I stop in at the coffee shop around the corner on Saturday morning to grab my usual coffee.

I freeze as soon as I see her. She's working on her laptop. My body tenses.

"Shit," I say to myself.

I try to ignore her when I hear, "Cosima!"

I turn to look at her. Her hair is shorter, bouncier. I feel a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Hey, Delphine," I say unenthusiastically. "I guess you're back."

"Yes, just got in a few days ago."

I really don't want to talk to her. I'm so angry. Hurt.

"How have you been?" she asks.

Fucking miserable. You broke my heart into a million tiny pieces, remember?

"Uh, fine," I lie. "Look, I gotta run," I say as I grab my coffee.

"It's good to see you, Cosima."

"Uh huh," I say as I run out.

I catch my breathe on the sidewalk. All my emotions are swirling around intensely inside my body. Fuck.

I run back to my apartment. I was not prepared for that, not at all. Seeing her there, it brought everything back. I can't even keep track of all the emotions that are happening all at once. The anger that I've felt for so long moved aside momentarily when I laid eyes on her, letting a flood of hurt and longing back in. She looked so good, so happy, when I probably just looked like a mess.

I lay back on my couch, too hyped up to drink my coffee, my body buzzing, my mind moving a mile a minute. I close my eyes to try to calm myself, but my head is spinning. I breathe slowly, and after a few minutes, my panic subsides. I hear a knock at the door.

I get up and open it to find Delphine behind it. I sigh.

"What do you want?" I ask her, trying to hide any emotion from my voice.

"Can I come in? We need to talk."

"About what?"

"Please, Cosima."

"Fine," I move out of the way and let her in. She sits down on my couch and I continue to stand across the room from her.

"Cosima, I'm so sorry," she says.

"You're sorry?" I laugh. I actually laugh because it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. "Jesus, Delphine, do you even know what you did to me?"

"I know, I'm sorry."

"No, I don't think you do know. You broke my fucking heart. No, that's inaccurate. You grabbed my heart from my chest, threw it against the wall and shattered it into a million pieces. Shattered my world, my whole life."

Tears are streaming down my face now but I don't care.

"I told you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and you walked out. You fucking walked out. Left me to deal with this shit. Alone."

She is beginning to cry. "Cosima, I made a mistake."

"A mistake? No, a mistake is when you accidentally spill your coffee. A mistake is when you make a typo in an email. A mistake is NOT when you walk on on the woman you love."

"I still love you," she says meekly.

I sigh audibly, "How am I supposed to trust you?"

"Just, give me another chance."

I look at her tear soaked eyes, at this woman who I have loved so deeply. I'm too angry though. I can't do this right now.

"No. Go," I tell her, stoically. "I need to be alone."

She looks at me with fear in her eyes. It takes all my willpower to not grab her right there and pull her into me.

She gets up and leaves.

I throw myself onto the couch and sob into the pillow, which now smells like her. I cry harder.