Chapter 14: Dear Johnny

When Johnny arrived home, he bypassed the living room, where Jessica was still watching television, and found Sue as quickly as possible. Thankfully, his daughter was so engrossed with whatever she was watching as she sat on Ben's knee, that she didn't pay any attention to her father walking back into the apartment. He found Sue walking out of Reed's lab, smiling lightly to herself, but her smile faded when she saw her brother standing before her.

"Johnny, you're back early." She said, looking to the clock on the other side of the room which showed it was only a little after eight o'clock. The X-Games programme wasn't even finishing for another three hours, as she'd been explaining to Jessica a while beforehand that it was too late for her to stay up and watch all of it.

"I need to talk to you." He said quickly, leading her into the kitchen.

She followed him, still frowning, and quickly realised what was the matter with him. He threw down a newspaper onto the table, the front page facing her. She stared at it for a moment, and then finally realised what she was seeing.

DADDY TORCH? That was the main headline of the newspaper. Underneath, on the left, was a photograph of Johnny a few days before, walking just in front of Sue and Reed. Of course, the part of the picture that had clearly attracted the city's attention was the sleeping child on Johnny's shoulder. She knew immediately when it had been taken - the day they'd been to the park. All of Johnny's fears about being out in public had been right. Thankfully, Jessica's face was pressed into Johnny's neck where she had fallen asleep against his shoulder, so all that was visible was the back of her head, but it still didn't change anything. Underneath the photograph was the caption: "Mysterious child for Storm?"

"Oh no." Sue murmured, shaking her head.

"They saw us." Johnny said, as he started pacing around the kitchen.

"Johnny-"

"What am I going to do?" He asked her, sounding helpless suddenly. He stopped walking, and looked through the room division to where his carefree daughter was sitting with Ben, curiously examining his rocky hands as if she were playing with her new toys.

"We'll think of something." Sue assured him, as she crossed the room and put her hand on his arm.

He shook his head, sounding rather emotional as he watched her. "This isn't fair on her."

"I know."

"She's just a kid, she doesn't deserve to be-" He broke off, taking a deep breath, in which Sue frowned.

"To be what?" She questioned.

"To be like me." He whispered.

"Johnny-"

He shook his head, cutting her off. "She's just a kid. She doesn't need all of this." For a moment, Sue suspected that he was going to cry, but, being Johnny, he held back. "It's not fair for her to be watched and photographed because of who I am to the world."

Sue bit her lip, unsure of what she could say to comfort him. "We'll find a way around this." She assured him quietly, although, in her mind, she was unsure what they could possibly do. Jessica couldn't be hidden forever.

However, Johnny watched his daughters' innocence, as she bickered gently with Ben on the couch, her chirpy giggle fusing with his rough chuckles, and shook his head.

"She'd have been better off with Hallie." He spat out, and left the room.

----

He went into his room, again bypassing the living room, and closed the door behind him. For a moment, he leaned against the door, regretting the words he had just spoken. Better off with Hallie...he didn't mean that. Of course he didn't. But, in a way, it had been right. If she was with Hallie, she'd never have to deal with this sort of publicity, but then she'd never learn to control her power...she could hurt someone...

He went over to his top drawer, and opened it, taking out the manilla folder inside. It was the folder he had taken out of Jessica's bag on the day she arrived, holding within it the photographs and the legal documents. Somehow, whenever he had a bad moment of the past few days, looking at the things in that folder helped him. However, as he took out a pile of photographs, a letter fell out from between two of Jessica's baby pictures.

A letter addressed to him.

A letter from Hallie.

He picked it up, unfolding it, and started to read the words she had written to him.

Dear Johnny,

I know that you probably want to tear this up, or, in your case, set it on fire, but please don't. I can understand why you'd want to, and I can even understand why you rightly hate my guts right now, but please hear me out before you choose to destroy this letter.

At the moment, It's about half past four in the morning. In twelve hours, I'll be seeing you again for the first time in four years, but that's not the reason why my heart won't stop pounding, and it's definitely not the reason why I'm so scared. It's not the reason why I haven't slept all night either, and I know for a fact that I'm not going to be getting a decent nights sleep for a long time.

I'm about to give up my daughter. It's easy to write that down, and I hate myself for thinking that it was surprisingly easy to say as well. I'm going to give her away to a man who doesn't know her, and she doesn't know him as anything other than the fire man from the news. She doesn't know anything about you, and that's my fault. I'm sorry that I've done this. I know that you're not going to believe me about that, but I am truly sorry. Maybe it's my fault for not being open-minded, but I just can't deal with this. Even though I don't feel it right now, it's only a matter of time before I realise that this is going to be the most painful and heartbreaking decision that I'll ever have to make, but I'm willing to accept that to make things easier for our daughter.

Jessica has the same abilities as you. I can't kid myself about that anymore. I watched my daughter set her entire body on fire. You don't want to see your child do that. You don't want to watch the clothes burning off her body, wondering if the same is about to happen to her. You don't want to be the worried parent running to the hospital, knowing that you can't do anything for your child. It's horrible, I assure you. It will be the most terrifying experience of your life.

I have a lot to explain to you about why I never came to you about the possibility of Jessica being your daughter. It was hard. There were two other men in the equation, and I'm not proud of that. I don't like the fact that my daughter has to grow up without a father for the first three years of her life because I'm too proud to admit that I screwed up. So, I just shut off from everyone. I gave up on seeing some of our mutual friends - people from high school that I thought I'd never lose contact with. I even stopped playing music for a while, in fear of hearing the songs we used to live by, because we had so many. Music was our life, remember?

It was hard, but somehow, with only a bridge between us, I avoided you for four years. The thought of dealing with you in any way was something I just couldn't handle, especially once Jessica came into the picture. It took many sleepless nights to weigh things over in my mind, and to come to the decision that I made by not telling you. I think it took the papers to open my eyes. It's not like I believe all of the hearsay and rumours, but the downside of you being a celebrity is that I have to read about your personal life in the papers at least three times a week. I didn't want that for my daughter. I wanted her to be able to go to school, make friends, and do everything normally, without people just being interested in her father. I didn't want my child to be in the public eye because of you. It's not fair for her to be put in a pedestal in your shadow. She's too young to understand.

I'm not going to go into all of the things there are to say about what happened on that night between us. As it was clear from the next morning, it was the final barrier that we never should have crossed. I know that we were together before that night, just the once, the first time for both of us, but it should have been the last. That night had so many consequences for the both of us. You were a superstar, just like you always wanted to be, and I was the girl next door you left behind for fame. We were from two different worlds, and I couldn't live in the world you wanted to belong in.

I wish I could go back to how things used to be - arguing over science homework with snacks in the kitchen. Things were simpler then. Innocent. We were innocent up until the first day you kissed me, I think. After that, we started crossing lines, and liking it too much. I think that was the most daring thing you've ever done, though, taking a chance on your best friend. Isn't that supposed to be a line that you never cross? I used to love the innocent, though. It was fun. Carefree. I loved it when you'd walk me home from school, even when we lost the innocence and we'd go to the park instead of to our houses, and just randomly make out, just for the hell of it. But that first kiss...

You were the first boy to ever kiss me, Johnny, and I knew I was the first girl you ever kissed. We were thirteen years old, but I'll never forget the way that your eyes gleamed at me when you first kissed me. I can still remember the feel of your body against mine when you held me so tightly, standing in the middle of the hall, right against your locker. I swear, to this day, that time actually stood still. I can remember every word we spoke, every touch of your hand, every step that we ever took together. I can even remember sitting in detention together when the principle caught us! I can play that again and again in my head so perfectly, like a movie on the big screen, and sometimes, when I think about it, I think I can actually feel your arms around me still. It's just disappointing when you realise that the breath against your lips isn't that of a memory, but just the wind.

You have no idea how much I loved you. I still do. You were Johnny Storm, the guy that every girl wanted to be with, and you were more than willing to give them all a chance for it. You were in love with a different girl each week, and all the effort you put until looking good and being a good flirter...you didn't need it, Johnny. You didn't have to go out every night impressing girls. You didn't need to wine and dine them just to get some action. You didn't need to show off for their attention. You already had mine. Even when you didn't see it, i was watching, but I couldn't compare to those girls. I wasn't the same as them. I wasn't the type of girl who'd cover herself in make up for the boys. I never went out every single night to the cool kids parties. I never wore the skimpy skirts or the tiny tops. I never used my body to get attention from guys. I couldn't compare to those girls, and as much as I loved you, I got tired of trying...tired of competing.

Everyone always thought that you were the tough guy. Johnny Storm. The Untouchable. The Untameable. Even before you were a superhero, everyone wanted to be you, just for a second. I suppose they're right. I mean, what could you possibly have to hate about the life you lead? People look up to you for what you do. People respect you. You're a celebrity. You don't even have to try and get people to live you, because you're you. But I know that somewhere inside of you is the man who can love and care for his daughter. The man that used to be the boy I remember. The real Johnny Storm, not the guy on the front page. The real you. The boy I feel in love with at thirteen when he pushed me up against his locker and kissed me.

So, the next time you find yourself putting all of this on me, just remember that what we criticise in others is usually what we hate most about ourselves. One day, you'll be in the same position I was in. She'll be in pain, and she'll need you more than ever, and you'll have to decide whether you're going to be there for her or not. She's going to need you, and you'll be in the same position as me - wanting to help your child, but not being able to.

I just didn't know what to do for her, Johnny. You live with this every day. You set yourself on fire more times in one day than you've ever passed a pop quiz at school. I didn't do this because I don't love my daughter, I did this because I do love her. It's my love for you that is what will bring me to your door tomorrow, and hand her over. I'm sorry if I appear cruel by what I'll say, but I need to make sure that you have no way of handing her back to me. I'll never be able to help her with this, no matter how much I love her, but you can. You're her father, her Dad, and you're the only one who can help her now.

Any guy can get someone pregnant, but it takes a man to be a father. Be a man, Johnny. I know that you can.

You should know that she hates apple juice. She won't drink it, but she loves eating apples. Orange juice is her favourite. Her favourite colour is yellow, and God help you if you lose that doll of hers. She spent a night at my sisters without it once, and no one got any sleep because of her crying. Her bedtime is eight o'clock, but she'll always try to stay up later, and if she can't sleep, she'll try to get in your bed so she's not on her own. She's desperate to start school as well, so make sure that you choose her a nice kindergarten, where she'll make lots of friends. She's social like that, like you, so she'll talk to anyone who talks to her. She's badly allergic to mushrooms as well, so don't let her anywhere near them or you'll be spending the night in hospital with her.

I've included all the photographs I think you'll like as well. You've missed out on too many memories already. Jessica loves being in front of the camera. Bit like you really.

I love you, don't forget that just because you hate me. Tell Jessica that I love her. Don't forget me.

All my love,

Hallie.