Thanks to the people who have reviewed thus far. It is an honor to have anyone read my story, much less review it. Like I said, this is my first fan fiction and I am learning a long the way. I cheat sometimes, too. I read often and study other writers techniques. I am not the best and know I have room to grow. Hopefully, I have gained some fans in the process.
DISCLAIMER: We all know SM owns Twilight, but I am obligated to remind you..as if we could forget.
Chapter 14
EPOV
The thing about Bella that I didn't understand was her need to keep me at arm's length. Sure, we had made love, but for some reason I felt disconnected from her. She left my house in a hurry, claiming she needed to process the report on James; however, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that it wasn't her only motive. All I wanted was Bella, and that meant all of Bella, but she kept a small part of herself detached from me.
Why?
My head was fuzzy from everything that had transpired, and deep down I knew I was being unreasonable. It was a lot to ask of Bella to completely give her all to me in a week's time. Things were still new and we didn't know anything about one another. Eventually, in time, we would get to know each other and I was willing to lock ourselves away until that goal was accomplished. I doubted that Bella would be keen on that idea.
In a way, I was shocked by my overzealous behavior. In the past, I had been more, shall I say, cautious. My dating record had been scarce and I'd been very self-involved. The focus I had when I was young was what kept me from dating all that much. In high school, it was about student council. If it wasn't for Gianna Murphy pursuing me, I may have never had a girlfriend.
College came and went with few flings here and there, but nothing really serious. It wasn't until I met Tanya that I even thought about marriage. She was the one girl I spent any time with, lived with, and actually loved. The next step was obviously marriage and I even bought the ring. My plans initially had been to propose to Tanya the night she flew to Paris, but fate intervened, and that night had turned from a proposal into a break up.
Now, I wanted all that with Bella. If she wouldn't freak out on me, I would drop to one knee right now and propose to her. Life with Bella wasn't something I felt obligated to do, or think that was what I should do. No, it was something I needed to do. What I wanted it to do. The desire to have Bella for my own was as essential as breathing. If I didn't breathe, I'd die.
This shit was starting to weigh heavily on my brain and I needed a break, however, visiting my parents wasn't going to give me the escape that I so deeply craved.
After I dropped off my beloved, my enigma, I drove straight to my parents. The benefit gala was in five days and my mom had harassed me about my plus one. She literally gave me a to-do list. Get a tux…check! Buy the tickets…check! Get a date...check!
Last Sunday, during dinner, I told her that I was going stag. She, of course, went into a list of available women for me to bring, Bella being in the top five. My mother was exhausting, but she meant well. How was she going to react when I informed her that I found my plus one?
She might die of shock.
As I pulled my car into my parent's driveway, I noticed that my mom was outside on her knees, pruning her rose bushes. It was an unusually hot day in Seattle and as I approached her, I saw sweat beads roll down her face. My mom was so focused on her pruning that she seemed oblivious to the outside world, in fact, it wasn't until my shadow cast over her that she even was aware of my arrival.
She looked up at me, somewhat startled. "Eddie!"
"Hey, Mom," I said, smiling.
I held out my hand for her to grab, but she completely ignored my gesture and rose to her feet on her own. She pulled me into a fierce hug.
"Hey, baby!" she cooed, but immediately stepped away from me as her eyes assessed my appearance. "What's up? You look different."
"Different?" I asked, confounded. "How do I look different?"
My mom scratched her head as she thought over my question; she took another step back, possibly to get a better view of me. She may have thought I looked different, but she was acting strange. It's an uncomfortable feeling, standing in front of my mom while she scrutinized me.
"Well, what's the verdict?" I asked, amused.
"Well, I can't be positive, because it's been so long, but you look happy."
It was the most bizarre thing to hear from her, and suddenly, I was laughing at her assumption.
"Thanks, Mom," I chuckled as I pulled her into another hug.
"Ooh, another hug? Who is she?"
What kind of man was I before? I mean, in less than five minutes of being in my mom's presence, she could decipher that I had someone in my life? She said I looked happy. Was I unhappy before? I thought I hid my misery pretty well. I guess I was only fooling myself.
"There's that Masen intuition," I mocked in an effort to dodge the question.
My mom's eyes narrowed. "It's not Tanya, is it?"
"No," I told her frankly.
"Then who is it?" she asked adamantly, beginning to press the issue.
Deep down, I wished my mom hadn't been so attuned to me. It was silly of me, but I wanted her to find out about Bella at the benefit gala, like a surprise, but my mom was persistent, and I doubted that my bombshell was going to be as grand as I hoped.
"Mom, can't you wait until Friday?"
My mom's eyes lit up. "She's coming? Oh Eddie, who is she? Do I know her?"
There was no way I could keep Bella's identity a secret without blatantly lying to my mom. So, I chose another dodging tactic I had in my arsenal; the classic yes and no route.
"Yes," I said.
"Really? Is she a girl I tried to set you up with?"
Fuck, I could see this going all day and I really didn't have that kind of time.
"It's Bella," I told her flatly.
Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she tried to remember who Bella was, but it wasn't long before she made the connection.
"Isabella?"
I nodded.
My mom's smile was filled with genuine happiness and it made me feel good, but then her smile turned into a scowl. She slapped me hard on the shoulder.
"Ow, Mom! What the hell?" I cried as the stinging sensation only deepened.
"I can't believe you! All this time I have been telling you to date Isabella and I got nothing but grief from you!"
"Mom, I don't understand why you're so angry, and really, was it necessary to hit me?"
"Yes, because sometimes you frustrate me." She paused as she took a deep breath and relaxed her stance. "Well, tell me, when did you call her?"
Now this was the tricky part--should I tell her how we met? I didn't think my mom would find my initial attraction to a woman I thought was underage as romantic.
"We sort of met through friends. Her best friend is dating Jasper," I lied smoothly.
"Really," my mom said, taken aback.
My whole detailed, epic story of how Bella and I really didn't meet kept my mom's penetrating questions at bay. It was a cowardly thing to do, but the realization of how I was attracted to Bella when I thought she was a student seemed wrong, and I doubted people would understand. It was something I didn't want to get into--at least not for another fifty years…on my deathbed, perhaps.
My mom was in a good mood for the remainder of the day and my dad noticed her attitude the moment he walked through the door after his shift. The look he gave me as my mom excitedly informed him of my new "girlfriend" was quite funny. My dad was enthusiastic about meeting Bella, and he even suggested we all go in the same limo together. It was amusing to see my mom's eyes grow bright with the idea, but I quickly turned them down. It seemed kind of childish and prom-like, and to be honest, I wanted nothing to do with anything that seemed like high school.
It had been a long time since I felt this easiness with my parents. In the past, I had always felt tense, afraid my mom was going to pounce on me to get married or find me that perfect person. Those worries were long gone. I felt confident in my feelings for Bella.
The only problem was my mom's fixed smile. She was happy and her constant ear to ear grins were making me blush, and by the time dinner was over, I was so exhausted. I just wanted to get home.
On my way out of the neighborhood, as I was passing by Bella's condo, I suddenly felt the urge to stop. The need for Bella was consuming me and I really wanted to see her face.
My nerves were getting the best of me as I tapped lightly on her door. It seemed stupid to be nervous like I was, but with Bella, I found myself unsure about how I would be received. Our relationship had progressed at the speed of light and it was still so new.
By the third knock, and no answer, I turned to leave, but as I was pulling out my phone to text Bella, I heard the faint creak of the door opening.
"Edward?" a sleepy voice called.
I turned around swiftly, half expecting to see my Bella, but disappointed to be met with Jasper's Alice instead. She looked disheveled and sleepy. Her eyes blinked repeatedly at me as she forced them to focus. It was such an endearing sight and I smiled gently at the little thing.
"Is Bella home?" I asked.
"No, I mean…" Alice glanced behind her. She looked back at me with a perplexed expression. "I don't think she is. I have been kind of out of it all day."
"Oh, well, don't worry about it. I was just at my parent's and figured I could just drop by since I was in the neighborhood," I explained.
It was comical how that expression for once was the truth.
Alice gave me an all-knowing smile, as if she knew my game. It was ironic that she didn't believe me.
"Well," I said nervously, "I should go."
"Wait!" Alice said abruptly. She rushed out of the house in her Elmo slippers, dragging me by the arm. Once the door was closed behind us, Alice looked up at me. "I want to talk to you."
"Okay," I said slowly.
Alice kept a firm grip on my arm as she led me into the living room. The memories bombarded me as I looked over at the pictures on the fireplace mantle. I smiled in remembrance.
"Listen, Edward, I want to just warn you about a couple of things," Alice said, capturing my attention.
"Okay, about what?" I asked as I felt a large lump lodge in my throat.
"It's about Bella," Alice answered.
"Oh?"
Fuck, this can't be good.
"Okay, Bella will kill me for saying this, but I know her. I know the game she plays--frick, no, scratch that. I don't mean game, because that implies that Bella does it on purpose. No, what I meant to say was, I know how she reacts to situations such as this," Alice spoke softly, but urgently.
"Okay, I have no idea what you're talking about," I admitted.
"She loves you," Alice said very slow and direct. "But, she get's skittish like a cat. It's some cloak that she feels she needs. I mean, let me tell you how many times she's pushed me away."
Alice's words rang true to me, because I had noticed Bella keeping her distance. It was something I was trying to get past.
"I know what you mean, Alice. Bella gives just enough to me, but not all of herself. It's like, she's telling me that she wants to stay, but keeps one foot out the door, like at any moment she's going to flee."
"Yes, exactly!" Alice exclaimed, but her face frowned in the next second. "That's why I am telling you to not give up on her. If you see her pushing you away, just keep at it. Because Bella will find a way to run. It's so stupid, too." Alice's tone was angry. "I mean, she will make herself miserable in an effort to protect herself. I have never understood that logic."
"But, what if she doesn't want to be with me? What if I grasp onto something that isn't mine? How do I know the difference?"
Alice gave me a sympathetic smile, and I realized how sad and pathetic I really sounded. Thank god, I was only in the presence of Alice. She wouldn't call me a pussy or make me feel like less of a man for this sensitive shit. No, instead, she took pity on me…That actually might've been worse.
"Edward, trust me; she wants you. I know the difference. The way she gushes about you is something I have never witnessed before. She is truly smitten. That is why I feel the need to intervene. I don't want her to mess things up with you."
"Okay," I said, nodding.
Alice smiled. I made a silent pact with her to not let Bella slip away.
It worried me that Bella was going to run from me. It was something I wasn't used to. The fact that Alice felt the need to warn me and assure me that Bella did love me, told me I was going to be challenged very soon.
Where is she?
Bella was noticeably missing from class and my stomach clenched in her absence. It bothered me that I had no idea whether she came to school or not. A part of me wished that she just didn't come to school at all. There was talk around school about her and James. Gossip in this school traveled fast and even teachers, on occasion, were privy to it. This rumor, in particular, had me seething with anger.
It was no surprise that James would twist the date into something it wasn't. He would come out looking like a stud and Bella would look like a slut. What I wouldn't give to show James a piece of my mind. I took solace in the fact that Emmett had beaten the shit out of him. That worthless waste of space deserved it.
What didn't help matters with the rumor mill was Lauren Mallory. She kept going on and on about Bella in her hushed whispers and it was hard for me not to send her to detention or better yet, expel her for it. The drama of high school was starting to become part of my life.
That is an odd feeling…
As soon as third period filed out, I pulled out my phone to see if Bella had texted me with anything. There was nothing, and I started to reread her message from this morning.
I love you.
Bella
The message had come as a relief as Alice's words echoed in my head. When I left Bella's house last night, I had felt unsure about everything, and I resisted the urge to text her or call her. Alice had told me her concerns in confidence and I was appreciative of that. There was no way I would rat Alice out, but I had to know if Alice words were true. I had to know if Bella loved me. Even though she said those words Saturday night, it felt like something she said because of the situation she was in.
So, when I received that text from Bella, it gave me the strength and confirmation I needed. I would fight for her. It was amazing how three words held so much weight. Those words held my future.
My phone was still firmly in my hand as I read the text message for the twentieth time. My mind was so enthralled with those words that I was vaguely aware when someone entered my classroom. My pulse raced thinking it might be Bella, but knew it was mostly likely Jasper.
"What do you want, douche?" I sneered, not evening bothering to glance up.
"Well, I see that my absence has made your heart grow fonder." A soft chuckle of a female voice answered me.
My head snapped up to see Tanya in the middle of my classroom. Her hair was bobbed and she looked thinner, not as round as the last time I saw her. My mind was confused by her sudden re-emergence in my life, and she smiled at me with amusement.
"What are you doing here?" I blurted out.
"I came to see you," she replied, obviously hurt by my tone. "I missed you."
"You came all the way from Paris?" I asked, surprised.
Tanya gave me a sheepish grin. "Well, not exactly. I've been in Seattle for a couple of months."
"You're just now coming to see me?" I inquired, slightly confused.
"Well, yeah," Tanya hesitated as she fumbled with the hem of her shirt. Her blue eyes looked up at me, eyebrows furrowed. "We said a lot of things before I left. A lot of those things we didn't mean."
"I meant every word, Tanya."
"Fair enough, but I didn't. I have been thinking about us for a while, and I have realized you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm willing to work things out. Give up dancing and get rooted. I want to do all of that with you."
Tanya had poured her heart out to me, and if this was a week ago, I might've given us a second chance, but things were different now. Bella was in my life. The things Tanya described were exactly what I wanted with Bella.
She saw my reluctance and her frown deepened. "Am I too late?"
"Tanya," I sighed as I pinched the bridge of my nose. "It's been over a year. What do you think?"
Tanya's shoulder slumped as she fidgeted uncomfortably in front of me, and I instantly felt horrible for being so harsh with her. It had nothing to do with her; I was frustrated with my relationship with Bella. Tanya's reappearance came at the worst time, but also, I was relieved with the fact that it came at the best time, too.
"Look," I started, getting out from behind my desk. "I didn't mean it as harsh as it came out. It's just…I'm seeing this woman and you caught me at a bad time."
Tanya's eyes shot up at me with hope, and I realized my error. In a way to comfort her, I'd made it seem like there was a chance.
God, why do I always do this?
That was when Tanya took matters into her own hands and kissed me. I froze with confusion. The stark difference between Tanya's kiss and the all fire consuming kiss of Bella's was what left me reeling. The kiss lasted a second too long and I pulled away from Tanya immediately.
The smile on Tanya's face was the look of triumph.
"I knew you still loved me, Edward," Tanya whispered.
What?
Before I had a chance to rebuff her, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. There, by the door, stood a frozen Bella. The look on her face was pure shock and horror. The moment our eyes connected, her face turned into a scowl.
"Mr. Masen, excuse me for interrupting, but can I have a moment of your time?" Bella fumed.
Oh shit…this is fucking perfect!
"Of course, Miss Swan," I said as I stepped around a confused Tanya.
I walked out of my class and followed a furious Bella down the hall. My legs picked up the pace as I tried to keep up her. What had happened was quick and I vainly tried to put everything in perspective. Bella had caught me kissing another woman and I didn't know how to explain that to her. I wasn't stupid; I knew whatever I said she wouldn't believe, but I had to try. My promise to Alice still rang true. If Bella was running from me, I had to hold onto her tightly.
Bella never turned to face me until we were completely outside of the school. Whatever she had to say to me had to be kept from prying ears. When the wet Seattle air hit my face, I felt somewhat relieved, but that soon dissipated the moment I saw Bella's cold glare.
"I don't even want to know who that was in there, Edward. In fact, after I leave, you're more than welcome to continue your little make out session," Bella told me coldly.
"Bella, it's not what you think," I said as I tried to pull her close.
She firmly pushed against me. "Like I said, I don't want to know."
"Then, what?" I asked dejectedly.
She looked away from me and I tried to see past her hard façade that she was clinging to. The isolation I felt at that moment had more to do with her than it did with the empty courtyard.
"Well, I wanted you to know that James saw us Saturday night. He's blackmailing me to keep our affair hush, hush. He wants me to go to a party of his on Friday night, and I wanted you to know that I wouldn't be going to your gala," she declared as she turned her distant glare back to me.
"What? No, you have to go. My parents want to meet you—-"
"Edward, that's not possible anymore," Bella interrupted.
"There is nothing going on with Tanya. She just showed up and..." I trailed off.
Bella's mouth went slack and suddenly her eyes betrayed her as they filled up with hurt. "That was Tanya? Your ex-fiancée?"
"She was never my fiancée--"
Bella put her hand up to stop me. "I don't want to hear it."
"Bella, she kissed me, okay? I didn't kiss her.'
"Just stop," she pleaded.
I ran my hands through my hair as I searched to find the right words to make this better. What Bella saw was Tanya kissing me. She didn't see what led up to that kiss and she didn't see me pull away from Tanya. Bella didn't know the kiss meant nothing to me. She didn't realize that Tanya wasn't anything more than a friend to me now.
"That kiss meant nothing, Bella. It actually only proved how much I love you."
"You're unbelievable, do you know that?" Bella said in disgust.
"I already told you. You are my life. Don't you remember?" I beseeched her.
She never looked at me as she breathed fast and hard. The emotions on her face were a mixture of hurt and confusion. My words didn't reach her, and when she looked at me, I was saddened to see her eyes were cold again. Like a light, she turned off her emotions. No longer did I have a path into her mind.
"Yeah, I remember, but now it just feels like a lie," she answered grimly.
Her words were like a dagger to my heart and I was stunned by her statement.
"Is that what you think?" My voice came out as a meager whisper.
Bella bared no emotion as she stiffly nodded her head.
"You're wrong," was all I could muster.
Silence passed between us as I refused to let her go and she refused to let me in. It was pointless on both parts, it was clear that one of us would have to accept defeat. My blood ran cold as I watched her face and realized it was me who would have to give in.
"I need time to think, Edward." Bella's tone was void of feeling.
"What is there to think about?" I asked, not really sure I wanted to hear her answer.
"A lot, actually. We both need to step back and take stock of the situation. We are moving entirely way too fast."
"I don't need more time," I retorted stubbornly.
"Well, I need more time. I can't keep my focus and do what I have to do. Not to mention the obstacles with the James's situation and your ex-fiancée showing up," Bella huffed as she shook her head at me. "I just think we both need to take a few days from each other--maybe I should transfer out of your class." Her voice was dull and detached.
"Why are you doing this, Bella?"
She looked up at me with her brown eyes and I hoped to see a contraction to her words. There was nothing, only resolve. I was trying to stay afloat on a sinking ship. Bella had come into my life and flipped it, for the briefest moment I had decided my life would be with her. No matter what it took, I would make it work. Bella didn't have that same belief; she was throwing in the towel. She was running.
Do I chase her?
"Maybe, after some time, we could try again," she stated defeatedly.
"Don't do me any favors. You decide now if you want to be with me, because I refuse to pine for you while you decide if you can love me," I said through clenched teeth.
"How dare you make demands out of me, especially after what I just witnessed?" Bella's anger was in full force again.
Call me crazy, but I would rather have her anger than her indifference.
"If you would just let me explain." My voice came out ragged.
Bella sighed. "Fine, enlighten me, Edward."
This would have been the perfect time to plead my case, but I faltered. What would I tell her? Bella kept her gaze on me, arms folded over her chest, and her lips in a tight line.
"She kissed me, Bella. I have no feelings for her. Please, believe me," I said, reaching out for her, but she jerked her body away from me.
"We can't do this now," Bella said as her eyes focused on the school behind me.
"So, is that it?" I asked, tiredly.
She shrugged. "For right now it is."
I didn't know how to do this. This break up or whatever the hell it was, was new territory for me. How would I stop loving her? Would it be possible?
No, I was fucked.
Bella didn't make any attempt to reconcile as she turned and walked off the school campus. As I watched the greatest love of my life walk away from me, I was struck with the pain. It was sharp and distinct. It was going to hurt like hell and I knew there was no hiding the ensuing unhappiness. No longer was I blessed with being oblivious. No, I knew what true love felt like.
It felt like years as I stood there in the middle of the courtyard staring at the vacant space that once was occupied by Bella. It was confusing and I couldn't seem to grasp onto what had just happened. She had called it quits to something that barely even started, and I felt empty. Oddly, I always knew it would feel this way. The need and pull I had for Bella, even when she was in my arms, was strong. Now that any future with her was over, I felt lost more than ever. If I only I had been the asshole to Tanya and not let her think we still had a chance, than Bella would have never saw Tanya's lips on mine and she would have never flew off the handle. If it wasn't for Tanya…
Tanya.
My anger over the whole idiotic situation bubbled, and I turned back towards the school in such a fury. Why was she here? Why did she show up out of the blue? No calls, no contact in over a year, and now she reappeared. My feet picked up the pace as I stormed towards my classroom where we had left her. As expected, Tanya was sitting casually behind my desk.
"Why are you here, Tanya?" I demanded furiously.
Tanya looked at me, shocked. The wounded animal look was palpable and I fought the urge to feel bad. She had played on my guilt, and because it worked on me, I found myself without Bella. There was no way I would ever let her get the upper hand on me again.
"Cut the shit and answer me," I spat at her.
Tanya realized that her act wasn't working and it didn't take long for her to show her true colors. Her blue eyes narrowed and she sat up straight in my chair.
"What? I can't see my ex-fiancé?" she asked with an edge to her tone.
"Fiancé? That's funny; I don't remember proposing to you."
"Oh, I see. Well, I'm glad to see you moved on so quickly. So what are you doing, Edward? Can't find a woman your own age to put up with analytical bullshit so you resorted to dating teenagers?" Tanya asked me tersely.
"You have no idea what you're talking about," I said pointedly.
"Don't I? Well, you guys seemed pretty cozy last Friday night, but never in my wildest dreams did I think she would be a student. It's amazing, you broke up with me because of this job, but now you are willing to risk it all for someone like her?" Tanya seethed.
The way she disregarded Bella was so malicious and it was hard for me to keep my cool. Tanya always did this. It was always about her. It made sense to me now why she was there. If I was alone and available, she wouldn't give two shits about me, but now that she saw me happy with Bella, she was determined to disrupt my life.
"So, now the picture is becoming clear. It's all about territory with you, never about love."
"Oh please, Edward." Tanya rolled her eyes. "What about your love for me? I asked you to come to Paris with me. Paris! You couldn't even do that, could you? Where was the love then?"
"I thought I loved you, Tanya, but I guess I was wrong about that. I was wrong about a lot of things when it came to us, but with Bella, it's different. I know I love her. I would give up this job in a heartbeat just to be with her!" I said firmly and with conviction.
Tanya's eyes widened and her jaw went slack. She had pushed me until I had no choice to push back. She folded her arms over her chest and scowled at me. The silence built and it was past the point of her over staying her welcome. I stared back at her coldly and I waited for her to realize that fact.
"You're willing to risk your career and her education for your own selfish needs?" Tanya asked me in disbelief.
"Selfish needs! Are you kidding me? Are you fucking serious?" I asked her as my voice was close to erupting. "Tanya, you need to leave. This conversation is over."
Tanya stayed firmly rooted as she waited for me to change my mind, but my mind was made up. I may no longer have had Bella, but I wasn't dumb enough to go running back Tanya, especially after she intentionally tried to hurt me. I refused to indulge her any longer than need be. She finally stood up from my chair, keeping her glare fixated on me as she moved around my desk.
Tanya was the same person she had always been, and in the past, I had overlooked it. Now that Bella had come into my life had showed me true compassion, kindness, and strength, it was hard for me to let Tanya's infractions go. I wished Bella had stayed and let me explain. She had to know Tanya was a blip in my past. Not even a happy past, just someone I dated before Bella came and changed my life.
"You're making a big mistake, Edward," Tanya said matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, well, the only mistake I made was allowing you to kiss me," I replied honestly.
The shock and appall on her face brought me little comfort, and I wished I got enjoyment from her pain, but as it was, I felt nothing. There wasn't anything in me left to feel. I was an empty shell. Bella took everything I had with her.
"Goodbye, Tanya," I said brusquely.
However, Tanya didn't move, and I refused to look at her as she floundered. What the fuck did she want? There was nothing I cared to offer her.
"Edward, I just--"
"He said goodbye, Tanya," a familiar voice interrupted Tanya's stammering.
My heart leapt at the possibility, and I turned around quickly. My eyes fell upon warm pools of deep chocolate brown.
Bella stood in the middle of my classroom. Her intense gaze shifted off of me and back on Tanya. The look in Bella's eyes was pure hate and Tanya stood tall in response.
"This is a grown-up conversation, little one. I suggest you run off now." Tanya's voice was patronizing.
Bella smiled wickedly as she took a broad step in Tanya's direction. "I was hoping you would say that."
"Bella…" I said as I placed myself between the two of them in an effort to diffuse the situation. "She was just leaving. Weren't you, Tanya?"
Tanya kept her cold glare on Bella as she nodded. "Of course."
Bella gave her a smug smile as Tanya grabbed her purse and made her way towards the door. The tension was slowly dissipating and I was starting to relax.
"Oh Tanya," Bella called.
Tanya stopped inches from the door, hesitating to turn around. Finally surrendering, Tanya's shoulders slumped as she glanced back at Bella and me. Bella grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me into an intense kiss. The feel of Bella's lips was amazing, but before I had a chance to fully enjoy it, she was breaking the kiss and pulling away from me.
Bella turned towards Tanya arrogantly, who was shooting daggers at Bella. It was unclear what Bella's intentions were, until I saw the look of pure horror that went through Tanya's face. I was surprised to find that her discomfort was satisfying to me, and just when I didn't think I could love Bella anymore, Bella gave Tanya the finger.
Tanya huffed with disgust as she stormed out of the room.
"Peace!" Bella shouted after her.
God, I love her.
Bella showing her jealous and possessive side was a total turn on, and I had completely forgotten our argument. What had changed in the last twenty minutes? Why was she back?
BPOV
My hands trembled as I drove away, leaving Edward behind, a devastating sight to behold. I saw the pain in his eyes as I told him that I needed more time. The lie I told broke us both in half. Edward tried to grasp onto me as I forced him away. He said he loved me, he said I was his life.
What am I doing?
The hurt and pain I felt when I saw that woman draped around Edward like a cheap suit, was just too much to bear. The vision of her lips on him was excruciating. My reaction was immediate, and all I wanted to do was just get away from him, and to escape the ache that their embrace caused. I was treading on new terrain. Never in my life had I felt something so true and so organic. What made matters even worse was that woman was gorgeous. She was tall, lean, and blond. How was someone like me going to compete with that? Seeing that I had been out done was what caused me to react so injudiciously.
Yeah, right! I hissed inwardly.
When he reached out for me, I was afraid that I was going to lose my mind. I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep my feelings in check and my whole body was ready to implode. Edward was what I wanted. The sacrifices I had involuntary made for him were worth it to me. I knew that whatever he said to me, no matter what it was, would have me in his arms within minutes. The love I had for him controlled me, but when he told me who that woman was, and that it was his ex-fiancée, well, I was resolved.
There was no way in hell I was going to win against those odds. There she was, some beautiful creature and the woman that Edward wanted to marry. Who was I? I was this naïve daydreamer, who thought she actually had a chance with a man like him.
Ugh, I'm such an idiot!
The throbbing in my chest was all I felt as I drove aimlessly. The tears that were pouring out of me made it hard to see. My throat was tight and I was gasping just to breathe. All of these added up and I knew I had to pull over. It was that or I crashed Alice's car, and I couldn't afford to lose her, too.
As I let my grief take me, I was overcome with a realization…
I am an idiot!
Why did I just break up with Edward? What the fuck was wrong with me? Edward was pleading with me, begging with me to understand, and I turned my back on him. For the second time! Or was it a third time? I didn't even know anymore. All I knew was I had to fix this. Was I really that hard up for heart break?
The whole James situation had me feeling like a failure. My whole career, I prided myself on being a level headed person, to keep my personal shit out of my work. It had worked like a charm for a while, but Edward changed everything. He stirred up feelings I had no clue that were there. For that brief moment in time, I was happy. It was the real, intense, without doubt happiness. I fucking had that!
The morning after we made love, I knew it. He was mine and I decided to give my all to him. Now, what did I do? I fucking ran like the coward that I was. The strong Bella was bullshit; no, this is who I really was. If I was brave like I claimed to be, I would have stayed and worked it out. I would have realized my worth and listened to him.
My head snapped up and I looked around at my surroundings. I hadn't gone far from the school, and I still had time to salvage this.
Like a light being lit under my ass, I turned the car around and headed back towards my heart. Edward told me he wasn't going to pine for me, and when he said that, I died inside. In its wake, I knew what he meant. He wanted to be with me, but he wanted me to know what I wanted. I didn't expect Edward to wait for me. Especially after I broke his heart the way I did.
Would he forgive me?
God, I didn't even know if I could forgive myself. Thank god, I had come to my senses quickly. In my irrational response, I was able to come to the conclusion of what I wanted.
As I drove down the street, I saw dejectedly that Edward had vacated the spot I left him in.
What do you expect? Did you expect him to wait for you? You broke his heart in two because you were scared!
My inner Bella berated me. It was selfish of me in many ways to expect so much from him and give him nothing in return. The whole situation with Tanya was something that happened at the worst possible moment, and I let my insecurities get the best of me.
Barely waiting to fully put the car in park, I jumped out of the car and ran to him like my life depended on it. I hoped he was in his class, and for Tanya's sake, I hope she was gone. The halls were deserted as I hustled my ass through them. It had been a full twenty minutes since I left Edward stranded, and I felt that even that was too long!
My heart pounded in my ears as I anticipated what exactly I would say to him. What do I tell him?
Don't over think it, Bella! You fuck shit up when you over think it!
So, I decided to stop thinking for once. It was my plan not to have a plan.
My feet pounded against the squeaky linoleum, and I saw his that his door to his class was ajar. Suddenly, I was nervous and my heart sputtered. When I slowed my pace and walked into his class, I noticed two things. One, Tanya was still there, and two, Edward was pissed. I listened closely as he ranted.
He was confessing to her his love for me and letting her know exactly what she meant, which was nothing. The smile on my face was wide and my inner Bella was dancing for the both of us. When he told her goodbye, it only amplified my love for him. It was kind of sad to watch her grasp onto something that was no longer hers, and I couldn't stop myself. I had to make my territory known. In fact, it was necessary. She already knew who I was, well, she thought she knew. It pissed me off to no end when she tried to break us up. It almost worked, too.
Then, the good for nothing home wrecker tried to patronize me with some little one shit. Who did she think she was? I had enough of her, and if Edward didn't intervene, I was pretty fucking sure I would have pounded her into next Tuesday. I mean, had she seen my face? I was a scraper.
Luckily, she finally got the hint and turned to leave, but I couldn't resist giving her a parting gift. It was bold of me to kiss Edward so openly, in his classroom, and where anyone could walk in on us. I just had to make it very clear to Tanya. Edward was mine.
Did you have to flip her off? Inner Bella asked me candidly.
When I refocused my gaze on Edward, he was looked at me distrustfully.
Fuck, I deserve that!
"What are you doing here, Bella? I thought you wanted some space." Edward's tone was cautious.
"I told you a lot of things that weren't true, Edward."
"Why? I have been nothing but honest to you, and--"
"I was scared, okay? You have to understand, I never experienced this kind of love before," I interrupted him.
He took a tentative step back and turned away from me. The anguish I felt at that moment was warranted, and I felt like I was this empty shell.
"Bella, you act like you're the only one who feels that way. Did you ever stop and think about me? The way I felt?" He turned his green eyes to me; the torture in his eyes spoke volumes. He scoffed. "Of course not, it's been about you all along."
"I deserve everything you give me, and I know why you're angry," I admitted as I took a small step towards him. He winced slightly. "Okay, look. I love you and I am ready to give my all. It can't be too late?"
My heart froze as I waited for him to tell me to get lost and that it was too late. That I had broke his heart beyond repair. I expected it. The silence in the air was thick.
"What do you want, Bella? Why all the theatrics? Why did you come back? Was it to hurt me more?"
"I want you!" I told him sternly.
I crossed the distance he put between us. He made no attempt to move, and I pushed my luck further. I took my hand and placed it on his chest.
"I am sorry I'm such an idiot. I am sorry I refused to let you explain. I'm so fucking sorry that I said the hurtful lies to you. I promise that I won't ever lie to you again! This is me, Edward. All of me and that means the crazy, irrational woman who will not always do the right thing. Take it or leave it," I declared fervently.
He looked down at me…eyes blazing. Edward debated for what seemed like an eternity, but as soon as he took my lips and covered them with his, I knew he was taking me. That he loved me as much as I loved him. He knew all along and it took me a bit more time to realize it. Now that I was fully aware of this fact, I wasn't going to let it go.
The passion between us intensified and I was vaguely aware of where we were. It didn't matter. I was with him in his arms; he had forgiven me for being the coward. This was the bravest thing I would ever do in my whole life. For once, I could claim the strong Bella.
Edward broke the kiss and sighed. "You know, I wasn't going to let you escape me for long."
"You shouldn't have to chase me all the time," I admitted shamefully.
"I know, but I didn't lie to you, Bella, when I told you I wanted you. I want everything. The chasing you included."
I laughed at his omission. "Well, I almost out ran you."
"True, but in the end, I still managed to catch you," he said as he placed soft kisses on my nose.
"Well, I will admit that I'm really tired of running."
Someone cocky once said that it was pathetic and desperate to ask for reviews and I say that's rubbish. For a while I have refused to ask for people to review my story, but lets be honest, I would be the only one. No matter if it's good or bad, I want to hear from you. I won't promise if I hear a bad review that I won't sulk over for days, but I will guarantee to get over it. So please, drop a few lines...