Why did you come here? Why didn't you just say no? Why didn't you say you had plans, had to work, something. Anything! She scolded herself as she trotted down the corridor behind Holly and Lauren. If she was being honest with herself, she knew why she was here, of course. She was here because of Holly. She was here for Holly. It wasn't what she said. She didn't even ask for it. Not with words, at least. It was her eyes.
They were having breakfast when Lauren started talking about going to the hospital, how their mother had already asked when they would be there, whether they should pick up something on the way to cheer up their dad – and their mom alike. It was then that she caught Holly looking at her. She could tell that Holly felt uncomfortable about being caught, that she didn't expect blue eyes to be staring back at her. She averted her eyes after one second, maybe. But in that second, those beautiful brown eyes of hers spoke volumes. Mostly, they were scared. Scared that Gail would be leaving any moment now. That she wouldn't be there at the hospital with her, giving her strength. But they were also hopeful. Hopeful that maybe, just maybe, Gail would realise how important this was for Holly, how much she wanted Gail there with her. Hopeful that last night was the start of something, that Gail wouldn't put yesterday's giant leap into perspective by backtracking now. And she couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand the thought of disappointing Holly, the thought of leaving her alone when she obviously needed her.
So that's how she found herself here, in Carmen's arms. She was amazed with how Holly's mother lit up at the sight of her, and how she pulled her into a heartfelt hug. She didn't seem to want to let go, and kept muttering how good it was to see her, how happy she was that Gail was here for them, for Holly. She supposed it must have looked just like when she brought Holly home for her mom's birthday a few weeks ago.
Holly's father was still a little shaken up, looked a little tired, but was nothing if not in cheerful spirits. He welcomed his girls, as he called them, with a wide, happy smile, and insisted on greeting each of them with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, Gail being no exception. She even thought she saw tears fill his eyes as he caught sight of the blonde hidden behind his daughters at first. They stayed with him for about an hour, not wanting to overstrain Gerald in his still weak condition. Gail escaped a few times under the pretext of getting drinks or snacks, just to take a breather. She couldn't say that she really felt uncomfortable, though. As always, it was her head, overthinking and telling her that she should feel weird, especially when she heard that her parents, yes, her parents, Bill and Elaine, had stopped by the hospital briefly on their way to work to check in on Gerald. Come to think of it, though, she felt oddly at ease surrounded by the Stewarts. She was treated like a full member of their family, and the fact that they engaged in idle conversation, all of them just wanting to take their minds off the shock they had been through the day before, worked very well for Gail, too – if only for limited amounts of time. When they were just on their way out, Gerald called out for Gail, asking her to stay another minute, while the others had left the room already.
She stood there for a moment, clasping her hands uncomfortably, until Gerald spoke.
"Gail. Come here." He patted the edge of his bed, and Gail slowly walked over and sat. He pushed himself up in the bed a little to be at eye-level with Gail.
"How are you doing?" She knitted her eyebrows together, surprised by this question.
"Uh. Fine." she nodded. "But... I should be asking you that."
Gerald just smiled and tilted his head to the side. So that's where Holly got it. He took her hands into his, in one of those fatherly gestures that made Gail feel equal parts uncomfortable and strangely serene.
"I know that in a few days I will be walking out of here. I will be properly medicated and in no time, I will be fine, back to normal. Kind of, at least. You don't look like you know you will be fine, dear." She looked down at their hands, unable to meet his gaze.
"I don't feel like I know much of anything these days."
"I think you know more than you're willing to admit to yourself." She looked at him in confusion and slightly appalled. What was he insinuating? She opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it. Whatever would come out would probably be a little too frank, a little too harsh, considering that Gerald was basically a stranger to her.
"What if your memories will never come back? What if you had never lost any memories?" He smiled triumphantly, although Gail had no idea why.
"I don't know what kind of game we're playing here", she grumbled.
"Just think. What would you do if you weren't busy waiting for memories to come back? What would you do if you just lived. In the here and now. If you just listened to what your heart told you. If you abandoned all notions of how things should be and just focused on what felt right." She stared at him, a blank look on her face. She wasn't expecting that, and she didn't know what to reply.
"I... I don't know. I..." She shook her head in confusion.
"Can I tell you what I see?" He waited for a moment until he detected the hint of a nod from Gail.
"Now, I may be biased, because Holly is my little girl, and I only want what's best for her..."
"Well, then you certainly don't want me for her." Gail interrupted her father-in-law, snorting.
"Why would you say that, Gail? You came here, to a place I know you hate, to hang out with a bunch of people you don't know. For Holly."
"I just..." This time he interrupted her, raising his hand.
"Love. It's my job to be observant. To read people. And when I see the way you look at her, I see love. It doesn't matter what was. Just let go of that burden and start paying attention to what is. Start living again, Gail." She rolled her eyes, in part because she knew he was right, in part because she was annoyed with the psycho-talk. Obviously, he noticed, and chuckled.
"I know you hate this deep, mushy feelings crap. You can go, before I give you any more of it." She smiled at him shyly and a little embarrassed.
"Sorry." She whispered and got up, squeezing his hand, before she moved towards the door. Maybe the polite thing would be to not run off like that. Probably the polite thing would be to respond with a little more than just two syllables.
"Don't be sorry. Just think about what I said, dear." She looked back at him, smiling at her contentedly. There was trust in his eyes. Trust in Gail that she would do the right thing.