Disclaimer:

Characters based on Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer.

(Embry POV)

Day after day, I went back to the Cullens with hopes that Tanya came back, but she never did. Kate and Garrett left the very next day Tanya did. Garrett assured me that he would inform me of any development about Tanya, but he advised not to keep my hopes up in the next few days. One thing he learned about Tanya was that she could be stubborn.

I was empty. I spent most of my days staring at the ceiling of my bedroom. I refused to get up unless my mom dragged me out of my bed. At night, I patrolled with each team, occupying the hours that I used to spend with Tanya. Each hour, each minute, each second, I could feel my heart being torn apart over and over again. Then the night would end, the sun would rise, and I would start the cycle all over again.

--

After a week or two, I received a letter. It was from her.

Dear Embry,

I don't know anything to say that won't hurt both of us. We have gotten used to spending hours together and being apart from you like this hurts, but this is for the better. Both for you and for me. I want you to know that I didn't mean to cause you and your pack any problem. If I could take back what had happened between us, I wish you didn't imprint on me; it would have been easier. I'm sorry for hurting you by leaving, but please, do us both and your pack a favor, don't look for me. It's better this way.

Please know that the memories of every minute I spent with you will always be in my heart. I don't know how long it would take for me to get over you, or if I ever will. At this point, I really don't know how to face eternity without you; I am trying to learn to live my life on my own again, a life without you.

Remember that my heart belongs to you, now and forever.

With love,

Tanya

I fell on my knees after reading the letter. I held it close to my heart and the tears fell from my eyes. I brought myself up and walked towards First Beach. I sat there with her letter clenched to my heart. I lost myself with the sight of the waves. Some of the members of the pack saw me but none of them bothered me; they must have seen the gloomy look on my face. Quil and Jared sat by me but did not say anything. We sat in silence until I was ready to lead the patrol for the night.

--

I stopped counting the days since the day I received Tanya's letter. I didn't see any reason to bother. All I knew was that my heart was slowly dying, breaking beyond repair. I did not rest and this was taking a toll in my body. Quil said I was catatonic and that the other members of the pack were starting to worry about me.

"When I wasn't around, they complained. Now that I am here all day and all night, they are not happy. How the hell am I supposed to please everyone?" I said with anger.

"They were just thinking about your health, bro. You lost some weight already and your eyes were deep and dark. Whatever you're doing is not healthy."

"What state do you expect me to be in? You think I should go back to the old lively Embry? I tried, Quil, I tried. I tried to think of happy moments in my life so that I could bring myself to at least smile, but my thoughts would just go back to the happy moments I had with her," my voice was starting to break. "Not long after that memory, I would remember how much I screwed up and I just end up beating myself up over and over again." I felt tears coming down from my eyes. I had cried each night, something I had never done for anything or anyone. I never wanted any of my pack to see me broken like this, but Quil was a friend.

"Man, I don't know what to say; I was never in your situation. Just imagining being away from Claire scares me," Quil patted my shoulder.

I straightened myself, "Just pray that it would never happen." I got up and wiped my tears, "I hope that this stays between us, Quil. I don't want the pack thinking they have a whimp for an Alpha." I tried to chuckle but it just got caught up in my throat.

"Don't worry about it," Quil said and left.

--

My unhealthy habits did not escape my mom's notice. "What is going on with you, Embry?" she asked.

"Nothing, mom," I answered.

"It's not nothing. You are practically a tall stick with clothes on. Why don't you tell me what is bothering you? You haven't been the same since that night that you came home crying," she said and my head snapped up. I thought she was sleeping when I got home. I tried to hide my cries on my pillow but I guess she knew me better than I thought.

"I can't mom," I told her. I wished every night that I could just tell my mom what I was and what Tanya was so that she would stop worrying about me.

"I just want you to please take care of yourself. I've never seen you this sad and it worries me. If you won't let me in, let Quil and your other friends help you."

I nodded at my mom. She was right; I shouldn't shut off my friends, but how could any of them tell me what to do. None of them have been through what I was going through. I never felt so lost and hopeless all my life. This was worse than the time that I couldn't tell Jacob and Quil that I phased. This was definitely much worse than that.

I had been debating on something but I didn't want to impose on him; he was living his life away from this, but I needed someone's advice from the outside, so I called him.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jake."

"Embry?"

"Yeah, how are you?"

"I'm good. I was going to ask you the same but with the sound of your voice, I don't think you're good."

"That obvious, huh?"

"So, what's going on? Are they giving you problems in the pack?"

I mentioned to Jacob in my previous calls to him about the issues I had with the pack. He had been supportive of me and it was nice to hear that from another Alpha.

"Pack's fine. I, uh, I really don't know how to tell you this since it happen months ago," I started but couldn't finish.

"Tell me what? What's going on Embry?" I could hear his concern and worry.

"She's gone; she left," was all I could say.

"Tanya?" When I didn't answer, Jacob understood. "What happened?"

"We had a fight about the pack. They wanted me to be around more since I spent most of the day with Tanya and she said that maybe I should split my time equally. I felt as if she was pushing me away and then I…"I couldn't bring myself to continue.

"You what, Embry?"

"I started raising my voice then I lost it, I phased in front of her." I heard the phone drop and Jacob was swearing on the other line.

"Sorry, I dropped the phone. You phased? Then what happened?"

"I tried to calm myself down but my defenses wouldn't let me so I left. It took a couple of hours before I finally calmed down. I took some clothes from home, but when I came back, she's gone."

"Why didn't you follow her?"

"Kate said not to. Tanya left her a note, she needed time. She sent me a letter just a little over a month ago and told me not to look for her," I felt the tears back in my eyes. I tried to hold back, but I couldn't, "I don't know what to do anymore. Even mom was worried and I can't tell her anything. I just want to quit the pack and find her, you know. I could only take so much torture. I barely sleep at night and I barely eat. I just…I just…" I felt defeated.

"Embry, listen. You have to find her; talk to dad and the others. Don't do this to yourself. How you lasted all these months is beyond me."

"How about the pack?"

"Let the damn pack take care of itself. There's no threat right now; there's a lot of able-bodied werewolves in La Push. You being gone for a couple of weeks or so wouldn't put them in a vulnerable situation. But you suffering like that and showing how weak you are will just cause more problems."

"She said not to find her."

"Answer me this. Can you continue living without her? By the sound of the situation, you're already dying."

"I understand, Jacob. Thanks."

"You just needed to hear it from someone else."

"I need to go. I better talk to them soon."

"Good luck."

--

I went to Old Quil's house after I called Billy, Sue and Sam. I wanted Quil to be there as well so he would be aware of my decision.

"Is anything wrong, Embry?" Quil asked as he opened the door.

"Not really. I just needed to talk to the Elders," I said.

When the others arrived, I informed them of my decision. "I'm leaving tonight. I prolonged it enough; I'm going to look for Tanya. I don't know where and I don't know how long it would take, but I will not come back until I find her. I'll understand if you decide to replace me with Quil as the Alpha of the pack. I've already put the pack as my priority over my life, but I don't think I could last any longer not knowing where she is. I have to find her."

I looked around to see the reaction and decision of the Elders. I studied each of their expressions. They showed sympathy and understanding.

Old Quil spoke in behalf of everyone, "While you are looking for Tanya, Quil will take over your post. Sam will oversee the announcement of the temporary transition. There's no need for you to wait any longer before you set on your journey. Are you sure you want to do this alone? If you decide to take Quil, Jared will be the temporary Alpha."

"I think this is something I should do on my own. Thank you for your understanding and I will try to keep in touch as much as I can so it would not cause the pack any worry." I got up and shook everyone's hands.

I quickly left and went home. I needed to tell my mom I was leaving and I didn't know for how long. It would be harder to say goodbye to her as she didn't know where I was going and why I needed to do it. I had to keep her in the dark for her own protection. With tears on our eyes, I left the house.

As I was headed to cross the border, I phased to pick up speed. Not long after, I heard Quil in my head.

Embry, are you sure you don't want me to come with you?

She's my imprint, Quil. I should go alone. Besides, it's best not to leave the pack with less protectors, and it's better that you stay. Don't leave Claire.

Take care out there, okay?

I will. Thanks for being a friend, Quil. I will not phase back until I see her so if you want to talk to me, you know how to reach me.

See you soon, bro.

With that last note, my head went quiet. He must have phased back and left me to my thoughts.

--

A/N: Comments? Review??