Genre: Romance/Drama/AU

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Just my imagination and if iCarly was mine, it would be called iFreddie by now, so. Dan Schneider (Le Nickelodeon Troll) owns everything.

Pairings: Sam/Freddie – Seddie! Brad and Carly – Barly. Maybe Wendy and Gibby, but I don't know who you call that… Wibby?

Summary: They live in an alternative universe, above ashes of war. The horror seems to stop when a religious organization takes over the entire nation, organizing the chaos. They live under new rules now; everything should be organized and properly prepared. Even the marriages should be carefully planned. Alternative universe, maybe a bit OCC, I don't know yet. Inspired in this amazing THG fic called Five Loaves of Bread: Dark Toast

"Well, I just finished placing the cupcakes on the shelves." I told Meg.

"Alright kid. Why don't you go change and head home?"

"Okay, thank you."

I untied my apron and head for the bathroom and see Toby inside brushing her hair. I remember I still have to have dinner at Carly's… Don't get me wrong, I kind of like her and all, but this is not how I want to spend Friday night. Since the first time Freddie and I kissed, it seems to me that all I want to do is spend hours making out with him again. We share a few chaste kisses during the morning, some more passionate kisses during the night, but other than that, nothing.

I'm not in a hurry to go down that path yet, but there are several indications that show me that it's going to happen sooner than later. Sometimes when we are together, I feel this hunger, this hot feeling on the pit of my stomach. It feels like it's threatening to spread all over my body and spill out of my being. It's like a flood of feelings - and I'm trapped inside, constantly trying to control it all. I'm always trying to keep it from surfacing. Eventually it all gets bottled up and I have to pull away and breathe.

"We're good for tonight?" Toby asks me.

"Huh?"

"Dinner?"

"Oh… right… sure."

I forgot she'll be there too. Toby gives me a sly smile and a smirk, before grabbing her purse.

"See you there goldie locks!" She blows me a kiss and leaves.

I groan silently, letting my hair down and grabbing a brush from my locker. I've noticed Freddie likes my hair more when it's loose and cascading down my shoulders. He's developed this weird, yet adorable, thing where he silently plays with my curls at night. Everything about him is so soothing and sweet to me. Usually that would be a bad thing, but somehow it isn't.

I finished combing my hair and collect my things, throwing them inside my purse. There's this small mirror inside my locker, I check myself to see if everything is in order. Despite my okay appearance, I still need a shower. Freddie will be home within an hour and I need to get ready for dinner. I fix my hair one last time and close my locker. The thought of going home is painful and eager at the same time. For one, I'll have to go and have dinner with a bunch of people, when all I want is to spend time alone with Freddie. But at the same time, I'll be able to take a long, hot shower and see Freddie.

Lately, I find myself giddy and excited to see him. It's stupid. I blame that music box. Every now and then, when he's not around, I open the music box just to hear the sweet melody he made for me. Why he decided to make me a music box, of all things… it's a mystery. I can't say he failed to surprise me though, in a good way.

I leave the bathroom and make my way through the kitchen, where Markus is cleaning the stove. He's so very weird, but as Toby said before, harmless. He's kind of goofy and much too tall. He's so tall that he has to bend over to be able to talk to other people, causing him to have this slightly curved lump on his back.

"Goodnight Sam." He calls over his shoulder.

"Night Markus. Take it easy, alright."

"Sure thing boss ma'am!"

I laugh it off and finally leave the bakery, waving goodbye to Meg. I'm not going to lie… at first, working in a bakery didn't seem alluring to me at all. But I grew fond of my job and now I don't even groan in the mornings anymore. I've learnt so many cool things, it's incredible. I almost don't mind coming to work every day. Sure, it sucks to wake up early in the morning, but at least I'm not alone at home getting bored everyday, like I imagine Carly is. Poor thing, stuck in that house all day, every day, it must suck.

As I imagined, Freddie isn't home yet, so I decided to take the time to take a bath. I've never used a bathtub before, and honestly I've always been curious about it. After filling the tub, I undressed and tested the water to see if it's okay. I put my right foot in first, then the left, bending my keens and grabbing onto the sides of the bathtub, so I can lower myself and sit.

The water surrounds my body, and I find myself really fond of baths instead of showers. I lean my head back and close my eyes, relaxing after a tiring day of work. I can't even imagine how Freddie feels every day; his work is much harder than mine. With my right hand, I rub my neck repeatedly, realizing how much I want a massage. Would Freddie be willing to give me one if I ask? Does he even know how? He's always careful with the way he touches me, I like how his hands feel.

Twenty minutes later I'm sitting at my horrible vanity, brushing my hair. My music box is open, playing the song I've come to like so much. I think about Freddie and how sweet he looked the day he gave me this. Sometimes I spend hours wondering how come the war didn't turn him into a monster. Maybe some people just happen to have more self control then others. Either that or he's just a good person by nature.

I've chosen a green dress with a blue cardigan, because I need to mingle tonight. Freddie thinks it's important for me to make friends and get to know Carly better. I have to confess; other than Freddie, I don't really talk much with people. I've never liked people, especially strange people… but if this is important to him, I'll give it a try. I'm smoothing my hair when I spot his reflection in my mirror, leaning against the doorframe and looking at me adorably.

Freddie smiles and his dimples make a brief appearance. I'm about to turn around and greet him when he walks forward and wraps his arms around my torso. I lean back against him, already getting accustomed to the feeling of his hard chest against my back. My hands, as if they have a life of their own, rest above his and I lean my head to rest on the crook of his shoulder. He has this lump, a muscle I think, which I'm not familiar with the name, right where his shoulder and neck meet. Its rock hard and I'd like to put my hands there and squeeze it.

"Hi." He says, kissing the side of my head.

"Hey you." I can't help but smile at him as he kisses my cheek.

"Hey yourself. How was your day?"

Before I can answer, his lips come down softly against my neck, sending a shiver down my spine and increasing this warm feeling I get in my chest every time we are together. I sigh, and nuzzle his neck.

"It was okay, nothing major. How was yours?"

"…the same old thing. Are you ready for dinner?"

"Ugh… do you we really have to go?" I whine.

"Come on Sam, we talked about this before. It'll be good, and if it's not you just have to say the word and we're out of there."

"Alright… I guess I can hang on for one night."

"Great. Now, I've got you something." He says, giving a final kiss on the side of my head before letting go of me.

Sometimes, when he pulls away from me I feel incredibly cold, abandoned. Then I remember he's not going anywhere and I can finally relax again. I turn around and lean against the vanity, watching Freddie stick his hand inside his pocket. He takes out this thin blue box, and wiggles it in front of my face.

"What's that?"

"It's just a little something for you." He says, opening the box. "I realized you didn't have any jewelry, and I know you don't care, but I just thought a little something wouldn't hurt."

He shows me this golden necklace, with a tiny butterfly locket. It's small and discrete, yet totally gorgeous. Usually I don't like jewelry, or don't care too much about it to have an opinion, but this one it's… cute I guess. Still, I feel uncomfortable that he'd spent money on me again, especially buying me something so unnecessary. I'd be fine with a box filled with fatcakes or a bucket of fried chicken.

"Freddie. You know you don't have to buy me stuff, especially expensive stuff. I don't even care about jewelry."

"I know, I know. And I also know I shouldn't have, but when I saw it… I don't know… I just saw you in it and couldn't keep from buying it. You understand?"

I shake my head. "No I don't… I'd be fine with a bucket of fried chicken."

"I know… but a bucket of fried chicken wouldn't last as long as this. I'm sorry… I don't know what I was thinking. You know what…? It's okay, I'll just return it and give you the money, and then you can buy as many buckets of fried chicken as you wish."

His voice is soothing, and calm, but I can hear a hint of disappointment right on the edge. He was just trying to give me a nice gift, it isn't a big deal. I should be thankful for it, not reacting like this.

"No… you don't have to." I say, holding his wrists before he can put the necklace back inside the box. "I was just saying that you don't have to feel obligated to spend money on me, that's all."

"But I don't. I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to."

"Okay then, if it's like that, why don't you put it on me?"

I turned around and gather up my hair, so he can put the necklace on me. I watch his eyes light up a bit, as he places the golden necklace around my neck. It feels cold and foreign against my skin, it weighs almost nothing, but it feels so different. I guess that's something I must add to the list of things I had never experienced before. Freddie ran his thumb over my neck and I shivered again. I guess my neck it's extremely sensitive. He leaned down and kisses it, as if giving me confirmation that that's my weak spot.

"Looks great on you." He murmurs against my skin.

"Yeah, it does…"

He puts his arms back around me; I sigh, and turn around to face him. His big brown eyes look at me with tenderly, and I wonder what I ever did to deserve this. I've never been well behaved, or polite, let alone nice… I've never been good… not like Melanie. Then, why did I get Freddie while she got… that? Didn't she deserve more than what she got? Didn't she deserve this instead of me? And why did I get to be so happy when she has to deal with misery? I don't understand why things can't be the other way around.

"Whatcha thinking about?" He asks me with that low, soothing voice.

"Nothing."

"I don't believe you." He whispers, rubbing circles on my back.

"Nothing, really. Just how lucky I got… that's all."

"Well, you must know I've got lucky too." Freddie kisses the tip of my nose and I sigh.

"Yeah, but you're good and you deserve it… I don't."

"Sam…"

He unwraps his arms of my waist and takes my hands in his, kissing them both.

"Don't ever let anyone, or anything, make you feel like you don't deserve what you want, or what you've got."

"Okay."

I don't argue because it can take hours, and hours, and I'm not in the mood for a fight. I simply let my actions speak for me, as I lean forward to press my lips against his. Freddie responds immediately, wrapping his arms around me again and bringing me closer to him.

His body it's strong and firm, like a rock, it makes me feel safe when I'm pressed up against him like this. It makes me feel protected, and for a moment I allow myself to be weak, because I know that if I fall, he'll be there to catch me. He presses me against the vanity, and I feel that thing again, that warmth coming from the core of my being. The way his hands firmly grip my waist, and the way his mouth moves, makes me feel as if I'm on fire.

I let him push his tongue inside my mouth, and greet his with mine. It all feels too good, sucking lips, groping hands, heavy breaths, it almost feels too much. I dig my nails into his nape, and his hands squeeze my waist a little tighter. Freddie lifts me up with one arm and places me gently over the vanity. I feel my heart racing and my hands starting to sweat. He tangles his hand in my hair and the other sneaks inside my dress, squeezing the bare skin of my thigh.

Before I can do anything to stop it, this soft moan escapes my lips, causing him to pull away. Hi hair is disheveled, his lips are swollen, but the look on his face tells me he is okay. Without a word, he takes my face in his hands and kisses me again, soft and sweet. I part my knees a little bit further so he can fit between my legs. I guess that must've trigged him, because he grabs onto my backside to pull me flush against him. And then I feel it, hot and hard pressure against my thigh. It's coming from him, from inside his pants.

I think about my next move carefully. I don't want him to feel bad, or upset with himself, so if I'm going to pull away I have to pretend I'm not freaking out. It's hard to do so, when his hands are all over the place, making every bit of my body burn and ache for more, but if I let him keep going, this will end up some place else. And I don't know if I'm ready for it. I push his shoulders gently, breaking the kiss. I realize that if he looks like a gigantic mess, I must be too.

"We uh… dinner… we have to go… to dinner." I say between breaths.

"Oh… you're right…" He takes his hands off me and runs them through his hair. "I'm going to take a quick shower and be downstairs in a few, okay?"

"Okay."

He kisses my forehead before going straight to the bathroom. I know he acted like everything was okay, but I can see clearly that he is pissed, not at me but at himself for letting things go this far. As much as I want things to keep going, this fear in the pit of my stomach doesn't let me get anywhere passed the heated kisses we sometimes share. I scold myself over and over again for being such a coward; he's my husband for crying out loud, a great husband by the way. He's already proved to me more than once that I don't have to fear him, that he won't hurt me and still, here I am… being a gigantic coward.

I brush my hair again and smooth my dress, while going downstairs to wait for him. I get the pie from the fridge and fight the urge to eat it. I sit on the couch and remember the feel of his body pressed against mine and how good I feel when he kisses me. This is stupid, if I have to give myself to someone, it might as well be to him. No one else could be better, there's no one better than him. Besides, I'm running out of time, my doctor's appointment is getting closer and closer every day, and after that man's visit…

"Ready to go?" Freddie calls, waking me up from my thoughts.

"Sure."

I pick up my purse and left my mournful thoughts behind, grabbing onto Freddie's hand and heading for the door. I look up to him and he smiles, then I think, what the hell I'm afraid of?

Freddie knocks on Carly's door and I'm so thankful to have my fingers intertwined with his. He makes me feel secure; makes me feel like even if I do something wrong, things will be okay. I don't really care about what anyone thinks, just him… somehow. I care about his opinion. That's why I'm here today; it's the only reason why I'm going through with this. He smiles at me, encouraging me, telling me, without words, that it will be alright.

"It'll be okay, Sam. And remember, if you want to leave, just say the word and we're out." He says, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it softly.

"Okay." I nod, and smile back at him.

He's so… adorable, and although I always despised this particular quality, somehow, it doesn't bother me when it comes from him.

"Hey guys, I'm so glad you could make it!" Carly squeals, swinging the door open.

It's not that I don't like the girl, she is nice, but sometimes, that high pitched voice irritates me so much. Maybe I should do what Mel always said, maybe I should look past the exterior of a person, if I can see what's inside… maybe I'll find something worthy of my time.

"Hey Carly." Freddie greets her, handing her the bottle of wine.

"Hey." I say simply.

"I'm glad you guys could make it. Come on in, everyone else's already inside."

Glad to know that… oh wait… I'm not! I sigh after she leaves, and before I can step inside the house, Freddie yanks me back gently.

"Sam, we don't have to do this. Really, I don't care. I can have guy time with Brad any day. If it bothers you, it bothers me. We don't have to do it."

For some reason, I like when he says we. Not me and you, not you, not me… but we. It makes me feel… oddly comfortable, as if I'm not alone anymore. I'm not a me anymore, I'm awe…it doesn't make any sense…

"I can do this. You are right Freddie, I need to be more sociable, and we're already here."

He gives me this are you sure looks, so I nod and kiss him quickly.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now can we please get inside? I'm starving!"

"Alright!" He laughs and kisses the side of my head. "Okay. But say the word…"

"And we're out." I finish his sentence. "I know."

"Kay…"

Freddie steps inside the house, taking me with him by the hand. When we get to the living room, everyone else stops to stare at us, and their eyes drop to our joined hands. Brad offers Freddie a smile, and his eyes look almost relived. Gibby and Wendy smile at each other and lean a bit closer. I guess I don't have to fear her anyway… Toby just gives me her trademark smirk, and her husband… he sneezes. I guess now I know why she calls him Germy.

"So, Sam… you want to give me the pie so I can put on the fridge?" Carly asks while coming out of the kitchen.

"Sure, here you go." I hand her the pie and she smiles, also noticing that Freddie and I are holding hands.

"Do you guys want to hold off dinner and get a drink?" Brad asks.

"No, we're pretty hungry." Freddie says, bumping shoulders with me playfully.

"Okay, then, let's go to the dining room."

Brad leads us to the dining room, where Carly is already waiting for us. I should offer to help her set the table or something; it's the polite thing to do.

"Do you want help with setting the table Carly?" I ask her flatly.

"Oh, Sam, that's so sweet of you… okay, I would like that…" She seems surprised with my offer.

"You want us to help too?" Wendy asks.

"Hey, I'm good here girly. Speak for yourself." Toby says, making me want to chuckle.

Wendy doesn't seem to mind, only shrugging off Toby's rude comment. I guess she's on the good girls' team.

"Oh, there's no need Wendy, Sam will help me and we'll be right back."

Wendy nods and Carly motions for me to follow her into the kitchen. Freddie kisses my hand before releasing it almost unwillingly.

"I'll be right back." I tell him in a soft whisper.

"I'll be waiting." He assures me and then I go.

Carly's kitchen is the same as mine, so boring. I think it's time to paint the kitchen walls too. She has cute little dishrags, with pigs on it, cows and everything. It suits her, if you ask me. She leads me in and I ask myself if I should just go there and open the fridge. Maybe not… it's not polite I guess. Not that I care at all.

"So Sam…" She opens the fridge and hands me a tray of salad. "You and Freddie… is everything okay there?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"Great, because I think he really likes you and it would be totally great if you liked him back."

"I do… I like him back."

I'm not really sure why I just admitted something so private to a stranger, but somehow she made me feel oddly comfortable... comfortable enough to open up.

"That's good!" She offers me a genuine smile and we go out to put the food on the table.

We finish dinner, but remain at the table, eating my pie. Everyone says how good it tastes and I try not to blush. Under the table, I hold Freddie's hand and he plays with my fingers. It's such a simple gesture, yet so intimate. No one has ever played with my fingers before, but then again, I've never held a boy's hand before.

A boy…he doesn't feel like one, but he sure is still. Even if his childhood got lost in the war, even if he didn't have a normal adolescence, he's still an eighteen year old boy. And I'm a girl, a teenage girl, with sappy feelings for this particular teenage boy. It only occurs to me now, that Freddie is the first boy I've ever liked… I like him, and I know I admitted before, but it seems more real now. But do I like him enough to give him something I'll never get back?

"So Wendy? How was your first impression of Gibby?" Brad's voice brings me back to earth.

"Oh, our story is actually interesting." Gibby says, kissing Wendy's nose.

"Please, tell us about it." Carly says.

"Well…" Wendy starts, grinning at Gibby. "We met a few years ago."

"Yes. I was on a mission in Seattle when… and Wendy was in an underground base…"

"There was an attack, then an explosion. I was knocked out, and when I woke up everyone was gone. I couldn't get up because of the steel door over my legs…"

"And I heard her scream from miles away. I wanted to go back, but my friends told me to stay put, that it was a cat. But I just couldn't, I knew somehow I was supposed to go there."

"So, when I thought I was about to die, that no one would come back for me… he showed up."

"I did the best I could to take the door off her and carried her outside."

"The moment we were out… everything crumbled down."

"After that I took her to the doctors, but I had to leave for my next location that same night."

"And we didn't even know each other's name…"

"But I never stopped wondering if she was okay…"

"And I never stopped thinking about him…"

"So, when we met again, on the day of our wedding."

"I was so happy." Wendy rubs her nose against Gibby's.

"We were so happy." He leans forward and kisses her.

Everyone in the room stares while they kissed. They shared a very nice story and they were lucky to find each other again. I couldn't believe this sort of thing just happened… it doesn't, not in real life. This story belongs in a book or an old movie, not in real life because in reality, good things don't happen.

Freddie squeezes my hand and I look at him. He smiles, and his eyes smile too. Maybe people do get lucky, if I got lucky, then other people can get lucky too… maybe good things do happen.

"It's a lovely story Wendy." Carly says.

"Yeah, I know."

"Talking about lovely… this pie is great Sam, really." Toby adds, with a mouthful of pie.

"Oh yeah…" Gibby says. "I think you just got yourself new costumers."

"Totally." Wendy agrees.

"Well, you should taste her cupcakes." Freddie says, bumping shoulders with me. "They are from heaven."

"Oh come on… they're just regular cupcakes." I say in my defense.

"You should make them at the bakery Sam," Toby suggests, taking another bite of pie, "I bet Meg would love that."

"Yeah, Sam, I think that if they taste half as good as this pie, you should sell them there. It would be a success." Brad says.

"I don't know…"

"Come on, Sam, they're really good." Freddie assures me.

"Alright… maybe I'll talk to Meg tomorrow."

"That's my girl!"

Freddie gives me a quick kiss on the forehead, and I know people are staring, but right now I don't really care. He looks so proud that I took a stand, made a decision… took a chance. I decided right here and now, that I like to see him proud of me.

"Do you need help with the dishes?" Wendy asked.

"No, no. You don't have to; I'll just do them later."

"It's not a big deal." She shrugs.

"I didn't remember you being so helpful before." Freddie jokes. "Not in school, no, not when you used to throw golf balls at soccer girls."

"You did that?" I ask.

"Yeah… but I worked off my issues and eventually grew out of that."

"I did that too… every Friday." I say, finally finding someone, besides Freddie, slightly interesting.

"Cool!" She squeals.

"Too bad there are no soccer girls for you to hurt anymore. You girls could seriously bond over this." Freddie says with a chuckle, and that makes everybody else laugh.

It wasn't such a bad night after all, and when we leave with another dinner date set; Sunday, barbeque for the sake of my stomach, gossip for the girls, beer for Toby and baseball for the boys. Everybody's happy.

I look at myself on the mirror, taking a minute to analyze the person I've become. I used to be very skinny, like really skinny and short. Sure, I didn't do much growing up, not in the height department, but my body developed over the years. It's weird that I'm not super fat, since I eat more than three hungry soldiers who just got out of prison, and still somehow I manage to stay thin. Not like Carly though, I'm curvier, but still, thin.

I lift my pajama shirt a bit, and take a look at my flat stomach. I just ate my ass off at Carly's, and still, my stomach remains as flat as before. Someday it will be bigger, and rounded. Someday there will be a person living inside of me. They will be part me and part Freddie… a perfect combination of the both of us. But for that to happen, I need to overlook my fears and give myself to him. I'm sure he wouldn't object anymore, not after the kiss earlier today.

Taking a deep breath, I begin to get my shit together. Tonight is the night and I don't want to be freaked out. He doesn't deserve a woman who's trying not to cry while he takes her, he deserves a woman who's willing to do this because she wants him. And I do want him, I do, I'm just… nervous? Freaked out? Out of my mind? Scared? I'm nearly panting when my hand finally pushes the door open, I catch my breath. Should I be wearing something more… appropriate? It doesn't matter because the clothes will be discarded one way or another.

Freddie is lying on his side of the bed, eyes closed, and I wonder if he's asleep. I climb into bed and snuggle into the comforter, close to him. I see him smile, but he doesn't open his eyes. His arm comes over my waist, bringing me closer once again, and I tuck my head under his chin.

"I like being like this with you." He whispers. "It's so comfortable… more than any kind of physical demonstration of affection."

"Me too…" I say, slowly. "I love this."

Maybe the whole sex thing can wait a little bit more. I feel much more comfortable with him like this right now, just being close and being safely held by his strong arms. The rest can wait a little, just a little bit more, and I'll be ready for him.

"I like you, Freddie." I admit.

"I like you too, Sam." He doesn't wait to reply.

Laying my head on his chest, I listen to the steady beat of his heart, and that's when I decide. Yep, I'll be ready for him, soon.

A/N: So, sorry for the delay, but I found a time to update today. My editor sent me the doc today, and because Carnaval is not going as well as I'd hoped, I'm just sneaking into the room to update. Anyway, a few chapters ago, someone asked me if Toby was based on Max from 2 Broke Girls, and I was going to answer, but I forgot. And the answer is yes, she is. I love that show, so I decided to base a character on Max, who reminds me so much of Sam. Anyway, I don't know if I'm going to be able to update again this week, but I'm already finishing chapter 15, I just need a little inspiration.

Edited by pigwiz (thanks a lot!)

Adele – Best For Last (Congrats Adele, for all the Grammys! I love you, you're perfect!)