Warnings: future SLASH (boy x boy), MAJOR NO-MAGIC!AU (Alternate Universe), possible BLOOD and FAMILY SITUATIONS in future chapters, AGE-GAP RELATIONSHIP(S)

Pairings: TMR/HP, pre-established HG/RW and LL/NL and LE/JP, open to suggestions for other characters

Standard disclaimer applies: I do not own Harry Potter or any brand you recognize in this story. J.K. Rowling is credited with the creation of these characters (I'm not fond of using OCs in my own fanfiction)

"How could you do that to them, Severus? I know they were bullies a couple of years ago, but they've changed! You can't honestly still hold a grudge against them, can you?!" Lily shouted; her tone desperate and pleading. It sent violent waves of rage through his body, and if he hadn't had the self-control that he had acquired from his childhood, Severus' body would've trembled.

He was speechless. Was she really so ignorant to not see what was before her very eyes? The Marauders weren't all too smart, no matter how "creative" their pranks could be. Yes, they put in an effort to hide everything from her, but Lily wasn't stupid! She was observant! She was cunning! She was… was…

His. Wasn't she supposed to be his? Wasn't she supposed to stand by him always? Weren't they friends? Didn't she trust him?! Would she really accuse him like this, like now, without even getting his half of the story?! She wasn't even supposed to need "his half"! They were friends, best friends for Christ's sake! They might not have been as close as they usually were lately, but that didn't lower the value of their friendship!

Was this what "love" had done to her? Had James Potter mutated her into something indiscernible? Love—an emotion he held much of for Lily Evans—would it be the end of her? The end of them? Was she no longer his…?

Did he no longer stand a chance?

It filled him up from the inside out, burning and trembling and pushing against the confines of his heart. Sometimes Severus felt an indescribable pang when he watched her laugh and smile next to Potter, but this was different. For one, it lasted longer—much longer—and hurt more than a hundred times over. He thought he could stand it—stand the fling that would be Lily and Potter—and he thought he could wait. He thought he could wait for her, wait for her to realize how he felt, how badly he wanted her…

He was mature. More so than the rest of their age group. He stood in silence, in pain, in anger; waiting for the exact moment to swoop in. Severus thought he was smart. He thought he could do this. He overestimated himself, overestimated the amount of pain he could take. But all of his calculations were wrong; all of the hours he had laid awake thinking and planning were for naught.

He couldn't—just couldn't—

His throat squeezed, dry and parched and rough as he stood still, taking the yelling and the shouting and Lily Evans' torturous eyes. The green eyes he had admired so very, very much.

No more. He couldn't take it anymore.

"What would you know, you filthy little whore?!" Like a dam, Severus' anger and sorrow rushed out of him in one blow, one sentence, as his piercing black eyes crushed her more than his words ever could. They showed how he meant it, how much pain she had caused him; they displayed his hurt to the world, and they blamed her for all he had ever felt.

Lily reeled back in shock, a chocked mix of a gasp and a sob sounding from her mouth before the tears welled in her eyes. Perhaps this was supposed to be the part where he felt guilt, regret, and desperately tried to apologize to her as she ran into the arms of her "prince charming"… but Severus did not care. He didn't apologize, not even as silence stretched between them, waiting to be pierced by a sorrowful apology. Never had he despised her more than in this moment, never had he hated her eyes more than here. Now.

So what if she cried? So what if she hurt? He wanted her to feel it—feel the utter despair that he had felt for so many years. The crushing pain that his father caused him, the undisputed rage that the Marauders gave him as he was put through hell, and the bitter remorse he felt whenever she sided with them, which was frankly happening more than not recently. So what if she was a girl? So what if she ran? She deserved it. Deserved it all. How dare she yell at him for reaping revenge? How dare she?! She hadn't been around when he needed her most, hadn't talked to him—really talked—in such a long time… So what gave her the right?!

Break. Break. Fall into pieces. Break before my eyes; scream for me. I want you to crumble. Shatter. Fall apart, Lily Evans.

"I… I…" she stuttered, shoulders shaking as the tears began to fall. Behind her, the four Marauders looked on in shock, and then Potter's expression morphed into rage. He was held back by his friends, trying to rush and defend his lady love, but they did not let him.

"I hate you, Severus!" Lily finally screamed, and with that she spun around and dashed away, past her crush, past Black, past Lupin, past Pettigrew. James Potter, of course, ran right after her, and a sneer grew onto Severus' face. So what?

Later, as he tended to a fresh bruise on his face, did Severus' rage finally flicker out. He wasn't strong, no matter how his feelings tried to convince him so. He wasn't invincible, wasn't untouchable. He didn't suit being a hero—wasn't good enough, courageous enough, selfless enough.

Everything sank in as his trembling hands gently surveyed the damage on his body, somewhat guesstimating where the main wound was everything ached and groaned at staying standing for so long.

So what…?

He allowed it to finally strike him, batter against his mind that Lily would no longer be there. She hadn't been for awhile, but then he had been able to harbor the small hope that she would come, would remember. Now… it was over. He had done that—hurt her—and had done so in cold blood. Severus had been angry, and so had taken it out on her. Did she deserve it? Sweet, gentle Lily, who would never hurt a fly…

But that was his love speaking for him, and the demon of rage howled and cried to crush her completely. He didn't know who he was anymore—couldn't feel it—but perhaps, just maybe, if it were really him… Severus liked to think he would feel sorry.

The day after, Lily Evans did not speak to him. She avoided him, ignored him, and purposefully grabbed onto Potter's arm whenever he walked by. She turned her head in obvious snubbing, and he didn't bother to look her way when they passed each other. While he suffered in silence once more, she insisted on acting like a petulant child. He hated her.

Loved her.

Wanted her.

Never cried for her.

He buried himself in books, seeking solace where the pages would not be able to harm him, unless it was in the form of inconsequential paper cuts. Hands would gently caress the spines of novels; fingers would trail over words written in informative manuals. Severus read everything—essays, historical texts, fiction and nonfiction, and everything in between. He wanted to drown in knowledge, which always came so easily to him. History was memorized, plots would be read and predicted, and theories would be imprinted into his mind. Contents of books would flood into his brain, but they would do nothing but relax him.

His beast still cried and ripped at his heart.

It took effort, effort and patience, to finally suppress it. His methods were crude, though effective. Brute force was used to shut it behind doors, locks, chains and leashes that were tied in impossible knots to an iron pole. It was all he could do—unresolved and cowardly as he was. Books became his escape—sometimes he even thought he read not to read, but to flee—and he did not mind. No one approached him again after the Lily debacle, and he didn't mind this either.

He would be alone. If he couldn't have Lily, then he would be alone.

They made up a year after, when she came up to him on a sunny spring day and apologized profusely. James had told her, she had said in a small voice, that he had kept bullying him. She had been wrong, so very wrong, and she wanted to know if he would accept her apology.

Lily also believed he owed her one, too, for his words. Part of him still hated her, but the other yearned for her so very much that he eagerly took the opportunity. Some part of him felt numb, but it didn't matter anymore. He would suppress his beast, the thing inside of him that yowled in anger and painpainpain, clawing at its confines.

Because maybe if he was able to lock it up, things would go back to normal.

They never did, not truly, even after he had learned how to lock up all the screaming negativity inside him. Sometimes they would flash in his eyes, but soon he learned how to stop that too. He put the past behind him, gave up his love—as he could no longer claim to be in love with her when most of him still lie unresolved—and gave up the cruelty that echoed in his thoughts. If he couldn't go back, then he would try to be normal.

Still, he consumed the books, flipping through pages as quickly as he read, hoping to find some type of balm for the cracks that grew bigger and bigger by the day.

Sometimes he would talk with Lily, and that seemed to calm him more than books ever could, but he found himself unable to love her like he had for much of his youth. They became friends again, slowly and surely, but he still could not find how to fix himself. Too many thoughts would bounce inside his head, rattling his self-control and playing irritating tunes on his heartstrings. Ugly chords, high pitched and screeching, never seemed to stop.

He wondered if he was falling into insanity.

But Severus was, if anything, resilient. He might not seem so, but being stubborn was glued onto his personality. In life, he was determined to succeed, never to fall again, and with those thoughts he was able to gradually claw himself out of the pit that had trapped him. It was a long process, and mostly prospered from time.

Occasionally he would look back and think how foolish and emotional he had been, but perhaps that was part of being a teenager. With that, he grew, and time taught him many valuable lessons.

By pure stubbornness, Severus was able to survive where others would've fallen into the deep abyss. Perhaps he wasn't all there, he couldn't quite say, but his relationship with Lily had showed him many things. A first love will always hold a place in your heart, and it was quite the same for Severus. He wanted to be part of her life in some way, and she was.

She grew into a real woman, witty with a wicked sense of humor. Often would she remind him how she had gotten it from him, and perhaps that consoled him in some ways.

Severus wasn't lost. Not anymore. Nothing was fixed, but adapted. He grew into how he was; how he had lived, and was able to build back some of the walls that he had lost. Time did not heal, but allowed a chance to re-familiar yourself with who you were. Sometimes he would feel bitter, but that too he accepted as a part of him.

Still, the solitary lifestyle he lived nibbled at his heart.

Perhaps, he mused, I could try something new.

And he did, as Severus always kept his promises, especially to himself. It came in the form of Chamber of Secrets, the new game that happened to be "all the rage" on the media. Was it too stereotypical? He was intent to find out.

Little did he know who he would find.

As the author, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I wrote this chapter in an hour. Sorry it's so short-but all except Harry's "Player Behind" chapter is pretty small, so what can you do?

Eh... not sure how I feel about Severus. The original "The Player Behind HBPrince" was supposed to go a lot differently, actually have some Harry in it, and actually have some game-time in it. Well, too bad... We'll get a Cutscene next chapter though, where the game's system will be explained a bit more, we see more of pre-Deathly Hollows, and hopefully Tom and Harry's relationship's dynamics are seen in the eyes of a clueless Severus. That's always fun!

Yeah. This chapter could be pretty disappointing to some of you-some part of me actually wanted to hold off on posting it-but I decided ya'll have waited long enough. Time for a new chapter. Even if it's butt-short. If this chapter is actually crap, and you all think so, shoot me a review and I'll probably rewrite it.

I'm not too satisfied, but a part of me just loves some snippets of the chapter. -shrug- Severus' extra had me completely lost, but I really wanted to put it as the next installment and... here you go.

Uh... so questions? Confusions? Go ahead and (like said) shoot me a review/PM. I'll do my best to answer~ Also, now I feel pretty guilty... giving you this chapter when I'm so near 100 reviews... Agh. Please forgive me ;w; Still love you all though.

Sincerely,

-R.R.