Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.

Warning: May be a hanky alert in this chapter for some.

A/N: Please leave review and let me know how it is.

Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be just as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go.

*~Chapter Fourteen~*

Whenever Roy dated he never had to worry about how they would react to his daughter. They loved her as well. They even seemed to love taking her along since she was a really good girl and he didn't really mind either until one of his dates had gotten drunk and thrown up. Kelsey thought she was hurt and screamed in terror until he told her that the woman was fine and just a little sick.

"Daddy who has beebees?"

Roy hated that question most of all but thanked heaven above that she chose to ask him at home without anybody else around. Of course then she had seen some woman having babies so she had to be confused because Roy did what not a lot of males were able to do. He had her and he never regretted it even all these years. Kelsey smiled whenever he told her that, telling her friend that, "daddy wuvs me and I wuv him wit all my heart."

"Usually the mommy has the baby," he told her. She still seemed confused so Roy sighed. "How about you wait until you are about eight and then I could tell you more. I know you are trying to understand but I can't tell you everything right now because you are so innocent and there's still so much you don't need to know."

"So some daddies hafe beebees but all mommies do. Does that mean I special?" Roy nodded and she beamed again hugging him around the neck. He thought after that the conversation was over for a while at least.

It wasn't until one of his girlfriends, Brenda, had gotten the girl a swing just like she had promised that Kelsey asked him once again although in a different way.

"Why daddy do I need a mommy if I hafe ou? Ou had me so why do I need a mommy?" Roy thought about that and thought it didn't matter who it was as long as the person he loved, loved Kelsey as much as he did. He doubted he would find someone who loved Kelsey though quite as much as he did.

"Let's test your new swing okay baby?" She nodded enthusiastically. She allowed him to help her into the swing and let out a shout of glee when he pushed the swing causing it to move. He smiled seeing as how she loved it so much only frowning when he spotted Hughes out of the corner of his eyes. "Practice pumping your feet so that you could keep on swinging okay? I have to talk to Hughes."

She nodded and he went off to talk to the man that for a while hadn't liked the idea of Kelsey not being adopted but he couldn't say anything against it now because Kelsey was two years and three months. She wasn't sick and she didn't have very many illnesses when she was younger. The occasional fever but all babies got them he learnt and Kelsey was no exception. He was curious now as to what he would want and waited with his arms cross while making sure he kept Kelsey in sight at all times. He turned back to see Hughes smiling at him.

"She sure is getting big. She is kind of like Elysia in her enthusiasm except I haven't saw a child that asked so many questions at her age."

"Yeah Kelsey's one of a kind. She's already asking me why she would need a mommy if I was the one to have her. She also asked why mommies have the babies if I had her. I was stumped both times and I didn't know how to answer her."

Hughes just shook his head.

"Your grandmother always said wait until you have a kid of your own and then you would see what I had to go through with you. I think you're starting to see how much your grandparents loved you."

Roy nodded.

"Thanks Hughes." At Hughes odd stare Roy continued. "I know it wasn't meant to work and you weren't entirely for me keeping her but thank you if it means anything to you. You gave me something that I didn't think I would find in a million years and I love my girl to death and then some. I don't think I would ever be able to let her go either. How could you be able to stand letting your daughter go to daycare now that Gracia has that small job?"

Hughes laughed.

"Elysia didn't want me to let her go either. She wanted me to stay with her but after a couple of days she told me it was alright and that she would be okay. My baby is growing up so fast." Looking over at Kelsey who was stopping the swing with her feet only to start again, he smiled. "Both my babies are getting too big for their own good."

Roy chose to give him a questioning look before going back to observing Kelsey. She really was a fast learner. He didn't think she would learn so fast how to stop or how to start. She was even pumping her feet all the while looking up in the sky with glee. She was a smart girl but he already knew that.

"Maybe in the future we could let her know who helped to make her right? I know that it was your decision not to give her up and that I didn't want that but I love her too Roy maybe not as much as you because hell you came to love her as soon as you felt the first kick. Ha, you fell in love at first kick." He turned serious again though and continued. "I just want her to know and if it can't be for another year I'm okay with it because she's worth the time and effort. I think Gracia wouldn't be mad if she found out but she would be disappointed that I kept this from her. It doesn't matter though because I should have been for this in the beginning and I'm sorry Roy. I love her and I know that I love you, maybe not like I used to but you are my best friend and I'll always have a place for you in my heart."

Roy finally nodded.

"Not right now though, maybe in a couple of months. Hell it would be a good third birthday present maybe if you'd like-"

"It would make her day because we all know she doesn't respond to physical gifts quite so much. Fuery took her to the fair the other day and he was goo in her tiny hands to bend at will. I think she has your subordinates willing to die for her if they need to. She is very important to every one of us but even though we know we'd be sad if anything were to happen you would die before you would think of anything like that-"

"And I choose not to now."

Hughes nodded.

Before they could continue Kelsey came running back up to them barreling into her daddy and being picked up as Roy regained balance before he pummeled to the ground.

"Hold up munchkin what are you so excited about?" Hughes asked.

"I did it! I jump from swing!" She said excitedly.

Roy smiled and she gave him a hug around his neck. Seeing as how close he was to his girl and Hughes didn't have a relationship like that with Kelsey made Roy feel a little guilty. In the beginning he had told himself that it was Hughes choice and that it would be his fault that he never tried in the beginning but now he changed his mind. Hughes would love to have this type of relationship with his second daughter but the thing was, he doubt that he was so close to Elysia like Roy was to Kelsey. Elysia may have been a daddy's girl but she also related more to her mommy because she was the one to have carried her and gave birth to her. She felt her baby from the inside while Hughes could only feel her kicks from outside of the belly.

"Yes you did. High five." As she returned it he told himself that he wasn't going to think about this now especially with his daughter right here.

She turned to Hughes with her wide happy smile and put up her hand giving him a high five as well. He looked slightly happy and tickled her in Roy's arms making her laugh. Hughes gave a small look before Roy nodded without needing him to say a word. Smiling he picked her up, throwing her up in the air a little bit, making sure to catch her right in his arms.

"We're going for ice cream munchkin and it's on me!"

Hughes never ever said anything about it but it must have hurt him deeply to say goodbye to the sweet innocent angel without having been able to tell her that he was her other daddy. Of course it didn't stop him from loving the girl crazy but the last thing he got to see of her before her broken and bruised body was the night before when he had given them the ride home. Nobody would know who was responsible for Kelsey's murder between the two that were in the apartment but it hurt not being able to tell her the things he had wanted to be able to say.

He would never be able to say them to her at all.

The cemetery had a sense of foreboding that it took all of Roy's will not to run off as soon as he had gotten here. He knew that Ed had promised that he would be with him today but there were just some things he wanted to say that he didn't want the other to overhear. His anguish was too much at times and he didn't need Ed being dragged down. He needed to fall in love and have a family. Roy couldn't give him one especially since his own was broken. He hadn't even recovered from his daughter's death yet and he doubt that a part of him ever would.

It was little Kelsey's birthday today and she would be six years old today had she never been killed. He fought away a stray tear before making his way to her grave. He saw the tiny balloons and the gifts already surrounding it. Words saying "I miss you" and "I wish you were here" made him think that if only it were possible but it wasn't and she couldn't come back to him no matter what he would try. He tried telling himself that maybe she was where she had told him they went when they died. He never believed in heaven before but if they kept his baby safe then he would be willing to believe that that was where she had gone to.

Going up to her grave, he saw the head stone and the little thing he had requested be put on that before he had tried to change his mind saying that Kelsey hadn't died and they were just wasting their times. He really didn't want to believe that Kelsey was dead back then and he still wish she wasn't, but that wouldn't bring her back. He read the tomb stone again seeing as how he never even been here before not being able to stand it at the time and then he lost his memory.

KELSEY ANN MUSTANG

December 14th 1912-December 13th 1915

Fly high baby girl….
You are forever loved, forever missed,
AND FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS

"Kelsey I miss you sweetie. You weren't supposed to leave, we had so much that we still had to do. There was so much I had forward to doing with you that it makes my head spin knowing that you died. Daddy is sorry. If I knew what would have happened that day I would have taken you to the office. Why didn't you say anything baby? I love you so much and I only want you here with me!" Falling to his knees, he placed a birthday card in the envelope complete with a small heart shaped sticker on the back.

"You told me that you wanted me to love you until my heart breaks but I can't do that. Because even with my heart in a hundred million pieces I still love you forever and always baby. You are forever in here. And I'm sorry I never told you about Hughes. I should have told you and it wouldn't have changed anything anyways because you already loved him. He's there with you now though so at least I know there's somebody watching you wherever you may be. I want to see you one last time Kels but I don't know how it would even happen. I love you baby and I will always miss you. I love you!"

Laying against it now, he felt as though he was finally closer to his child than he had been in years. Kelsey resided there, her soul didn't though and even though the one thing he wanted could never happen, he felt a warmth he thought he'd never feel again. The warmth of being as close to his daughter as much as he possibly could.

Ed hoped he found the man. He discharged himself the hospital without telling anyone. Really smart, he thought sarcastically. He quickly made his way over to the last place he thought he was going to be but felt like he should give it a try. Havoc was already searching elsewhere along with Hawkeye and the others. Sighing, he slowed down to clutch at the stitch in his side from running all the way across town looking for the man.

He found him at Kelsey's grave passed out. He looked cold which was evident due to the shivers racking his body. Stupid he thought, it was chilly out here and here he was out here falling asleep without a coat. He shook him awake, throwing his coat over him to bring some warmth all the while rubbing his arms to warm them up as well.

"Ed what r you doing here?" he asked sleepily.

"Making sure you don't catch hypothermia. What did you think you were doing falling asleep out here?"

Roy looked at him as though searching his expressions before he sighed. Ed made sure not to look disappointed and sure enough he would get him to talk to him.

"I felt close to Kelsey Ed. I want my baby back but I can't have her." He paused looking up at the sky with a small smile. "See that one shining the brightest over us. That one is Kelsey but I think she is looking down disappointed in me because I can't be happy knowing that she is gone. Ed it's not fair! I want my baby!"

Ed rubbed his arms still trying to bring the warmth back while still listening to him without speaking. Hugging him close he knew that Roy was finally getting everything off his chest and he wanted to let him know that he would listen no matter what he said. He honestly couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child let alone a two year old so Roy had his permission to talk for as long as he wanted. He was quiet for a moment before he let out a small dry laugh before continuing.

"I don't know why I act like this. I got to love her right? I love her with all my heart no matter how broken it was to have her leave me and the sad thing is, I know a part of me should let her go. She's gone, she's in heaven and I know I will see her again someday, but I want to see her now. Can it be too much to ask for just once."

"If you got that you would never let her go." Ed finally spoke. "You would want to keep her here if you finally got to see her again."

"I don't know why because you said you would never do it in the beginning remember? You said you would never fall for me but I think I might like you. I don't know how bad that sounds but can you stand me liking you because I can't help it," he muttered before falling against his shoulder.

Ed sighed this time noticing that he was out. He was still a little cold but he was sure he wasn't going to be able to get him to his home and getting a taxi around here was almost impossible at this time of night. He was able to carry him on his back to the nearest hotel and get him into a warm blanket before getting ahold of Breda finally and updated him. He left out the conversation and only let the man knew he found Roy. After hanging up he made sure to shed his own boots and pants before climbing into the bed with him. He pulled Roy over to him and laid the man's head on his shoulder. Before he fell asleep himself though, he added a little talk of his own.

"I do like you Roy. Don't listen to what I said before, I was stupid. I most definitely like you too," he mumbled before finally letting the sleep take him. Just feeling the other's heartbeat lulled him into a deep sleep but with a small smile on his face.

"Fee-ry"

Fuery had been trying to get the two year old since the beginning of time to say his name right but gave up seeing as it was hopeless. He loved her tiny voice anyhow and wondered if she would sound just as cute when she was in kindergarten. Man Roy would be heartbroken to see his daughter leave him for half a day but she would begin to make friends.

She was busily playing with some blocks whilst Fuery was trying to fix one of the many walkie talkies in the building that got destroyed. They wouldn't mind him taking them home just as long as they were fixed and brought back the next day. Looking over she saw the walkie talkie and picked it up.

"Wat it do?" she asked curiously.

"When it works you can communicate in it like a phone only you don't need a phone number. It's how we know where to go when someone is getting hurt."

She looked at it and then back at him for several seconds before nodding like she understood. She played with the buttons and tried to see how it worked without actually pressing the button in to talk through it. Seeing the two year old do that had him amazed. So much for not having her parents' genes, Fuery thought. She was super smart since her parents were both intelligent people. He hadn't thought they should have played with experimentation on the body in the beginning but he was one of the first ones to think that the baby was so cute. He watched her when she was two months old before the others even thought that helping him would be a good idea. It did lessen the post-partum depression the man had been experiencing and he even smiled again soon after returning to work. Fuery found that out of all his family members, Kelsey may not be a blood relative but she was his favorite niece of all.

"Like wen they call cops?" Fuery nodded seeing that she really got this.

She laughed and he looked at her in confusion.

"These don' hafe battries Fee-ry," she told him with a giggle.

Observing it, he wondered why he didn't pick up that observation. So they had. As soon as he had placed them in, they started to work again. He decided that they didn't need to mention that to certain individuals and Kelsey quite agreed. She thought that they would just feel stupid not realizing that Fuery kind of felt that way as well since he had been tinkering with them for about thirty minutes and he hadn't thought to check to see if there were batteries in there. It just went to prove that whenever they needed a simple solution to a difficult problem, they should start with something simple and work their way up.

He was the first in the office to cry when he heard the news because Kelsey may not have been with him as often as the others but he liked to think of her like a very good niece and suddenly having her not here any longer created a void where he constantly heard her voice and had all the memories left behind without actually having her here.

She wasn't coming back and everything she left behind haunted them for many months to come.