Chapter 14 – Making a Life.

The trip to Ashland was long and tiring, and I was relieved when I was finally alighting from the cab at the address I'd been given. It was a tall, narrow house painted a dusky pink with blue trim. I'd never seen anything quite like it.

Mrs Hickman, my new landlady, opened the door to me. She was much older than I had expected, dressed in an old-fashioned silk dress with an embroidered wrap thrown over her shoulders. Not at all what most people would wear for an afternoon at home, but it somehow seemed to suit this lady as she invited me in with her gentle voice.

"Leave your case in the hall here, and we'll go into the sitting room for a cup of tea. I know you must be tired and hungry."

I left my case, holding the few outfits Mary had been able to find for me, in the hall and went into the sitting room, which was large but seemed small with the amount of furniture crowded into it. I had to ease sideways past an antique chess table and detour around a sofa, an occasional chair and a stuffed wolf before I could sit down in the armchair I was directed to. But beside it was a table with a lace cloth and a tray set with a silver teapot and a plate of sandwiches, and I was so grateful to see it that I would have done somersaults to reach the chair if that's what was called for.

Mrs Hickman watched me eat with an approving eye. "You've got a good appetite, that's what I like to see," she said to me. "The last teacher who boarded with me ate like a bird- I couldn't bear to watch her pick at her plate, and the amount of food we wasted was scandalous!"

"Do you always board the teachers then?" I asked curiously.

"Usually the single ladies," she answered. "My husband was the head teacher at the school for thirty years, so it was easy for us. I believe you're a widow?"

I nodded. "It was the Spanish flu. Quite recently…I'm not really used to talking about it." I glanced down at the plain gold wedding band that I'd found at a pawn shop and was now adorning my ring finger.

Mrs Hickman sighed. "I understand. My dear Albert passed seven years ago and I still find it a hard subject to talk about. If you've finished your snack, I shall show you to your room. It will be you and I and Polly in the house. She's my great-granddaughter and she lives in to help out. She's much closer to your age and I'm sure you'll find her good company."

My room was at the front of the house, with a lovely big bay window overlooking the street, floral patterned wallpaper and old fashioned oak furniture. Someone had turned down the bed with the white lace spread and put a vase of greenery on the dressing table. "It's beautiful!" I exclaimed truthfully. "I didn't expect it to be so nice!"

Mrs Hickman laughed, and I clapped my hands over my mouth and looked at her guiltily. "Oh dear, that sounded terrible…and honestly, I didn't care what it was like! But this is such a pretty room, so thank you for having me here."

"It will be a pleasure dear. I think the two of us are going to get along fine."

"Oh, I hope so! But Mrs Hickman, I must tell you something," I said impulsively. I had planned to keep the baby secret for as long as I could, but there was something about this slightly eccentric old lady that made me want to trust her. "I'm going to have a baby…I only just found out, but I'll understand if you don't want me to board here because of that."

Mrs Hickman looked astonished. "Well, I didn't expect that, not with a widow. But what a lovely gift for your husband to leave you with! You must be so happy."

I felt tears prick my eyes. With every day that passed I loved my baby more, and in truth had come to see it as the only gift that Charles had ever really given to me. "Yes, I am…happy," I choked.

"Well, that's all that matters. We'll manage with a baby when it comes, Mrs Evenson. There's plenty of room in here for a little cradle. I had eleven children and they've all gone on to have children of their own…it feels like hundreds of them, I have a hard time remembering all the names! I'm sure someone will have a crib they're not using when the time comes."

I sat down on the hard bed with a thump, and smiled up at my new landlady in heartfelt gratitude. How lucky that I had landed on my feet like this! And Charles would never find me here in Ashland. I had decided, reluctantly, that I wouldn't even let Leila know where I was. One day I would anonymously send the money she had given me back to her, but I couldn't risk anyone in Columbus knowing where I was. Not when they might tell Charles. I had to make it work here, and raise my baby in a safe place where it would know only love and care.

It did seem, over the next few months, as though it would be perfect for the baby and I in Ashland. The school was a small church school, and I rapidly came to love my infant class. Teaching was hard work, but it was funny and rewarding and I enjoyed it immensely.

I was regarded a little suspiciously by the parents at first, as any stranger would be, but once I won over the children they became friendlier. By the time my belly grew and my condition became obvious they liked me, and I was quite overwhelmed by the amount of sympathy and offers of help and assistance I was given. Many of the children would come to school with little packages for me "from my mom, Mrs Evenson!", and when I opened them later I'd find a tiny little nightgown or a knitted jacket.

I was offered a permanent position once my trial period was up. They were slightly concerned about how I would manage with a baby, and it wasn't usual for married mothers to teach at all, but the board members were sensible people who realised that as a penniless widow I had to earn a living somehow. Mrs Hickman had assured me we would find one of her numerous grandchildren or great grandchildren to look after the baby for me once it came, and as the board had had nothing but glowing reports of my teaching they were happy to engage me permanently.

The baby grew, just as it should. I went to see the doctor that Mrs Hickman recommended and he was a lovely old gentleman who told me he was quite happy with our progress. He booked me into the hospital and gave me some pamphlets about birth and babies which I read avidly, fascinated by the baby things and slightly disturbed by the birthing! But I comforted myself with the fact that Mrs Hickman had done it eleven times, so surely it couldn't be that bad?

"Mrs Evenson! Mrs Evenson!"

I looked up from my desk, where I was tidying everything up and making notes for the replacement teacher who would be taking over from me temporarily after the summer holiday. I was incredibly grateful to the school board that I'd been allowed to work right up to the summer break, because I'd been able to save up enough money to see me through several months after the baby was born. Mrs Hickman had already insisted that she would accept no board money from me while I wasn't working, and so I thought I would be able to care for the baby while it was small, and come back to work after the Christmas break.

I smiled at the group of girls clustered in the classroom door. Along with teaching my infant class I had been conducting sewing lessons during the lunch hour with any of the children that wished to attend. The girls in the doorway were all the ones who came regularly to sit in a circle and learn (or practice, for those who already knew how) to do basic sewing, knitting and crochet.

"Hello girls!" I said cheerfully, struggling to stand up without grimacing as a spasm of pain crossed my back.

"We made you a present!" Little Heidi Grayson burst out. "All of us did! It was a secret, and now you can have it and it's a…"

One of the older girls clapped a hand across her mouth, and I giggled. "That's so thoughtful of you!"

Katie Flowers, the oldest girl in the school, stepped forward and shyly handed me a present wrapped in brown paper that the girls had decorated with inked drawings. "This is for you Mrs Evenson, for being such a good teacher and doing the sewing club with us. We hope you come back soon."

"Thank you sweetheart." I took the parcel and unwrapped it, taking care not to tear the paper so that I could save it. "Oh girls…" I stopped, too touched to find the words to express it.

Heidi wrapped her arms as far around my waist as she could (which was not, after all, very far) and looked up at me adoringly. "We all made it! We brought our own yarn and did our own rows and you like it, right?"

"Oh yes, I love it," I whispered. They'd given me a blanket, knitted in stripes from yarns of wildly different colours and weights and types. The girls must have begged their mothers for any odds and ends they had. I could tell that all the girls had taken a turn, as some of the rows were knitted with the perfect evenness the senior girls were capable of, and others were full of uneven, loopy stitches that indicated a very beginner knitter. But someone had crocheted a beautiful picot border around the edge to finish it and I didn't think I'd ever seen anything so beautiful.

"You've been keeping this a secret for a long time!" I said, laughing again. I'd wondered what was in the calico bag that the girls had been passing around with much fuss over secrecy for the last month! "It's beautiful, truly. I'm so touched. And I love being your teacher, so I shall be back as soon as I can after my holiday!"

I walked home slowly. Although I loved my teaching job and would miss it, I had to admit it would be nice not to have to go out to work every day, but be able to rest. The doctor had said the baby would be born in September sometime, and I was glad that I would have the summer months to rest and prepare.

The summer turned out to be everything I'd hoped for and more. Mrs Hickman told me that exercise would be good for me, and the baby, and I spent hours wandering the town and along the waterline, drawing and dreaming. I sat in the sun in the overgrown backyard at the house and grew quite brown and freckled, and I didn't even care. I sewed for the baby, crocheting delicate lace edging for the little nightgowns and embroidering whimsical bunnies and bears and cats to make them pretty. I didn't have much money, so I went to church jumble sales and bought good used clothes so I could reuse the fabric. I bought and tediously unpicked several old sweaters, painstakingly washing and rewinding the yarn so I could use it to knit baby sweaters and woolly diaper covers.

Mrs Hickman's enormous extended family proved to be invaluable, as several of the women turned up on the doorstep with parcels of maternity clothes that they insisted I borrow for the duration. They said that they all just shared them around as needed, and I was one of the family now too so I must use them. One of them also came buy with a cradle, insisting that she was completely finished with childbearing and maybe getting the thing out of the house would give her husband the hint that they were completely done with all that!

By the time September rolled around, I was completely done with being pregnant. I began to hope the baby would come sooner rather than later. Birthing the baby would be painful, but at least it would happen and be over with, unlike this pregnancy which seemed to be lasting forever. I was more than ready for the backache and heartburn and sore hips and breathlessness and needing to pee every half hour to be over, no matter how much giving birth hurt!

I was less sure of this when I woke up early one day to a sharp, sudden pain gripping my lower belly. I dragged myself to the bathroom and spent a long time on the toilet, but the pain continued to come at regularly spaced intervals and I realised that this wasn't due to anything I ate, this was the baby coming.

Part of me wanted to panic, but the doctor and Mrs Hickman had both emphasised how important it was to stay calm. So instead I made myself a cup of tea and drank it, and then built up the fire in the living room and lay on the rug in front of it. I found that it helped being on my hands and knees and rocking when the pains came, and that's what I was doing when Mrs Hickman entered the room.

"Well, this looks promising!" she said cheerfully. "How long as it been, dear?"

I glanced up at the clock. "Two…no, three hours."

"And how far apart are the pains?"

"About six minutes."

"Splendid! You're doing very well. We should think about getting you to the hospital though. I'll get Polly to run for her father and he'll drive you." Mrs Hickman reached down and patted my back. "Just think Esme, by tonight you'll be holding your baby!"

It was a thought that I clung to during the next bewildering hours. Mrs Hickman helped me get dressed and picked up the little suitcase that I'd had packed for three weeks, and then Polly's father drove me to the hospital, where I was admitted and taken to a labour room. There was another woman there when I arrived, screaming like a banshee, and I was pushed rather unceremoniously at a bed as everyone in the room rushed to her, making a fuss and then whisking her out of the room. The screaming faded into the distance.

My composure broke then. The contractions were coming quicker now and were even more painful, the screaming woman had terrified me, and here I was all alone and realising that there was only one way for that baby to come out of me and I didn't like that idea at all! For a moment I just buried my face in a pillow and howled.

But crying about it wasn't going to get me anywhere, so I sniffled and wiped my eyes and then rocked on my hands and knees and groaned as another pain ripped across my belly and back. Okay little baby…let's just get through this and then I will be holding you in my arms and it will all be okay.