A/N: Special thanks to Malicean, Hoplite39, Admiral Mitth'raw'nuruodo and the wonderful (nameless but still appreciated!) Guest who left me reviews for this last chapter. I hope you enjoy this next one.

As always, much thanks to Malicean and Hoplite39 for allowing me to reference events in their stories and/or use characters. You both are awesome. Please check out Vader's Own by Malicean if you want to know just why Tessa thought there was something between Veers and Leia, and Loyal soldier of the Empire - Journal of an Imperial Stormtrooper by Hoplite39 for information on Zarine Yalasa. Both are wonderful reads and truly enjoyable!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OCs. Please do not sue. This is purely for fun.

It was the blurriness that I remembered most, faint hazy images that bore familiar faces. Colonel Veers bending over me, gloved fingers tapping my cheek gently to keep me conscious. White blinding light from the hallway behind him distorted my already fractured vision until it appeared he was haloed in radiant light, a being of pure goodness that had come to pull me back from the brink of oblivion. I clung to him with one hand, my other latched as solidly as I could to Zarine's.

"I'm so sorry," I murmured to him. Willing him to understand, to accept my apology.

It was vital all of a sudden for me to make amends with this man, to stop being the coward that had hidden behind rumors. Unsubstantiated and damaging rumors at that. And honestly, how could such an affair have happened, what with Leia's meteoric rise to Senator and most military posting being very far from Imperial Center. There would have been no time, no possible way for the two to share clandestine meetings and passionate embraces. Stars, all it really took was a peek into the databases on this very station to find out if Colonel Veers had been anywhere near Leia Organa in the past six years or so.

No, instead of investigating the truth, I had cowardly listened to rumor and accepted it as truth.

I'd wronged him that way. I'd wronged so many. It had taken nearly dying to make me see that.

It took the words of a lowly stormtrooper, a woman that had methodically and without emotion ripped my heart out of my chest and tore it to pieces, to make me see what was truly important in life. And now I had a choice. I could leave the truth here in this filthy shaft with the rest of the garbage, or I could pick up the shattered bits of myself and build something worthy of keeping.

Something… honorable. Something worthy of the friendship of Zarine, and the memory of Noremac. Something that was beginning right now, with this poor, confused Colonel.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Miss Motti," Colonel Veers replied. "All is forgiven in the light of your safe recovery."

"No," Tears stared again, of all the weak and cowardly things. He must be thinking of my temper tantrum when he'd informed me of Andy's passing… "For all the times I … thought ill of you. You… and Leia. I thought you both were… together… forgive me."

His watery double image frowned, possibly wondering what I was going on about. Perhaps wondering just how badly I was hurt to be babbling such horrific things. And then it clicked, the light of realization filling his eyes. A dash of incredulous horror, a bit of disbelief, a pinch of flashing anger. It all danced in his eyes like some sort of emotional vortex. And just as quickly as it appeared, it vanished, replaced instead with the most unlikely of reactions ever.

He chuckled. He actually chuckled. I had just admitted to thinking he was a pedophile, and his reaction was to be slightly amused. I wasn't sure if that made me like him more, or if I was so delusional and sick that I was imagining this entire conversation.

"Milady Motti," he said, trying to regain his composure, trying for that dignified military sternness that must be handed out with each uniform upon completion of the Academy. "If I were to take offense to every rumor spouted about me, I would not have much time for my duties. Try to rest now. You are safe."

"Coward," I tried again. "I'm a… coward. Don't deserve it… him."

That time he did frown, both his images did, and both of them stared over twin shoulders to bark harshly at someone. Or a lot of someones if I wasn't imagining the amount of boots needed to make that thundering sound across the deck.

He looked back to me then, brow furrowed with concern. "Rest," he urged again, pulling me closer, so much so that I lost my grip on Zarine's limp fingers.

I saw her start to slide, her white armor glistening in the light. Slowly, so very slowly. I knew she would die if she fell down that shaft, and I tried to verbalize that. To scream or … or something! If the good Colonel didn't catch her, didn't take his focus from me, she was going to die at the end of a ray shaft. All because I'd been too weak to hold onto her. It was her job to die for me, I knew that. But it didn't have to be now, and it didn't have to be useless. This wasn't an honorable death. This was… pathetic at best.

She deserved better. So much better.

That unlocked something in me, some unknown reserve of strength, and I started to fight him. He cursed under his breath, his hand leaving the back of my neck and reattaching itself on my shoulder. His other somehow flipped me around until my back was against his chest, my arms restrained at my sides.

"Zarine…" I tried to scream, but didn't have the breath. Hands clutching uselessly at the air…

With another curse, he reached out with his other hand, catching Zarine's arm before she could slide further. "Where is that medical team?" He bellowed.

"Here, sir!"

"Take Miss Motti immediately."

Hands I didn't know, more hands than the double image of Colonel Veers should have had, took control of me. There were too many to fight, and I was too weak to do more than offer passive resistance. The light became blindingly bright, mixing with the glowing angry red of melted steel that had once been a shaft door. They'd burned their way through it, these men. That was why medical had taken so long to respond. They couldn't scan through the doors, through the radiation in that shaft, to see if they had really found us.

But Lord Vader knew. Somehow he had known, had guided me here to be found. And had selected men he could trust, that would follow him without question. Honorable men.

"And what about the trooper, sir?" Asked a voice.

"I have her," Veers replied, slipping out of the shaft right behind me, Zarine held limply in his arms. "Get that door repaired quickly. The radiation levels are already climbing in this area. Move."

It was the last thing I heard as I was placed onto something soft, my arms and legs secured by some sort of strap. Then the stasis field clicked on… and then there was nothing.

They say bacta dreams are the most potent form of dreams a person could ever experience. Maybe it had to do with the fact that many aren't submerged fully in the stuff unless they were about to die. Maybe it was because the goop activated mental pathways in the brain to supercharge the healing factor in the body. I didn't know. I wasn't a doctor. And all I had to go on were stories about how some people went into the goop thinking one way and came out another.

Like that one weapons designer from Alderaan that had blown himself to Imperial Center and back, and spent two weeks soaking. He came out of it and immediately divorced his wife, resigned his commission in Imperial Science and Development, and took up a post teaching at a university on Corellia. His memoirs, published by his son after his death, stated that he'd come face to face with a universal truth during his time in the bacta. He had 'met his real self' and hadn't liked what he'd seen. So he changed it.

Just like that. Poof. I'm no longer a scientist. I'm now a teacher.

Bacta Shakes was the unofficial title for it. There was some long fancy scientific term like Progressive Regressive Neurotic Behavioral Disorder. And not everyone reacted the same way. Some made huge severe changes and some just decided they didn't like the color green all of a sudden. Whatever demons existed in the healing goop, they never told the same secret to the same person, that was for damn sure.

It made me wonder what everyone was going to say about me. Especially when I started making my changes, changes that had nothing to do with 'meeting my real self' in the goop and everything about finally figuring out the kind of person I wanted to be. Funny, that it took a tumble down a lift shaft, a date with a monster, and the death of a good man to make me see that.

You'll forgive me if I don't laugh.

I drifted in and out of consciousness for my day or so in the tank. Colonel Veers made an appearance outside the glass once or twice during my lucid moments. The first time he wore the standard white shirt and loose pants of a hospital patient, probably receiving treatment from the radiation he'd absorbed during the rescue. The second time he was in his full uniform again, and judging by the way the doctors tried to send him on his way, he was performing some kind of personal guard duty. He politely dug in his proverbial heels, took a seat next to my tank, and settled in to wait.

I blinked and General Moradmin Bast was there next, chatting politely with the Colonel. And pinned to his uniform was a very familiar flower. An Alderaanian Star Lace, like the one in painting before which Thrawn and I had hatched that crazy plan to get him off the station and me out of a marriage I didn't want. Luck had been on his side, as he'd gotten what he wanted. The comic jury was still out in regards to my petition. Yet General Bast glanced up at me, our eyes meeting through the breathing mask over my face. He smiled softly, inclined his head, and went back to his conversation.

I blinked again and Con was there, forehead against the glass, eyes closed and lips moving in prayer. Behind him stood Uncle, lips pressed into a line, frustration and helplessness drifting across his controlled expression.

Another blink and Major Fehr was but an arm's length away from my tank, the hateful glower on his face enough to send my heartbeat racing. Colonel Veers had a hand on the back of the other man's neck, yanking him away from me. Two stormtroopers coming over at his request, taking the Major's arms and forcefully ejecting him from the medical bay. I wanted so much to thank the Colonel, but an Emdee droid did something with the oxygen line that fed my mask, something that smelled faintly sweet, and I felt my eyes grow heavy.

I opened them after what only felt like a moment and Cassio had his hand pressed to the glass, eyes closed and face a mask of sorrow and relief and terror all at once. I couldn't stop the way my fingers jerked, twitched. My arm moving of its own accord so that my fingertips brushed the glass where his rested. His eyes snapped open in that moment, meeting mine. A tiny tear escaping his, and I swore that I could feel the heat of his hand through that thick barrier.

Another blink, and if I could have jerked away, I would have. The medbay was empty of everyone, including the loyal Colonel that I had misjudged for so long. My limbs were suspended now, wrapped in restraining bands that tethered them to either side of the tank, as if the medical personnel had disliked my attempt to reach out to Cassio. Wires and tubes to keep me from trashing about and I could barely manage to twitch my fingers.

Alone… I was alone. Trapped.

And Lord Vader stood on the other side of the glass, gazing at me.

You survived.

I shivered inside, knowing now that all those conversations hadn't been imagined.

I did.

Good.

Why?

Why what?

Why save me?

Do you think I did this for you?

No. No, the only thing I'm certain of is that you didn't do this for me, or out of the goodness of your heart, my lord.

You are useful.

I am a coward.

The entire tank rocked, the surface glass fracturing under an invisible wave of his displeasure. Spiderweb cracks shattered his image into a disjointed thing, a kaleidoscope of dark and light that was oddly hypnotic and utterly terrifying at once. I would have lost consciousness again if not for the grip he maintained on my thoughts. Rage, such hot rage in him. Like unending explosions in my head.

All aimed at me, at what I had thought of myself.

I do not deal with cowards, Jentessa Motti.

The smart thing to do would have been to agree with him, to say 'yes, my lord, forgive me' and pray that he would walk away. But that wasn't me anymore. Come to think of it, it had never been me in the first place. Then what would you call me, my lord?

Misguided and foolish. But not cowardly.

That isn't why you saved me.

No, it isn't.

Then why? How am I useful?

Images popped into my head, memories of his pleasure that I had managed to put Uncle on his toes that one time in his office. Approval that I'd stared into his mask without flinching, that I'd drawn upon my anger and made it into a fine weapon in that same conversation. I hadn't imagined that communion between us. He'd felt it, too, and it had been a welcomed distraction. Amusement as he'd used a mash-up of our conversation in a meeting with the senior command staff not even a few hours ago.

"Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed," he'd growled at my brother. "The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force."

And finally, my confrontation with Leia in that doomed turbolift. It had lead to a crack in the other woman's defenses, a tiny miniscule chink in her emotional armor that he had been able to exploit for some information. Not much, and certainly not as much as he needed from her, but enough to begin to hammer at her will. For all this, he… owed me?

Yes, that was what I was feeling from him. He'd owed me a debt. And now that debt was paid in saving my life. Would it be impolite not to thank him? To tell him that his repayment had given me more sorrow than joy?

Of course he'd heard that in my thoughts, and I felt something akin to dark delight in his. Feed your anger, Jentessa Motti, and it will serve you well. You are not a coward. Not anymore.

He left my thoughts before I could ask what that meant. And I had a feeling that I would never speak with him again. His chapter in my life had come to its conclusion.

Cassio was waiting for me. I could hear him on the other side of the door to my private suite in the medical bay, arguing firmly but politely with the doctor on duty. After a day and a half soaking, I was considered fully healed. However, I should be given plenty of time to rest and let my body readjust to life outside the tank. It could be a rather jarring experience.

Jarring experience… that about summed up my life for the past month or so. A jarring experience. And what was about to come next was going to be the pinnacle of those jarring experiences.

I left the gown that had been brought for me where it lay, another silky frothy thing with many layers of skirting and a bodice that was tight-fitting. It made me look too delicate and, well, silly. Like a giant doll brought to life. This one was in colors Con thought I would like: ice blue with silver lacework. Beautiful, yes, and currently in style within the Imperial Court. As I hadn't seen it before, I suppose he'd had it made as a gift, hoping it would make me smile. Would make me into the girl I'd been before that lift had crashed and Tobias had died and Zarine—

Stars, I didn't even know if Zarine was still alive.

I pressed a hand to my eyes, taking deep steadying breaths. I couldn't fall apart now. There was so much I had to do, so many responsibilities that had suddenly landed on my shoulders. I had to find Zarine. I had to find Tobias's blaster rifle and return it to his squad. If Zarine was dead, I had to carry on in her stead and find out who was drugging me. I had to find Colonel Veers and find out if I'd really had that conversation with him, or if it was all in my head.

Even if it was, I knew the perfect way to apologize to him.

None of that could be accomplished while dressed as a delicate little flower. The simple white hospital tunic and pants would have to do for now. I rose to my feet, took a deep bracing breath, and walked out that door. All conversation stopped. All eyes turned to me. The long loose brown hair tumbling to my waist, not a stitch of silk or jewels or cosmetics of any kind on my body.

Just me.

"Cassio," I whispered, his name nearly breaking me. Goddess, I thought I had been ready for this, to do this. But staring into his eyes, seeing the utter pain in his that he was trying to mask… "Cassio, I…"

He found his momentum first, his feet carrying him over to me and his arms crushing me to his chest before I could so much as lift a finger. Those hands, those marvelous hands… One stroked down my hair, the other pressing against the small of my back until I was as close to him as I could without melding into him.

"Tessa," He breathed my name on a shuddering sigh. "Stars, when I heard… No, it doesn't matter now. You're safe. You're safe and you're going to be fine. That's all that matters."

I closed my eyes tightly, clinging to him. Trying to cram as much of this moment into my heart as I ever could. So I could live in it, relish it in my dark future. This, the last time I was a little girl with a little girl's dream. This, the last time I could safely say I truthfully, utterly and completely loved the man in my arms.

"Cassio," I whispered, voice just as choked with emotions. "I'll always love you. Please know that. No matter what happens to either of us, you're the man I'll love until the day I die."

He stiffened in my arms, pulling back and cupping my face in his palms. "Tessa, what is this all about?"

I lifted a hand, tracing it delicately over the bridge of his nose, over the firm line of his mouth. No, my Cassio was not the most handsome of men, nor possessed of the greatest ability of expression. But to me, he was perfect. He would always be perfect. I could only hope that one day he'd find a woman that thought as I did in this moment. That he was perfect simply because he was Cassio Tagge.

"It's okay," I whispered again, my smile sad. "It was a lovely dream, wasn't it? The thought that I'd be worthy of you one day. But I understand now. I know why we can't be together, so don't feel obligated to worry about me anymore. He'll protect me. Maybe even come to love me, and maybe I'll love him, too, in my own way. Lord Vader said I wasn't a coward, and perhaps he's right. No, there is no perhaps about it. He is right. Because this… this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm letting you go, Cassio. I understand what duty is now, and I know why you can't be with me."

"Tessa," he whispered fiercely, hands gripping my shoulders perhaps a tad tighter than was necessary. "Tessa, that isn't it at all. There are things… There are complications… I…"

"I know. Trust me, Cassio, I know. It was all explained to me. You and are aren't free to make our own choices. But he is," I continued, glancing beyond his shoulder to where Grand Admiral Martio Batch stood. Stood and watched us with his calculating, measuring eyes. "I'm going to marry Martio, because it's better for both of us this way. This way, you don't have to deal with a dishonorable woman who runs away from everything. This way, we don't have to lie anymore, and we don't have to pretend. This way, maybe we'll find happiness in our own way."

His mouth opened and closed, his eyes—oh stars, were his eyes glassing over with unshed tears?—staring down into mine. It was too much, far too much. With trembling hands I pushed his fingers away. With legs that wobbled, that nearly collapsed under the weight of my sorrow, I stepped around him.

And there it was, that brief moment where my shoulder brushed his. Where we stood facing opposite directions, connected yet by the most profound grief I had ever felt. All he had to do was say one word. Just one word. Utter my name, or the word no, or wait, or… or something. Just one syllable that would prove Zarine wrong and I could tell her that love really did conquer all.

Just one tiny sound before my shoulder left his, and I would turn away from Martio forever.

His mouth worked, but not a sound came from his lips.

Zarine, oh stars, I hate you right now. I hate you with every fiber of my being, and I love you just the same. Thank you. Thank you for saving us all from my idiotic delusions of love.

My shoulder left his, that crossroad of destiny vanishing behind me. He was wedded to his career, my Cassio. And I left him standing there, stuck in that crossroad in my past. One bare foot stepped forward, and then another and another and another until I was running towards my future, the tears pouring down my face in uncontrolled sobs. I threw myself at Martio, felt his arms around me in that strong yet nearly distant way that was his trademark handling of me.

"Hold me," I sobbed. "Please, Martio, hold me. I don't care about propriety. I don't care that we aren't wed yet. Just please, I need you to hold me. I need to hear from you that everything is okay now. That our future is going to be okay."

Wonder of all wonders, he lifted me from the ground, his arms holding so tightly that I almost lost my breath. "It will be, my Tessa," he whispered firmly into my hair. "It will be. I promise you that."

"Take me away from this place, Martio. I don't want to be here anymore. I never want to see it again."

"Soon. Very soon," he soothed, placing my feet upon the deck again and staring into my eyes. "There is work I have yet to do here. Grant me that time, my own, and I'll show you sights and wonders that will make you forget everything that has happened here."

He glanced over my head, at the back of Cassio Tagge, who still stood in the frozen hell of my past. He hadn't moved. Hadn't made a sound. And I refused to turn to see him like that. Refused to give into the desire to run back and fall at his feet and beg him to have me. Our chance had passed, forever silenced by his lack of words.

Zarine never would have begged, I reminded myself firmly. No, she'd let the love of her life lead a combat mission that got him killed. Natasi Daala loved Uncle, and she did not beg him to leave Aunt Thalassa. Those two women were my heroes now. Two women with hearts that bled for love but were encased in durasteel.

I let that dry my tears, firm my resolve. He wasn't a fool, this man in the Grand Admiral's white uniform. While he may not understand what had just passed before his eyes, he knew on some level that I had made a choice. I had chosen him.

That I had said goodbye to Cassio for the last time.

"Yes, Martio," I replied, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. "Take all the time you need. Will.. .will you escort me to my quarters? I… have work that I need to do, too, actually."

He offered me his arm, glancing one last time at the back of his rival. I took that arm, and for once I did not look back.