I had planned to update every other day instead of my usual daily basis from now on, but the feedback on chapter 13 really got me going. You got me out of my funk, and I appreciate it.
I want you all to know that I'm planning to respond to the reviews, just bear with me.
I really want to thank you all for reviewing: I respond to the ones that ask me something or make comments that make think something else, but by it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate all of them, even if I don't reply to the ones that just tell me to update or say 'good chapter'.
I want to be very clear that I don't get excited because the review count goes up, I couldn't care less about that. What I love is reading your ideas, and being so touched by you taking your time to write something to me.
I came out to my significant other, so to speak, I had been somewhat secretive about writing here. My SO reacted very well, and felt proud of me because I'm writing again. , I read some parts out loud but I'm not letting him read it all, since I'm quite embarrassed for him to read the sex and romantic parts. I'm afraid he'll think I'm dropping hints.
The fight scene last chapter was my ode to siblings. I really wanted to portray how alliances are created and destroyed in matter of seconds. It was a dramatic moment, but written to be found funny in how ludicrous fights become.
And lastly, I haven't forgotten of the questions you all have about the plot: what made them break-up and the conversation between Edward and Emmett. It will all be revealed with time. I'm brewing something here, and I want to have enough conflict to get me to chapter 20. I don't know about you, but I'm not ready for the happy ending yet.
Thank you.
"So when do you think we'll be progressing to a… more mature relationship? Not trying to rush anything here, pure curiosity…" Edward asked me as we were lying down on his couch after watching a movie, and we lazily rubbed our bare feet together. "I was wondering if we had a time table or if we were playing this by ear."
"Well, I guess we're just trying to do this in a more normal way." I replied with my eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the proximity.
"Which means?" He asked against my hair.
"I have no idea, my only basis of comparison is us and well… that was quite abnormal. But you are Mr. Experience, so let's hear about your past dating experiences."
"Is this your way to asked me about my baggage?"
"Yeah, because I have a thing for masochism." I said with sarcasm.
"You are the one asking about it."
"Purely for a basis for comparison." I explained myself.
"Okay, but you asked for it." I was warned.
I got myself ungracefully to a sitting position.
"Ouch! Watch it! I'm kind of tender there." He complained.
" 'Fess up man."
Edward pushed me off to the other end of the couch and sat up grimacing slightly.
"I didn't hurt you… there. Anyways, start talking." I said as he reached for my hips and moved me his lap.
"You're bony." He complained some more. "And I don't think you are going to find it as helpful as you think."
"It has to be more helpful than mine." I said shrugging.
"Then I'm interested to hear what you were romantically doing in our time apart." He proposed expecting me to have a problem with it.
"You know what I was doing." I said confidently.
"No. I know what you were not doing. I'm interested in what you were doing. Don't think I haven't noticed some new kissing technique. I'd even dare to say it seems a little… foreign?" He said trying to read my reaction.
"Ha…" I laughed. "Fine, I'll tell you mine after you tell me yours. I just wonder if we'll regret this afterwards."
"Interesting that you are worried only after the possibility of your stuff coming out." He pointed out to my annoyance.
"You're stalling Cullen, speak."
"Can you blame me?" He asked placing his hands to the sides of my face tilting it up to look at him, just inches away from me.
"You're the one that wants a timetable, so you don't have to, if you don't want to." I said trying to sound nonchalant about it.
"If I recall correctly you been… eager as well at times." He was now openly teasing, as he sighed his words dangerously close to my lips.
"That was just my immaturity reacting to certain contingencies." I said trying to ignore him by closing my eyes.
"Right… Your hormones had nothing to do with it. So if I tried something on you now, you wouldn't respond right?"
That last part got my eyes to open.
"Don't look at me like that." I said just by the intent in his eyes.
"Am I making you nervous?" He said curving his lips into a wicked smile.
"Very." I conceded unwilling to feel defeated: if I owned to it, it couldn't be considered a loss right?
"Just admit it." He commanded.
"To what?" I asked in an equal breathy voice.
"That you have desires as well… for me…"
"Do you have desires for yourself?" I said in the same tone knowing I was annoying him.
"Chicken." He said pulling away.
"Fine. I desire you, this is just as difficult, happy?" I said in my normal tone.
"Very."
"Tell me about your ladies then." I prompted returning to our conversation.
"Okay… I've been with three women in my life. You included." He admitted.
"Really? In eighteen months only two?" I asked surprised.
"You are one to talk." He said moving his hands over my thighs.
"Yeah, the difference is that you are ecstatic about my celibacy."
"I thought you'd feel flattered."
"I am… Wait, why should I feel flattered?" I asked confused.
"Because it was difficult… to decide to do something like that, our history was too heavy."
"But you managed." I reminded him.
"I'm not very proud of the first." He said avoiding my eyes.
This was going to be good, so instead of giving him an easy way out I went in full force.
"What happened?"
"I went to a party, drank ridiculous amounts of alcohol, woke up with a girl I met there, with a terrible hangover, both physical and moral, and not a lot of recollection of the event…" He said trying to breeze his way through the memory of his less than proud moment.
"That is a crappy memory…" I agreed.
"I felt really shitty about it, for a long time." He said rolling his eyes and shaking his head. I ran my fingers through his hair trying to reassure him.
"So you went to the party looking to score?" I asked unable to contain my humor.
"No. I have to admit, she kind of pursued me."
"You were right. So far your experiences are not helping at all. You have a thing for girls proposing sex right?" I was very amused.
"Laugh all you want. You may have come up with the idea, but it blew up in your face. I like to think I took charge soon enough."
And now ladies and gentleman: the moment when one's boyfriend asks for some reassurance as a little boy asks for a cookie.
"I know your male ego needs a boost now, so I'll give it to you. Yes, you certainly took charge. You were the man. Happy?"
My charming self made jokes and feigned annoyance on a daily basis, but lots of times it was to cover how truthful I really was.
"Not really when you say it like it."
"I'll make sure to moan it next time we're biblical." I said instead.
"Thank you." He responded satisfied and then kissed me, action I welcomed gladly.
"And then I guess we get to… Karen." I said when the kiss broke.
"Yeah… Karen… As you probably know, it took me a while to start that."
"Where did you meet her?" I asked intrigued.
"Coffee place."
"Wow! That actually impresses me, so you totally started from scratch there. No friend introducing you or anything."
"No. I started the conversation on my own."
"So you can totally start relationships with women you haven't known your whole life. I'm proud of you Cullen."
"That sounds like you wanting me to do it again." He said fishing for an admission from me.
"No… Let's just say not in the immediate future."
"Sounds like you're keeping something."
"Agh… Okay then, right now I feel like I don't want you to meet any other women… at all… not now… not ever."
"Thank you. It felt nice to feel appreciated."
"Then tell me more." I ordered him.
"Well, we started dating for a while before getting physical."
"How long? Should I take notes?"
"I don't know, a few weeks… anyways… One day we ran into Emmett and Rose and they invited us for dinner. I don't think I would have suggested her meeting friends of mine quite so early, let alone family. I don't think I was quite ready. And then it all snowballed from there."
"Alice's party?" I asked knowing what he was attempting to explain.
"Yeah… When Jasper called to invite me I was having dinner with her, it was awkward, he heard her voice and told me she could come, before I knew it she was coming."
"Is this you trying to apologize?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"What for? My mental anguish? It's funny that I was kind of forced to bring someone and it was you the one alone."
"I was relieved that she wasn't able to go. I liked her… a lot… but I wasn't ready for her to meet everyone… not ready for her to meet you at all."
"I don't think it would have gone like the time we actually met. I mean with everyone there."
"I'm sorry that happened the way it did. Though… The aftermath was nice." He said skipping to the enjoyable part of that night.
"Pig." I said pushing his face to the side.
"You liked it too. Admit it."
"I did. So how was it with Karen?" I asked the forbidden question.
"Oh, you are not asking that."
"How come I am?"
"Listen, I'm just going to say this to get you off my back. It happened about three times. And it was… different. I didn't know her like I know you, so it could have never been like it is with us." He said rubbing his fingers over the small of my back, right over the place where my tattoo was I presumed.
"Even at the beginning?"
"Even at the beginning I knew you like I can't know anyone else. So you can't compare."
"Flatterer."
"I'm just being honest."
"I'm that good huh?" I said smugly.
"No. I said we are that good. Okay your turn."
"What is there to say?" I asked actually embarrassed by the boredom of my romantic life on our time apart.
"You're not getting out of this. Let's start with why you didn't get… more experience… I would have thought that France had plenty of opportunities for you."
"Oh, that would have been unpatriotic." I said making a joke.
"Come on, you are the first one to criticize the government."
"Yeah, I don't think that was the reason… I guess at first everything felt too recent. I didn't even have the romantic drive. I wasn't interested at all… At the end of my stay I went to a few of dates, nothing that I could see progressing, maybe because I knew I was coming back, or maybe because they weren't you… I can't really say. I did my fair share of kissing though, and I guess I pick up on a couple of things."
"Are you trying to make me jealous?" He asked.
"I listened to your story." I reminded him.
"You asked for it."
"Fine, so coming back it was the same thing. I just caught up with work, having fun with Elyse and Patrick. And then, of course, there are not a lot of opportunities to meet guys when you go to gay bars."
"Remind me to send a case of wine to Patrick." He said amused.
"And then I went out with Neil, and you know about that."
"Yeah… Not my proudest moment." He said looking down.
"So where are we in terms of a timetable?" I asked trying to see if that little exchange had had a point after all.
"I think we are at the same point. But we've been good the last what? Month and a half?"
"We didn't see each other for the first three weeks after the time… at my place." I said thinking back.
"Then about a month. But we've seen each other about every night ever since. Spending the night together many times in a completely platonic way." He mentioned as one does a great accomplishment.
"I don't know if platonic, but yes, I get your point."
"I think we've proven each other that we want a relationship, that it is not just us being nostalgic about the past, or the break-up sex we didn't have." He said making a point.
"I agree."
"I'm not trying to rush things, but I think we should feel happy to let things… progress."
"Then we agree on that… My only request is that we don't do a super production when it actually happens." I said dreading putting too much pressure on it.
"Yeah, I kind of liked how the first time wasn't overstated at all, it took a lot of the pressure off."
I smiled at the memory; in its weirdness it had been nice. He must have read my thoughts in my smile because he covered my mouth with his and we alternated kissing with laughing, collapsing back on the couch with me underneath this time. I was enjoying the sensations when he sighed on my ear. "I like you like this, unable to escape." At first the idea made me smile, but then it got me thinking about the rather negative implication of it.
I was the one that fled: the escapist.
"Despite what you believe I wanted the whole thing with you." I said trying to fight with the voice in my head that hissed my guiltiness at me.
"What do you mean?" Edward asked about the line uttered half for the voice and half for him.
"I mean the house and the dog and everything." I said unraveling the bitterness I had buried inside.
"Really?"
His incredulity harmed me.
I pushed him up so his weight was not resting on me, and he had to push against the back of the couch and the seat to hover above.
"Don't sound so surprised… You well know I was in it for the long haul."
"I can see how exciting it sounded." He said defensively, harmed in turn by my choice of words.
"With you the conventional path wasn't scary, or even boring, it was what I wanted." I said with disbelief that he was finding this a novelty. "Actually, it wasn't a possibility for me. We just were, I had no option. Nothing else I wanted."
"What are you trying to say?" He asked in turn.
"That you didn't have to leave me because of that." I admitted bitterly.
"I didn't leave you." He said coldly pushing back to sit on his legs.
"I went away, but I didn't leave you… You didn't leave but you where not there." I said finally putting the words out, amazed at the realization that they hurt still.
"How come we got here?" He asked bothered.
"I don't know, but this is the big one isn't it?" I asked shocked at the rawness of the memory.
"I didn't withdraw because I thought you didn't want a future with me." He admitted.
"Then what happened?" I asked sitting up.
"I don't know. Nothing happened I guess."
"You were not there. I left because I was alone anyways." I said unhappy with his response.
"So you did that instead of talking to me?" He asked and I could detect he felt hurt as well.
"Excuse me! I tried to talk plenty of times."
"I don't think I can explain what was going on with me then, I was just not in a good place."
"And you lock me out of whatever it was." I said sadness evident in my tone.
"What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry? I am sorry, I truly am, but I didn't know it was going to end up splitting us up. I didn't know I was going to push you away." He said getting up.
"I wasn't planning on leaving. The opportunity came and when I mentioned it, you couldn't care less." I said feeling my eyes welling up.
"I cared." He said looking away from me.
"Not enough to ask me to stay."
There, I had said the words.
"I guess we both have a lot of bitterness stored."
The ring of the phone startled us and ended the first round, pushing us back to our corners.
Edward picked it up and I could hear his side of the opportune conversation.
"Hey mom! Yes, I'm excited too… I haven't but I will do tonight… Okay, okay, I know I should do it… I don't know what her plans are yet… She's here if you want to ask her yourself… Yes she is, and no I won't give you any details… Fine, here she is…"
I had a good idea of what had transpired in that conversation.
"Hey Esme." I said thinking that the voice on the other side had an astounding balsamic effect in any situation.
"Hey honey! I guess there are exciting news to tell me." She said in a cheerful tone.
"Yes, I think Emmett is thinking about proposing to Rose." I said dodging her implication.
"Oh, sweet child of mine… You know what I mean." She said unaffected by my attempt.
"We're giving it a go… And we're being mature this time, so spare me the sermon, Emmett already did." I said in resignation.
"I won't honey, I already had that talk with you once. You're an adult and I trust you. But expect Dad to have something to say." She warned.
"I wouldn't love him any other way." I said thinking fondly of Carlisle, and being interrupted by a depression on the couch cushion I was sitting on, soon enough startled by a hand brushing my hair off my neck and causing my skin to tingle with the dance of his lips.
It was here that I realized that he was only listening to my side of the conversation, as I had before, and I could see his confusion at my words.
I didn't have the heart to settle it straight. Not to mention that his attention was making me forget we had just been about to tear each other's heads off, metaphorically speaking.
"So what are you guys doing?" Esme forced me to open my eyes, which I hadn't realized had closed.
"Ah… fighting right when you called." I responded honestly being punished for it by a light bite.
"Should I worry?" She asked as I felt hands exploring under my top freely.
"No, not at all…" I said now actively conscious of my tone, worried it would reveal what my silent partner in crime was doing.
"I was telling my boy there that I was wondering if you knew when you were coming, you know the wedding is just around the corner."
"I don't have my tickets yet." I informed her in the least amount of words I was able.
"Seems like you two haven't talked about those plans."
"We haven't, but I guess we will tonight."
His mouth had traveled from my neck to my jaw, and suddenly I realized that my bra was still on me, but now hung laxly from my shoulders as he kneaded me.
"How long were you thinking of staying?"
At that question I forced my brain to settle and I responded:
"I think I'll stay a little longer. I haven't been there in a while, I already asked Patrick about taking vacation time. So I think I'll come the weekend before and stay until a day or two after the wedding."
I sincerely doubted I was going to feel coherent enough to say something that long any time soon.
"I didn't know you were planning to do that." Edward commented against my skin, his voice muffled.
"Well you never asked." I said turning my face to him ignoring Esme for a second.
"I'll get the time off then." He said.
"I'm still here hon." Esme's voice was audible to both of us since the phone was no longer pressed against my ear.
"I know." I said putting it back.
"Is he trying to seduce you?" She asked putting two and two together.
"He is trying to distract me I can tell you that." I admitted.
"Put me on speaker phone." She said and I obeyed.
"Hands off young man!" Esme's loud voice came stopping and frustrating him.
"Fine mom… Swan you are in so much trouble."
"Hey Esme, do you have a key to the Jack and Jill bathroom?" I said threatening to lock him out when we went back home.
"If we had a key kiddo, you two wouldn't have gotten in trouble in the first place. Do you want me to call a locksmith? Or do you want to trade rooms with Em?" Esme asked.
"I think we'll be fine." I said as he now just held me tight against him.
"Okay kids I'm going to bed, and please don't let me know if you will as well. But please call and tell me about your plans for coming as soon as you have them."
"Will do mom. Love you." Edward said.
"Love you Esme." I added.
"Love you two, be safe." She said before hanging up.
"You have some nerve!" I said turning my head to face him.
"You're the one to talk." He said resuming his labor.
"So, are you going to come with me on the holy pilgrimage to the land of my people?" I asked.
"It is that sort of epic trip huh?"
"I haven't been there in what? Three years?" I guessed.
"What was that about anyway? I don't think it can be completely blamed on me."
"It wasn't… It had something to do with my parents. But I don't want to talk about it just now. I want to go see them." I confessed.
"That's big, you haven't gone to the cemetery in years."
"I know… I think it's time. I don't know if I'm ready, but I know I need to."
"I'd love to be there the entire time. I'll get the time off." He offered.
"Thank you."
"So should we look for tickets?" He offered, but I suspected he didn't mean right in that second, since once again his fingers had found the tender flesh of my breasts.
"I'm worried about that but I don't want to ask Esme and Carlisle for help."
"I can help you, I mean, I'm not swimming in money, but I could."
"Thanks for the offer, if I have problems, I might take it, but I rather not." I admitted.
"Has it been tight?"
"A little." I confessed.
"Maybe we should start thinking about getting a place together, there is no point of keeping two apartments if we're staying in one all the time."
He was right, but the idea seemed dangerous, it was a path we had followed before.
"Ah… That would be the ultimate kiss of death."
"I'm just thinking practically. You can get your own room." He said barely laughing.
"Well, from the economical point of view it does make sense. I'm not keen on paying my rent when I barely stay at my place." I said weighing our options.
"I bet it'll be different this time."
"Famous last words." It was I the one laughing now.
"Come on, we've grown and learned."
"But you are aware that we'll have to hire movers. I don't really think our good friends will be very happy to help us move in again… after having to move us out. Which reminds me… Alice asked us for help helping them pack." I said.
"Great. We don't get them to help us but they do."
"That is what happens when you break up and get back together: you lose credibility." I explained.
"Fine. We'll get movers. We can think about that after the wedding. Does that make sense?" He asked unwilling to rush into it as I was.
"It does." I said done with the conversation and willing to enjoy the current stage of our relationship.
Aware that good things happen, so they say, to those who wait.
There you go, a lot longer than usual, I just couldn't cut any dialogue out.
Thank you once more.