You're all I ever wanted Fitz.
Her words stung. He didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't that. He couldn't understand why she had to be so damn willing. Willing to step in front of a bomb for him, to jump out of a plane, to risk her life, her heart, time and time again for him. He didn't deserve any of it. He didn't deserve her. It would have been so much easier if she had just left like before and left him alone. For once. For good.
It was all too much. The thrumming beat of her heart against his chest. The soft shudders, and hicks with every draw of her breath.. Her fingers softly stroking his back. She wanted him, and he couldn't have that. He couldn't do this all over again and break her heart.
"Don't do this -" he whispered.
He barely had time to register her flinch before she blurted out those three words.
"I love you Fitz."
It was like he had just pushed that final button. Fitz had never been an outwardly emotional guy but Jemma – she had brought down all his walls. He was balancing at the edge of the cliff, and it felt like no matter what he did, he would fall. He just didn't want to drag her down with him. But as always, Jemma Simmons understood him.
She held him as he began to shake apart in her arms. He couldn't - He didn't know what to do with that information.
"Don't, Jemma," His eyes flickered to hers, his pain reflected in her eyes.
He hated how he crumbled under her touch. He hated how much he needed her. He wanted to scream, to punch a wall, to force the air out of his lungs. She was like a drug. A drug he needed to get out of his system, but flushing her out - it would kill him. What he was feeling – it was overwhelming him to his very core and he needed it to stop. To let it all go. To let her go. But he needed her. Every single cell in his body needed her.
He was like a parasite, taking her very essence of life and giving her nothing in return. He was doing this to her. His existence tormented her. She looked exhausted, her dark-ringed eyes showing that she had barely slept. Jemma had always been slender but this was an all time low. What bloody good was love if all it bred was misery? He would do anything, anything, to take it all away. To start over again. He would have never laid eyes on Jemma Simmons if he had known he would have been the source of so much pain.
His voice shook quietly, "Don't. You don't love me, Jemma. You can't. I don't – You just can't. Just stop -"
"Stop what Fitz?! Loving you? Needing you? Trying to help you? You're my best friend in the world! What do you expect me to do?!" She asked, exasperated at his attempt to push her away once again.
"Stop. Just stop trying to do all the right things. It's too much!"
He stood up from her, breathing roughly, as he tried to prevent another meltdown. The pain in his heart was so great that he felt like the littlest thing would make him explode. He was paralyzed – with anger, with sorrow, with guilt and regret. He's mad. Not at her, but at himself. Mad at the universe.
"Get angry! Hate me! I'm damaged for god's sake. Stop trying to save me!"
She looked at him, her gaze, never once breaking with his, as she stepped forward to close the gap between them. Her eyes dropped down to his lips, and she moved quickly to press her mouth against his, hard. It wasn't gentle. It was filled with need, the desperate need to show him just how much she loved him, and why she would never give up on him. She pushed him against the wall, arms around his waist as she kissed him. It was years of passion and love packed into one rushed kiss. He needed to know. He needed to know why. He needed to know that he was loved, that he deserved love.
Her eyes glistened with tears as she pulled back.
"I love you, Fitz," she said in between breaths.
It was like she was staring into his soul, waiting for him to respond. He stilled for a moment long enough to make her anxious, and then he moved in slowly towards her, hands around her face, as he fell back into her embrace and brought her in for another kiss. He could no longer fight the rapidly growing agony and need for her inside anymore. He wanted her. He needed her. Her love. He would do anything for her.
The kiss this time was much softer. It was intentional, controlled, at least to begin with until he lost himself in her. He wanted this, the feel of her lips on his, the touch of her fingers, her body wrapped around his – there's no denying that he loves her.
"I love you." he whispered as he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against her. For a second, his face is full of hope but Jemma sees it quickly fade into one full of pain and despair.
She knows he wants this, but she can tell from the broken expression on his face, that he's scared. That he doesn't want to hurt her. But she's strong. She can do this. She can help him. They can grow old together, and settle down in that cottage in Perthshire, talk about science over cups of tea and just... be in love.
Her hand slipped into his, and she held on tightly to the man she loved.
You're all I ever wanted Fitz.
Author's Note: Be still my Fitzsimmons heart.
Short chapter and I know it's kind of similar to the last but I wanted to include the scene from the episode 3x08! It was too amazing to leave out. I promise the story will move along in the next chapter.
I'd love to know what you think so far in anycase! Leave a review, write a comment, send me a message... I'm always happy to chat :) And also, thanks for following me on this journey. It's been a long-ish story, so I really appreciate all of you that have been sticking around! You guys are awesome.