A/N: I'm baaaaack! Saying thank you was getting boring, so today i'm going to say merci to each and every one of you. There's nearly 200 followers on this story now, and that's just incredible. So yes, merci to you all. Don't forget to keep reviewing!

PS, 6 chapters left! Shit's going down next chapter.

Too dumb to say goodbye

That's some cliché shit, makes me wanna cry

Just know that every time I look in your eye

I see better, I see better, better days

Try to remember, that you can't forget

Down with history, up with your head

For sweet tomorrow, she never fell from grace

We might still know sorrow but we got better days

-Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Better Days

Emma eventually got out of bed properly for the first time, somehow still emotionally and physically drained, two days later. Staring in the mirror like she hadn't done in weeks, she took the sight of what looked like a ghost. Her skin was dry, her hair was greasy, and the dark, hollowed bags under her eyes had taken on a life of their own. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the bedroom which hadn't seen daylight or fresh air in days, and she was wearing an old tank top so dirty and worn that it could only justifiably be described as disgusting. It had only been two days since her last proper meal, but her skin was pasty and her cheeks already seemed as if they were starting to hollow.

"Emma, you're up!" Mary Margaret seemed shocked as Emma shuffled slowly into the kitchen, searching with bleary eyes for coffee. "I didn't make you one, I assumed you weren't ready to come out yet."

"It's fine, I'll make some more." down heartened wasn't the word that sprung to Mary Margaret's mind when she heard her daughter's voice. It was more melancholy, and mournful. Missing something.

"Your father told me how worried he is about you. He said you really weren't at all yourself when he spoke to you the other day. He said you scared him."

"Well it's nice of him to care, but there's no need. I'm fine, Mary Margaret."

"How can you say that with a straight face? Have you seen yourself?" the woman had been horrified at her daughter's exhausted appearance when she'd first caught sight of her.

"Gee, thanks mom." Emma snorted, placing emphasis on the last word.

"I'm sorry to be rude, but I mean it Emma. You look ill. Go and have a shower, and then go outside and get some fresh air, it really looks like you could use it."

"What if she's out there?" Emma asks abruptly, seeming genuinely scared at the idea of running into Regina and having to face up to the situation she found herself in.

Mary Margaret sighed, and considered for a moment. "Then you say hello, and you be polite. See what she has to say, if anything. Like David and I told you, Regina is scared. When she pushed you away, she was trying to get this kind of reaction out of you. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing you upset." she gave Emma a motherly, sympathetic smile, but it went unnoticed. "Are you going to make yourself something to eat first?"

"Nope."

"Emma…" her mother began to warn her.

"I honestly don't think I could stomach anything right now. But if it'll get you off my case, I'll grab a bear claw or something from Granny's."

"I suppose that's better than nothing." Mary Margaret chuckled to herself, "I've never felt more like a real mother than I do now, with my big baby not listening to me and my little baby asleep in my arms." She smiled down at her son, who looked positively angelic for someone who had been awake screaming for most of the night.

"Well if you enjoy it so much I'll just have to keep it up." Emma remarked snidely, instantly regretting her tone as she saw hurt flash across her mother's face. "Sorry. Too much time by myself probably."

"So you're going to go out?" Mary Margaret's face brightened.

"Yes, if it'll make you happy."

"That's settled then. You can take your brother." Mary Margaret sighed with relief. She was missing having Henry here to give her a break occasionally, and she really needed to catch up on the sleep she'd missed last night. "I never realised he would cry so much."

"If you want, I can magic him quiet for you.." Emma offered jokily.

"That's not funny, Emma!" Emma walked over to her mother and brother, giving them each a lazy but needed kiss on the forehead, before heading off to get changed.

"So Neal… how have you been?" Emma only half-jokingly said to the baby as she walked down Main Street with him wrapped up in the stroller, big puppy eyes staring up at her expectantly. "Sorry, it's been a few days since I've spoke to people. And you have no idea what I'm saying, do you?" Emma shook her head at her own attempts at engaging a 5 month old baby in conversation. "Anyway, I'll leave you to your thoughts."

"Emma, have you like… lost the plot?" Ruby's voice came from behind her.

"There's a very good chance." she turned to look at her, reluctant to face anyone. "Did you.. hear about Regina?"

"Yep. Not that she told me herself, apparently she's avoiding me now. Henry told me. But how are you? I haven't seen you around in a few days." Ruby's brow furrowed in concern, which seemed mismatched to her appearance; the bright red of her shorts had caused an ache in Emma's eyes, that were seemingly yearning for darkness.

"I'm…" Emma sighed, looking down and self-consciously tucking hair behind her ears. "I'll be fine."

"I know what you need."

"If the next words to leave your mouth are 'girls night' Ruby…"

"Are you sure? We'll try our best to cheer you up!" Ruby echoed Neal's puppy eyes at Emma, tugging at her arm.

"I'm not sure I'd be good company right now. As Neal would tell you." Emma signalled down at the boy, who was finally falling asleep. "Soon, I promise. Just let me get this out of my system."

"This? Or her?" Ruby questioned, not fully expecting an answer. Even so, Emma's silence spoke volumes. "Yeah, I thought so. Take all the time you need, that woman is a lot to get your head round. Bye, Emma."

Emma wished she hadn't been reminded of Regina.

She'd spent the last 48 hours obsessing over her. What she was doing, how she was doing. If she was sad, or angry, or just relieved that Emma had thought good enough to leave well alone. Once or twice, she'd indulged the thought that maybe Regina missed her. But she'd made no effort to contact her, so Emma was sure that ship had sailed.

The answer to the question of what Regina was doing was answered, this time, however. In true Emma-style, she'd managed to waltz right into the situation she'd wanted nothing more to avoid. She hadn't recognised Regina at first; she was wearing a pair of thick rimmed glasses she'd never seen before, and truthfully she looked worse than even Emma had done that morning. Emma was wary of looking fully at Regina's face, however, and was froze to the spot while she tried desperately to think of something to say. Better to be speechless now, than to be in front of Regina and remind her of what an idiot she'd always perceived her to be. She was completely blindsided by spotting her, and knew that whatever she said now wouldn't be half of what she really wanted to.

Overcome with a new determination, and with her mother's words ringing in her ears, she began to push Neal's stroller down the street with energy.

"Regina, hi." was the best she could manage while still keeping up her bravado.

Regina looked up from the window she had been pretending to look into, and looked Emma briefly in the eye before dragging her sight down to Neal. "Hi. And hello, sweet thing." she bent down over Neal and played with his hand briefly, giving herself an interlude to pull herself together before she had to face Emma again.

"How have you been?" Emma asked politely, keeping her mind off the things which she really wanted to say. How much she missed her, how she was all she thought about, how she couldn't sleep, or eat, or do much of anything without her.

"A little better. I'm actually on my way to an appointment at the hospital." Regina stood back up, looking across the street, as far away from Emma as possible. "How about you?"

"About as well as you'd expect." Emma's words carried significant weight, and it wasn't missed by Regina. Emma too was avoiding looking at Regina for too long, not wanting to deflect from the attitude she was trying to convey. "How's Henry?"

"He's quite fine, Miss Swan. You, on the other hand, look like an escaped convict who was never taught to use a shower." Regina sneered, hiding the concern as she took in Emma's appearance.

Emma scoffed, although she wasn't sure she'd expected anything else from the woman. "Ok, so that's how you're playing it. That's fine, Regina. I thought I was ready to have a proper conversation, to maybe listen to you if you could stop insulting me for two minutes and actually say what you were thinking. But clearly you aren't ready for that yet, and I don't think I am either. Can I just ask though; aren't you sick and tired of pushing everyone who cares about you away?"

Regina skipped a breath as she realised Emma had admitted she cared about her. "No." she tried to say it as if the question was ridiculous, but it came out hopeless, and utterly unconvincing. "I've found it to serve me quite well so far."

"You know of all the lies you've told, that one has got to be the biggest."

Regina sighed heavily. "Not yet, Miss Swan."

"Whatever, that's fine. I'll wait. Goodbye." Emma sounded abrupt and harsh, but truthfully she couldn't find it in her to care.

"Emma…" Regina surprised herself by calling after the woman as she marched away, her voice weak, cracked and weary. Emma turned her head half heartedly to the side, but didn't make an effort to look at Regina.

"What?"

"..Goodbye."

Emma almost laughed as she walked away.

A/N: if you're interested, i have a LOT of other fics in the works right now. I've got a silly little one-shot that I might upload soon, a Neverland fic, a Police AU, a coffee shop AU, and a list of about 20 others I want to write, so stay tuned!