Now that that's out of the way, I'm sorry for being gone for so long. First there were finals, and then there was graduation, and then there was moving out of my apartment, and then there was my cousin's wedding which I had to make the jewelery for, and then there was job hunting (still unsuccessful, ugggh), then there was the death of my crappy computer, then there was buying a new computer, then there was playing around with the new computer, and there was friend stuff and family stuff and an awful lot of baking and a massive case of writer's block. But I'm back now, and this chapter gave me no end of trouble, so while I know it's asking a lot after I abandoned you for so long, please be gentle?

Happier(ish) note, I created a livejournal account so that next time I can give you my excuses in real time. My username is truebluefool516, so look me up! Be warned, I don't really know what I'm doing. So any of you with lj experience may be called upon for help.

Malfoy was waiting with the rest of their class in front of their Potions room. He stepped forward at Harry's approach. "All right?" he asked, searching Harry's face. This was the hard part, they both knew.

Part of Harry wished that he could tell Malfoy what he really felt- an odd urge, but being as Harry's confidantes on this matter consisted solely of Malfoy, Severus, and Dobby, it was rather understandable- but he didn't dare with an audience. "I'm not really all that chuffed to hear what Snape will have to say."

There was an understanding in Malfoy's grey eyes that Harry didn't think was part of the act, even as he reached over to pat Harry's hand with a sympathetic sound. "Look on the bright side; at least now we don't have to pretend not to stare at each other lovingly over our steamy cauldrons."

"Who was pretending?"

Malfoy hit him lightly on the shoulder. "Unromantic prat."

The door to the classroom opened then, the previous class emptying out, looking relieved to have escaped. "Snape's been in a right mood lately," one girl was saying consolingly to her teary friend. "Your potion wasn't that bad…"

Malfoy tucked his arm under Harry's. "It'll be fine. You just have to know how to act."

Harry didn't miss the subtle emphasis Malfoy put on that word. Act, right. It was all an act. An act that would keep Severus- and Malfoy, now that he was complicit- safe. And Harry just had to play along. He took a deep breath, steeling himself and allowed Malfoy to lead him into the classroom.

I'll get to see him later, Harry reminded himself firmly. I just have to get through this and I'll get to see him.

"Well, well," the familiar voice said coolly, "if it isn't Mr. Malfoy and his newest… plaything." Harry forced himself to look up into that familiar face, staring defiantly as he might have only a year ago. The expression on that face was also reminiscent of that time that seemed so very long ago- mostly impassive, with just a hint of disdain, the beginning of a sneer curling around his mouth. Harry suddenly felt faint when he realized the amount of skill both Slytherin parties had brought to this charade. Harry couldn't possibly measure up… surely someone would notice…

Malfoy squeezed his hand sharply, bringing Harry's focus back to the present. "Harry isn't my plaything, professor," Malfoy said, somehow managing to look down his nose at the taller man, "he's my boyfriend, and I would appreciate it if you would treat him as such."

There was a hushed silence in the classroom as all eyes were turned on the trio at the front of the room. "I see. Your boyfriend." Severus' voice dripped with contempt, and Harry had to remind himself sharply not to tremble. "How… adorable."

The sarcasm in Severus' voice seemed to suggest he found it anything but. However, Harry was pleased to have stumbled upon a role he felt quite comfortable playing- the ignorant Gryffindor.

"Why thank you, Professor," Harry said as brightly as he could manage. He looked over at Malfoy. "We are rather adorable, aren't we?"

Harry could have sworn he saw a flash of approval in Severus' eyes before the man's face twisted into a look of pure disgust. He could also hear Malfoy choking back laughter. Harry couldn't help but feel relieved that he'd done something right.

"Sit down," Severus snapped. "If you two interrupt my class further, I'll have you both in detention until graduation. Although hopefully by then, Mr. Malfoy will be quite over his little…" Severus' eyes raked over Harry, and while the rest of the class might only see the loathing written on his face, Harry could see the desire deep within those sharp, black eyes and felt his face start to heat up, "…perversion."

"Perversion-!" Harry spluttered, startled.

"I believe, Potter, you were told any further interruptions would warrant detention." Severus smiled maliciously. Because he knew it was expected of him, Harry opened his mouth to mutter something about fairness, but Severus interrupted him. "Disobey me again, Potter, and it will be a week's worth of detentions."

Harry was sorely tempted to say something further- an ironclad excuse to see Severus every night for a week was almost to good to pass up- but he knew it would be more in character to shut his mouth and glare hatefully.

"And please do sit in your customary seats," Severus added with a sneer. "I enjoyed my breakfast this morning and would very much like to keep it down."

Harry was rather relieved; it was one thing to put on a show with Malfoy, but quite another to have to sit with him for the entire Potions period and make nice, with Severus watching. Besides, Hermione was better at Potions anyway.

Hermione patted his arm sympathetically as he sat down beside her. "That was really unfair of him, Harry," she whispered to him as Severus put their instructions on the board. "I thought you said he'd gotten better this year."

"He has his moments."

Hermione gave him an odd look, but patted his hand again. "He's probably just as shocked as the rest of us. He's close with the Malfoys, right? It's probably weirder for him than the rest of us."

How Hermione could always hit so uncomfortably close to the mark was a mystery. "Trust me Hermione," Harry muttered as they set up their materials on their desk, "you have no idea."

Severus was angry with himself. Oh, their little performance this morning had gone wonderfully, of course… and that was half of the problem.

He'd been worried that they wouldn't be able to pull it off at first- well, truthfully he'd known that he and Draco would be more than capable. Harry had been the wild card, the unknown quantity. Gryffindors were predictable in their nobility and forthrightness; lying and manipulation didn't suit the Gryffindor mentality. Harry had always appeared to be the very portrait of the ideal Gryffindor, and Severus had worried what that would mean for their charade.

But the teen had performed beautifully, surprising him. Or maybe 'surprising' wasn't quite the term. 'Arousing' described it better, to the point where he had slipped and shown something of his own feelings. Severus truly doubted that anyone but Harry would have seen that slip- after all, he'd been performing in front of schoolchildren, not hardened Death Eaters ready to jump at any excuse to rip him apart- but he was still furious at himself. Now was not the time to let himself get soft, not when another slip like that could cost him his life.

Not to mention Harry's life. No, Severus couldn't allow such a slip to ever happen again, low risk situation or no.

But this was a new situation. Hardened spy though he was, there hadn't been much call for Severus to suppress signs of arousal; though Harry might call him a sadist, the activities of the Death Eaters were hardly the sort of thing to inspire his arousal. Severus didn't mind the challenge, though. It kept him from becoming complacent in his ability.

Severus leaned back into his chair's embrace, tapping a finger against his lips contemplatively. Harry was constantly surprising him, and while that was something Severus found undeniably attractive, it was also very, very dangerous. The truth of the matter was that Harry was an emotionally damaged young man. People tended to forget- especially in the case of their lauded underage savior- that neglect was just as dangerous as abuse and harder to heal. It would be oh-so-very easy for Severus to lure the affection-starved boy into his bed and just as easy to keep Harry there, willing and eager, for as long as Severus wanted him. But if Severus gave into that temptation, he'd more than likely lose the tantalizing young man Harry was becoming, a heady mixture of Slytherin and Gryffindor traits. Severus knew he wanted that young man more than a slavish bed partner, but the closer Harry came to being that young man, the harder the temptation was to resist.

Damn Albus for not intervening in the boy's life, Severus thought with a scowl. He needn't have even taken Harry away, if he had just let those Muggles know they were being watched, threatened to show up on their stoop in purple robes, anything. Harry didn't need to spend his childhood suffering. Why didn't he do anything?

It wasn't the first time Severus had asked himself that question, and he knew it wouldn't be the last. All his life, Albus Dumbledore had been a twinkling, benevolent presence, a source of sickening kindness and most exasperating wisdom, and a great protector. But he had failed to protect a child he admitted to watching closely, a child he claimed to love, and if the prophecy was to be believed, the most important child their kind had ever spawned. He'd put Harry's life at risk, and Severus didn't think he could ever forgive his old mentor for that offense.

"That's a scary face you're making." Severus looked up to see Harry closing the office door behind him. "I knocked, but you didn't answer. You must have been really lost in thought. And by that look on your face, about something seriously unpleasant."

"And as you can guess, I am glad to have a reason to stop thinking about it." He studied Harry's face thoroughly. "What happened this morning?" Severus' eyes narrowed. "Was it Weasley again? I shall have him scrubbing the dungeon floors until the date of his graduation-"

Harry smiled, although Severus couldn't help but note it was a bit weak. "Has anyone ever told you that you can be a bit overprotective?"

"And you are trying to change the subject."

Harry sighed. "I suppose I should know better by know, shouldn't I?" He shifted his weight uncomfortably. "I just wanted to see you, okay? Is that so wrong?"

One of the reasons Severus had been so pleasantly surprised that morning was that he had always observed Harry as a terrible liar. His tells were always painfully obvious to anyone with half a brain. But perhaps he was only a horrible liar in private. "No, that isn't wrong," Severus stood from his chair and walked over to Harry, taking the teen gently by the shoulders, "but we both know that isn't the only reason."

Instead of answering or pulling away, as Severus might have expected him to, Harry stepped closer and leaned heavily against the older man. "Why does everything in my life have to be so hard?" he asked instead.

Severus rubbed the teen's shoulder soothingly. "I could offer you platitudes," he said. "I could tell you that life isn't easy, or that anything worth having is worth fighting for, or that it always seems like the world is out to get you when you're 16, but-"

"-the world really is out to get me?" Harry mumbled into his robes.

"In a manner of speaking." Severus' fingers threaded through Harry's hair. "Your life was destined to be difficult from the moment I overheard that prophecy."

"I don't blame you," Harry said quickly

"Even so, the fact remains that you, Harry Potter, will never be able to live a normal life until this war ends, if even then."

Making a face, Harry looked up at Severus. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No, it's to make you understand. You can never live a normal life as Harry Potter. But if you asked it of me, I could spirit you away, take you underground, give you a new name and face, so that no Death Eater could ever bother you again." He cupped Harry's cheek, looking deep into those green eyes. "We could run away together, somewhere far from all the fighting and the madness, away from the death and the lying, and just live. And if that is what you truly want, Harry, I would give it to you in a heartbeat."

"That sounds nice," Harry admitted, closing his eyes and leaning into Severus' hand. "I want that, I do, but…"

"But?" Severus prompted.

"I can't leave. I can't ignore everything that's going on here, everything that people have sacrificed to keep me safe, all of my friends that would be in danger. Besides, he's never going to stop looking for me, is he?"

"No. No he isn't." Severus brushed the hair away from Harry's face. "But I swear to you that I would do everything in my power to keep him from you."

Harry's eyes turned hard. "So you'd die for me? Like my parents did? Like Sirius? No. I'm not letting you risk your life to make mine a little easier." He raised his hands to clutch at Severus' own. "I don't think I could live in a world without knowing you're in it somewhere, alive and snarky."

The corners of Severus' lips twitched. "Feeling better?"

Harry blinked in surprise. "I… yeah, actually. You sneak, you did that on purpose."

"It is easier to do what you must when you remember exactly what is at stake." Severus kissed the inside of Harry's wrist. "Though, I must say I am flattered to have such a stalwart protector."

Harry's face flushed. "Well, I thought you meant it."

"I did. I meant every single word, Harry." The near-smile slipped from his lips as he stepped away from the young wizard. "I can't go back and change what I did the night I overheard the prophecy. I can't stop the Dark Lord from murdering your parents, and I can't stop Dumbledore from placing you with those loathsome relatives of your's, but should you ever want me to, Harry, I will shield you from the consequences of that choice I made. I owe you at least that much."

"Do you ever stop hating yourself?"

Severus couldn't help it; he looked at Harry in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

Harry huffed in an exasperated manner. "You keep going on and on about how you're this horrible person and how bad you are for me. You keep apologizing for all the shit that bitch King is putting us through, and you're trying to make amends for a single mistake you made before I was born. And then there's that damn portrait that you should get rid of but sits out in the open in your sitting room, like you're punishing yourself." Harry crossed his arms. "And you think I need therapy?"

"I don't expect you to understand, Harry-"

The teen snorted. "Try me. I get it, Severus. You thought the Death Eaters were your friends, that they accepted you. You felt like you belonged, maybe for the first time in your life. You think I don't understand that? You think if Malfoy hadn't been acting like such a pompous git the first time we met, that if he had extended the hand of friendship before Ron, that I would have minded so much when the Sorting Hat tried to put me in Slytherin?"

"The Sorting Hat tried to put you in Slytherin?" Severus asked, but to tell the truth, he wasn't all that surprised.

"Don't change the subject," Harry growled. "Joining the Death Eaters was stupid, but you were young, and people are stupid when it comes to their friends. And in the end, you did the right thing by going to Dumbledore."

"I did it for selfish reasons."

"It doesn't matter why you did it. The fact is you did, and that should be enough. Being a spy for the Order should be enough. Saving my life should be enough. You don't have to do penance for every bad thing that has happened in my life since that night. You don't owe me a thing." He shrugged and gave a half-smile. "If anything, I'm the one who owes you, so how about we just say we're square and be done with it?"

Severus smiled and drew Harry close for a deep, lingering kiss. "I think I can live with that."

Harry looked up at him with dazed eyes and said, "God, I love you."

Severus froze, and Harry realizing what he said, paled. "I- I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Harry, I-"

"You don't have to say it back," Harry interrupted quickly. "You don't even have to feel it, but I do and now you know and that's probably a good thing and please say something so I know you don't hate me."

"Of course I don't hate you." Severus ran his fingers across Harry's cheekbone and the line of his jaw. There was a long moment of silence between them. "I- you should probably go."

Severus couldn't miss the look of disappointment in Harry's eyes. "Right. Of course. I'll see you Monday, then?" Without waiting for an answer, Harry practically ran out of the office. Severus watched him go, feeling like a coward.