-1YO! XD Yeah, Im hyper because I just ate a doughnut and I keep randomly sneezing! This is the 5th time in 45 minutes! I think my cats afraid of me now…
Oh, this chapter has angst in it…. Yay!
Changing colors
Neither Hughes nor Mustang could get through to Edward that night. As soon as he had taken in the sight of his brother's armour, he had hidden himself underneath the covers of his bed and stayed there.
Roy had shaken him, over and over again, trying to get a response, but there wasn't a single sound. Roy wondered if he was even alive under there.
"Edward, please come out." Roy pleaded, shaking him again. "You're going to suffocate if you stay there too long." Edward still didn't move. Sighing, Roy sat down on his bed and laid down next to the boy, lifting up the covers as he did.
Edward appeared to be sleeping, his hands by his tear-stained face as he grasped the blood- marked piece of metal in his flesh hand. Roy couldn't help but frown a little, pulling the cover's off of Ed's head. After getting off his bed and fetching himself a drink, he noticed the covers where back over Edwards face again.
He closed his eyes momentarily, and sat back down on the edge of the mattress.
"You know, Edward, Im sure he's fine…"
There was a choked sob.
"Don't worry; were going to find him as soon as possible. Or as soon as you feel like moving. But it's too late to search now… and what if it's a trap?"
"Then I would gladly sacrifice myself for him." That defiantly sounded like the old Edward to him.
"Don't be stupid, Edward. We don't want to loose both of you. One is bad enough." How am I going to meet you Alphonse… Roy thought, stroking his chin in a puzzled manner. Idiot! You went and got captured at a crucial time like this!
"Hey, Roy." Hughes grinned, making himself known as he stepped out of the bathroom in just a towel, still wet from his shower.
"Mae's! Your getting the floor wet!" Roy scolded, pointing at the puddle beneath Hughes's feet. The man shrugged and went back into the bathroom to dry off properly before Roy had a heart-attack.
The man had had a busy time between worrying about Edward and Alphonse, and trying to fix the door Izumi broke. He had managed to weld the door to its hinges, but now it didn't open properly… And Hughes hadn't helped… Damn that man and his pictures!
"Idiot's. They all are." Roy scoffed, throwing himself on the opposite bed and closing his eyes. Sleep sounded good right now.
Al was literally in piece's. His arm and the other leg had disappeared during his torture time, much to his disadvantage. Plus, he had to listen to Envy ranting on about how to kill his brother.
"Well, I know he cant swim, so maybe I'll drown him… or even better- suffocate him somehow!" He giggled, waving Al's arm around. "Oh, this is going to be so fun when we meet your brother in 5 days time!"
"No! You can't! I need to draw a c-" He was cut off as he found himself flying through the air and into a wall, the sound of metal scraping against stone penetrating his mind.
"Ah! A circle! Your going to perform alchemy on the shrimp!" Envy smirked, purple eyes glinting. He caught on fast.
"No! Not at all!" Al lied in a shaky voice. Al was an extremely bad liar.
"Yeah right. Don't worry- your still going to draw your little circle. But for a different purpose." There was some maniacal laughter, followed by the sound of soft foot steps. "Hey- why don't we send your brother a present from us?"
"What?"
"Yeah… a nice little something, courtesy of Shou tucker, to carry a message for us…"
There was more laughter.
"Lets see if he can handle it."
Midnight… in Dublith
Edward couldn't sleep, even when he didn't have the cover over his face. Not only was it the sickening feeling of dread he felt as he worried about Al, but he was so hungry it hurt. The two men had tried to feed him throughout the day, but he wouldn't have any of it.
If Al couldn't, he shouldn't be able to eat as well…
Right?
Hearing his stomach growl again, he curled up closer to himself, tears coming to his eyes again. It really hurt…
He wondered if he was ever going to be normal again. Well, as normal as he could be. It was pointless to resist what his mind told him anymore, because most of the time it made sense. He didn't disserve to be loved! He didn't!
He could feel the tears rolling violently down his face again, his breath hitching as he chewed the edge of the covers on sheer survival instincts. He hurt so much…
Beyond the reach of his cover's, Roy watched him with pity as the boy struggled to control his emotions. He looked so weak, so fragile compared to his old self. He really had to eat something soon, or he was going to die of malnutrition.
Through slit-like eyes, he watched as the boy slowly got out of bed and tiptoed over to the kitchen area, where Roy lost sight of him. He knew that if he followed him now, he would loose trust. And he didn't want that. Plus, he could already feel his eyes closing as sleep over took him…
He fell asleep.
In the Kitchen…
I cant eat…
Edward hissed in his mind, collapsing on the counter.
But I need water…
Shakily, he poured himself out a glass of water, gulping it down in one. It made him feel numb, but better than he had been.
Idiot! Al can't even drink and you indulge yourself in it?
No! I-Im not!
You're selfish. All you care about is yourself.
No! I don't! I don't care about my self! He'd want me too-
He was cut off from his mental war by the sudden lurching of his stomach, making him stagger forward from the spot. He dashed to the bathroom, quickly locking the door behind him before throwing up in the toilet, his chest heaving as there was nothing to throw up.
Edward suddenly collapsed, head hitting the tiled floor with such force it made blood leak from his forehead. His vision was blurry, and his throat stung with the acid taste of bile. He couldn't stand it. He wanted to give up.
Gritting his teeth together, he closed his eyes to let pain throb through his head.
It hurts… I can't take it…
He slowly bought his hands together in a clapping motion, swiping his hand across his metal arm to produce a short, sharp blade. There would be no point slitting his wrist's: he probably wouldn't die since he only had one that could bleed.
He really couldn't afford to give in. He knew he had to stay alive for Al… yes… its all for Al…
But maybe he just wanted to die to end all the pain…
He gasped suddenly, clutching his chest as pain erupted near his heart, like he was getting stabbed again. Was it guilt? Could it be this bad? He didn't know, he was confused, tired, hungry, sick, and bleeding from his head.
He brought the blade up to his neck, tilting it slightly so it wasn't full on. He wasn't stupid. He was a scientist, and knew everything on human anatomy He knew that if he tried to slash his neck full on, he would probably die of suffocation since the blade would pierce his trachea and stop there. But if he could tilt it side on, he could hit his carotid artery without suffocating. Suffocation hurt like hell.
Pressing the cold metal to his throat, he could feel his pulse beneath his blade. He felt anxious all of a sudden, his eyes averting away from the task. The voice was right; he was selfish. But it was for a good cause. All the pain he caused other's, all the lives he destroyed, everything. The way he had took out his anger on Al. The way his action had put him and Roy in danger the last few days...
Roy.
What did he think about… Roy? He faintly remembered Roy saying to him that he had almost called him son. Almost. It wasn't right. How could this man, who had only known him for about 4 years now, want to protect him? His real father didn't even want to do that, and he had known him for longer. He really, badly wanted to trust him, but what happened if he left suddenly, and didn't come back?
And Al…
Al would be broken! He missed him enough all ready. Though he was probably dead by now. His blood seal had probably been reduced to mere to shards of blood-stained metal, his body just a huge scrap of metal, lifeless.
Though he was lifeless before…
Sub-consciously, during his thoughts, he had pressed the blade deeper into his neck. The tip was now piercing his skin, but not enough to do damage of any kind. He could feel the dull throbbing underneath his blade get quicker, his breathing becoming erratic.
This was it? All these time's he had nearly died, and now he was going to become prey to his own hands? Where was the thrill?
His body was shaking now- causing the blade to delve further in. He was overly conscious of his rapid heart-beat in his ears. He was almost scared to make it stop, almost scared to end it all.
Shit. He was panicking.
Blood from his head was now mingling from the blood coming out of his neck, running down his chest and over his scar's, making him shudder as the hot liquid begun to cool.
Ah, his scars.
If his memories couldn't prove the existence of his frantic life, these could. He had gained some extra ones recently, some still scabbed over. They were there to remind him that he wasn't perfect. He had once told someone, not long ago, that "Alchemist's were the closest thing to gods that existed." A god? If he was a god, then why did he feel so weak…
He didn't know why, but he felt un-manly. He was useless in this state. Useless! Utterly, completely, USELESS!
He yanked the weapon away from him roughly, turning his gaze downwards in shame. He was too afraid to end it. The boy no longer had the blade at his throat, but he still felt its metallic presence lingering on his flesh. He knew he was panicking too much, but he couldn't help it. The corners of his vision were becoming black and fuzzy now, and his breath came out in short gasps. He was hyperventilating.
I cant control my body…
He looked down shakily as his real hand.
I feel so numb…
.His eyes scanned the room, eyeing the blood streaked around on the floor. He used his auto-mail, which he transmuted quickly back to its normal state, to push himself to his feet where he staggered about in-securely. He quickly began to tug down some towels that were loitering around in a wonky cupboard and proceeded to scrub the floor on his hands and knees with them. This all just resulted in bloody towels.
"Work, god-dammit, work!" he pleaded quietly, scrubbing harder. No avail.
What are you doing?
I have to get rid of it before some wakes up!
Why? Don't you want them to see you're suffering?
No! Roy will worry!
But I thought you didn't like him.
No, YOU don't like him. I do!
And who do you think I am?
He stopped wiping and sunk to his knees, cradling the towels in his arms. Hopeless. He'd been sleeping for hours on end, but he felt tired. More tired than he had ever felt.
Edward slowly rose to his feet yet again, dropping his towels and abandoning them on the floor. He could breathe better now, but he hurt. His vision was black and hazy, and he couldn't move freely. He now just wanted to sleep, and never wake up... He wanted to slumber in eternal bliss with his brother, in his real body, and live there…
He dragged his feet over to a cabinet, all injury's forgotten, located above the sink and mirror, opening the door with tender fingers. Before he could even stop himself, he had reached in and pulled out a bottle of some sort.
Sedative.
How convenient.
He didn't know whose they were (probably Roy's- he knew how many nightmares that man had), or how much he should take, but they didn't look strong. He only wanted a few. Then, he could get to sleep…
Unscrewing the capsule, he tapped it lightly, shaking a few of the pills into his hand.
Five? Four? Ok fine; Three. That should be enough, right?
He didn't bother with water, and just swallowed them dry instead. His throat felt like it was on fire, from the crying, and his chest burned from over-breathing, and this didn't aid the cause. He felt like shit.
Returning slowly to his bed on aching legs, he stopped briefly to steal a glance at Roy's sleeping form. He was probably tired of looking after him. Everyone he loved ends up dead, or severely injured. But he couldn't help but wonder if-
Don't you dare. He doesn't love you. You're not his son, you're just his pet.
Edward hissed openly at the voice, suddenly feeling woozy. For the second time that night, he had fallen. Pathetic! He couldn't even stand!
He could feel the red liquid running down his head again from the previous wound as he shakily clawed his way to the bed nearest to him- which happened to be Roy's. He didn't have the strength to stand up again, let alone get into the bed. He couldn't fight the medicine anymore- it was making him drowsy and light-headed. So, like some sort of ill, injured dog, he leaned his head on his arms and curled up onto the floor, oblivious to the fact he was still bleeding.
I know you can't hear me, Roy. He said mentally, eyes closing. But I just want to let you know that as soon as you leave me, im going to hate you more than ever. You are my father, and I love you. You've been there to protect me all this time, something my real father wouldn't do. But please understand that im too costly to have as a family member, or a friend. Please Roy, save me.
No answer.
He cuddled closer to the frame of the bed, seeking warmth.
It was too cold.
Roy opened his eyes, taking in the sunlight. It was going to be a beautiful day today. He could already see the cloudless sky coming into focus from the window near his bed.
But strangely, Edward wasn't in his bed.
"Edward?" He asked, glancing around. The young boy wasn't in sight. And to his horror, leading to his bed, there was a thin trail of what looked like bloody foot-prints…
"Maes! Maes!" He yelled, to the man on the sofa. He didn't stir. Ignoring him, he anxiously peered over the edge of his bed, dreading what he saw there.
Sure enough, he had found his target.
Edward looked drugged, from what he could tell. The boy had been getting a lot of rest, but there was black rings hanging under his closed eyes, framed by his pale skin. His head was caked with dry blood, and his neck had some sort of notch in it.
"God… Edward!" He yelled, jumping off his bed to shake the boy on the floor. Edward's eyes slowly fluttered open, but as he looked at Roy the usual golden color became hazed.
"Ed…ward?" He chocked, looking confused and in pain. He didn't even try to struggle as Roy picked up the sickeningly light teen and placed him onto the bed.
"Yes, Edward. What's all this!" he hissed, pointing to the deep looking wound on Edwards neck. It didn't look fatal, but it could easily get infected. "And this!" he continued, pointing to the boys head.
"I d-don't know…" He sniffed, closing his eyes. "Where I am-m…"
Roy looked down at him in confusion and fight, before deciding wake up Hughes and gather bandages as quick as he could. He didn't get very far when he felt a small hand wrap around his wrist.
"I-I told you that if you left m-me, I would h-hate you." The boy blinked, feeling the words flow out of his mouth, like a distant memory. "Don't leave me…"
"Edward," Roy smiled sadly, sitting down on the bed. Edward instantly fell into his arms, his breathing shallow and his grip weak.
"Don't…" He whispered softly, looking up at the man with despair in his eyes. Roy lent down, leaning his for-head against Ed's, trying to avoid the bleeding parts which he was going to tend too soon. He closed his eyes and in-haled the scent of Ed's hair, trying to awaken more parental feeling's inside him that had been hard to recognise since recently. He had never had to deal with children before.
"Edward," he began, looking into the honey-colored eyes just centimetres from his own. "I've dealt with you for around four years now, through everything; to the times where you would annoy me with your excessively long rants, or worry me when I would find you in hospital. I promised when we started all of this that I was going to help you. And im not going back on my promise now." He breathed, watching as the blonde's eyes widened.
"But look at all the people I've killed and hurt!" Edward said in a hurt tone, regret showing on his face. His chest hurt from being compressed against Roy for so long, but he didn't mind. He wanted this.
"Everyone's going to die eventually; and you only killed those people to protect me and Al. Them people are nothing compared to you. Think about all the people you helped along the way, instead of hurt. There's a lot more happy people in the world because you. Sure you cost me my job. So what?"
"Don't you love your job?"
"I don't care! I love YOU more! Don't you see that?" He reasoned, kissing Edward softly on his head. "It was worth it. Because I get to see my son get better."
The look on Edwards face was indescribable.
"And now, as soon as your healed, I have to go retrieve my other son, where-ever that little trouble maker has got to." He smiled, feeling Edward hug him more.
"You mean it?" Edward gasped, tears in his eyes.
"Of course." Roy smirked, moving away from Edward, much to the boys discomfort.
"Now; are you going to let your dad help you with your wounds?" he grinned again, making his way over to the emergency first aid box in the kitchen. He didn't want to go into the bathroom; he knew he wouldn't be able to face what was in there yet.
And of course, Hughes had been watching the whole scene from afar.
"Beautiful!" He whispered to a photo of Elysia in his hands, one where she was trying to cook a chocolate cake by her-self and had ended up in frosting every-where. "He couldn't have been better, sweet-heart." He hugged the picture close to his body, peering over the sofa to glance at Ed's face. He looked relived, yet sad. Maybe it was because of the fact that Al wasn't here with him.
"Look's like Roy has two new additions to his family." He beamed, looking at the man, who was softly humming to himself in the kitchen, retrieving bandages.
"Yes; I believe he will make an excellent father."
OMG THIS CHAPTER WAS A KILLER TO WRITE!!!!!!!!!!
I have three different versions of this chapter:
1.This one, which I found cute!
2.One where Ed gets into a predicament where he could never get out of- alive that is. He could not have made it to the next chapter. This one scare's me… its incredibly dark.
3.And one where its just so emo, Ed couldn't have survived it either. Its not as… freaky as the other one, but still…
Neither of the two I decided not to use are finished- for a reason. Im not bumping the rating up because of these two!! We don't want to kill off Ed… yet. :D
Also, the next chapter is going to be GORY. It concerns what Envy was talking about… 'The present'….
OH YEAH- NOT YAOI. WHEN THEIR SAYING THINGS LIKE "I LOVE YOU" ITS PARENTAL LOVE. XD
AINT ROY A CUTE FATHER???!!! AWWWW!!! Poor Edo. He's hit his head so many times he lost some of his memory. AND he's suicidal. Don't worry; he didn't spear himself on his blade THAT much. It went only about 2 centimetre's in. But of course, its his neck, and he's weak, so its gonna do more damage than normal.
The drug I chose to give him is called Triazolam.
Side effects from Triazolam are common and include:
headache
heartburn
hangover effect (grogginess)
drowsiness
dizziness or lightheadedness
weakness
dry mouth
Eds going to be soooo Ill next chapter…
Review time!!! (Remember: I can't answer them ALL. But even if I don't answer you, I still know our there: 3
Sepapa-chan: YAY!!! COOKIE!! –Shares it with cat- mmmmm… chocolate chip… -drools- Oh yeah, I didn't answer your question before because I didn't want to spoil anything for theis chapter! XD Heh, when Ed is sleepy, he's easier to capture…
-Plots-
Swift-feather: You cant really Al torture, but you can treat him like dirt :D Don't worry: I've got big plans for him… -Evil grin-
Jenelric: I know! I hate Envy too! –Kick's him- HAH! XD I luff Ed/Roy Parental fluff!!!! Its sooooo scream worthy!!! –Screams-
Dark chocolate alchemist: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! AL IS MINE TO TORTURE!!!! Heheh, as I said above, I've got big plans for him… :D
Anyhow, reviews will be used to keep WhiteWolfKitsune warm. It's freezing in England at the moment, since its always raining… -Mumbles something about never having sun-
Lots of love,
Kitsune-san, AKA WhiteWolfKitsune xxx