reverently to start with but the heat starts to rise and it soon develops into something more carnal.

This time I pull away from him "let's get home" I whisper.

"Home or home?" he replies with a smouldering look.

"Home," I say, "You promised to talk with Phoebe about her exhibition, and I don't know about you but I'm starving."

With that Christian frog marches me to the car and we head home.

I am feeling dizzy with relief, I look around the table as we are eating and I drink in my family, my gaze falls on Phoebe who is talking animatedly to Christian about her upcoming exhibition, I smile with unconcealed pride, 10 years old and displaying work in an art exhibition, it hardly seems believable, but she is extraordinarily talented. I am hoping this will improve her self-esteem and make the progress she has made so far more secure.

I look at Theo, so tall for his age he looks and acts much older than his 12 years, so driven and focussed on success, in everything he does, he frightens me sometimes. I look towards my two younger children, Isobel, who is as always focused on Christian, I smile she is hard to fathom, she loves everyone and has such a sweet nature and she is incredibly close to Alex, watching over him and protecting him, but Izzy also has a vicious temper when provoked as I have seen her holding her own with both Phoebe and Theo when things have gone wrong.

Then there is Alex, I am trying so hard to break that invisible cord between us but it's proving to be difficult, he is a typical six-year-old little boy, a bundle of fun and energy, keeping everyone on their toes. He has developed a relationship with Sawyer which is charming to watch and he can often be found kicking a ball around with him.

I am pulled from my thoughts by Taylor who coughs discreetly in the doorway; Christian looks towards him.

"Yes," he says.

"Mrs Grey is here," Taylor says, and there is a hint of wariness in his tone.

"My mother is here?" Christian asks in confusion.

Taylor shakes his head, "No Sir, Kate Grey" he says.

Kate is here? Christian looks at me, I stand and we both walk into the lounge where she is standing there looking less than happy, she has her hands on her hips and she is glaring at me with open hostility.

"Kate?" I ask.

"Don't you Kate me" she snaps "When exactly were you going to tell me, I had to hear it from Grace."

I walk towards her, understanding immediately why she is so angry, "Please Kate" I say.

"I'm supposed to be your closest friend and you neglect to tell me when you are going through something so..." she stops as her voice cracks and she grabs my arm and pulls me into a fierce hug, making me wince again.

"Careful Kate, Ana is still recovering from surgery" Christian barks.

Kate's grip on me loosens slightly at that and seems to calm her a little.

"I'm sorry," I say "It's just things happened so quickly, Christian took care of everything and got me seen and sorted before I could draw breath, there wasn't the time frame to let you know."

She sighs, "I was gutted when Grace told me," she says.

"Grace only knew because Christian called her to get the name of the breast cancer specialist at the hospital" I explain.

Kate pulls me away from her and looks hard at me, I see the worry and fear in her eyes along with the fact they are glittering with unshed tears.

"But you are ok?" she asks seriously.

I nod and smile at her, "Yes, all clear it was totally benign" I say "and saw an old acquaintance from my school days" I add.

Kate's eyebrows raise "Oh?" she says clearly interested.

I turn and see Christian roll his eyes and he walks away and leaves us to it.

I lead Kate to the sofa and we sit down and I proceed to explain about Dr King and how I knew him and I also tell her about Christians overreaction.

"He hasn't overreacted like that for years," she says with a frown, "the worry must have got to him" she adds.

Kate and I sit and I tell her the whole story from beginning to end, and she sits and listens when I have finished I apologise once more for not telling her but she seems to understand now that it wasn't done maliciously.

"Being loved by and married to one of the richest businessmen in the States definitely has its perks," she says "and I am glad that this was one of them" she adds kindly. "Listen, I'm sorry I was so mad, but I was just so worried when Grace told me, I didn't know what to think and the fact you hadn't said anything, but now you've explained it all I can see why."

I shake my head and tell her it's fine. She looks closely at me as though she is assessing me.

"I've got to go now, but we deserve a girl's night out... soon!" Kate's says as she rises to her feet.

"Yes, I'd like that" I say, it's been so long since I went out with Kate and just let my hair down.

I watch Kate go, and turn to return to my family, Taylor is standing there.

"Hi Taylor," I say.

"Mrs Grey, I just wanted to say, how pleased I was to hear you got the all clear," he says before I can stop myself I hug him tightly.

"Thank you, Jason," I say.

I pull away and look at him, he looks embarrassed and I smile at him.

"Excuse me, ma'am," he says and hurries away.

oooOOOooo

I am sitting at work, going through everything that needs to be done; I am so pleased I have such a good team around me so that when I am absent things continue smoothly. I had clashed with Christian that morning as he wanted me to take more time off but I needed to work and I really wanted to go in to take my mind off everything that has happened, I just want to get back to normality.

The day zips past and I glance up and am shocked to see it is 5:45 I hurriedly finish what I am doing and turn off my computer. As I am climbing into the car my phone buzzes.

It's Christian and I smile as I answer it "Hi" I say warmly.

"Hi, where are you?" he says and I frown as he sounds anxious and stressed.

"I'm on my way home now," I say gently trying to soothe things, "I got caught up in the office and I lost track of time, that's all, I'm fine" I add.

"Ok," he says, he sounds relieved now but I am concerned, he should know where I am because Luke is with me and all he would need to do is ask Taylor if he was worried.

"Christian what's wrong?" I ask a sense of foreboding sweeping over me.

"Nothing baby" he replies "its just you weren't here when I got home and I was worried," he says a little sheepishly.

"I'll be home soon," I say.

I hang up and gaze out of the window as Sawyer drives me home. This whole episode has affected Christian much more than he is willing to admit. His deep-seated pathological fear of losing me became a very real possibility for him albeit for just a short amount of time and it has unearthed all his deepest fears, worries and insecurities and they are once again controlling him like they were when we first met, instead of him controlling them as he has learnt and managed to do for a number of years.

When I get home, I find Christian in his office pouring over spreadsheets, I hover in the doorway, and he glances up and he smiles when he sees me.

I walk towards him and he comes towards me and kisses me, he places his hand on my behind and pulls me close to him I am surprised at the intensity of his passion, I pull away from him and shut the door and lock it. I walk into his arms and I feel just how aroused he is.

"Hmm you are pleased to see me," I say playfully.

"Oh yes, always," he says and walks me towards his desk, with one swift hand movement the papers are shoved aside and he lies me down on his desk, and pulls me towards him. He lowers himself on top of me and covers my mouth with his, moments later my panties are in tatters on the ground and he is unzipping his fly and pushing his trousers down roughly. He touches me and pushes a single finger inside me and moans.

"Oh god, always so wet and ready for me," he says, and without any further preamble, he removes his finger and reaches between us he grasps himself and after running the head of his penis along my opening he thrusts his hips forward, I gasp as I feel him enter me, filling me completely.

"Ok baby?" he asks hoarsely.

I nod, and reach around and pull him closer and I wrap my legs around his waist.

He smiles and moans again and then he starts to move, he is not being gentle, he is thrusting as though he is trying to climb inside me and I know why, he is still locked in his head with his fear, but I don't say anything I just meet his frenzied thrusts and feel the pleasure I am receiving as the passion consumes us both.