"Why?" He asked her.
"Does it really matter? I can't change the past Darien." Serena replied somberly.
"I want to know why."
"Fact of the matter is Darien I have no answers. There is no why."
He pulled away from her then and collapsed on the sofa.
"Because you hated me." He remarked.
"If that is what you want to believe."
He laughed darkly.
"What I want to believe?"
"Look, you want me to tell you some fucking story and I can't. Cause and effect Darien Hate me if you want, love me if you choose, I don't care." Serena replied as she rubbed her bruised arms.
"So you don't care about why I left you that night?" He remarked.
"Of course I care, but does it matter? What can possibly change? No matter what you say, truth or lie, it won't miraculously fix me like everyone seems to want."
He looked at her with confused eyes.
"Why do you think Raye did what she did?" Serena challenged.
"Fuck if I know."
"Does it matter?"
"Fuck Serena I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."
"And does it matter?"
"I… I guess not." Darien replied. "But then you demand the truth from me."
Serena laughed.
"You think I give a flying fuck about what people do or say? I don't give a damn about what you do or don't do. I care only about myself."
"You fucking liar! You don't care about anyone huh? You take all that heroin, because you don't want to destroy me as you say…
"I…"
"No Sere. You do give a damn. You can bullshit everyone else but not me. You gave up that baby for a reason. Don't try your mental mind games with me. Tell me why!" Darien shouted.
"Because!"
"Because why?"
"I didn't deserve it. That child would have had a fucked up mother, and no father. How could I do that?" Serena cried.
He watched as she collapsed onto the floor. Looking at her he could see the pain etched in every facet of her being as she sobbed into her hands. He moved to sit beside her on the floor and gathered her into his arms.
"I never wanted you to know."
"Why? Why did you keep it from me? I could have been there for you." Darien replied softly as she continued to cry.
"Because it was my choice, and I didn't want you to bear the burden of what I had done."
"Look at me Sere. I can't say that I'm not upset, but you need to give me a chance. Let me be a part of your life, let me share your pain."
"Do you ever have that dream where you are falling, and you just keep falling, never reaching the end, but hoping for it?"
"What do you mean?"
"I feel as if I keep falling. I've hurt so many people. Every time I think that I'll reach the bottom I never do. I just keep falling." Serena replied.
Darien reached over and grabbed her hand and kissed it gently.
"I'll fall with you and will reach the end together."
They sat there for a long while, sitting in their own pain. They had hurt each other deeply, and yet they were the only source of comfort they had.
"You aren't going to tell me what happened are you?" Serena asked. The couple was laying on the floor staring at the ceiling.
"No." Darien replied flatly.
"What happens if I find out?"
"I don't know."
Serena sighed. Scooting herself up she walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer, producing an unopened bottle of vodka. She looked at her distorted reflection against its cool surface. She opened the cap and drank heartily from its contents. She loved the burn as it went down her throat. Darien watched her from the living room as she downed the contents. She was so broken, so unbelievably broken, and so was he. He knew how she felt, knew that the only time you felt alive was when you were dying.
"I'm done trying." Serena's voice interrupted his thoughts.
"What?"
"I said I'm done trying. I've tried to be who everyone wants; its just not working."
"Nobody can live up to other people's expectations." Darien said as he pushed himself up and off the floor.
"I can't live up to yours either." Serena said.
Their eyes locked and he knew what she was implying. It was a warning.
"I'm responsible for myself Sere. Don't think you and your actions will direct my own."
She searched his stormy eyes. She didn't want this for him, he was better than that. She could only hope that he would recognize it for himself, before it was too late.
Her phone began to ring, signaling the end of the conversation.
"Hello."
"That fucking bitch. Are you alright Sere."
"Yeah Mina."
"I can't believe she would do something like that."
Darien watched as Serena left the room talking on her phone. He walked to the kitchen and picked up the remains from the bottle she had opened. He put his lips to the top and swallowed what was left. The bitter taste filled him.
They met Mina at the Crown.
"So, what should we do?" Mina asked as she downed another drink.
"What can we do? We got a fucking concert in less than a month." Serena replied.
At that moment a stranger appeared at their table. The bright flashes from the camera nearly blinded them. Darien reached out to try and grab the device from the paparazzo, but was having little success. Suddenly the flashes stopped and they turned to see Kunzite holding the cameraman by the neck.
"I suggest you leave." Kunzite threatened the man.
He looked at the trio sitting with shocked expressions on their faces.
"Kunzite." Darien spoke.
Without another word he sat himself at the table and motioned for a waiter.
"This one is locked too." Kunzite slurred.
After the closing time the drunken group stumbled out onto the sidewalk as they made their way towards Serena's apartment. Kunzite and Darien were amusing themselves by trying to open car doors along the way.
"Aha! I found an open one!" Darien exclaimed as he opened the door to a red car parked alongside the road.
"What are you doing?" Serena asked.
Her and Mina were currently leaning against one another so as not to fall.
Kunzite came running up to where Darien was standing.
Neither Mina nor Serena could see what the two men were doing. Kunzite suddenly broke into a fit of laughter.
"He's pissing in the car!" He cried out.
Darien closed the door of the car and smiled brightly.
"An autograph." He exclaimed.
Serena and Mina rolled their eyes at the antics as they continued to stumble to the complex a few blocks ahead.
The boys caught up to them quickly and Darien snaked his arm around Serena's shoulders.
"What possessed you to piss in that car?" Mina asked.
Darien only shrugged his shoulders and smiled while Kunzite chuckled.
Once they had arrived at their destination the laughter subsided and serious talk began.
"What do we do?" Mina asked.
"We don't have much of a choice. We'll do the concert and that will be the end of it." Darien replied.
"What about Serena's reputation?"
"I don't think Serena really cares about that do you?" Kunzite remarked.
The two stared at each other. They had never really gotten along. Theirs was more of a love hate relationship.
"Only as much as you ever cared about yours." Serena finally replied.
Kunzite smiled and reached over to snatch the bottle of rum from Serena's hand.
"Touché."
A/N: Hey guys, sorry it took me a while for this chapter, I think I re-wrote it like eight times. It has kind of an abrupt end, but the next chapter needed it.
I'm SO thankful for the reviews and comments I have received! You guys are so great and supportive even with such controversial material. ((Hugs))
See you soon!
Catchastar101