Chapter 13: Fourth and Twenty

"Go away, bad aliens!" Caboose shouted.

At Sandtrap, the Blues had been chased around the ruins by the angry aliens. But Tucker managed to convince the aliens that Caboose had been in charge of keeping an eye on their god Epsilon so it was his fault that he was gone. So now Caboose had climbed onto a rocky pillar out of reach of the aliens.

"Shoo, aliens, shoo!" he bellowed, "Rolled-up newspaper!"

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you lost their all-powerful deity," Tucker jeered from the sidelines.

"I didn't lose him," Caboose retorted, "He left, or maybe he lost himself, or maybe the Reds took him, I don't- OW!"

He yelped as a dart hit him in the leg, "Stop that!"

"Well, until the Reds come back, they need somebody to blame," Tucker shrugged, "Better you than me, man."

Caboose ducked to avoid a grenade thrown at him by Smith, the alien leader, "Tucker, help me."

"Yeah, dude, I don't know. I don't really wanna get in between an angry mob and their religious iconography. And I should know. I used to date an Italian girl."

"But he's not really gone," Caboose called, "It's all made up. You know that."

The aliens turned towards with growls of confusion.

"Whoa dude, I don't know anything," Tucker muttered, backing slowly away, "That sounds like straight up blasphemy. You guys gonna put up with this stuff?"

"Blarg," Smith grunted.

"I know dude," Tucker chuckled, "That's what I'm saying. You took the blarg right out of my mouth."

One alien pounced up and tried to grab Caboose but just fell short, "Tucker, they're going to eat me!"

"Caboose, shut up," Tucker snapped, "They're not gonna eat you, they're just gonna prosecute you and kill you, stop being such a baby."

Caboose then looked up and spotted four figures approaching the ruins, "Look, the Reds, they're back. And they have your worshippy guy."

"What?" Tucker looked round and saw Sarge climbing up the dune behind the aliens.

"Hey Blue," Sarge called out, "We're back and we got Simmons and Rhode too. Where's the water can? Oh also, you got any spare jeeps around here? I don't wanna get into it but we've identified a tactical weakness in the hood of the current models."

He then looked up and saw the aliens gathered around the spire, "Oh, uh what're you guys doing? Killing Caboose? That's cool."

"There he is!" Caboose yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at Sarge, "He is the one who took Church! Get him!"

With angry growls, the aliens turned and glowered at Sarge who took a step back and gulped in fright, suddenly feeling like Scooby-Doo surrounded by a horde of monsters, "Ruh-roh..."

XXX

Meanwhile at the campsite, Simmons did a quick examination of Epsilon while Grif went to get some water.

"How's Floaty McGee?" he asked, handing a cup to his teammate.

"Eh, you know, same old, still not working," Simmons lifted his helmet off and drained the cup in one gulp.

"Is he dead?" Rhode asked.

"How would I know? And even if he was, would it make a difference with this guy?"

"Meh, prob'ly not," Grif admitted.

Simmons sighed as he lifted Epsilon and gave him a shake, "Now we've got sand in all his ports. How am I supposed to fix him in an environment like this?"

"Sounds like you have sand in all your ports," Grif jeered.

"Why did we even come here?" Rhode moaned, "It's a freaking desert."

"I don't know," Grif muttered, "This is where we were before we came to get you two. And where else can we go anyway? There are bad guys at our base and Sarge never wants to get far away from the Blues."

He glanced over his shoulder, "I don't know if you've noticed this, guys, but he's a little obsessed. He still wants to get 'em back in the database so we can kill 'em. How's that goin' by the way, any progress?"

Simmons looked confused, "Progress?"

"It's your project."

"I was held captive!"

"Whatever, dude. If Sarge takes that as an excuse for not getting work done, let me know. I'll get captured all the time."

Just then, they heard Sarge's voice coming from round the corner, "Nope, they're right around this corner up here, Grif, Rhode, and Simmons, right up here, where I'm walking."

"Uh oh, here he comes," Grif sniggered, snatching Epsilon from his teammate, "You're about to get busted."

"And you'll see when we get around this corner up here we don't have any kind of floating device; no balls or spheres or anything."

Rhode frowned, "Who's he talking to?"

"You'll see, big group of aliens," Sarge said as if he'd heard him, "We don't have anything like that at all."

"What?" Grif gasped, "Uh oh..."

Just then Epsilon groaned and his eye began to flicker, "What? Where am I?"

"Sshhh, dude, shut up," Grif hissed, "Be quiet."

Epsilon glanced around, "No, what-"

"Shut your hole."

"What's happening? How did I get here?"

"Oh crap!" Grif looked around in panic then he held Epsilon out at arms' length and tilted one leg back.

Epsilon glared at him, "Don't you do it, you j-"

But then Grif let go of the monitor and swung his leg out, punting him like a football high into the air and over the Elephant freighter, "-ERRRRRRRRRKKK!!!"

"What are you doing?" Rhode cried.

"Shut up, man, and be cool," Grif hissed as he turned round.

"Be cool?" Simmons asked.

But then Sarge came around the corner followed by seven big angry aliens.

"Whoa!" Simmons gasped then he cleared his throat and leant on Grif's shoulder, "I mean, what's the four-one-one, daddy-o's? Me and my homey were just hangin' all up in here. Deserts-ville, 's'all good, you know what I'm sayin', scrillas?"

"What the crap are you doing?" Grif hissed out the corner of his mouth.

"You told me to be cool," Simmons replied.

"Right, so what the crap are you doing?"

"As you can see, we don't have your stupid rolley baloney," Sarge told the aliens in reassurance, "It's just this yellow guy, green guy, and M.C. Fonzerella over here."

"Whatevs, y'all," Simmons drawled, giving a two-fingered salute, "You don't know me."

Rhode just face-palmed.

Just then Tucker and Caboose came running round the corner.

"Aha, gotcha!" Tucker cried out triumphantly, "See, I knew they would have it."

"Uh, I don't see him." Caboose then gasped. "Oh my God, he's invisible. And he was replaced by Rhode!"

Tucker glanced around but could find no sign of Epsilon, "Alright Reds, what did you do with-"

He looked up in time to see the Reds fleeing towards the freighter.

"Book it, quadruple-time!" Sarge yelled.

"...it," Tucker sighed. "Dang it! I should have seen that coming. Well, Caboose, I guess we're on our-"

He turned to see Caboose and Rhode making a break for it too. "...own. Dang it."

"Run away!" Caboose yelled.

"Move it or lose it!" Rhode yelled.

Tucker then looked round and saw the aliens growling angrily at him, "Alright, I'll just go get on top of the pillar."

XXX

Meanwhile, Grif ran up to the top of the dune behind the freighter and spotted Epsilon in the middle of a field surrounded by blinking yellow lights, "Uh oh..."

"Grif, what are you stopping for- Ah, nuts, "Sarge screeched to a halt just by the edge of the lights.

"What?" Simmons said. "There he is."

Caboose and Rhode came up from behind and stopped too.

"Oh no, he landed in the middle of the-" Caboose stopped as he noticed Simmons, "Uh, of the there, the over there."

"So, let's get him," Simmons said.

Grif then gave an evil smile, "Yeah, tell you what, Simmons, why don't you go get him?"

"We'll secure the area here while you retrieve," Sarge agreed.

"Okay," Simmons sighed, "I don't have time for this."

With that, he stepped into the field... and immediately onto a hidden mine.

"OW!" he yelped as he was blown back out again.

He then sat up and glared at Caboose and the other Reds, "You knew, didn't you?"

"Yeah, kinda," Caboose replied before he, Grif, Rhode, and Sarge burst out laughing.

XXX

Making fun of Simmons is fun... Till next time guys!