AN: Good afternoon guy's, nearly at 100 favourites! I can't believe it! I really cannot thank you all enough for sticking with this story. Here's chapter 14, and though its all Swan Queen it's one that threatens to tug at the heart strings so don't say I didn't warn you ;-) I hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think :-)

"It's Friday!"

Emma's cheerful voice startles me from the pages of the large, Greek mythology text lying open on my legs. Not wanting the blonde to see what I'm reading, I quickly snap the heavy, book closed and magic it to a nearby bookshelf before she has the chance to see it.

In truth, I'm grateful for the distraction. I've been studying since Zelena left this afternoon and have failed to come up with any sort of plan. Though it doesn't help that the limited texts I have contain very little information on my latest enemy.

Thanatos is a lesser God, or as he's more accurately described, a demon. He rarely appears in person and is often associated with peaceful death, something that backs up Zelena's soul sucking claim. But he's also regarded as merciless and indiscriminate, hated by God's and mortals alike. I've read poems about him, studied pictures of paintings and sculptures, but still I'm no closer to figuring out how to save Hook.

The thought of the pirate brings me back to Emma, and I turn to greet her with a warm smile.

"It is Friday," I carefully repeat, "But as we're seeing each other nightly you really don't have to come here in person anymore."

My words aren't spoken with any real conviction because I'm only saying them for her benefit. I've enjoyed our talks just recently, they've brought us closer, given us a greater understanding of each other, and I have no desire for them to end anytime soon.

But the closer we get the more difficult the situation becomes for Emma, and I never want her to feel uncomfortable or awkward around me.

She drops down onto the couch next to me in a casual, unrefined manner and not for the first time, I wonder how someone so uncouth could ever call herself a princess. When she props her heavy boots on my coffee table I cast her a chastising scowl, but she shrugs it off carelessly.

"I want to come here," She replies, offering me a timid half smile. "I know the dreams are real but they're still just dreams. It's different actually being here with you."

I know exactly how she feels because I've just lamented over as much. When I'm with the Emma it's like the world just stops. My worries fade into the background and my regrets suddenly feel insignificant. When we're together everything just fits and life makes sense. No one has ever made me feel like that before.

I return her gentle smile but can't ignore the niggling voice in the back of my head that's warning me to protect my heart. "I agree," I reply, completely unable to deny her anything, "But given the circumstances it might not be the best idea."

"Why?" She teases, her smile stretching into a playful grin, "Are you scared you're going to jump me?"

The light flirtation is meant in jest but it still causes an unfamiliar fluttering in the pit of my stomach. I raise an eyebrow, "You're the one who keeps kissing me, Miss Swan," I state pointedly.

"Yeah…" She rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment, her cheeks colouring slightly, "Sorry about that…"

I feel the old me stirring deep inside and can't resist the urge to tease her further, "It's fine dear," I reply, in a deep mocking tone that is all the Evil Queen, "You had me alone in your car, at night. I understand that it was a situation your teenage boy mentality found hard to resist…"

She takes the joke in good humour and lightly thumps me in the arm, "I've missed your sarcasm," She drawls mockingly, "It's just not the same when you're being nice."

Smiling broadly, I stand and walk over to the drinks cabinet next to the fire. Upturning two glasses, I pick up the decanter and hold the bottle towards her, "Cider?" I ask.

She nods enthusiastically and with my back to her, I pour two large drinks, "How's Hook?" I continue, wincing at a question I know she'll find unusual.

"Way to kill the mood, Regina!"

Expecting a different, more abrasive, response, I'm surprised to hear the disappointment in her tone.

"I didn't realise there was a mood," I reply, uncertain as to the meaning of such a comment. Picking up the drinks, I return to my spot on the couch and hand her a glass."And he is your boyfriend," I press, "The one who only a few short weeks ago, was dead!"

Her face falls at my bluntness and though I hate having to use this rare alone time with her to discuss the man she chose over me; I need to know if Thanatos really is trying to kill him.

"Don't you feel weird talking about Killian after…" Her voice trails off, the silence speaking the words she refuses to say and I instantly know that she feels guilty for the intimacy she continues to share with me when she should be with him.

"After we've admitted that we have feelings for each other?" I finish for her. "No, because I, Emma, am an adult, and I understand the difference between what I want and what I can have."

"I guess that's a fairly new understanding then huh?" She quips.

I can't help but laugh at that. It's rare for me to be able to see the funny side of the anger and hatred I harboured as the Evil Queen, to be able to look back at those days with anything but regret. But somehow, Emma reminds me not to take myself too seriously, to see how completely ridiculous I was back then.

"Touché," I concede, tipping my glass to her. "So how is he? Has he recovered well?"

My concern for Hook's welfare finally registers somewhere in her sub-conscience, and I watch as her brow creases slightly in confusion, "Why do you suddenly care?" She asks.

Not wanting to give anything away, especially not the potential danger her lover could be in, I give her a one shouldered shrug, "I don't," I dismiss carelessly. "But I care about you and I want you to be happy!"

She snorts into her glass, "Well you're certainly being far more mature about this then I could ever be…" She replies, taking a sip of the cider. "But then considering you're old enough to be my…"

"Don't go there, Miss Swan," I warn, my voice dark and eyes dangerous as I glare at her across the couch. "Splattered internal organs really wasn't the wallpaper I planned for my vaults interior decoration."

Her smile returns at my faux threat and I can't help but wonder when our relationship became so easy. We fought each other for so long and over every little detail, when did we reach the point where light flirtations and playful banter became the norm?

"He's fine," She finally replies, the serious answer to my original question distracting me from thought. "A little tired I guess…"

That catches my attention, "He's sleeping a lot?" I ask. Suddenly fearful that this is proof that Thanatos is here.

She shakes her head, "Not a lot. A little more than usual maybe, and he doesn't look all that rested when he wakes, but…" She shakes it off, failing to see the potential threat that I do, "He's still adjusting."

"Is he having nightmares?"

"I have no idea," She replies, "I've been a little too preoccupied with my own dreams of late."

At her pointed glance I look away, only too aware of how much of her time I've been monopolising recently. She easily detects my awkwardness and the undertone of agitation that courses through my tense muscles, "Regina, what's going on?"

I clear my throat and take a sip of strong liquor, "Nothing!" I reply, in a manner that's far from convincing.

Green eyes widen in disbelief, "You seriously expect me to believe that?"

"I…" I hastily search for a plausible explanation or at the very least, one that will convince her to back off. "…It's nothing, really. Resurrection is a type of magic I've never seen before. I didn't even think it possible. I'm just curious."

She eyes me suspiciously and I know she doesn't buy it, "Okay," She replies, purposefully dragging the word out, "I'm not sure that I believe you but I'm also not sure that I want to hear the truth so…"

She leaves the sentence hanging, waiting for me to fill in the blanks and ease her uncertainty but I don't how. Emma may lack grace and intelligence at times, but she always knows when I'm lying. The less I draw her attention to our new problem, the better.

I make a split second decision to change the subject.

"I'm sorry for what I said about, Hook," I state, taking the opportunity to correct a mistake I should never have made in the first place. "I've been thinking about what you said to me during our dream last night. About how what I said has affected your feelings for him." I take a deep breath, feeling guilty for my harsh accusations, "The truth is that I don't know if he ever did what I accused him of…"

"Rape?"

"Yes," I reply, cringing at the mere meaning of what the word implies. "There were rumours at the time, but there were also untrue rumours about me too. I have no proof that he ever mistreated women…I know as much about him as you do."

To my surprise she isn't angry, she doesn't even look disappointed. Her voice is calm when she replies, "So why did you say it?" She asks.

I take a moment to consider my answer but come up empty. At the time I was in pain, both physically and mentally. It's human instinct to attack with force when feeling the most vulnerable.

"I don't know," I finally reply with a shake of my head. "I was jealous maybe, angry because I didn't understand the true nature of my feelings. Either way it was wrong, and I apologise."

She smiles softly, her expression one of understanding, "Well, thank you for being honest" She says before blowing out an elongated breath, "And just because you're not sure that he did do it, it doesn't mean he didn't. I'm still no closer to knowing who he really is."

"It never bothered you before."

She takes another sip of her drink and I notice something that I've never seen in her expression; uncertainty, fear. Emotions that generally aren't associated with the confident, independent, Emma Swan.

"I was blind before," She unexpectedly admits, her voice so quiet that I have to strain to hear it. "I was so caught up in the idea of True Love that I never stopped to consider anything other than what I wanted."

She swallows sharply, and when her eyes rise to meet mine they're filled with regret, "I've been so selfish, Gina," She confesses, unable to stem the tide of emotions. "I made him the Dark One against his wishes. I allowed you all to follow me to the Underworld. And now Robin is dead, and Zelena's heart is broken and you're…"

"I'm fine!" I cut in, feeling my own heart squeeze painfully at the sight of her unshed tears.

How long has she been silently carrying this burden around? Since we returned from the Underworld? Since she was the Dark One? She has so many people that care about her, so many people to talk to, why keep it bottled up for so long?

It's moments like this that I'm reminded how similar we all truly are. Villain or hero, good or evil, we all struggle with the same self-doubt.

"I just feel like I've lost sight of myself, you know?" She says, thinking aloud. "I look in the mirror and I don't recognise the woman staring back!"

Now that I can sympathise with. There was a time when my life was governed by mirrors, and though I watched my orders and crimes carried out through them, nothing I saw in the glass scared me as much as the sight of my own reflection.

"Do you blame Hook for that?" I ask, basing the question solely on my own self-deprecation.

She firmly shakes her head, "No! I blame me for that. I have never been one of those weak women in love. I've never chased anyone before. I've never sacrificed who I am to make someone else happy, but with Killian…" Her voice trails off, the answer lost somewhere amongst her confusion, "I don't know what happened!" She finally offers. "I can't explain it."

"Are you saying that you don't want to be with him?" Though my words sound hopeful they aren't. The question stems from genuine concern, not from some sick fantasy that I might somehow benefit from her suffering.

She takes a deep breath, "Yes…no…" Her eyes meet mine, desperately searching for the answers she seeks. "What if I'm only with him out of guilt? After everything that's happened, everything that I've put you all through…if we break up now it'll have all been for nothing. Robin's death, Zelena's sacrifice. Belle trapped under a sleeping curse and stuck in Pandora's box…for nothing!"

I offer her an understanding smile. Guilt is not an easy thing to contend with, I should know. It eats you up from the inside, slowly stripping you of all self-worth until there's nothing left.

But unlike me, Emma has done nothing wrong, and guilt has no place in her conscience.

"Robin died for me and now I don't even know if I ever loved him," I reply, sharing my own remorse in the hope that it will help ease hers. "If I thought the way that you did I would never forgive myself. I know I've said differently in the past, but everyone who played a part in this made their own choices. If there's one thing I've learnt the hard way it's that although our life can be influenced by those around us, we are the ones responsible for the choices we ultimately make."

I can see the effect my words have on her, I can almost hear the cogs in her mind mulling over my point, but she's not convinced.

"Whatever happens now between you and Hook, it has nothing to do with the decisions we made as individuals in Camelot and the Underworld," I continue, pressing my argument when she threatens to protest. "Emma, you can't think like that!"

Tear filled eyes fix onto mine, "And yet I can't seem to think any other way!" She replies.

Something deep inside of me dies at hearing her conflicted response. Emma is a good person. She's pure and beautiful, strong and true, she should never have to fight the demons that I do.

Taking a sip of my cider, I place my glass down on the coffee table and turn on the couch to face her head on, unconsciously slipping closer to her.

"This is my fault," I state, more than aware of the recent weight I've added to her burden. "You were distraught when Hook died. Elated when he came back. You would never have questioned your love for him if I hadn't confessed my feelings to you…"

"That's not true," She interrupts, sliding towards me until our knees bump into each other. "You know I started questioning our relationship the second True Loves kiss failed. I doubted it when the heart split failed but I was scared."

"Scared that you'd put us all in danger for someone that wasn't even your True Love?" I ask, already knowing the answer. She nods once. "Let's say that Hook isn't your True Love – a theory I don't ascribe too by the way – would you have just let him die, even though it was your fault he was the Dark One?"

I can't believe the words that I'm saying. I can't believe that I'm defending the one-handed wonder. But the truth is, despite the way I feel for her, I'd rather lose her forever then watch her live with this pain. And I am partially responsible for some of the conflict currently tearing her in two.

She shakes her head, shocked that I should even think such a thing "Of course I wouldn't!"

"No," I agree, "Of course you wouldn't, because you're a hero. You would have done exactly the same thing that you did and followed him to the Underworld. And we would all have still followed you because we're heroes too, and that's what heroes do."

If anyone ever tells Snow about this little speech they won't live to see the end of the day, but for once it feels good to instil a little hope instead of fear. And if the smile Emma is now directing my way is anything to go by, then maybe being one of the good guy's isn't so bad after all.

"I thought you said you weren't a hero anymore?" She grins, the appearance of her dimples a welcome sight.

I return her smile, the memory of that empty threat still fresh in my mind, "I'm sure that by now you've noticed I have a tendency to behave overdramatically when I'm upset," I reply.

"Oh, so that explains the outfits you wore in the Enchanted Forest then!"

I laugh at that, and my heart skips a beat as I watch the blonde do the same, "Amongst other things," I confirm lightly, switching back to more serious topics when I recognise the shadow of sadness that flickers through her eyes. "Emma, you've been through so much in the last few months, a little doubt is understandable."

She tilts her head to the side, studying me with such fascinated curiosity that I begin to shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"Why are you being like this?" She asks, her voice free from any hint of malice or mistrust. "Why are you being so nice?"

My grin widens, "Because I tried the whole evil thing and it's really overrated," I reply, "…and if I'm honest with myself, because despite my feelings all I want is for you to be happy. And if someone had asked if I thought Hook was your True Love before this all began, then I would have replied that he was, and I would have believed it with all my heart."

The words break me even as they make her stronger, and I fight to control the tears that threaten, "Don't give up on him just yet," I advise, unable to encourage her when I face a fight I may well not survive.

She leans forward, resting her forehead against mine, "So you're asking me to give up on you instead?" She whispers.

"Emma…" I reach out to gently cup her cheek in my hand and feel her lean into my touch. "You can't give up what you never had."

"But what if…"

I'm not strong enough to hear her talk about ifs, buts and maybes. It's taking everything I have to muster the courage to let to her go.

"I'm not going anywhere," I interrupt, trying not to think of the impending fight with Thanatos. "Whether you live happily ever after with your pirate or not, I will always be right here by your side."

At the very least, and God willing, that's the one promise I can keep.

I feel her fingers snake into my hair as she presses her head tighter to mine. She doesn't want to let me go, even though she knows she has too, she doesn't want to leave. Right now, that's the biggest show of affection she could give me.

Taking a deep, composing breath, I press on, "If it turns out that Hook isn't your True Love, then I truly believe we'll find our way back to each other. Look at your parents. An Evil Queen, several curses, a coma, even death, couldn't keep them apart. If we're meant to be together then we'll find each other."

I feel her lips skim across mine, I feel her breath on my cheek, and I have to close my eyes to stop myself from kissing her.

"But Emma," I whisper, wanting so desperately to reach out and taste her once more, "our time isn't now. I'm still grieving for, Robin. You're still in love with, Hook. We owe it to them to give them the piece of our heart that's theirs."

Our eyes lock with such intensity that I feel the delicious shiver of arousal run all the way down my spine, and I know in an instant that if she doesn't come back to me, my heart will be broken beyond repair.

She brushes her nose affectionately against mine, "And if all of my heart is Killian's?" She asks, daring to speak the words that neither one of us want to hear.

I smile sadly, "Then give it to him. Be happy."

Her lips brush lightly against mine, the barest of touches reminding us that though we're so close, we're as far apart as we ever were. I open my mouth to capture a kiss, wanting it so badly that it hurts, but a sub-conscious, mutual decision causes us both to pull back at the final moment.

"I- should go…"

I nod, "Yes!"

In a second she's stood up, her breathing heavy and cheeks flushed pink as she hastily brushes herself down. Her gorgeous eyes meet mine one final time.

"Regina I…" The words are on the tip of her tongue. Those three little words that once spoken can't be taken back, but she quickly covers them up, "I'll see you soon."

In a puff of white smoke, she's gone, and I finally allow a single tear to break free.

Reaching for my phone, I pick it up, surprised to find a text from Zelena.

I've discovered a way for you to fight, Thanatos. And it's a way that I know you can win.

I half smile at my sister's efforts, but for the first time since this all began, I almost wish that I'd already lost.