In the previous chapter: Phasma reminds Rey that Kylo Ren will ultimately be given orders to kill her, or worse. Snoke's absence at the prisoner exchange reveals his sinister intentions to steal the memories Roony used as collateral. Roony gives Rey a copy of one of the memories before killing himself. Snoke invades Rey's mind, but with Cue's help she manages to escape Skunkt with the rest of the Resistance.
Chapter 14
Luke expertly navigated our transport through several hyperspace jumps, putting lightyears of space between us and any First Order pursuers. I took over the controls once we were clear of immediate danger, while Leia and Luke talked quietly to Cue in the back of the cockpit.
Luke had created an impressive Force barrier in the doorway to prevent Fariya and the four guards from overhearing their conversation. This didn't stop from Fariya from trying to poke through the seal and eavesdrop, though her efforts were as pointless as scratching through a thick pane of glass with a fingernail.
Leia and Luke were initially alarmed to hear that Kylo Ren had introduced me to Cue, made worse by her honest admittance that she had a lucrative business arrangement to sell him parts for the cyborg Knights of Ren. But hearing details about Squalo – who seized nearly all of her profits from selling parts and her winnings from mech-wrecking – as well as her earnest appreciation for me and Ren helping free her from slavery quickly turned their suspicion into empathy.
"Your situation is a necessary reminder that the First Order are not the only ones who represent oppression in the galaxy," Leia said matter-of-factly. "We can drop you off anywhere you like, though the Resistance is always looking for skilled engineers and mechanics. Could we interest you in joining? You'll have to discontinue your business, but in exchange we can supply you with parts and several hangars full of machinery to work on."
"That would suit me just fine. Will I be working with Rey?" Cue asked, surely recalling my past as a scavenger and our technical conversation about mechsuits from the night before.
Luke glanced at me, puzzled by her assumption. "Rey is not a mechanic. She is my apprentice," he said simply. I guiltily avoided his gaze, wondering how much longer that would be the case.
"You?" Cue said to me. Her surprised laugh bounced around the cockpit. "You're a Jedi? I was right when I said Ren had interesting friends."
Leia's eyebrows shot high on her forehead at the term 'friends.' I fumbled for an explanation that would appease either one of them.
"Rey has a classified mission involving Kylo Ren," Leia interjected smoothly. "When someone asks how you met her, you aren't to speak a word about Ren's involvement. Is that clear?"
Cue's shoulders tightened at Leia's tone, the stern order perhaps too much of a reminder as her life as Squalo's slave. "Yes, ma'am," she said stiffly.
Leia's eyes softened, and she reached out to pat Cue's knee. "It's in the best interests of everyone involved to keep that information secret. I hope you understand. I don't want the three of you hurt."
Cue tilted her head, thrown by Leia's choice of words. She gave Leia a long, searching look, and I noticed her eyes roaming Leia's face and perhaps coming to a deeper realization about the true nature of the General's relationship to the First Order's enforcer. Finally, Cue nodded at Leia, who inclined her chin in a silent thank-you and then looked at me.
"Rey, please introduce her to Poe once we land. He can help her get situated while I start the paperwork."
–
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–
Poe took one look at Cue and fell for her so hard I thought he might break his neck on the way down.
His eyes discreetly admired her exotic appearance, lips parted in slight awe as I made introductions. "Poe, this is Cue'ar, your new mechanic. Cue, meet Poe. He's the best starfighter pilot in the Resistance. He'll get you up to speed with the day-to-day operations in the hangers."
"A pleasure to meet you, Poe," Cue said, her voice like velvet. It was obvious their attraction went both ways.
"Likewise," Poe replied, running a nervous hand through his dark hair. He was interrupted by BB-8's inquisitive chirping as he peered out from behind Poe's legs. The droid blooped a cautious greeting at Cue, who grinned and spoke to him directly in binary. BB-8 rocked backward in surprise and then wobbled in circles while bleeping happily.
Poe was lost. He had a slightly dazed look in his eye as he reverently led Cue around the hangar. I tagged along, chatting with BB-8 while Poe pointed out various ships and repair bays and introduced her to Resistance members passing by.
Poe's natural charm coupled with BB-8's enthusiasm was a pleasant distraction from the secret disk resting heavily in my vest pocket. It was practically burning a hole in my chest, but the thought of sneaking off and watching it filled me with unexplainable dread. Though Roony had implied the memory belonged to Ren, I didn't actually know who or where the memory had originated from. However, it was beyond doubt was that the secrets hidden within the disk would be difficult to watch.
I was also doing my best to put off my eventual meeting with Luke, and any discussion of my future as a Jedi. After the chaotic morning, I yearned for a few hours where I could feel safe, worry-free and… well, normal.
Poe had started to describe the daily duties of a Resistance mechanic. My fingers itched in longing at the mere mention of rebuilding starship engines and optimizing thruster component configurations. What if I were a mechanic for the Resistance, instead of a Jedi apprentice? The thought wiggled deep into my mind and refused to budge no matter how much I picked at it.
A few hours passed peacefully as Poe finished showing Cue the hangers and moved on to a tour of the Resistance base, followed by dinner in the mess hall. It was now evening on Emmett II, and the corridors were open and uncrowded – a welcome relief from the stifling atmosphere of Skunkt.
After we dropped off our empty dinner trays, Poe and I led Cue to the medbay where she was scheduled to get her physical. As soon as the three of us entered the bright and brutally clean room, my eyes connected directly with Fariya's across the room.
I suddenly recalled the memory Ren had shared with me yesterday, showing him talking to Fariya during her imprisonment with the Order.
"Why would you listen to Rey?"
"Because I respect her."
"Why?"
Ren had sighed and pulled off his helmet. "Because she did this to me," he'd said, pointing to his scar.
Ren had warned me that Fariya might have questions. I wondered exactly how much Fariya had figured out on her own and made a beeline for her across the medbay.
"I'll be over here," I called to Poe, who thought I was distracting Fariya as a favor to him and nodded thankfully.
My fellow Jedi apprentice sat on a medical bed in a room sectioned off with privacy screens. A medic had just finished swabbing the inside of her cheek.
"What are you doing here?" I asked her. "Are you alright?"
Fariya's smile was very broad, flat and fake. "I'm great. Everyone here is so nice."
Though she spoke to me, she was staring intently at Poe and Cue on the opposite side of the med bay. Cue was gesturing to the spot on her side where Squalo had stabbed her the night before, while Poe listened with rapt attention as she described the incident. Even from this distance, their attraction to each other was clear.
The medic dropped the tiny swab into a glass vial and said to Fariya, "I'll be right back. Need to run a radiation scan on you next." As soon as he left, Fariya's smile turned into a pained scowl.
"They're driving me nuts. I've had three different psych evaluations and so many samples taken I think they're trying to clone me."
"I'm sure it's standard procedure after being taken prisoner. They want to make sure you weren't hurt."
The medic returned, pushing a cart laden with several diagnostic scanners. Fariya's eyes went wide at the alarmingly long needle sticking out of one of them, and after a brief moment of pity I decided to step in.
"Excuse me," I said to the medic, subtly calling the Force to me and lightly twisting it around his head. "These scans aren't needed today. You should come back tomorrow."
A loopy smile spread across his face. "I'll come back tomorrow," he repeated, and he trundled away with the cart.
"You're not supposed to do things like that, Rey!" Fariya whispered in admonishment, through her entire body sagged in relief.
"You're only off the hook tonight. Make sure you come back for those scans. And you're welcome," I returned, swiftly surrounding us with the same type of impenetrable sound barrier Luke had created earlier that day. "I truly am glad you're okay. Poe said you were captured trying to save him. He was impressed."
Her look soured. "Look, I know why you really came here, and why you're being nice to me. I didn't tell Leia about your secret."
For one bizarre, heart-stopping moment, my brain scrambled to figure out how Fariya knew about the disk Roony had given me on Skunkt.
Fariya didn't notice my confusion, however, and continued: "I know that Kylo Ren speaks to you through the Force."
My thoughts froze and then backtracked to Ren's memory, when he'd revealed to Fariya both his scarred face and his connection to me.
"Why didn't you tell Leia?"
Fariya shrugged and insolently picked at the hem of her medical gown, her sleek black hair draped over her face. "He said you convinced him not to hurt me. So even if you're talking to a bad person, you're not doing it for bad reasons. I hoped I could convince you to tell her. You know it's the right thing to do."
The truth bubbled up my throat before I could swallow it back down. "She already knows about the Force bond. Luke does, too." The whole story came tumbling out. I told her about the theory of Potentium, secretly going on missions with Ren at Leia's request, and our goal of trying to turn him away from the First Order.
Fariya's eyes were wide, shocked by my revelations, but she was considerate enough to listen without sharing her typical sarcastic teenager commentary.
"Ren and I have been going on Potentium missions for the past few months. It's turned into the worst-kept secret in the entire galaxy. Snoke obviously knew from the start. General Hux and Phasma both know. Finn found out because he followed me two days ago. And the worst part is, I don't even know if I'm helping or making things worse. I see flashes of goodness in him. There are times he does the right thing. But there's also times where he seems happy destroying himself and taking everything down with him."
I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't come over here to talk about my problems, honestly. I came to check on you. Ren showed me some of what you want through while you were with the Order. Are you okay? Did anything happen you didn't feel comfortable talking about with Leia?"
"If I tell you I'm fine, will you actually believe me? No one else has since I've been back."
A grin snuck across my lips. Fariya's prickly exterior hid a deep well of inner courage and strength that I'd grown to admire after repeated glimpses past the brambles.
"There is one thing that's been bugging me," Fariya said. "I didn't feel right asking General Organa about it. I grew up learning about her and the whole Skywalker family. It's been ages since I've seen a photo of Ben Solo, and Luke told me he died, but when Kylo Ren took off his helmet…" She bit her lip, hesitant to voice her suspicions out loud as if they might be treasonous.
"Luke wasn't being completely honest with you," I said quietly. "Kylo is Ben."
Her eyes grew large and luminous, like the twin moons in the Jakku sky. "That's why Leia asked you to help him. To save her son after Snoke seduced him to the dark side. But that would mean Han Solo…" She swallowed hard and couldn't finish the thought.
"I was there," I said sadly. My heart threatened to seize at the memory of Han's body vanishing out of sight, gravity making the fall look calm and effortless despite the monumental struggle that had preceded it. "Finn and I watched him run Han through with his lightsaber. I gave Ren that scar on his face after it happened. I thought he would die on Starkiller."
"Do you wish he had?"
I thought of hard eyes and soft hair. Warm lips and cold water.
"No, of course not. I would never wish that on Leia or Luke."
"Do you like him?"
I blinked and realized the only way to not sound cornered was to lie through my teeth. "He's Leia's son. My mission. He's nothing more than that to me."
"Well, sure, that's what you're supposed to say. But do you like him?"
Fariya's gaze was piercing in a way that a teenager's had no right to be. My brain fumbled for words that my mouth struggled to string together.
"There's times when he's not necessarily unlikable."
"Have you kissed him?"
"Fariya!" I exclaimed, my cheeks flaring a bright, prudish pink. "It'd hardly be appropriate to–"
"Holy star farts. You totally have. You've made out with Kylo Ren!"
"Fariya! Be quiet!" I implored her, hastily tripling the strength of the sound barrier I'd created earlier.
"Tell me everything!" Fariya demanded, her eyes shining with the thrill of figuring out my secret.
"So you can run and spill it all to Leia? You're out of your mind."
"I already hid one secret from Leia for you. Even though it was pointless," she amended with a roll of her eyes. "I can keep this a secret, too."
"You've already heard plenty," I shot back, moving to leave until Fariya caught my hand. Her face was open and earnest in a way I'd never seen before, and it caught me off guard.
"Rey, I… when I was a prisoner, I kept thinking about how you mind-tricked a guard into releasing you and giving you his blaster. I couldn't even convince my guard to give me an extra biscuit with lunch. I've been jealous of you since we met because I thought your life was this easy, perfect dream. I realize now I was wrong, and it wasn't fair to be rude to you. It wouldn't have been fair even if I was right," she admitted with a shrug. "Look, seriously, I'm not going to tell anyone about you and Ren. At least you have a crush on someone who likes you back."
Her eyes broke from mine, looking across the med bay to where Poe stood protectively by Cue's side as she spoke with a medic.
While a small yet voracious part of me insisted this was all an act on Fariya's part, my deeper intuition knew she was telling me the truth – and I respected her greatly for it. Sometime between being captured by the Order and returning safely to Skunkt, Fariya had learned some hard lessons in growing up.
"It was late last night," I began as Fariya's head whipped back around to face me, "after the meeting with the First Order. We were alone. Ren was in a bad mood like usual. And it just… he was standing right in front of me and it happened and I should've told him to stop, but I didn't."
I never would've guessed that confiding in Fariya, of all people, about my feelings for Kylo Ren would be such a relief. After keeping my increasingly twisted relationship with him a secret for so long – even being in denial myself, at times – talking about it out loud felt like waking from a dream.
"I'm an idiot for getting in so far over my head. I can't bring Ben back like Leia asked me to. I don't know how to make him abandon the dark side and Snoke and the First Order."
Fariya tilted her head, considering her words carefully.
"I don't think anyone in this galaxy, living or dead, could convince Kylo Ren it would be in his best interest to do those things. But for you... he might do it all for you."
–
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Just as I raised my hand to the scanner mounted outside my bedroom door, a voice spoke from further down the hall: "Glad you made it back in one piece."
It was Finn, dressed in a sharply ironed tan and forest green uniform. I smiled as he approached, glad to see his familiar face despite exhaustion making my eyelids heavy.
"I'm not much use split into two pieces," I said lightly.
We hadn't spoken much since he'd unexpectedly found me on Gryl with Kylo Ren two days prior. Judging by the edge in his eyes and his hesitant gesture toward my bedroom door, he was still upset about the unfortunate encounter.
"Can we talk?" he asked.
We entered my room and I closed the door behind us. I didn't invite him to take a seat anywhere, though if he noted the absence of this courtesy he didn't say anything.
"Long day?" I asked him.
He stuck his hands in his pockets and offered a tired smile. "It's always a long day around here, but it's better than the alternative. Was Skunkt as bad as Poe and I warned you it would be?"
"Oh, worse. Indescribably worse," I laughed, though my joviality faded when Finn's dark eyes flicked away from mine in displeasure.
"I read the General's mission report. I wish I'd been there to help you. You shouldn't have been expected to work alone with Ren on the prisoner exchange. It wasn't right for Luke and Leia to put you in that situation."
"Did you misread Leia's report? I volunteered for that." He shifted uncomfortably on his heels while my eyes narrowed. "This isn't just about my safety on Skunkt. You're still mad about finding us on Gryl. You don't like me spending time with him."
"Of course I don't like it! I hate the creep. Every time I watch you leave base, I wonder if it's going to be the last time I see you. Snoke will eventually command Ren to kill you, or worse. Do you really expect him to ignore those orders?"
Phasma had already grotesquely described what would happen if he didn't. I ignored the frightened clench in my stomach. "Ren was the one who warned me when–"
"Why do you keep taking his side?" Finn cried out, face scrunched up in disbelief. "If I didn't know you, it would sound like you enjoy being alone with him."
"It's a secret mission, Finn. I can hardly invite along a chaperone."
"You need to tell Leia to suspend this mission, or find somebody different. It's bogus. It isn't worth the danger it puts you in."
Finn's words reminded me of another time he had tried to talk me into running away when the path forward was dangerous and the odds unfavorable. He had vanished through the doors of Maz's tavern and I'd never expected to see him again.
A harsh rebuke formed in my mind – you asked me to run and hide then, and you want me to do the same thing now. I held back the petty urge to throw that statement in his face. Even though I didn't have much practice being someone's friend, I knew they didn't say things like that to each other.
Instead I snapped, "I knew this mission was a terrible idea from the start. I didn't even want to take it in the first place!"
"Then why did you?"
"Because there's no one else!"
For a split second, my own words confused me. No one else to take the mission? Or there was no one else like Ren, who alternately understood me, left me irritated beyond belief and set my heart racing like no one in the galaxy could?
"There's no one else who can bring him back from the dark side," I clarified, my voice quiet yet steady. "Leia tried. Luke tried. Han tried. They all failed."
Finn bowed his head. "You're helping someone who doesn't even care about being saved."
"You have to let me try. I know you don't like it, and I'm sorry it makes you angry. Finn, you came back for me on Starkiller. You and Han and Chewie were the first people in my whole life that ever came back for me. I'll never forget that. You will always be my friend."
"I want to be more than that, Rey."
The whole world squished down into the size of a pinhead and blew back just as quickly.
Finn's eyes were focused intently on my face, and as he stepped forward his hand raised to caress my cheek.
I panicked and stepped back. My arm raised almost instinctively to ward off his hand.
He recognized the denial manifesting in front of him, and I watched, ashamed, as the light died out in his eyes. It had a gruesome air of finality to it, the same way the sunlight on Starkiller Base had met its permanent demise.
"I can't have this conversation right now," I told him, almost babbling in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Finn, I… I'm exhausted. It's been a long day, and I need time to think…"
Finn, to his eternal credit, accepted my rejection gracefully. "Good night, Rey," he whispered, and then he slipped out of my room, leaving behind only a memory of his sad, lonely eyes.
I bit back a sob as my mercifully empty room turned blurry from unshed tears.
I stripped off my vest and pulled out the disk Roony had given me right before he'd ended his life, driven mad by Snoke. I studied its plain, silver surface before setting it on my narrow desk. My nerves were too rattled from the heated encounter with Finn to handle anything more intense than bending over and taking off my shoes. This day truly just needed to end.
I undressed and fell into bed. All of the endless running on Skunkt had wrecked my leg muscles, and my back was stiff from being cramped in the Resistance transport for half the day. I groaned at the simple pleasure of stretching out on a soft, comfortable surface and lying still.
In the darkness of my room I focused on breathing evenly and steadily, wishing the stress of the day would simply drain out of my brain along with all the aches in my muscles. But for some strange reason, the aches only seemed to intensify the longer I lay there.
My eyes snapped open when I realized why.
Ren had silently materialized in my mind, hovering in his familiar spot at the back of my skull – and he hurt. The agony he carried with him across the bond was leaking into my body, causing my nerves to radiate with pain.
I pulled the bond closer, intending to ask him what was wrong, but a blast of searing heat exploded in my head. I gasped out loud as my entire body clenched from the burning wave of fire that resonated through my body, flooding the fibers of my already inflamed muscles.
Ren realized his presence was causing me pain and started to retreat from my head, perhaps assuming he was unwelcome, or ashamed to let me witness his private suffering.
I gently tugged at the golden cord that connected us.
'Don't go.'
He stayed.
In my quiet, still room, it became easier to speak like we often did during Potentium missions: exchanging emotions and glimpses of memories rather than complete words or sentences.
He shared a vestige of him worrying about my safety on Skunkt. I sent back a hint of the terrifying ordeal from Snoke attacking me, a flash of Cue, Poe and BB-8 in a corner of the hangar, Fariya's unnervingly potent stare in the medbay, and a brief, vague fragment of arguing with Finn. None of it made sense without context, but clearly conveyed the trying day I'd had. Despite my utter exhaustion, however, I was fine.
Ren hadn't fared so well.
He had come back to Snoke empty handed – no me, no Luke, no memories – and Snoke had tortured him mercilessly for this failure. "Oh, you're sorry, Lord Ren? SORRY? Shall I remind you of how Lord Vader accepted apologies?"
The white-hot pain of torture had faded hours ago, but the wounds left behind had spread into a caustic ache that still lanced through his bones.
'Go to the med bay,' I urged him.
'And let people see me like this? Weak?' he scoffed.
A strange feeling came over me. Ren had refused to let others witness his pain, yet he hadn't hidden it from me. Me, his worst failure, according to Phasma.
I followed our bond's golden cord deeper into the Force web, focusing my awareness solely on Ren at the far end. I landed in his head, surrounded by his molten, mental mindscape, and tried something I'd never done before: I imagined our vision overlapping, and then simultaneously closed my eyes while I looked out through his.
His room was a hundred different shades of gray and silver and chrome, all covered in shadows except for one enormous window panel that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. It was faintly illuminated from the starlight beyond. Ren's view was tilted and partially obscured by a pillow from where he lay huddled on his bed. Even his sheets were a mute, colorless gray.
He knew I was in his head, but besides a slight hitch in his breathing that echoed across my own chest, he made no move to stop my mental roaming.
I focused on the exact places where his body sank into the mattress, how his arms and legs were positioned as he waited for sleep to claim his awareness, and with it, his pain. I used that mental map to trace a path across his broad chest to the edge of his shoulder, then down the length of his muscled arm to where his hand lay limp against the mattress. I imagined my fingers slipping underneath his, willing the Force to manifest in that exact spot in the galaxy. A glow of tangible warmth enveloped my hand, as if his palm rested directly against my skin.
A flicker of shock came from Ren, surprised that the bond was strong enough to mimic the sensation of my hand against his. A deeper emotion spread across the distance, too – a mixture of relief and longing and regret that curled down into my heart and took up residence next to the empty spaces I'd carved out for other dreams that would never be fulfilled.
I burrowed deeper into my blankets and held tight to his hand, sending comfort to both of us the only way I knew how: simple, peaceful memories of pink sunsets, green moss, and blue seas.
'And storage closets,' Ren added, practically drowning the bond with a satisfied smirk.
I huffed at him, self-conscious about acknowledging that intimate, otherworldly moment we'd so passionately shared. He teasingly squeezed my hand, the ghostly pressure of his palm whispering against mine.
We didn't speak further, straying into our own private thoughts and dreams, our secret hopes and fears. But the warmth from his palm didn't fade, and I eventually drifted into sleep holding hands with a phantom.
.
.
.