Innocent Sins

~Chapter 14 –Starting Over~

EPOV

I had no idea how long I was in that truck for, but when I felt it stutter to a stop, I figured my ride was over. The back door opened, and I slid out past the stunned driver, and said 'thank you' before walking off. I was in a small town, though I had no idea where, so I walked to the nearest liquor store.

"Excuse me, where are we?" I asked the store clerk.

"Well this here is Osburn. Where were you hoping to be?" he asked me.

"Osburn? Where's Osburn?" I asked.

"You sure are lost, aren't you son?" he asked with a laugh. "This is Northern Idaho, but if you keep going a little further east, you'll hit Montana, and if you keep going a little west, you'll be in Washington."

East it is.

"Thank you sir," I said politely before going back outside. I decided to keep going east, and eventually south. I didn't want to be anywhere near Chicago because I knew the desire to go back home would be too strong. I couldn't go home, he'd expect me to do that, and I had to try not to think about Aro going there and hurting my family because I left.

I had no money, no ID, and absolutely nothing to my name. I figured I could hitchhike east, but the chances of running into another psychotic drifter were higher when hitchhiking. I had no idea what to do, so I just sat on the bench outside the store all day.

"Son, we really don't want any loitering," the store clerk said as he was locking the door for the night.

"Sorry," I said quietly before getting up and walking to a nearby park. I laid on a bench and just stared up at the dark sky, contemplating my life, until the sun came back up. I hated everything that Aaron did, but I loathed myself even more. My parents were big on morals and even though I had spent more years with Aaron then I did with them, I took their teachings with me and I always trusted them more than anything Aaron ever said. Perhaps that's how I was able to not lose myself completely over the years, everything I did was to protect them, and I thought I was saving them. But after committing such a heinous act, I couldn't live in that denial anymore.

I stood by and watched so many women get murdered right in front of me, and did nothing about it. I raped a girl who did absolutely nothing but be in the wrong place at the wrong time; not that a less innocent girl deserved it any more. I couldn't go on believing that I was just a victim, because I had become just as bad as he was, and I knew better. Even if it was safe to go home again, how could I ever look my father in the eye after what I had done? How could I let my mother hug me and smell her sweet scent, and not think about how terrified Bella was? I accepted that I'd never see my parents again, so I knew that couldn't change, even if I were able to go back.

"Hey buddy, you got any money?" a guy asked me after the sun moved higher in the sky.

"No, sorry." I said, and then went back to my self-loathing internal monologue, but the guy wasn't ready to leave me alone.

"So, that really sucks that you don't have any money, cause I got a car and I was planning to visit this real cush place that takes in strays, if you know what I mean. Man, they give out free food and a warm bed to sleep in. But see, I got this car, I just don't have any money for gas."

"Sorry, I can't help you," I said honestly.

"Well, I know a way to get some money, but I need help. You know what I mean?"

"No," I said flatly. I really didn't know why this guy was bothering me, but I really just wanted to be left alone.

"Man, it's a real cush place to be. I only need a little help."

"Fine," I said annoyed and without any other plans. "What do you need me to do?"

"See that guy over there?" he said and pointed to a man going into a bank.

"Yeah?"

"Well, see he's my old boss, but he fired me and didn't pay me my last check. So all I need you to do is go up to him and distract him a bit."

"And what are you going to do?" I asked suspiciously.

"Well, I'm going to steal his wallet, of course."

"Ok…well…good luck with that," I said casually and started walking away.

"Nah man, it aint like that. He owes me money, that's mine anyway."

"I'm sorry he took your money…or whatever, but I really don't want to get involved.

"Man, it's obvious you don't got any other options, I know you slept here all night. All I'm asking is for help to get something that's already mine, and then I'll get gas, and you can come with me to this cush house."

I wasn't sure what he meant when he said 'cush' but he did have a point; I had nowhere else to go.

I waited for the man to come out of the bank, and when he did, I started talking to him. He looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn't have to talk to him for long, the guy had his wallet out of his back pocket quickly.

I met the guy behind the building and really hoped that he wasn't bullshitting about this place he knew of.

"Hey man, that was awesome, you won't be sorry. I'm Riley by the way."

"Edward," I told him. I actually surprised myself when I told him my real name, I had planned to change it, but it just slipped.

He took the hundred bucks out of the wallet, and discarded the rest in the dumpster. He kept his word and bought gas, and let me go with him to wherever he was going.

"Wait, we're going west?" I asked disappointed.

"Yeah man, the place I was talking about is in Washington."

Damn it. "Oh well, I really don't want to go to Washington, I just left there. Just pull over and let me out."

"Man, I'm telling you, you don't want to pass on this place. Whatever you're running from, this place is the perfect hiding spot."

I thought about it for a while, and decided that he was probably right. Aaron would never suspect that I'd stay in Washington, so he wouldn't look for me there. As long as I didn't have to go anywhere near Forks, or anyone who ever lived there, I'd be fine.

After a long drive, we reached a sparse country location, and he pulled up to a large house with a barn, which immediately made me want to leave. I hated barns and country living, but as I would soon discover, this place was entirely different. There were actual animals in the barn, and people were outside throwing baseballs and actually laughing. Despite the similar setting as the hell I had lived in before, the place that I had come to by chance seemed like an oasis in the middle of the horrible desert that my life had become.

"Hello, welcome," a man said as he put down a baseball. I noticed right away that the man was the exact opposite of Aaron. Aaron had dark eyes and long black hair, where as the man greeting us had blue eyes and golden short hair. Looks can be deceiving, but I knew right away that Riley was right, this was a good place to be.

We were both given a change of clothes and something to eat, and a bed to rest in if we wanted. Apparently, the Cullens took in 'strays' as Riley called us, and they allowed teens and young adults to stay with them until they could get back on their feet. I had no idea how Riley heard of them, but I was grateful that he did.

Riley stayed for a week, and before he left, he asked me to go with him.

"Where are you going to go?" I asked him.

"Ah, who knows, but that's the adventure. We can't stay here forever, this place is only supposed to be temporary."

I hated the idea of leaving. The people were very nice and pretty much left me alone, which was exactly what I needed. I decided to talk to Mr. Cullen and see how long I was allowed to stay for.

"Uh…Mr. Cullen?" I asked as he was drinking coffee at the kitchen table.

"Yes, Edward?"

"I was wondering. What's the average length of time people usually stay here for?"

"Well, that can vary depending on each person's needs."

"Well, what's the longest anyone has ever stayed?"

"Esme and I have adopted four kids who had come here over the years. But they were all legally released from their prior guardians. How old are you, Edward? We allow people to stay here when we feel as though they are in need, but if you're underage, then we need to call your guardians if you would like to stay longer than a week."

"Ok, I'll be going then," I said hesitantly, and went up to my room to grab the notebook that I had been writing music in, but Mr. Cullen followed me.

"Edward, I don't usually ask this, but are you running from someone?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, besides the fact that you are covered in bruises, you seem very timid, if you don't mind me saying. My wife Esme works as a child psychologist, she can help you if you let her."

"I can't afford to pay for something like that."

"Edward, be honest with me. If someone has hurt you, and you are afraid to leave, then just say so. Esme is bound by the psychologist code to not repeat anything you tell her. This is a safe place, and if you just confide in us, we'll make sure you get the help you need."

"I can't confide in you, and I can't go back to where I came from. But I appreciate your hospitality for the past week."

"Edward, just tell me that you're not a runaway and your parents aren't scared to death out there looking for you."

"I'm not a runaway…technically, and I haven't seen my parents since I was a kid. I just needed to get away from my situation, and so I ended up here."

"OK. Since I can't prove that you're a minor, I'll just assume that you're not and you can stay here as long as you need to."

"Thank you, Mr. Cullen," I said sincerely.

"You're welcome, and please call me Carlisle."

Riley left, and I knew I'd never see him again, and though I didn't really know him all that well, I credited him for convincing me to come with him and completely saving my life. I felt safe with the Cullens, and that was something that I hadn't felt since I was little, and I doubted I'd ever find a reason to leave.

Weeks turned into months, and I slowly started becoming more sociable with the Cullens. I even caught myself laughing with them from time to time. There were always new people around, but the same six Cullens always remained constant, and I found myself almost thinking of them as family.

"Edward, I need to talk to you about something," Carlisle told me one day. We had all been playing baseball outside, and I had convinced Emmett that I could actually read minds, which freaked him out and he called me a cheater.

"What's up?" I asked casually.

"We're going to be moving back to the city soon. I haven't been working and although I have plenty of funds tied up in stocks and real-estate, I need to get an income back if we want to continue to help those in need."

"Okay," I said concerned. I could hide out in the country where no authorities questioned my identity, but even if the Cullens let me go with them, I had no form of ID, which would raise suspicion there.

"We have all come to think of you as family, and we'd like nothing more than for you to come with us, but in order for that to happen, we're going to need to contact social services so we can try to get your birth certificate."

"I don't have a birth certificate," I said quickly.

"Edward, we need help here. We can't help you get your own life if you don't tell us something…anything."

"Ok," I said finally, and agreed to talk to Esme under the psychologist-patient privacy code.

I told Esme only partial truths. I told her that I had been abused, and I had witnessed murder, but I refused to say that I was kidnapped because I knew she'd want to try to return me to my real family. Esme was horrified at the things I said, and she even cried. Then I started feeling bad for her sympathy, so I told her that I was forced to rape a girl. I expected her to lash out and kick me out, it's what I deserved, but she didn't . She said that I desperately needed therapy, and she promised that if I continued to go to her for sessions, she would make sure that I was taken care of.

I told her that I was Ok with her talking to Carlisle about everything, in fact, I decided to tell him myself because I wanted them to know exactly what kind of monster they were allowing to live with them; I owed them that. He agreed with Esme that I needed help, and so he did something that I knew he considered unethical…he ordered me some fake IDs. I was mostly honest with them, the only thing I lied about was where Aaron got me from. I told them that he was my mom's boyfriend and she died, leaving me alone without any family. So they didn't want to tell the police because I told them that the police wouldn't find him, but he'd find me and kill me.

When my fake ID came in, I decided to leave Jameson behind and start over, so I simply became Edward Cullen. I never went through a phase where I lashed out and pushed the Cullens away, because even with all of my past trauma, I managed to miraculously keep a grasp on reality and I knew that the Cullens only wanted to help me. Trust took longer to accomplish, but the intense therapy plus being around the other Cullens with jaded pasts, helped me find it within myself to trust them.

Carlisle also faked a high school diploma for me, and when we moved to Seattle, he enrolled me in the junior college nearby. I continued to have therapy sessions with Esme three times a week, and we all lived together in a big house in the suburbs. Though I made a good show of being 'normal', there wasn't a day that went by when I wouldn't hear the slain woman's cries in the silence, and when I closed my eyes, I always saw Bella's face. Her deep chocolate eyes haunted my dreams and pierced my soul, as they begged to know why I destroyed her life.

I spent two years at the JC, then was accepted into the university where I got a degree in English even though Biology was my strongest subject, but then again, that was the old me. I spent my time in college just as I had in high school; I kept my head down and tried not to talk unless necessary. Even though my home life was worlds better than before, I just had no desire to make friends outside the Cullens.

I soon got a job as a book editor, but despite my need to completely break away from my past, I still couldn't let music go, though I switched to the piano. I wrote songs as a personal outlet, but Alice being the meddler that she was, stole a few of my songs and tried selling them to musicians. I was surprised when my first song sold, and even more surprised at the large check I got from it. I continued to write music and even dabbled in producing, and eventually had a bank account worth in the millions. I could have retired from my book editing job, but it was easy work and it kept me busy.

The Cullens all started moving out on their own, so Esme and Carlisle sold their house in the suburbs and bought a condo to be closer to work. I decided that it was time to move out on my own as well, so I bought one of the most secure condo's I could find. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't afraid anymore, but when I was alone at night, sometimes my mind would get the better of me and I'd start imagining that Aaron was trying to get in to hurt me again. But even with the security, I still hated being alone, so I stayed with Alice most of the time.

Jasper had enlisted in the military so she was alone, and like me, she absolutely hated being alone. She was abused as a child as well, but her abuse was at the hands of her mother. The state stepped in, but after being tossed around to different abusive situations, she found her way to the Cullens, who lovingly put her back together and adopted her. All of the Cullen kids came from traumatic backgrounds, so I actually fit in perfectly.

"So, I have a favor to ask you," Carlisle said to me one day after a family dinner.

"What?" I asked suspiciously. Carlisle was a good man, and usually his favors involved helping people, but the last time he asked, his form of help was scrubbing a hoarder's home clean of years old cat feces. I still can't stand to be around house cats without thinking about the rancid smell of that place.

"I need someone to volunteer at the hospital who can play music."

"For what?" I asked curiously.

"Circle time with the kids. Sing some songs, play the guitar, easy stuff."

"I don't play the guitar anymore," I told him as he smiled knowing that I would do it if he really needed me to.

"How about the ukulele?"

"Alright, tell me when and I'll be there."

I actually loved volunteering with the kids; it in no way made up for my sins of the past, but it still made me feel good in a way that I never thought was possible. Soon enough, it seemed like I was spending most of my free time working as the volunteer coordinator at the hospital, which meant that I was always busy. But being busy was good, the less time I had alone, the less time I could dwell on the things I couldn't change.

Although I wasn't healed, every day that I survived through without any violence, was one more step towards normalcy.

*I really didn't want Edward to come across like he didn't care what he did, so if it still seemed like that, then that was not my intention. He needed to build himself a new life or he'd never survive, but he still hates himself on a daily basis. Sorry if it wasn't clear.

Next chapter Bella reenters Edward's life, and he meets Carlie for the first time. Please Review*