Chapter 14

SPOV

I felt trapped inside my head, not wanting to venture any further, a real fear was gripping at me, her tendrils seeping into and through my consciousness. I could see the evil in the eyes above me and around me and feel the pain he was inflicting on my body, I couldn't come to terms with what he was doing, what it seemed he wanted to do. I had to escape from these visions, close my mind down and seek out a dark, quiet place in my head where at least I could feel safe. Go to where my happy thoughts were hidden and only be where they were, so my mind sought out that place, playing with my friends outside my house, playing with Dad at the beach and riding the roller coaster with Mary Lou. Why did those memories strike a chord, why did they feel so familiar like it was yesterday? As I struggled to sort out those memories an image came into view, my Dad, but not young as before, sat next to me, drawing a pattern in front of me and talking. As I saw that image I realized that maybe I needed to be in the present, I had plans that were taking form that I knew I wanted. Maybe it was those memories of that man and the pain that needed to be vanquished, locked in a box and forever stored away, for it to be lost, and never to be seen again. With that revelation I began to sense the things around me.

I felt warm and was laid on my back with a weight across my stomach. Noises flooded into my brain, soft murmuring and the opening and closing of a door. The murmuring took on a definition, a gentle voice almost singing with the cadence of a melody.

"Por favor bebé vuelve a nosotros"

A language that I didn't understand but for some reason it felt familiar and the word Bebe, could that be referring to me? I needed to listen more carefully and maybe really make the effort to open my eyes.

"Te necesito conmigo nena"

How I loved that sound, did that mean that Ranger was with me? Why would he be here?

"How's she doing?"

"No change"

"She should have woken up by now, I'm worried for her Ranger"

"Maybe she's not ready to wake up?"

"She will, give her time and a reason to wake up"

A reason, what possible reason could make me want to wake up? Like everything in my life I screwed it up, made a mess of it, why would anyone really want me to wake up when all I brought was disaster?

"Babe, I want you to wake up. You light up the dark places with your smile and your never ending love for people, please Babe, come back to us"

Was that what he really thought of me, I suppose of all the people I knew, apart from my Dad, Ranger was the only one who really saw me for who I was. How I ached for him to say that he wanted more of me; for him to commit more of himself to me. But I felt content that to have him in my life as a best friend, it would have to be good enough for me, to hear him say he was proud of me, I just hoped that he wasn't fed up with the way his plans never quite turned out when I was involved. I didn't realize that tears were falling down my cheek until I felt the touch of fingers wiping them away; I was a mess, not just physically but emotionally as well.

"Babe, don't cry. Everything is going to be okay, you're safe here"

Safe from myself or from Ranger, that was maybe something I needed to sort through, now I felt it was the time to face my demons and join the world of the living, but I felt so sad doing that. I couldn't do it, I couldn't leave the cocoon I had created for my self so I turned onto my side and let the tears fall shutting out everything around me, I wasn't ready to face reality yet. My world slipped into darkness again as I willed myself to forget everything and everybody.

As my mind began to become aware that I was conscious I could feel soft breaths on my face and the warmth that could only come from a body next to mine. I felt slightly better, not as emotional but the fear was still there, I knew I had to face those fears, that was what I had been trying to fathom out but now I also knew I couldn't do it alone. I concentrated on opening my eyes the fear coming back in waves, but someone's hand holding mine was giving me the strength to fight against them. The light was soft as I slowly began to recognize that it wasn't going to hurt and as I concentrated on focusing the blurry images in front of me my heart began to race as the image of two beautiful brown eyes came into view, eyes that showed a depth of feeling I'd never seen before and was I imagining it or were they shiny with moisture. I didn't get a chance to take a really good look because as strong hands held my face Ranger nuzzled his face next to mine.

"Babe"

A sigh and a whisper showing relief was conveyed by that one single word, a word that could convey so much meaning when he said it. He kissed my forehead, nose and lips before leaning back to look into my eyes, then his forehead was back to touching mine, his hands never moving from gently holding my face.

"I thought I'd lost you, I'm so sorry Babe"

Why would he think it was his fault? It was because of me that I got myself into the predicament that I found myself in.

"No it's not your fault, it was me as usual"

"Babe you did absolutely nothing wrong, I just never thought that you would attract so much attention, but then you are a beautiful woman"

"I shouldn't have let them near me"

"Babe you were at an important event, Lester reckons half the men in the room had their eyes on you"

"I screwed up the capture"

"No that fucking FBI agent screwed it up"

I flinched as he raised his voice and tears came to my eyes as I remembered what had happened. Oh god what had happened? Ranger slid his arm around my waist and pulled me to him.

"Ranger, what did he do to me?"

I saw the concern in his eyes and lent my head back into the pillow, eyes closed dreading to be told about something I really couldn't remember.

"You have a nasty bruise on your face and round your wrists. He dislocated your shoulder which I know is very painful"

He hesitated so I knew he was stealing him self against what he was about to say.

"You have bruises on your legs and thighs"

"Did he, did he . . .?"

"No he didn't rape you, Bobby brought in a female trauma doctor who examined you. She said there was no evidence to suggest that he got that far"

I let out a breath even though what he had done to me was bad enough the fact that he hadn't raped me was a tangible relief. I heard the door open and the sound of shoes walking toward me, oh god he was back he was here to finish what he had started, I tried to curl up into a ball but then was aware that Ranger was laid down with me, why was I still so on edge and worried?

"Bomber how are you feeling?"

Did I have to answer him? Yeah probably or he wouldn't go away.

"Okay"

"The shoulder?"

"Achy"

"Do you want any pain meds?"

I shook my head not knowing if he could see or not because I still had my eyes closed and my face buried in the pillow. I heard him sigh and then felt Ranger move away from me and a shift of the mattress told me he'd got up. I could hear them whispering but not what they said and was so relieved when Ranger came back and laid back down beside me.

"Babe maybe we should move you to somewhere more comfortable?"

I shook my head, I didn't want to move, where would he move me? My apartment?

"You can be where ever you want to be, you can be on seven or an apartment on four. Do you want me to call Morelli?"

He wanted me to go back to Morelli, how could he do that to me? How could he so calmly suggest that Morelli was somewhere I wanted to be?

"My apartment"

"Babe wouldn't you feel better if there was someone looking after you?"

"No"

"Talk to me Babe, what's got you so upset?"

I turned away from him onto my back and realized the weight on my stomach was my arm that had been strapped against me, shit I probably couldn't manage on my own but if that was the only solution open to me then that's what I'd have to do, I'd have to manage. I slowly sat up fighting the nausea that threatened to erupt from my stomach, opening my eyes to focus on something and get those dam emotions under control. I looked around and realized I was in the infirmary. Bobby was still here watching me intently and Ranger was now sat on the bed next to me also watching me.

"Do I have any clothes here?"

Also noticing that I was dressed in one of those dam hospital gowns.

I saw Ranger give a silent nod to Bobby who quickly left the room. Now what, was he going to lecture me, say how stupid I was and that Morelli was a good man for me. Well no way was he going to say that, I would go home on own and cope, just like I had done for most of my life, alone. As Ranger touched my shoulder I flinched but I wasn't sure why, maybe as friends he needed to stop touching me. He removed his hand and then moved from the bed so that he was facing me trying to get me to look at him, but I wasn't going to let him so stubbornly looked down at my hand on my knees.

"Babe, what have I done wrong?"

I didn't answer, how could you tell someone that they were breaking your heart, he didn't know and probably didn't realize the effect he had on me.

"Babe if you go to your apartment then I'll be going as well"

Shit would he just give me a break? Where could I go so as not to have him so close to me?

"All right, an apartment on four, but only for a few days"

He sighed, yeah sighed then looked up at the ceiling as if he was trying to rein in his control, why would he need to do that? At least this way he wouldn't feel as if he was obligated to look after me.

"All right Bobby's getting you some clothes and I'll sort out an apartment, but know this Steph, I'm not happy about it"

No shit Batman. What the hell did he expect? As soon as he had left the room I pulled down the sheet and began to examine my legs, I could remember every time the bruises were made, shuddering I moved my legs over the side of the bed and then stood up holding onto the bed frame, then gingerly made my way into the attached bathroom. Yeah even using the toilet was difficult without both hands. There wasn't a mirror in here, which was something I always wondered about, at least seeing the condition of my face or hair wasn't going to cause me anguish yet. I turned and was about to step through the door when I saw a figure I didn't immediately recognize and alarm bells were suddenly going off in my head. I screamed and stepped back ending up sat on the floor and then shimmied myself along the smooth surface into the corner, drawing up my knees to my stomach and covering my head with my one free arm. My breathing was fast as a fear so strong came over me, nearly knocking me out, my ears were buzzing and I felt my body shaking, not with the cold but absolute terror that the man had found me. The sound of footsteps didn't help and it was only as I felt warmth against me and the sound of Ranger that I could finally internalize what had just happened. I scrubbed my hand across my face trying to erase the tears, I felt stupid, how the hell had I got into a state like that?

"Babe, I'm going to pick you up, okay?"

I nodded and then felt his arm go under my knees and the other around my back, as he stood I tucked my face into his chest and with my eyes closed allowed him to carry me to somewhere safe.

Did I fall asleep or pass out? I didn't know but neither did I recognize where I was. As I turned onto my back I realized I was in bed with a sheet pulled up over me, there was a dim light coming from an open door and the sound of someone else in the adjoining room. A look around the room showed a sparse area with a chair and bedside tables and two closed doors that I assumed were the bathroom and closet. A shadow at the door had me staring wide-eyed at it only to realize that Ranger was now stood leaning against the doorframe.

"You're in one of the apartments on four"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me"

He came over and sat on the bed, pulling me up so that I was sat up being held against his chest.

"Babe you've had a really bad experience which frightened you, add onto that the pain and fear you're feeling, so you're allowed to be overcome, come on I've got something for you to eat in the kitchen"

When he said it I did feel hungry in fact the last time I'd eaten was when I met up with Joe Juniak.

"What day is it?"

"Sunday"

"I missed Saturday?"

"Yeah Babe you were really out of it, Bobby was worried about you"

"I was that bad?"

"Babe, Bobby thinks you may be suffering from Acute Stress Reaction (ASR)"

"Oh, but it's just like all the other times I get hurt"

"You know it isn't, the way you reacted in the infirmary when Bobby walked in, that was extreme even for you"

"Are you saying I'm ill?"

"No, I'm saying we are all worried about you and want to help you cope with the emotions"

For some reason what he'd said worried me but I'd always reacted badly after an incident but it faded after awhile, surely this was no different? I went through to the kitchen deep in thought and was surprised to see food set out on a small table for two people, was he staying here to eat?

"Babe I'm here to look after you"
"But you've got work you need to do, have you already missed doing some because of me?"

"No, the company can almost run itself, anyway Tank's here so he'll call if there's an emergency"

Did he really want to stay with me or did he feel guilty because I'd got hurt. Non of that mattered at the moment, the smell from the covered dishes had slowly wafted my way so following my nose I sat down and lifted the lids to see what was being served, chicken chili nachos and salad was exactly what I needed. I didn't feel like dessert so carefully put the chocolate cake in the fridge to have maybe tomorrow, then went through to the bathroom so that I could shower. As I stood looking at the shower I suddenly realized that to shower properly was going to be hard if not impossible without the use of my arm, I sighed and filled the tub up instead adding some vanilla salts; maybe a soak would be just as good. I removed the sling from around my arm and the T-shirt and shorts I was wearing and carefully lowered myself into the hot water. I was purposely ignoring the bruises I had; I didn't want to remember how they got there. After a few minutes I heard Ranger come into the room and fill the sink up with water, I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

"I can help you wash your hair"

He raised my head using a hand under my neck and started to soap it up with shampoo, mmm, it smelt just like the salts I'd put into the tub. Then he used a jug and water from the sink and rinsed out the shampoo then added conditioner, piling my hair up on the top of my head as he gently massaged my scalp, I'm sure I moaned with the pleasure it brought, then stopped myself and opened my eyes to see Rangers smiling face.

"I haven't said thank you, so thank you"
"What for?"

"Taking care of me"

"Always Babe"

I managed to stand up into a towel that Ranger held out and wrapped around me and found some clean clothes to sleep in on the bed, yeah you guessed one of Ranger's T-shirts and a pair of cotton shorts. Ranger put the sling back on my arm and then taking my hand led me back out of the room and led me to the couch. He switched on the TV then with the remotes in his hand he sat sideways on the couch and pulled me over to sit against him. I couldn't believe it when Ghostbusters, Answer the call, came on. I'd only seen this film once before so was quickly caught up with the story and as the credits rolled realized that I possibly liked it as much as the original. Ranger stood and came back with a bottle of water for us both and handed me some tablets, I just looked from the tablets in my hand to him expecting him to understand I wanted to know what they were.

"Bobby has prescribed you some benzodiazepine in a small dosage for a couple of nights to help you sleep"

"But I can sleep well"

"I know, but you also tend to get nightmares after a stressful incident"

I know I blushed, my cheeks felt warm, how did he know that? Yeah I can still remember the times I woke up screaming and while it took a few nights for them not to reoccur they still frightened me at the time. I took the tablets and washed them down with the water then kissed Ranger on the cheek and got up.

"Night Ranger"

I was ready to sleep and just hoped that Bobby's magic pills would help because I really didn't want any nightmares tonight.