Annoying Snape

Asking Harry For a Favor

"No Hermione! No!" Harry snapped as we sat in the library. "That is so stupid and I could totally get in trouble for it!"

"You wouldn't be a willing participant!" I said quickly.

"When has that ever stopped Snape from taking points from me? Remember that time he took points off of me because it looked like I was plotting something? I had just woken up from a nap! The only thing I was plotting was copying the notes from you!" Harry grumbled. I rolled my eyes.

"You know you want to," I said poking his arm.

"No," Harry said firmly.

"Fine," I snapped. "It'll be better if you don't want to anyways," I said and slipped my wand out of my pocket.

"Hermione…" Harry said warningly but by the time he was done saying my name, he was in a firm body bind. I then gagged him, blindfolded him, and dragged him from the room.

"My god Harry! What do you weigh?" I gasped as we came up from a staircase. There was some indistinct muttering and I am pretty sure it wouldn't have been nice. I heaved him again up three steps to the landing at the dungeons, then rolled him down the stairs. I heard him bounce and mutter something rude. "Here we are!" I cried happily as we got to Snape's door. I placed Harry outside of it, left a note, and knocked.

Then I ran like hell. I hid behind a statue and waited for Snape to come outside. Finally, he poked his head out, looked around and then down at Harry.

"Oh what the-?" Snape asked in an annoyed voice and pulled Harry up. "'Dear Snape, This is a warning, take one thousand green skittles to the Astronomy Tower by Friday or your potions get it. Signed, The Watcher…'" Snape looked back down and then back at the parchment. He rolled his eyes. "'Do not transfigure any others green…I shall know.' Mr. Potter do you see this as some sort of joke?"

Muffled protests and a lot of thrashing. I giggled into my hand hard as Snape took the blindfold off of Harry eyes and the gag out of Harry's mouth.

"Well, Mr. Potter? What does the all mighty have to say about himself today?" Snape asked in a bored voice. There was a long pause.

"I'll just go," Harry grumbled and waited for Snape to do the counter-curse.

"Well?" Snape said pointing in the other direction.

"I'm in a body-bind," Harry growled.

"Oh for the love of Merlin," Snape roared and the door slammed shut. Harry stood there for a moment before trying to move, with no avail.

"Hermione!" he hissed angrily. "Hermione!" I came out of my hiding spot and knocked him down next to the statue just as Snape's door opened again and he came out with his wand. He swore loudly and slammed his door again.

"You did brilliant!" I said patting his head happily.

"I just want to tell you that I hate you!" he snarled and began to attempt thrashing. "Get me out of this right now!"

"Alright," I snapped and un-did the bind. He stood up and glowered at me. "Well go! You were just harping about not being able to move, I undo the charm, and you stand there!"

There was a long pause in which Harry and I just stared at each other and then he stomped away very angrily. I asked him to do me a favor and he acts as though I've made him impotent or something. I am the one who makes sure he doesn't fail his exams! I am the one who makes sure he has notes! I am the one who made sure the dragon didn't light him up like a joint in the fourth year and this is the thanks I get?

"Miss Granger?" Snape asked and I turned to him with a smile.

"Hello Professor!" I said happily and he scowled at me.

"I just saw the funniest sight," Snape said like he was commenting on the weather. I was so tempted to ask whether or not it was a mirror. There was a silence in which Snape knew what I wanted to say.

"Was it a tap-dancing bunny?" I asked innocently.

"No, it was Mr. Potter bound and gagged outside my door…Any thoughts?" he asked angrily.

"Well…I didn't take you for the bondage type-" I started.

"Miss Granger!" Snape bellowed.

"Hey, who am I to judge right?" I said patting his arm and he growled menacingly at me. "That was a funny sight…Did you use the voodoo doll?"

"Now if I were to get Mr. Potter back here and ask him who exactly placed him in a full body-bind and set him outside me door, who do you think he'll say?" Snape asked carelessly.

"I don't know," I said shrugging. "There are a lot of people who may have placed him out here. Maybe a jealous lover? Malfoy doesn't like all the attention you give Harry…Maybe it was him?" I was now struggling not to burst into gales of laughter. Snape seemed to take this into consideration. I glanced at his features carefully.

"Ten points from Gryffindor," Snape said smoothly and I turned back to his angry, scowling face.

"Why? Didn't anyone ever tell you not to blame the victim? That it isn't their fault? Maybe it was out of Harry's control!" I yelled to Snape's retreating back. "Gloria Alred is going to hear about this!" I smirked as his door slammed shut.

Well that takes care of this morning, now I need to go and talk to Harry before he has a chance to lick his wounds. Plus I'm the one who talked Ginny into sleeping with him…twice now. Sure it wasn't intentional and had I been listening to her drabble I would have told her to wait.

As I went back into the Common Room I saw Harry scowling heavily into a book. He glanced up at me and then went back to reading as though I didn't even enter the room.

"You know you did promise to help me in my annoyance of Snape," I commented dryly as I began to flick casually through a magazine.

"With my consent!" Harry snarled. "I didn't expect you to bind and gag me, then leave me outside Snape's room. For all I know he could have taken the chance to kill me or something!"

I rolled my eyes. "First of all, he has a voodoo doll for if he wanted to kill you. Second of all, without me, you and Ron would still be first years. Third of all, because of me Ginny will now be shagging you. And fourth of all, if asked, Malfoy put you in the body bind because he is deliriously in love with Snape. Any questions?" I snapped matter-of-factly.

"Wait a minute…" Harry said frowning. "This is a lot of information for one person to take!"

"I'm not hopping up and running away!" I snapped as Ginny came over and sat by Harry.

"What are you two talking about?" she asked after kissing Harry on the cheek.

"Harry is having a bitch fit because I tied him up, gagged him, and left him outside Snape's door," I said boredly. I looked over at Ginny who was staring at me.

"Oh," she said shrugging. "Ok."

Harry goggled at her. "Ok? Ok? I feel so violated!" he yelled.

"Not as much as you will be," I muttered and looked over at me.

"What did you just mutter?" he snapped accusingly.

"My, my, attack someone and make sure they can't escape and suddenly they turn into whining pansies!" I snapped and went back to my magazine. "Stop glowering at me!"

"Why is he leering at you?" Ron asked plopping down next to me and I smiled sweetly at him.

"He's just angry because I managed to tie him up and leave him outside Snape's room before he even reached his wand…Ladies and gentlemen meet the boy who will soon be saving your lives!" I said in an announcers voice and Harry scowled at me again as Ron broke into giggles.

"Very funny!" Harry snapped.

"Were you harmed?" I asked.

"No," Harry snapped.

"Are you mentally scarred?" I asked again.

"No," Harry snapped again.

"Did you lose any points?" I asked.

"No," Harry mumbled.

"Did you get a detention?" I asked.

"No! Alright?" Harry bellowed.

"Then stop it! You know it's funny!" I said and Harry smiled despite himself. "See you think it's funny!"

"It was stupid," Harry said still smiling a little.

"Regardless, I need you to do that for me for an entire month…Cookie?" I asked as Harry gaped at me.

Annoying Snape

More Annoyances

Who said I can't be annoying without the help of Fred and George? Well actually no one, but I bet some people have thought it. Once again I have someone tailing Snape so that they will rub the coin, and it will heat up when he gets too close to his room. If all else fails, Ron is going to light Snape's robes on fire again. A little over-used but it worked the first time, well I mean it would have worked if it was Snape trying to kill Harry not Quirrel.

So I snuck into his chambers and placed a giant Valentine on his desk. It has sparkles and lace all over it in different forms of red and pink. When you open it the card spits glitter into your face and begins to sing a song. It won't let you close it until the entire song has been sung. After pouring over lists and lists of muggle songs, I have come to one in which I really like it. 'Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?' seems so appropriate, because we all know Snape would very much like to hurt me. I am surprised to have lasted so long when he knows it's me sending him these things.

Then my coin began to heat up and I ran from the classroom as fast as I could. Once around the corner I began to run past the library when I toppled into someone very bony, and of course because of my amazing luck, it was Snape.

"Miss Granger an unpleasant surprise as always," he said smirking. "Now where are you off to at such a fast pace?"

"Bathroom," I said getting myself up as he didn't even offer. "I had some real awful chilly that didn't exactly mesh well with the insides if you know what I mean," I said winking. He scowled at me.

"Well then let me escort you to the bathroom," Snape said leading me by the elbow.

"Thank you," I said courteously. "You're like a seeing-eye-dog! Do you want a biscuit?" I asked as we neared the bathroom. He pushed me against the door. "Well what a horrible thing to do to a blind person! I'm dependent on you, and you push me into a wall? What about my feelings?"

"When you come out you and I will take a walk back to my office," Snape said folding his arms.

"Fine," I said and then looked up at the door. "Sir, this is the boys room."

Snape scowled again and brought me halfway down the hall to another bathroom. "Here you are," Snape said smirking with mirth.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," I said bouncing on the balls of my feet. "I know how to do this."

Once again Snape scowled at me heavily. "I'm waiting for you to accompany me to my office," he snarled.

"Why?" I asked innocently.

"Do not asked stupid questions!" Snape said angrily and folded his arms.

"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people," I scolded. We stood there for another moment.

"Well if you don't have to go we'll just take that little walk right now," Snape said and ushered me down the hall. I was seriously thinking of running away, but he kept a firm hold onto me. I can not believe he doesn't even trust me! The nerve of him.

Finally we made it back into the cool, damp surroundings of the dungeons. "You should think of lightening this place up a bit," I said casually and he opened his office door. I noticed the card laying on the desk, and was praying he didn't. He did.

"Ah, what do we have here?" Snape asked sounding shocked.

"I think it's a card sir," I said innocently.

"I know what it is!" Snape snarled.

"Oh well the way you were talking about it made me think you didn't," I said once again innocently.

"Now who would think to send me a Valentine card in November?" Snape asked harshly.

"Maybe someone is going into hibernation and wanted to make sure you thought of him…or her while she slept the winter off," I said shrugging.

"Or maybe a student snuck into my office and planted it on my desk?" Snape asked thrusting it at me.

"Oh no thank you," I said gratefully. "I mean you're an alright guy-"

"Open it," Snape bellowed and I stopped talking. I slid the paper off and pretended I didn't know what was going to happen. I teased the card open and got a face full of glitter. Then the song started.

"'Do you really want to hurt me…? Do you really want to make me cry?'" the card sang loudly and I looked at Snape trying not to burst into laughter.

"Well sir? Do you?" I asked and he wrenched it out of my hands. "I surely did not send this."

"Really?" Snape asked furiously. "You have a tendency to send gifts that spit glitter!"

"Hey that was a very nice hat!" I said defensively. "You're just angry it wasn't black or something!"

"Twenty points from Gryffindor!" Snape said breathing heavily.

"For what?" I snapped furiously.

"You know what! First you tie Mr. Potter outside of my door, then you send me this card!" Snape roared.

"I tied Harry up? Look at me! Do I look like I can take down a full grown person? Then I would have had to drag him all the way down to your office!" I said folding my arms. "That is a lot of work for someone of my size…However if I had two strong body guards to carry someone around…" I trailed off giving just that snid-bit of realization.

"Get out of my office," Snape said once again looking sick.

"I saw Malfoy carrying a small velvet box claiming it was something for you…Any thoughts?" I asked causually as I left the room.

Ah another day in the world of Hermione Granger…I can't wait for tomorrow's pranks….