Circling the Crow

by Petersgirl2011

What if Tara never thought about leaving Charming and stood her ground? Would Season 5 and 6 have ended differently? She is trying to be a good mother, old lady and doctor. When conflicts start tearing her family a part it becomes more difficult. Things have to change. Look through Tara's eyes at the chaos and mayhem. See what it really takes to be the queen and stand by Jackson.

14. John the Revelator, PART 2

Chapter 14, John the Revelator

PART 2 of 5

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Most of the afternoon I sat on the couch and wrote. Until there was so much noise coming from outside, I couldn't think anymore.

Nero and Gemma were coming back from where Kyle was still at. He was off from the house in the back. Sitting in one of the lawn chairs they took out there. With the truck door wide open and the radio blaring loud. Of course, he had a beer in his hand.

"What is Kyle doing?"

"He is getting past it. You should go out there." Gemma stopped to talk to me but Nero went on inside the house.

"I can't, Gemma. I don't even know what to say to him."

"I hate to tell you, sweetheart. But you're already out there with him."

"What does that even mean?" Gemma had already gone inside and shut the sliding door. "Hello, doesn't anybody ever listen to me?"

"What are you doing out here all by your lonesome?"

"Hanging out with all my friends." Kyle leaned over from his chair and grabbed two beers then offered me one.

"Are you drunk?"

"Nah." Then he smiled. "Maybe a little."

"This song is kind of sad."

"I hate to tell you, girl. This sad ass country song is our life."

After I listened to all the words I had to agree with him. "Son of a bitch it is."

"Yep."

"Yep."

We clanked the long necks of our bottles together and had another beer. Then had another and another until it was dark outside. The combination of drinking and thinking were never good ones for anyone.

"I got pregnant with Thomas. I married Jax because I love him though. In a brothel, no less. So I guess it's kind of fitting I'm a part of one now."

"Damn, won't even ask about the honeymoon."

"There wasn't one. Jax was picked up that same night and taken to jail. He already served time before that. He missed Thomas' birth because he was on the inside of a prison cell. I just got used to being on my own with the boys and it's why it doesn't affect me much now. You can get used to a lot of things if you have to. So let's see you top that one."

"We all have a metaphorical prison we've built up around us and serve time in. It's the walls you put up to keep everyone out so you don't make the same mistakes. If they can't get to you, they can't hurt you. Because I'm a dumbass and hope to never make those mistakes again. She got pregnant and I did the right thing, I married her. Everything I did for the right reasons, turned out to be wrong anyway. It had the same fucked up outcome so I don't know why the hell I did it for now."

"Do you still love her?"

"I don't know who I love anymore, Tara. Or if I even can. You can't even really have a normal relationship after you go through it, because nobody wants to deal with a heart they didn't break. I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

"I'm going too."

But Kyle didn't stop drinking when we got inside either. I only had three and it was beyond my limit. I felt bad I couldn't help with him with his problems like he does me. When I can't get him to talk to me at all, he has got some serious shit going on.

"We can watch television, take a walk to burn off your energy like you did for me or you can come in my room so we can talk. I'm kind of afraid to shut my eyes so I wouldn't mind some company if you want to stay with me for a while. We can hang out like we always do." Since he wouldn't budge. I did to him what he does to me. "Please. Come on, stay with me and I'll cheer you up. You know you can't tell me no."

"It's not that I don't want to stay with you, Tara. I can't. It's been a month or so for me and I'm having a hard time being around you, literally hard. I've been drinking and it's not a good idea."

"A month or so? Well, I guess at least Jax's money didn't go to waste then."

"What about Jax's money?"

"Jax paid Lyla to fuck you. She told me. He thought she would distract you and you would stay away me. It's too bad Jax worries more about that than making sure Opie's kids have a good home. I found it sad how those kids live with her."

"That upsets me. I thought she wanted me for my body. But it wasn't Lyla. It's a just a girl Nicole works with. We went out, I bought her dinner and she thanked me. Then I went home."

"Here I thought you were this gallant gentleman." I was razzing Kyle to get him in a better mood. But he took me very seriously. Which, it was a rarity he got serious about anything.

"We're not kids anymore, Tara. It's what grown up do. It was just two people having sex that were need at the time. Really, I don't even know why I am explaining this to you. I'm going to go handle my problem now. Goodnight." He stopped in front of me as I followed him down the hallway and I didn't stop in enough time when I walked into him. "Do you wanna watch or what?"

"I'm just going to the bathroom."

Tonight I would be an adult and handle my shit on my own. After I brushed my teeth and did my business. I return to the empty room. I left the door open but I would see the night through by myself. I would see a lot of things through from here forward by myself as well.

"Tara." When I didn't answer him he got louder from the living room. "Tara."

"What, Kyle?"

"I'm really not opposed to the whole watching thing if you're not, girl." I couldn't help to at least laugh a little. It was a start for me and him. Since we both didn't have much to laugh at today.

"Go to sleep, John Boy."

"Good night, John Girl."

"Jesus Christ, Jonnie loves fucking Chichi. Both of you go to sleep."

We laughed and it almost came out in unison. "Goodnight, Nero."

"Hey, what about me?"

"Goodnight, Gemma."

As much as I wanted to not like the fact he was attracted to me, it did make me feel good about myself. There weren't exactly men ever beating my door down even when I was young girl. I had been with two men and that's it sexually. No one would consider me to be a beautiful woman who could have any man she wanted. I never understood why Jax wanted to be with me either when he could have any woman he wants. The fact of it gets thrown in my face almost daily too.

I smiled as I wrote a different kind of entry down in my notebook. "Dear Diary. I am a fucked up thirty-four-year-old woman and never wrote to you before. Who feels like a young girl again, a pretty girl for once. He's a fucked up goofball but really sweet…" After I got the silly one wrote out I went back to the task at hand. Getting out my feelings on paper for no one to judge me on it. Then yawned a few times before giving it up for the night.

When I first woke up I thought something was coming through the damn wall at me with the loud banging noises. With "Oh, god and Oh, baby." Thrown in too. I covered up my head with my pillow to drown them out.

But it didn't work. "Oh, shit." I finally just got up.

"Jesus Christ, can the you two give it a break already?" At least he wasn't getting any sleep either. The screen door banged on his way outside.

"Sorry." Nero and Gemma said it while they were giggling like two goofy teenagers in love. Then went right back at it again. Since they weren't going to stop anytime soon. I went outside too.

Kyle was setting out on the front steps token away. Only stopping long enough to take another swig from whatever bottle he had in hand.

"Are me and you good now?"

"Yeah, we're good, Tara. I was having moment, sorry about earlier."

"Nothing to be sorry for as you always tell me. But wow, weed and booze for a midnight snack."

"I need something. I can't sleep and I don't know how the hell you slept through it for so long. You'd think as old is Nero is, he couldn't keep it up this long. Fuck, they've been at it for an hour. Since Gemma has kept me up, I'm smoking her bud. Want some?"

"Well, that should teach Gemma a lesson by us smoking her weed. From what she says, Nero is a stud and has a huge dick. I'd expect them to be awhile." It wasn't until I got it all the way. I smiled because I sounded more like Gemma than I ever have before. Maybe she was starting to teach me something about this life after all. Or really was influencing me in a bad way.

"I don't want to hear anything else about Nero's dick. Please don't tell me anymore."

We laid watching the stars from the front porch. We didn't talk much but Kyle kept on drinking and token. It was so quiet out here the silence was sort of pleasant. The crickets were chirping all around us. I couldn't remember the last time I heard the particular sound. It was mesmerizing to watch the lighting bugs move in the dark. They were bright to dim depending on where they floated around in the air from. I held out my hand and one landed on it. It lit up before it flew on to its next destination.

"You've drank most of the bottle already. Are you okay?"

"A wise man told me; booze is for a good man feeling bad over the woman he cares about."

"Who gave you those famous words of wisdom?"

"My step dad. It was the only time he drank, when he missed my mom and was having a tough time dealing with it. He never got over her or moved on after she died. I only remember a couple of women he dated but they couldn't compare to her in his eyes. He always said she gave him the best crazy love he ever knew. They didn't love by most people's standard rules more by what they felt at the time. I didn't get what he meant by it until I got older."

"It must be hard for you to be here and deal with it all over again. I'm sure it makes you miss your ex-wife even more staying in the house you had together. You can talk to me about it if you want to."

"Who said it's her I'm having a hard time dealing with, Tara? You know what, fuck it. Now is as good as time as any. I've already made an ass out of myself tonight so what's the difference now. Nothing about any of shit is right anyway." He just kept mumbling on which I couldn't hear well what he was saying. Kyle just shook his head before he took another swig from the bottle. Which now I could actually hear what he was saying.

"Since I met you everything has changed. I never needed anybody. I made it just fine on my own and I like it that way. Only now, I find myself wanting to be around you. You've become my best friend I share everything with. Even shit I shouldn't share with you. When I open up my mouth, it just comes out. Sort of like now. I've never had that kind of a relationship with a woman before and I don't know how to handle it. I know you're married to Jax and I'd never do anything. But the more distance I put between us the closer we end up. Every single thing I do, leads me back to you some way."

This left me speechless. Maybe quiet a little too long actually. Because he was quick to get up and away from me.

"Yeah, by the look on your face, Tara. Is exactly why I should have kept my fucking mouth shut and never said anything about it. Because now it will just be weird between us. Fucking, Nero. I never should have listened…"

Almost on my tip toes to reach my arms around Kyle's neck. It stopped him in mid-sentence. Now, I waited to see if he reached out to me in the same way back. Neither one of us had our breathing under control at this point nor really cared. Our blood flowed quicker when the excited adrenaline rush came. I could feel his hard excitement pressed against me. Mine came by his touch.

The light night breeze was the only thing that kept me cool from the feel of the warmth coming from his skin by being so close to his bare muscular chest. For it to do nothing for me when his hands moved around on my back and left a burning trail behind.

At first we took our time to explore each other's mouths like the dance we shared. One rhythmic movement at a time until we moved them together as one. Gentle to start with, lustful as we went and longing when we parted from each other.

"You've become by best friend too. I've never had a best friend before, male or female and have I been a loner most of my life as well. I think it's because when I have trusted someone enough to let them in they always let me down or just leave me in the end. You're right though, I am married to Jax and I love him. But I had to do that at least once with you, boy. No one has ever gone out of their way to make me feel special like you do."

Well, it did seem a little awkward and strange between us now. It was extremely quiet. "Aren't you coming in? I'm going to try to get some sleep."

"I'm going to stay out here for a while. Goodnight, Tara."

"Goodnight."

SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA

The next morning, I laughed when I went outside. They were sitting at the table out on the deck. Poor Kyle looked terrible. He had his head down and I'm sure it was pounding like hell from how much he drank last night.

"Are you alright, sweetheart? Do you want some coffee? It might make you feel better." Gemma was making her rounds with the pot for all us.

"I have a headache. No thanks, Gemma."

"More like a hangover." He didn't even comment back to me nor raise his head up. Which was unusual for him. "Do you want some aspirin? I have some inside." Again, he wouldn't answer me or look at me even.

"No better way to get the hangover gone than getting your ass up and moving around. Let's go shit head." Nero was already up and ready by the time Kyle managed to get his head up from the table.

He refused to ask me to move so he could get his shirt off the back of my chair. If I hadn't felt him tugging at it, I wouldn't have known it was there. "Would you like me to move?" And I got nothing out of him. So, I finally did it so he could get to his shirt.

"What's his problem?" Gemma just shrugged at my question.

"Have you talked to Jackson? He called me this morning. He said he tried you a couple of times and you didn't answer him. I told him you were still asleep and I'd have you call him today."

"I'm not ready to talk to him yet."

"You can't keep avoiding him, Tara. The longer you put it off, the worse it will be. He's just lost and broken. He needs you to help keep him together."

"Who do I have to help keep me together, Gemma? Where the fuck is Jax when I'm lost and broken? Let me tell you where he is, off with someone else doing whatever he wants to at the time. Nothing new about that shit though. He's so twisted up inside until he broke himself. Maybe Collette helped to untwist him. How do you handle it? Just pretend they don't fuck anything that moves and any bitch who will lay down for them."

"I don't have to worry about it anymore. I don't have that life now. I'm with Nero and I honestly don't think he would ever be with another woman. He runs pussy and had access to all of it he wanted before he met me. Yet he never did anything with them. That's how I know I can trust him not to."

"And before when you were with John and Clay?"

"John couldn't be trusted with other women. He loved them all. Clay was different. We had a mutual understanding. What happened on a run, stayed on a run. What happened in Charming, would get his dick cut off if I found out about it. He tried his best to honor it too and show respect to me in ways John never did. This is the life you chose when you became Jax's old lady. You knew what to expect from it."

"I never expected it to be this much bullshit to go along with it."

"A little too late now, sweetheart. You have to deal with it the best you can and keep your family together. No matter what you gotta do." Gemma's phone went off. I ignored her and thought about what fate I really threw myself in by the choices I've made.

"Tara." She said my name again while she held her phone out to me. I already knew who was on the other end of the line. I finally took it to get it over with.

"Hello."

"I miss you, Mommy."

"Hey, baby. I miss you too. What are you doing?"

"Daddy took me to feed the birds. We walked around and threw bread at them." Jax actually spent time with Abel without me telling him to do it. It was what John had done with him. I got a giggle out of my son's version of it though. He sounded so excited and happy. Maybe, my absence did all of us some good.

"That's great, baby. I'm glad you and daddy had fun. You know I'll be home soon because I miss my babies. Do you know how much I miss you? Can you tell me what I always say to you, do you remember?"

"You miss me as much as all the ants on the sidewalk and all the leafs on the trees. Do you want to talk to Daddy?"

"I…I've gotta to go baby. Kiss your brother for me. I love you and I'll be home soon."

"Bye, Mommy. Have fun with at your medicine thingy. I love you." It did me good to hear the little voice on the other end and him to be so happy for once. The other one I heard, not so much. "Tara, are you still there?" I closed the phone and handed it back to Gemma.

"Having a little harder time feeling the love for Jackson? Or is there any love still there?" Gemma was so coy and it was one time, I would not play this game with her. So I let her know exactly how I felt about it and I would not hold back either.

"I love your son, Gemma. When Jax grows up someday I think he is the one. But there are these moments when he looks at me; all he really sees is you. He needs a woman who will take care of him like a mother and treat him like the broken little boy he really is inside to keep him happy. I think it was part of his fascination with Collette. She probably let him nurse on her tit while he fucked her. Hell, she could even have powered his ass when they were done for all I know. Well, I can't be a mommy to Jax because I am Abel and Thomas' mother. When Jax starts treating me like his wife, then I will start acting like one."

Gemma grabbed a hold of me roughly as I went to walk away because I was fucking done with this conversation. When she spun me around I thought she was going to act like my mother and spank my ass for what I said to her. Instead she lifted up my shirt. "When you own this tattoo and not just wear it. You will own Jackson. It's not about making him happy. It's about making yourself happy. Because until you find some happiness in your life, you can't give any to others. While you find the balance of it to still force him to stand up and be man. It's a long damn road to go down, sweetheart. I've been down it twice already. You'll find it ain't easy being the queen without stepping on the king once in a while."

"I've tried to make Jax stand up to do things with me and his family. But it never works. He always goes right back to the same old shit. So, what else can I do about it?"

"You can't even handle the mild mannered pussy cat Kyle is. How in the hell are you ever gonna handle a man like Jackson? Kyle set there and totally ignored you. Do you think for one second, I would have let him get away with it? You need to grow up too Tara and handle your shit like a strong woman."

"I'm not you, Gemma."

"No you are not. Not yet anyway. But we love the exact same kind of man; John, Clay and Jackson. Our paths are bound crossover someday."

"I don't understand a damn thing you just said to me, Gemma."

Gemma was getting pissed off at me, I could tell. She now had the authority stance with her hand on her hip going on with me too now. "They control you with emotions. If you would call Kyle out on his little cutesy shit he does, you will see him cave too. Like last night. If he would have asked me if I wanted to watch him jerk off, I would have gone right in there to see if he had the balls to do it or not. Because deep down all men are little boys who need a strong woman in their life. Especially at times they need you to be stronger than they are even if they don't admit it. Then you will be the one who determines if spanking their ass is for a scolding or pleasure."

"What if Kyle would have whipped out? Then I'm encouraging him to do it."

"That's what will make you own your tattoo, sweetheart. When you step up and handle your shit, your way. So what if Kyle does whip his dick out. Do you really think men have to be encouraged to do so? You are a grown woman who has seen a man's penis before. Not a little girl, who just closes your eyes and runs away from it. You shoot his ass down or handle your business. But either way, you put him in his place and let him know exactly where he stands with you. Just like Jackson. Once you put his dick in place a few times, you'll own it. No matter how pissed off he really gets because of it. Now, I think I am going to pick some peaches and make a cobbler." Gemma put on her sunglasses and went to gather up peaches from the tree. She could confuse the fuck out of me and not even try to.

"Sure, let's make a damn cobbler while people are whipping their dicks out everywhere. Everybody tells me to handle my shit when I don't even know what the hell it is I am supposed be handling. I don't know why I have to handle my shit because other people don't handle their shit. They seem to make it through life just fine." Perhaps it was a conversation I should have only had in my head with myself. Because I had already made it across the field to where Kyle and Nero were standing. Neither one of them knew what to say to me in return. So, this time I actually addressed what I came for.

"You can't keep ignoring me, Kyle."

"I'm not. I'm just busy. I should have sold this place a long time ago and have to get all this done."

"Yes you are. You have gone out of your way to. Instead of just talking it through like adults. Isn't that what you told me, be an adult and handle my own shit. So, now I'm telling you. Be an adult and handle your shit."

We had to walk away from Nero before I could get him to say anything else to me. "It's the last thing I expected from a girl like you. I thought you'd say; you're a dick, fuck off or a maybe even a go hell and get away from me."

"Oh, really. What exactly what is a girl like me mean? Huh? What are you trying to say?" When my hand went automatically to my hip. Gemma crossed my mind. So, I took it off quickly.

"You're like the sweet girl next door. Who has a dark side twisted in of the sexy Madame. The good doctor who could be so fucking bad if you wanted to be. I never know which one is coming out that day either. I sure as the hell didn't think you would kiss me. I don't know what to do with all this, Tara. But I'm not avoiding you."

This is where I had to choose to step up and handle my shit or be the little girl just like Gemma said I was. When I thought about it. Maybe I did sometimes regress to the reverted, unsocial, shy and the damaged child I always have been. But damn it, not today.

"Well, technically, you kissed me." I gave his shoulder a little shove with my hand before I crossed my arms in front of me.

"No, I didn't. Technically, you started it, Tara." Kyle wasn't shy about giving me a little shove right back.

"If I started it, then technically you brought it the rest of the way." Only this time when I finished what I had to say, I shoved his chest. But just a little harder.

Nero broke up our little conversation. "Technically, did you forget I'm standing over here holding this together? While I'm waiting on you shit head to do this already."

"I'm not ignoring anything, Tara. But I gotta get this done. We'll talk later. Okay?"

"Okay."

Gemma was smiling as I went past her picking peaches. "Technically, I think I know what I'm talking about. Even if you don't think so, Tara."

"Don't start with me, Gemma."

"Oh no, sweetheart. I technically, wouldn't do that." I just rolled my eyes and let it go. You have to know when you won't win and it's a waste of your time to even try.

It wasn't long when Gemma made it back to the house too. She handed me a knife and we peeled peaches together. But no damn talking was done this time.

Honestly, I enjoyed times like these we spent together. When she was a just a person and another woman to hang out with. I didn't notice how reverted from life I had actually been until now. I never did fun stuff or acted out against anything. Socializing wasn't something I really did much with people other than my children. Which, I missed dearly.

Once we got the dough made and it in the oven. Gemma went through a door off the kitchen. I wasn't even sure where it went to. "Are you coming?"

"Where are you going?"

"To the basement. Kyle said we can take whatever we want from it. He is going to throw it all away."

There were boxes stacked up everywhere. I found a few books and Gemma liked a mantel clock. I felt sort of bad just going through their stuff. She had no problems with it at all.

"This will look cute on you. Try it on." I looked at the size and had a good laugh. But not only that, it was obviously things his ex-left behind. He was having a hard enough time without any reminders of her.

"It's not for me."

"When are you really going to step up, Tara? If you look the part, it will help you to start feeling it and before you know it, you will be the part."

"First, I don't know what you just said to me. But I don't feel right walking around in her clothes, Gemma. They won't fit anyway."

"Then let's get out of here and go shopping for you."

"I don't have any money with me to go shopping and I'm not in the mood." Most women jumped at the chance to shop. Me, no. I hated to.

One would have thought what I said would have been enough to stopped the notion she had. But, hell no. "Okay, let's go. Are you ready, Tara?"

Kyle and Nero were watching us as we left. Because let's face it, I was along for this ride if I liked it or not. It was definitely going to be on Gemma's terms as well.

"Where do you think Thelma and Louise is going?"

"Beats the hell outta me." Nero caught her attention before she got in the car. "Gem." He blew her a kiss and she returned his affection with one back. They have the sweetest love between them.

Gemma cranked up the radio and never said a word all the way there. But, silence was never her thing and it didn't last for very long.

"I like this. What do you think, Tara?"

"It's okay for you. It's not something I would ever wear."

"Okay. Go try it on."

"For the love of fuck." I did it just to shut her up. I couldn't believe what she chose for me. Leather was not my thing nor would it ever be.

"I look like a trashy whore in this."

"Good, now let me see it." Gemma was relentless when she wanted her way. I threw back the door to the dressing room so she could have a look. There was no way in hell I was coming out of it.

"It shows off your tattoo. I like it." Of course she did. It was more her speed than mine. "I'll buy it for you."

"You're just wasting your money, Gemma. I will never wear this out in public."

"It's for your meeting with Nero, Marcus and Jackson." If she thought I was doing it in a leather tank top and leather skirt, she had lost her mind. "You need to own the room when you walk in there. In this you will. Don't forget the real purpose behind all of this shit. It's to confuse the situation so we can save our asses. I bet it will confuse the hell outta Jackson. So, suck it up and start owning your tattoo. You'll need boots to go with it." I wanted to scream out loud at her because she either completely ignored me when I talked or simply never heard a word I said to begin with.

"This is what you will wear tonight. Go try it on." I now knew how Abel felt when I made him do things he didn't want to do either. I pretty much raised myself so I didn't have the problem growing up.

It took forever to get Gemma to leave so we could go back to the house. I just quit saying I wanted to go. The more I did, the more determined she became to make sure we didn't. I couldn't wait to get out of the car and away from her when we finally did make it back.

Only I had to step up once again on arrival. It was time for us to have our little chat. We didn't want there to be any tension between us nor to take it somewhere it should be taken too. I apologized for my actions and so did he. The part about Kyle, was he never held anything I did against me. Or used it on me later to make me feel bad about it. I could tell him what was really on my mind and he could so the same with me.

Somewhere in our long conversation, we found a mutual respect. I also shared things with him about my life, I had not told anyone before. He was truly my friend with a big heart and I trusted him with what I told him.

"Can I have one?" Kyle had picked strawberries from the patch we walked by. He was had a handful and they looked really good.

"Oh no, you just told me you don't want to be babied or get any special treatment. Shivery is dead, girl. So, walk your little ass over there and get your own."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. You're so mean. Just give me one."

"No. Go get your own." He shoved me away when I tried to snatch one from him. I didn't find it cute when held them up high in the air from me. Way out of my reach. "Come on shorty. What are you going to do about it?"

We were both laughing by the time we were done wrestling for them. "You win, Tara." He gave me a couple for the walk back to the house.

Gemma was token on the front steps. "Huh?"

"Don't start with me, Gemma."

Only you know she did. I didn't feel like going anywhere but she was hell bent we were. The little chocolate ribbed tank top dress she brought for me earlier was hanging up in my room. Along with the heels setting by my air mattress. "You need to get a shower in and get ready to go."

"Yippy." When I slammed the door shut.

"It looks good on you with your hair color." I just shook my head at her comment as I went to get in the car. Why in the fuck fight it because she was going to win anyway.

"Where are we going?"

"Out to have some fun. Nero and Kyle will meet us there. They had something to do."

"Did it involve Collette?" Gemma cranked up the radio and ignored me. "Of course it did." None of them would tell me what they did with her still.

They were already there by the time we made it. Gemma wanted to go to a bar of all places. I didn't know what the hell she thought I was going get out of it. But, I was stuck until whatever lesson was learned she thought I need to know. She bought Nero, herself and me a beer. Kyle was sitting this one out tonight.

For an hour I sipped on my first one while they were already buying their third. Gemma sat a full one down in front of me. "You need to finish it, Tara. I just bought you another one and it will get hot if you don't get to drinking. So suck it down already."

"I can't drink them fast; I might gag from it."

"Jesus Christ, Tara. You're chugging a beer. Not taking down a horse cock." Then Gemma gave him a little wink. "Unless you're think about Kyle."

They continued on the conversation in the same manner. Only she wasn't going to let Kyle out do her by any means. "I'm older. It takes more than just knocking on my door to make my panties wet, sweetheart. You can tell a lot by the way a man dances, it's how he fucks. So you better bring your best game on with me." And there it was; Gemma put it out there for Kyle. She wouldn't ever back down from any man or woman either.

"Well, shit. I didn't know I am getting graded on it. Do I get spanked too if I do it wrong?" He was cocky right back at Gemma. I knew their banter really meant nothing. Maybe if I lightened up in life and quit taking very so literal and serious. I wouldn't be so emotional all the time. Or pissed off or hell a lot of other things too.

"Gemma grades on everything." Nero threw his two cents worth in on the subject while they went to dance. I'm sure he's been graded on a lot by her already.

"Do you wanna dance, mama?"

"It' okay. I'm not really comfortable or know how to dance. So, don't feel like you have to ask me, Nero."

"It makes an old man like me happy to dance with a young pretty girl."

Nero was a great dancer. He and Gemma would still look at each other across the dance floor and smile. It was so sweet to watch them. It almost made my heart pitter patter when they were together.

When Nero went to twirl me, I didn't know what to do. So, he slowed down and showed me a couple of times. I finally got the hang of it. "You know I can't let that young stud show me up around you girls." He too had a cocky essence about him as well. But a lot more mellow than the other two did.

We all went to the bar to get a drink once the dance was over. I just wanted a beer. But they got shots as well. Liquor was never my thing. I've never even been drunk. A couple of drinks and I was done with it already.

Gemma handed a shot glass to me. I sat it back down on the bar and she handed it right to me. "Why? Can't own up to the tattoo you wear? It's about time you start. Don't you think, sweetheart? Bottoms up."

"Son of a bitch." I took a sip and about gagged from it. "Oh my god that's nasty. It burns all the way down."

Kyle tipped up the glass up. "It's not meant for sipping. Swallow it all like a good girl. It's better if you have salt and lime with it."

"How do you drink this stuff?"

"After two, seven or so. It doesn't burn anymore." I'll be damned if he wasn't right. I had a couple more with them.

"You need to move around, Tara. Let's go work off the alcohol." Gemma grabbed me so I followed after her. But I couldn't even come close to it on the dance floor.

The way she moved her body should have been considered a sin. She displayed so much confidence when she did it to. I was a little dizzy when we were done. I held on to the wall to go to the bathroom. She was right behind me pushing me along.

"Where did you learn to dance like that, Gemma?"

"John taught me. The first bar I ever went to was with him. That man could convenience me to do almost anything. He always knew how to sweep me off my feet and leave me completely breathless. He was the most passionate man I've ever met." There were times when she talked about him I got the impression she was still in love with him after all these years. Other times, she hated him for what he did to her and what he really was. Even semi intoxicated I could tell he still brought a smile to her face with certain thoughts she had about him.

Gemma set another shot on the table. "You need to learn how to do a shot the proper way, Tara. I bet Kyle can help you out with it."

"I bet I'm not going to help her out with it."

"What's a matter, sweetheart? Are you all shy now or what?" She reached in her back pocket and threw money down on the table. "I got a twenty says you can't do it, Kyle."

"I got fifty that says you're right about that shit, Gemma."

"Since Kyle backed down like a little boy. How about you, Tara? Do you own your tattoo or is it just something you wear?" Gemma threw the conversation we had earlier about Jax back in my face to prove a point to me. Or maybe it was to prove a point about Kyle and Jax. Hell, I didn't even know at this point which one of us she was getting at.

"You know what, Gemma. It's just a shot and I own my damn tattoo."

"I don't think you get how you're supposed to drink it, Tara." Once Kyle actually explained it to me, how I took it and from where. I sat back down in my chair.

"That's what I thought." Gemma smiled so big at me from across the table.

"Give me the goddamn thing. Once I take the shot we are cutting the cheerleader off and getting some food in you. So you can sober up."

Kyle stuck the shot glass down the front of my dress between my breast. Licked slowly on my neck then shook the salt shaker. Rubbed the lime across my lips until I took it from him. Now licking up the salt, he used his mouth to drink the shot of tequila from me. With his tongue he took the lime out of my mouth.

Slammed the shot the turned over shot glass down on the table. "And that girl, is how you do a shot the right way." He waited for Gemma to comment but she didn't. "Well, how did I do? What grade are you gonna give me for it?"

"You get an A-, it needed more tongue." Kyle just shook his head at her.

Nero and Gemma were going to stay and dance together while we went to get something to eat. Kyle was extremely quiet and kept pushing me over as we walked because this time I was leaning a little, a lot.

"So, why so quiet all of a sudden?"

"I don't know. I like Nero and Gemma and like hanging out with them. But Jax is her kid and I don't want to piss her off about being around you."

"Oh, don't even worry about it. Gemma wants me to fuck you."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

It was another long conversation of the reasons and why Gemma told me do it. The liquor helped free up my mouth a lot too. It just all came out when I opened it.

"You can't fuck the pain away, Tara. So, don't listen to Gemma. I've tried and it doesn't work. I banged my way to just more misery in the long run. By trying to prove I was still man and I seriously thought it would give me the validation of it. But, it didn't. It also won't make them care anymore about you just by fucking someone else. Because they if they did really care, they wouldn't have done it in the first place."

We didn't need to talk anymore, like at all actually. What he said was the truth. If they loved you, they won't fuck around. I sat as I ate and went down the list of things Jax wouldn't do if he really loved me.

"Do you think you'll ever get married again?"

"Nope." His answer was brief. But he said it in a stern manner.

"I guess life is hard on a marriage, huh?"

"Marriage is hard on marriage. Especially when it's with the wrong person. If you're done Tara, I'll pay so we can go."

"Thanks, Kyle for dinner and everything."

It was so different here than in Charming. A lot more night life, a bigger town and a lot different kinds of people too. But the sky seemed clearer for some reason. The stars were out so bright tonight and hung so low you could almost reach out and touch them. We even stopped to listen to musicians as they played on the street corners. You sure wouldn't find it where I was from.

"Starting to sober up now?"

"A little."

"Good. Then dance with me."

"Here?"

"Yeah, right here, Tara. If you thought sunshine warms you, you've never danced a waltz under the stars. In place where you weren't meant to."

"Won't people think we're crazy to dance on the lawn along the side of a street?"

"So, who cares if they do. When you get older it won't be the failures in your life. Or the times you make a complete ass out of yourself you will regret. It will be all those times you did nothing and wasted it. I don't know about you, Tara. But I've wasted enough time already."

It didn't take much for Kyle to convince me to give it a try. Although I was all over the place and couldn't keep up with him.

"Why are you fighting me? I'm the guy, let me lead you. Just follow with me." Kyle didn't take the normal dance position this time. He joined his hand with mine, left space between us and verbally instructed me the movements to make with him.

"Hang on." I kicked my shoes off. "I got this."

Now, I could follow along with his movements. It was basically the same steps repeated all to a count. "You got something going on, girl." At the end he even dipped me. I got a little light headed from it or how much booze I drank. Upside down I seen Nero and Gemma.

"What are those two doing?"

"Tara is owning her place." Gemma grabbed a hold of Nero's arm. "Come on, baby. Let me show you how I own mine."

Kyle didn't turn loose of me when the song was over. With his arm tightly gripped around my waist, his other hand brushed against my cheek as it slid down to hold on to my neck. The things he could with his tongue because his overpowered mine. Even when I tried to gained some kind of composure back, he'd just take it away from me again. With a final tender kiss to my lips he let go.

"You can say I started it, I brought it and I finished it. I had to do it at least once on my terms. And now girl, we're even." With what he said he walked away and left me standing. "Come on, Tara. Don't just stand there being all captivated and hot after my body." He thought he was hilarious.

When I finally caught up with Kyle down the street. "By the way, I wasn't captivated at all."

"Oh, really. Then where is your shoes?"

"Shit." I had to walk all the way back to get them.

"Don't say anything and I mean it, Kyle." He only smiled.

We made our way back to the truck. It was time for this fun night to be over with. I'd never experienced anything like it before. So, this turned out to be a unique thing for me to do.

They had an ice cream shop we passed but he wanted to go inside. "Fuck it." Kyle put his arm around me as we walked down the street and shared the ice cream cone. "We're probably going hell anyway."

"I'm sure we are."

We still hadn't even made it to the truck yet, we got side tracked a couple of times. There were tons of different places here and various types of stores.

"What is it?"

"A dream catcher. According to Native Americans, dreams that humans have while they sleep, are sent by sacred spirits as messages. Their legend says in the center of the dream catcher there is a hole. Good dreams are permitted to reach you through this hole in the web. As for the bad dreams, the web traps them and they disappear at dawn with the first light. This is the best part, the feathers. These are from crows because they believed them to be magical and a powerful healer. The male feather is for courage and the female is for wisdom."

"How do you know all of this stuff?"

"I like to know things for no other reason other than to just know. Try it, maybe the bad dreams will go away now, Tara."

"Do you think it's even possible it really works, Kyle?"

"I think a lot of impossible things are true, if you believe in them."

"Thank you. It's really sweet you bought for me."

It was silence all the way home and when I went to my room to crash for the night. I laid my dream catcher beside me and just hoped it actually worked.

As I woke up refreshed without one nightmare, maybe it did work. Or I was a little drunk it didn't matter if I had it or not. But I didn't have a headache or anything from it.

They were all packing up and it was time for me to back and have to face it all. And I do mean of all of it. Gemma gave me what she wanted me to wear at our little meeting. She kept enforcing if I looked the part, I would be the part. Stand up and own my shit.

"Why are you out here looking all sad for, girl? You should be happy. You're going home now."

One more time before I left I wanted to just sit in peace on the dock and enjoy no bad shit coming my way. It would come around soon enough for me.

"I don't know if I can pull it off, this time. I also have to see Jax. I'm sure he won't be happy with what I've done since I've been gone."

Kyle had uncanny way of knowing what the real problem was without my coming out and saying it. "What do you have to be really sorry for? We kissed and had fun. That's it. You go back to your life and I go back to mine. If all you ever do is just kiss another man. Jax should consider himself lucky. He can't stick his dick in someone else then get all pissy over a kiss. Life doesn't work that way. No matter how much he wants to twist it up to."

"It still won't be the way Jax sees it. I don't even know where my place is anymore to own it. I thought I could do all this and I have to be crazy or I wouldn't even have tried it. Sometimes, I feel like running away. Taking my boys and never be found by anyone ever again. When we go back, are we still friends and you'll be there? I'm not sure I can do it on my own."

"I like having you here with me, Tara. A little too much actually. But you have to stop playing house with me and go home. Face it and do what you gotta do to survive. Fix your family or whatever the hell it is you need to do. Nothing changes between us. We're still friends."

"Thank you for everything and I seriously mean it. I don't know what I would do without you." I gave him a peck on the cheek. "This time, I'll give you a head start since you lost to me yesterday. I'll race ya across the water and back. Unless you're scared a girl will beat you again."

"You're on, girl."

SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA

"Look the part, be the part." I kept telling myself as we got out of the car. I was so damn nervous because I had to make this shit work. I pulled on my necklace harder than I ever had.

"Stop fidgeting, Tara. Go in there and handle your business. They are all here already." Gemma prodded me along. It was a good thing she was here. Or I might not of had the courage to walk through the door. If she could do it, so could I.

They set at a table when Gemma and I went in the Lodge. Jax had his back to us and he never knew we were even here. He did when we both went to set down with him.

But not before he looked me up and down several times. "Hey, babe. I'll be done here in a minute and we can go. I've got business to discuss with them."

"So, do I, Jax." Gemma and I both joined them and they were right. It was enough to confuse the hell out of Jax. With us being here and especially how I was dressed.

"What is this shit? My mother and old lady have nothing to do with this or my business in the club."

"They do now, esse. I've tried to keep the peace with the Sons just for you to shit on it, Jax. You've burned me and my MC one to many times." Marcus initiated the meeting with his opening statement.

"I gave you my word, Marcus. This time it will be different. There is money to be made for all of us."

"Your word don't mean shit to me and neither do the Sons. I trust Nero and we go back a long way. He trusts Tara completely, so I am willing to give her the benefit of doubt until I know different. But you, you're only here as a courtesy to them. I call the shots who does business in Stockton and who doesn't."

What Jax failed to realize is every time he broke his so called word to them. Their trust or belief he would follow through became less each time. You can only shit on the old faithful dog on the porch who gives you nothing but their love and loyalty so much, until it even gets tired of it and turns on you.

"Yeah, well, the Mayans might wanna remember Charlie has a lot to do with it too. His cops will shut the shit down anyway."

"Not for much longer he won't. I'm taking over the port, Jax and shutting his ass down. Charlie and his whore are on their way out. Nero, his new partner, his old lady and your old lady, that's where the money is. Money is why we do what we do, isn't it?" Marcus had a hardness to him but in the end. Just like Nero told me; it was all about the money and how much of it he could make.

"Who is the new partner?"

What perfect timing he had too. "Sorry, I'm a little late."

"Did you handle what I asked you to?"

"It's done, Marcus." Kyle seemed different. I had no idea what he handled for the Mayans. Something else I would assume they kept away from me.

"Fuck no, there is no in way in hell he will be a part of it." Jax was on cue with it. As I thought he would be when we discussed the plan. If he actually went along with all this, I would be amazed.

"We're taking back what's ours, Jax. Charlie and Collette took it away from us. All the ideas that made big money were Tara's and they are our clients who will pay whatever necessary for the fantasy. Kyle is going to be a part of it because we say so. The question is will you be? You will get your cut of the business along with the money they took from you too. But you have no say in it what so ever this time. The decisions will be made by me and Tara." Nero stood firm on it. My time to do the same with it was coming soon.

"I've gotta call Charlie and Collette first. I made deals with them already."

"Then call them, Jax. On your way out the door. You need to decide where your loyalty falls and fast. You will not sway with it this time either. You will stand with me and Nero. Or you might as well go live with the whore you seem to like so much. Because I sure as hell don't get this much consideration in the decisions you make and neither does your family. So, are you in or are you out?"

Gemma gave me a slight nod when I was done in approval. The speech to him wasn't even rehearsed, it was how I felt. Only I knew for certain this time Jax had no one left to run to. He might find another to console him in his time of need but it wouldn't be that bitch. If he made the wrong decision, he was fucked.

"I'll take it to the table. What's the percentage of the cut?"

What they were discussing now. Had nothing to do with me. Nero took it over while they were talking dollars and what was expected from Jax's end to earn it. Marcus made it clear what he wanted out of it as well. The only one who couldn't say for sure what they wanted out of it all or what Jax had to do for them, was me. It would get determined as I went along.

Marcus held out his hand to Jax. This would be their bond of business made and if it was broken this time, Jax nor the Sons would get the opportunity again with him. After they shook on it. Marcus slapped Jax on the back. "I've had my ass handed to me before too, son. We all need a reminder of who we really are. Stick with your old lady, she will help you go far."

Before Marcus made his exit he took my hand as well. "Ms. Tara, I'm looking forward to doing business with you and Nero."

Now came the hardest part. The negations we had left to discuss among us. Kyle stuck his hand out to Jax too. "Don't worry Jax, we can go back to hating each other once we get everything up and running. But for now, let's call it a truce until business gets handled between us."

"For now." Jax hesitated but finally shook on it in agreement. "But it doesn't mean you will spend more time with Tara because of it."

"Tara is the only reason I'm even doing it. Wise up man and see what you have in front of you before it's too late." Kyle took my hand just as Marcus did. "I'll see you later and my new buddy Jax." He was all smiles. I think to some degree he enjoyed it a little too much.

"Where are you going, Jackson?"

"To talk to king Nero. Stay out of it, Gemma."

It wasn't a talk between them really. More of a screaming match. "You couldn't give me a heads up on this shit with Alverez?"

"I'm not the one who crossed him, Jax. This is on you. I'm giving you the opportunity to make shit right and do business again. We just set out there and talked it through like men should."

"You brought Gemma and Tara in it. You got no right to do that shit, Nero. Especially without talking to me first. It was a bullshit move to call me out like that. Now, you wanna bring in that little prick in the middle of our business. I don't trust him."

"You brought them in the middle of the shit a long time ago just like you do your family. Gemma is my wife and we make those decisions together. You should try doing it with yours the same way too. I trust Kyle more at this point, than I do you, Jax. Again, Tara and I call the shots and you need to get it through your head we are in control of it. We talked about an end game before this kinda life takes it all away from you. You still got it all today; a beautiful wife, two great kids and people who care if you live or die at the end of the day. When you lose it, you got nothing left in this world. I've been there myself and lost it all. I'm not gonna ever go back to that place again. So, you need to stop and think it through."

"I warned you, Nero to stay the fuck outta my family life."

The crashing sounds from the kitchen were a brawl between them in process. Gemma went running to break it up. "Stop it, Jackson." Jax was blind if he thought for one second she would choose him over Nero ever again.

Me, I just set down and waited for it all to be over with. "Fuck my life and this bullshit."

"You come at me again, Jax. I'll put your ass down next time. I won't let how much I care about Gemma or Tara stop me either. You better get your shit together." King Nero had spoken. He wasn't a violent man by nature but it could be brought out in him when necessary.

Jax rode off alone once it was all done and over. Without anything being said to me at all. Which, I found uncommon the other club members weren't with him. He always had at least one of them by his side at all times. You would think I had enough of his bullshit already for the day. But I hadn't because I went to TM behind him.

Gemma was right about one thing so far. This outfit definitely got all of their attention when I walked across the parking lot in it. They pretty much never noticed I was alive before now.

"Where's, Jax?"

"I don't know, doll. He went into the clubhouse. Nice leather by the way." Tig actually smiled at me. Well, wasn't that a switch.

"Thanks."

"Hey." Happy called for me so I turned around to see what he wanted. "Tara? Shit, my bad. I didn't know it was you."

My outfit didn't get the same response from Jax at all. "Taking fashion tips from Gemma now? Because that shit it not you, Tara. Or is it you like all the attention you're getting from it?"

"What is really going on with you, Jax?" I reached out to him and made the attempt to hear what he had to say. See what his side of the story was. The connection I tried to make with him was severed quickly though.

"You wouldn't get it. So, why don't you go back to Nero and do whatever in the hell it is you're doing with him. Because my opinion or what I want doesn't obviously matter to you anymore, Tara."

"If it didn't matter to me. Do you think I'd be standing here right now? I love you Jax, I truly do. But you have to put forth some effort too. Talk to me."

"The more I talk to you. The less you listen. You're not the same person anymore. I feel like you have out grown me and left me behind. You're always out doing your own thing. I'm trying my hardest to make everything work even if you don't see. To just keep my head above water with you and the club. But, I'm drowning in it. Every time I come up for air to catch my breath, someone pushes me down even deeper."

"So do I, Jax. The feeling of the life being choked out of me only gets worse every day. If we really are drowning, we are doing it together, I guess."

When he did finally reach out to hold me it was interrupted just like always. "Jax, we gotta go, man." As soon as Tig came in. He went back to being the President of the club first.

"I'll be home later. I love you, Tara. I meant what I said. I will never give up on us or let you go." It was repeated over and over by Jax. The question was when did I stop believing it by just his words and not the actions he showed me?

My phone was going off when I got in the car to leave. "Hey, Ellie. I've been thinking about you lately. Do you want to go see your mom?" She was hysterical and I couldn't make out what she was saying. "Stop crying, I can't understand you."

"Lyla won't wake up. I didn't know who else to call."

"I'll be right there." Gemma was the first person I called to meet me. Hopefully we wouldn't be too late.

Those kids had been put through so much already. But today was something new even for them to experience. Gemma and Nero were inside by the time I made it. They were trying to make her throw it up. There were so many pills strung out in her bedroom, one could only guess what she took for sure.

"Get them out of here." Ellie and Kenny were witnesses all this shit. Gemma and I both agreed it would damage them later on in life, if it hadn't already.

"Go in the living room and turn on the television." Kenny did as I asked but not Ellie. She was frozen to the wall and never took her eyes off of Lyla. "Look at me Ellie." When she wouldn't I took her little scared face gently in my hands. "It will be okay. I won't leave you, I promise. But you have to take care of your little brother for me so we can make Lyla better. Okay?" She finally nodded and left the room.

What they were doing for Lyla wasn't helping at all. I checked her pulse and I couldn't find one. I started CPR on her. "Call an ambulance."

"No. This is not how we handle shit."

"She is going to die, Gemma. Call the fucking ambulance."

The few minutes it took for them to get here, was long enough for Lyla's body to have some serious damage done to it with the oxygen supply cut off. It wouldn't be the only damage done from it either. The cops showed up and now so would child services.

They carted Lyla away after they worked on her and gave her the shot so she could get it out of her system. Her life might have been saved but she was far from being saved in life. Really, so was I.

"Dr. Knowles." The paramedic probably needed me to sign the paper work for him.

"Yes."

"You did a great job with Lyla. She probably wouldn't have made it. I was wondering if you would like to maybe get some dinner sometime?"

This was a cute guy asking me out? He couldn't have been any older than in his late twenties at best. Not only did it surprise me but, made me even blush a little bit.

"Thanks, but I'm married." As soon as I turned around Gemma was in my face.

"Huh? Do you think it's the outfit? Or it's the fact you're starting to own that bitch you wear?" Of course, it was why he asked me out. He probably thought I was an easy lay the way I was still dressed. I just ignored her little comments. "We gotta do something with Kenny and Ellie."

"I'll help out with them as much as I can, Gemma. You go with Nero tonight to meet Marcus. They can go home with me and you'll have to watch them while I work tomorrow."

Home wasn't a place I'd been myself in a while. I'm sure the they felt the same way living with the Lyla the way they did. But I couldn't be happier when Abel jumped on me as soon as I came through the door. Thomas wasn't as excited as Abel was. But I was excited enough for all of us being with my boys again.

The rest of the day I spent with the kids. Kenny and Ellie felt out of place here but I tried to make sure they knew they were included too. Abel and Kenny were several years apart but they managed to find stuff to do together.

But not Ellie, she sat quietly most of the time and said nothing. While staring off at whatever it was in her world she seen. "Do you want to help me fix dinner?"

We did simple tacos. I turned on the radio while I showed her what to do. It broke the up the silence in the room. So there wasn't a need for us to talk if she didn't want to. I turned it up a little louder when a familiar song came on.

There was nothing left when we were finished eating. They had eaten it all. Ellie helped with the dishes without my asking her to. She asked if she could turn on the radio while we cleaned up the kitchen. "Sure." It seemed to make her happy.

It all went well until Jax got home that was. Ellie wouldn't look at him when he tried to talk to her. It went as far when Jax got close to her, tears were coming down her face.

"Hey, it's okay. Jax would never hurt you."

Then I realized what it was about him that really scared her. I followed him to the bathroom. "Jax, take off your leather."

"What?"

"Ellie is scared of it, take it off."

"She is not. Op wore his all the time around her."

"I think it's exactly what she is associating it with."

Ellie seen the simple piece of leather as her life's destruction. With Donna's death, the violent way she died. Her dad abandoned her went he served time in prison for the club to the point she didn't even know him anymore. Then it brought the final blow to her by having no parents, or even a grandfather left from it.

"Bullshit. It's your guilty about the club bleeding all over her, Tara."

"This isn't about me, Jax. It's for Ellie."

"Every woman I reach out to in my life seems to treat me the same way Ellie did. They push me away and try to make me feel bad because they hate what I really am." Slam went the bedroom door after Jax went through it.

"Oh, you, son of a bitch. It is on now. This is one damn time it will not be about you." So, I went in the bedroom after him.

"I blame you, Jax for the fucked up mess Kenny and Ellie are in. You should have had more concern how Opie's kids were being taken care of. You talked to Lyla all the time and were going around her. Did you once ask how they were doing? Or were your little visits just to pay Lyla to keep Kyle away from me? Because she told me about the money you gave her to fuck him. Your priorities are a little fucked up don't you think?" Jax wouldn't say anything to me so I knew I was right. He only avoided it when I was. "Nothing to say? Are you denying it?"

"Yeah, I paid Lyla to keep Kyle the fuck away from you. I would have given her the money anyway because she needed it for the kids. But it didn't work did it. The fucker is closer to you now than he was before. Do you know how fucked up it is, I gotta pay to have my wife at home where she belongs?"

"I've got four kids I need to go take care of. I suggest you pull your head out of your ass, Jax and start thinking about what is truly important in life." This time I slammed the door when I left. If I didn't have Ellie's crises to deal with I would have slammed the damn thing a couple of more times.

Once I got the kids down for the night I made my final rounds. Thomas was asleep in his crib. Kenny bunked with Abel and they were on their way out too. Ellie was awake on the couch. "I'm here if you need me. I'll leave the light on for you."

After I dug my dream catcher out of my bag, I hung it from the post on my side of the bed. With all the shit from today, I closed my eyes hoping it would do its job.

Only it never got a chance to do anything. Three hours passed by and I was still wide awake. I slipped quietly in the house to not wake them up. To find Ellie just sitting on the couch doing nothing at all, wide awake herself.

"Let's find something to do, Ellie."

"I am allowed to get out of bed this late here?"

"Tonight you are. We have a lot of energy to burn off obviously before we can sleep."

There wasn't much we could do here and be quiet about it. While searching through the cabinets I found a bag of chocolate chips. "Let's make cookies. I haven't done it in a very long time. The last time I made them was with my mother."

"Me too."

It was healing for both us in so many ways. Something we hadn't done with another person since our mothers and filled up the time of the night.

"Cheers." We clanked our milk glasses together and enjoyed warm out of the oven chocolate chip cookies. "Don't ever tell Abel I let you get up in the middle of the night and eat cookies. Because he will be mad at me."

"I won't."

"We should try to get some sleep. I have to work tomorrow."

"I'll try but I keep having bad dreams." Well, I could definitely relate to her in that aspect. With what she went through today. She needed it worse than I did.

"This is a dream catcher. It lets the good dreams come through and keeps all the bad ones out."

"Does it work? Because every time I close my eyes, they are there. Sometimes, they even chase me."

"What's there, Ellie? What is chasing you?"

"The crows."

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Forward on to Chapter 15, PART3 to keep reading my lovelies!