Author's Comment: And so the sugar high continues onwards; this one and Pegasus's were written side by side.
Dear Fanfiction Writers,
My name is -
Oh, wait. I don't actually have a name, do I?
Sure, some people might refer to me as 'Yami Marik', usually about sixty seconds before their heads are removed - but all the name really means is 'Dark Marik'. Unlike that tomb robber I crushed under my boots, I have no track record that links me in some incredibly obscure way back to Ancient Egypt. I am hate personified, a hatred so strong that it has wrenched control from its master, turning them into a complete psychopath. All my Rod contains is a dagger.
A very, very sharp dagger.
And now, let me explain something to you: I am as old as humanity, always trying to destroy it, drag it into the depths of oblivion. I do not care about you, nor your OC, nor anyone else; I will never work with any of you pathetic weaklings, no matter what they might have to offer. My mission in life is to murder life itself; plunge the world into darkness, annihilate all civilization; and yes, werewolf civilization too, wizard civilization - whatever races you've made up, I want to kill them too.
Examples help explanations - so let's pretend for a minute that a girl with a really big whip comes to me, attempts to seduce me, and then demands to work with me. I wouldn't hesitate to eliminate her, just as soon as I got the chance. That might seem foolish to you people, especially if she happens to be a weapon in her own right, but the fact is that I need no help. I am already perfect, undiluted hatred; what more could anyone want? Certainly not a girl with a whip - she would be destroyed, as would anyone who tried to cling to me. Perhaps I would not kill them right away, but it would happen; those pathetic notions of teamwork all over the floor in a lovely mess, most likely a red mess-
(Here, he starts rambling on and on about the multiple ways in which a fangirl may be dissected. In order to save the rating of this fic, the aforementioned area of the letter has been removed - Ed.)
It should be pretty obvious by now that some of you have gone entirely the wrong way about writing me - I use tickle torture, perhaps, or I'm just a harmless vegetable with a moderately creepy laugh. Maybe, despite being hatred itself, I so happen to have fallen head over heels for a guy who I attempted to kill - and not once, but twice. Or, he's fallen for his would-be butcher, and I'm ever so nice and tender about it - which is every single level of wrong, and then some more. Honestly - why don't you just turn me into a giggling little kid, or a fashionista, or a cat-guy. The result's going to be exactly the same anyway - don't even think about sleeping tonight, 'cos you people don't deserve it.
Let me get this straight with the lot of you deluded fools: I am a murderous psychopath, someone who you wouldn't want to meet in the middle of the night, and I don't even care if you put bloody scented candles on the table, and filled the whole house with roses, meeting me will NOT be romantic. 'Romantic' is not a good word to be used when describing me, neither is 'cute' - and no, I do not give 'hugs'. I will tell you straight off what I'm going to do to you, because I want to see you shiver! I want to hear you scream when I come for you, I want to hear your wails when I'm mutilating your frail body. I have different methods for boys and girls - so if you are a boy, I would begin your slaughter by-
(Again, the descriptions of grievous body harm have been removed - Ed.)
However - I will also have you know that I am rather patient. I do not merely go about waving a chain saw and hoping that it finds its target - no, far from it I mean, if I had wanted to kill the Pharaoh, I could have done it as soon as I'd taken control of the host - I'd just have lashed out, and he'd never know what hit him (well, aside from the pointy object lodged in his ribcage, but I digress). That's exactly the issue, though - he wouldn't have known what hit him. There would be no recognition for me; no savouring the look on his face, when he realized that it was all hopeless, that now, in one decisive blow, he was going to die.
Notice the lack of a 'Shadow Realm' clause . This, by the way, is because large and pointy items do not, in fact, send you to the Shadow Realm; at least one can return from that place. I'm not entirely sure what the specifics of the damage caused by large and pointy objects is, but I do know that you will leak a high amount of red liquid if pierced by one. This liquid is called 'blood', and the leakage of it is, in all honesty, not really good for your average uppity Pharaoh.
At all.
In closing: Enjoy what little life you have left, before I find out where you live and-
(And again, the descriptions of mass murder have been removed - Ed.)
Signed,
'Yami Marik', aka 'Hate', aka 'Auuuuugh! Ack!', ect.
UAB
Addressed here:
- He's not called 'Yami Marik', he does not have that name on a birth certificate. The name's just a way of differentiating between Semi-Normal Marik and Psycho-Marik - so you can use it, sure, but he won't call himself Yami Marik. If that makes any sense...?
- He doesn't work with people, pretty much because he has a huge ego, even if he doesn't really flaunt it. There's a good reason why Yami Bakura didn't try to switch sides when Yami Marik first showed, and it wasn't just because Marik would have likely never left him alone if he had done so.
- Probably best not to write him as cute/harmless, seeing as he is neither.
- He's apparently the embodiment of hatred. Even if you somehow managed to have him falling for someone, he's not about to go all nice and tender - perhaps least of all for Marik. This, of course, makes things hard when you're attempting to ship him; so then OOC can happen with it.
- He's also not a total psychopath; if he were, everyone would likely have died within hours of his showing up. He's crazed, yes, and the main reason behind his waiting is that he basically wants to get the maximum satisfaction out of each kill, but some people really take him to Saw-ish levels.
- I know the whole 'hug' thing started as an Abridged joke, but in all seriousness, he seems to enjoy describing what he's going to do to people in a fair bit of detail; especially so in the super dark manga. I don't think I've heard him just say 'I'm going to kill you' without elaborating on exactly how he plans to do it.