I actually did have a heart attack, mild but still a heart attack. Shooting pains up and down my left arm and my chest hurt and cold sweats. But while the dwarves (sans Oin) freaked out Alex was well prepared for that, we'd both taken courses on emergency first aid and Oin was an awesome healer as well. So after an hour or so I was fine, just had to take it slow.

But it was hard to take it slow when my brother, who was supposed to be in another world, was here instead. Especially since when I last talked to him he said that I needed to be in Dale to get back home.

"How did you get here?!" I flailed. Oin fussed and made me lie down before tucking me into a burrito like thing using some blankets he'd gotten from Beorn. I was soon swaddled like a baby and unable to move except slight wriggling motions.

"Well you know how we were talking about Doctor Who the last time?"

"You mean when you said you were the Doctor and I said you were the Doctor whose Tardis wasn't working and who'd dropped off his companion in another world?"

"Yes, exactly, so that got me thinking and I figured that instead of finding a way to make a portal that doesn't just splinch any living being in half, I should create a device that can keep that person safe instead. So I made a Tardis."

"Please tell me you did not test it out on yourself?"

"Don't be silly," He waved me off. Like I was being silly and that thought had never occurred to him. I know how his mind works, he had definitely thought of it. "I tested it with Salt first."

"Do you want to be killed by Mrs Costanza?!"

"Don't worry, Salt was sulking anyway. I think he missed you."

Sort of believable because even right now Salt was hissing at Alex and insisted on taking up residence inside my shirt under the blankets. His head was poking out of the neck hole along with mine. It was actually a stress release to feel his fur tickling my sides.

"Okay but you said Dale was where I was supposed to go."

"Yes and that's where I ended up too. But I got a jet pack along and flew here."

"Why?!"

"Because you got hurt. And it's my fault you got stuck here in the first place, I didn't want you to do this alone."

"That's...actually kind of sweet." Really sweet. Especially since he's actually kind of afraid of the outside world and I usually have to drag him kicking and screaming everywhere. The only place he's willing to go is Disneyland. Of course, now I wouldn't just have to make sure I stayed alive but Alex too. That is not good at all. But perhaps there was a way out of this. "So where are the other jet packs?"

"Other jet packs?"

"The ones you brought along so that we could fly back to Dale and get back home as quickly as possible of course."

"Oh. I didn't think of that."

Of course he didn't think of that. Because he might be able to prove String Theory but he has no common sense at all. I'm going to die.

"But it's cool, now we can go with the others!" He said excitedly.

"Yes we can through Mirkwood. Filled with Elves who intensely dislike Dwarves. And is apparently home to giant spiders. And apparently the forest itself is cursed and poisonous."

Alex shot me a weird look.

"How do you know that?"

I shrugged. "I eavesdropped on Gandalf and Beorn. We should go around the forest, I know they're on some kind of deadline and it's faster through Mirkwood but we're not! We can totally go around the forest."

Alex's face fell. "But I thought we could go with Fili and Kili."

Because of course, the only real life/not online friends that he manages to make have to be dwarves in another world. Of course.

And now I had to decide between furthering his development by going along with the dwarves or going safely around the forest.

It shouldn't be that difficult a choice really, but this is the first time in ages that I have seen Alex so excited about people and actually take initiative to do something. I can't just keep mothering him the rest of his life, that wouldn't be fair to him. Besides, every time I try to tell him what to do he brings up the fact that I was emancipated by the time I was fifteen.

"You know, when I said you need to get out more and meet people, this is not what I meant." I said instead of answering him but he knows me well enough to read in between the lines.

"We're going with them?"

"Yes, fine."

I'm so going to regret this.

Yup, definitely regretting it. After biking it up to the edge of the forest while the Company rod eon ponies (which must have looked like quite a sight, Alex sitting on the bike rack holding on me to me with one arm and to the bag with the other) we went into the forest. The creepy forest with hallucinogenic air.

The first few days were fine, we hadn't finished the food or water so we were still in high spirits and with Alex there continuously asking questions while we walked things were fairly cheery considering that the darkness seemed to be pressing down on us and the canopy was so thick it wasn't letting any proper light in at all.

"What did you do in Erebor Mister Bofur?" Alex asked, both arms on my shoulder as if we were pretending to be a train like when we were kids. The path grew narrow at times so we were all actually walking in one line at that point. On instinct because Alex usually doesn't talk to people, he talks to me, I answered his question.

"He was a miner."

"Oooh, really lass?" Bofur teased. "And how do you figure that?"

"Your axe is a pick axe. And I've picked up things here and there."

"Like what?"

"You are most fascinated when Gandalf does a trick that involves breaking stone. That would be something all of you are interested in seeing as how most of the crafts in Dwarven culture relate to the stone in some way or another but you in particular asked about how specifically Gandalf can break rock and if there was a technique to it. Plus there's the fact that you have the best eyes in the dark and I'm guessing that you wear the hat at all time because you were used to wearing some sort of protective headgear while in the mines unless all that talk of Dwarves having hard heads was literal."

I went ahead for a while before realising that the whole company had stopped and was staring at me in surprise.

"What?"

"Why didn't you just ask?" Bofur asked amused.

"Well I thought it might be a sensitive topic given that you're a toymaker now. Probably because the Blue Hills don't have mines. Besides, I didn't want to be nosy."

"Be nosy all you want." Bofur patted my back.

And that was the last time we had any sense of fun. After that we ran out of supplies pretty soon, the magic of the path and forest in general meant my pocket dimension was useless, not that it could have been useful anyway since Alex was here instead of back home. And then Bombur fell into the water and was unconscious and we had to carry him. Luckily Alex and Bifur came up with a way of using my bike as a sort of towing device and attached wheels to the stretcher they'd made so it would drag easily.

The air in that forest was just so strange. It was so heavy and thick that we were all panting, trying to breath with our mouths but somehow still gasping for air. Between the light-headedness and the seemingly unending nature of the forest, we were not doing so well and ended up going off the path. The path that Gandalf had very specifically told us not to go off of. In our defence, being high as heck meant that at the time it seemed like a very good idea. We just walked and walked and walked and sometimes in between walking it felt like we were going backwards, other times like we were walking on air. I followed Alex's arm around my shoulder only to find that there were two of him on either side.

At one point I actually wondered when Alex got himself a twin. So freaking high.

But then everyone started shouting and fighting which Thorin subdued with a single shout.

"Enough! Quiet, all of you!" He shouted and everyone quieted right down. Thorin may be terrible with directions but he's great at getting people to listen to him. "We are being watched."

And then the high wore off as adrenaline coursed through pretty much everyone there. In the canopy above us, red eyes glowed and they came closer and closer the strangest clicking sounds preceding them and swords were drawn all around and Alex cowered behind me while Salt dug in his claws into my torso. Normally that would have had me screeching and running around in pain but at that point it was pretty much the only thing keeping the light-headedness at bay.

We pulled back, forming a circle but it was no use. One by one we were all picked off and still recovering from the daze we were in, we had no means of defending ourselves. The only thing I remember is hearing Alex scream and turning around only to feel a sharp pain in my back and then nothing.

Next thing I know I'm waking up covered in spider webs.

There is no feeling more gross than that of sticky strands that cling to your skin and clothes. Seriously, nothing. I thought that was bad enough but suddenly spiders were crawling down the trunk of the trees making their way down to us.

We fought them off quite valiantly but with the spider's poison still making our moves sluggish Alex and I weren't much help. But the dwarves were damn good, but they were also after all just a few dwarves against many giant spiders. It didn't seem like it was going to end well.

And then the elves came. Out of nowhere really, just jumping and ducking and sliding along the trees, killing any spiders in their just before coming to a halt right in front of the dwarves. I was glad to see them for all of a second before I realised that they were pointing all their very pointy arrows straight at us. And that Alex was missing.

"Do not think I will not kill you dwarf. It would be my pleasure." The blonde one in front of me said to Thorin who was right next to me.

Sounds of screaming came from somewhere off to the side and I realised it was Alex and Kili.

"Son of a bitch-" I went to help but got an arrow in my face for my troubles.

"And what is a human doing in the company of dwarves?"

I might have used some rather rude language. And then proceeded to shout for Alex.

I did end up getting a few extra arrows pointed at me for that.

Luckily in the next few moments a girl elf came along shoving Kili and Alex ahead of her.

I saw the look on Alex's face. That utterly idiotic, besotted look. The same one that Kili had actually. This was going to be problematic to say the least.

"Search them." Blondie ordered and then proceeded to do exactly that. He was rude about pretty much everything, especially so about Gloin's locket.

Course then it was my turn and I had some pretty interesting stuff on me. Apart from the phone and the makeup and the wipes I was carrying there was also the mask and voice modulator from the stint back in the caves, the sword and then the hologram projector.

"What's this?" Blondie asked, regarding my phone and projector.

"Mirrors. I'm vain." It's a good thing I'm actually vain and the phone case is mirrored.

Then he turned his attention to Thorin's sexy sword. By the looks of it he was a bit in love with it.

"Where did you get this?" He asked Thorin. Well 'asked' isn't exactly right, more like demanded.

"It was given to me."

"Not just a thief but a liar as well." Blondie pointed the sword at Thorin's neck which is when I cut in.

"Transfer of ownership of the sword known as Orcrist was sanctioned by Elrond, Lord of Imladris, the Last Homely House East of the Sea, in the presence of Gandalf the Grey, the Istari known as Mithrandir to the elves and bearer of Glamdring. So under the authority of Elrond, who by the way as a member of the White Council holds far more clout in Middle Earth than...any of you really, you're stealing. And you will find that that makes you the thief. A thieving Elf. Oh well, not everyone can be like Elrond I suppose."

"You offer me insult?" Blondie said.

"You offer Elrond insult by refusing to accept his authority." I insisted.

"Hmm. I shall keep the Orcrist under observation until a message can be sent to Elrond."

"Yes, because you're such a neutral party are you? And until then, I imagine it'll make perfect sense for you to use it."

"It should rightfully be mine to inherit." He protested.

"Your ancestors are also dead but you don't seem to want to inherit their death do you? Really, people think dwarves are greedy, tch tch tch."

"That's hardly-"

"Fair? Neither is calling travellers thieves just because they happened to go off the path. It's not like we wanted to end up as Spider food."

"You dare speak to our Prince that way?" One of the elves spoke up and the redhead who had escorted Kili and Alex quirked an amused eyebrow.

"You think you're in the presence of enemies and you're giving out the identity of your Prince so easily?" My general tone of 'You are a dumbass' was sensed if the tightening of the hand on the bow was anything to go by but Blondie put the sword back into its sheath and they began to lead us through the forest. Alex ended up next to me at some point.

"I'm in love." He whispered, his eyes set on the redhead's back.

My life sucks.

This chapter was hard to write. Mainly because I saw BOFA and may be a total Bagginshield shipper now. Anywho, thanks for the reviews/faves/follows, they are love.