A/N: Happy Holidays, readers! I hope you enjoy this entry. The next chapter has been started and I'm hoping to get it posted prior to the New Year, no promises though. Sorry! But enjoy this one.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter or any of it's characters.
"Are you sure that you won't come?" Lily questioned for the thousandth time as she pulled her scarf around her neck and turned to look at Brianna.
Brianna looked over at Lily from under the blankets and shook her head. "Go on and enjoy your date with James." From her spot she could see the smile on Lily's lips as she wrapped the scarf around her neck one last time.
When Lily looked up, she tried to hide the smile that was playing on her lips, but was completely unsuccessful in doing so. "Merlin, I'm one of those girls," Lily groaned and she sat down next to Brianna. Brianna pulled he knees to her chest under the sheets and looked over at Lily with her eyebrow arched. Lily needed no further invitation to continue. "I always said that I wasn't going to fall for Potter's charm and his stupid crocked smile. Or that unruly hair of his." She was also unsuccessful in hiding the smile that came to her lips as she was talking about him. "And now, I'm one of those girls."
"A happy girl?" Brianna asked as she ran her fingers through her hair. "There's no shame in being happy, Lily."
"So why aren't you?" Lily questioned.
Brianna was taken aback by the sudden shift in conversation. She didn't have to lie to Lily and tell her that she as happy, because Lily knew her. However, she knew that if she didn't then Lily would just worry about her until she was happy. With that in mind, Brianna decided to play a different card. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"You were saying that there's no shame in me being happy, with James," Lily finished. Now, Brianna saw where this conversation was going. This was about her and Remus. Before Brianna could open her mouth to say anything, Lily continued. "So why can't you be happy, with Remus?" Brianna looked down at her chewed fingernails and sighed. She had allowed herself to think about this question a lot recently, and had come to a pretty stable answer. However, she knew that it was better to let Lily think that that she as really thinking about the answer rather than to tell her. Lily worried, and she'd miss her date with James if Brianna were to tell her the real reason she wouldn't allow herself to be with Remus. Lily saw that Brianna was giving the question a lot of thought, and stood. "Just food for thought. You can always meet us out there, Bri. James wouldn't mind," Lily told her as she walked out of the dormitory.
To avoid having to think about an answer to Lily's question, Brianna rolled out of bed and started towards the shower. However, once the hot water hit her skin she found herself thinking of the question again, as well as the answer. She wouldn't allow herself to be happy with Remus because she wasn't good enough for him. She wasn't smart enough. She wasn't pretty enough. She wasn't skinny enough. She just wasn't good enough for him. The answer was simple and she'd reached in weeks ago. Perhaps when Lily returned she was tell her, but then again probably not.
After she stepped out of the shower and dried off, Brianna dressed quickly in a pair of denim jeans and a jumper that Lily had gotten her for her birthday last year. It was nothing spectacular, just a simple blue jumper with an owl in the bottom left. However, it was one of her favorite items, just because Lily had given it to her. She padded down to the common room, she never wore socks unless she had too. She ran her fingers through her dark hair as she made her way into the common room. It was empty, just as she had expected. Most of the older students had gone out, and the first and second years were out in the snow. So now she had the common room to herself. The brunette flopped down on the sofa in front of the glowing fireplace, and tucked her feet under her. She began to twist her wand between her fingers as she watched the fire dance in the stone fireplace.
Honestly, she would have liked to go out with Lily. However, she didn't want to intrude on James finally getting what he had been working towards for seven years. She was happy for James, and finally getting to show Lily that he wasn't just some git that lived to pester her. James was finally getting a chance to show Lily who he really was, and Lily was really starting to like the side of him that she was seeing. So she would be damned if she was going to ruin that for him.
"Brianna?"
"Remus," she responded without looking over her shoulder. She'd grown used to the sound of his voice calling her, and had come to like it as well.
"What are you still doing here?" he questioned as he walked towards her. He sat down on the arm of the chair across from the sofa as he pulled the zipper of his fleece jumper.
"I beg your pardon?" she questioned as she look over at him. Her brown eyes meet his hazel ones for a brief moment before she looked away.
"I thought that you would be going to Hogsmeade," Remus clarified. Brianna shook her head. "And why not?"
"I don't have a reason to go, nor do I have anyone to go with. Lily is on a date with James." Brianna stated as she resumed spinning her wand between her fingers.
Remus was quiet for a moment as he pulled at the zipper on his jumper. "Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?" he questioned after a long moment of silence. Her wand clattered to the ground as it slipped from her fingers. She felt her face growing warm as Remus reached over and picked up her wand off the floor. Her face grew even warmer as his fingers brushed against the palm of her hand as he placed the wand in her hand. "Are you alright?" She nodded mutely. "Would you like to go with me?" he repeated.
Words were lost to her. She wanted to go with him. She desperately wanted to say yes, but the word wouldn't form on her lips. She found herself nodding until she was able to find her voice, "Sure."
"Good. Do you need a moment to get ready? Not saying you don't look fine, but you'll get sick if you go out like that. Your hair is soaked."
Brianna reached up and ran her fingers though her dark hair. He was correct in his observation. Her dark hair was still dripping on to the back of the sofa. She stood and pulled on the sleeves of her jumper as she did. "Yeah, just give me a moment," she requested quietly as she padded back up towards her dormitory.
Once safely behind the closed door of her dormitory, Brianna let the panic that she'd been trying to bury surface. Had he asked her on a date? It sure sounded like he has asked her on a date. For a moment she wished that Lily was here. Lily would have been able to tell her Remus' meaning. There was always the off chance that he felt sorry for her since she was going to be sitting alone in the common room all day while everyone else had a good time. However, Remus didn't seem to be the type to pity people, especially her. So maybe it was just an outing between friends. Or a date. In the back of her mind, she kind of hoped that it was a date.
The brunette padded to her wardrobe and grabbed a pair of socks and black shoes. She didn't give a second look to the clothing hanging above her head. She knew that if she even started to think about changing, she would end up spending all of her time staring blankly into her collection of sweaters. She tugged her socks on and then her shoes before she grabbed a few galleons from her bedside table and walk out the door.
"Ready?" she questioned as she walked down the stairs with her hands in her pockets.
"I suppose that you didn't want to dry you hair then," Remus questioned as he looked up at her. Brianna reached up and ran her fingers through her dark hair to find that it was still wet. Brianna grabbed her wand as she tried to remember the spell that Lily used to dry her hydrophilic hair. However, she was completely unable to remember it. Before she could act, the roots of her hair grew warm and the heat worked its way down her hair. Within seconds, her dark brown hair was perfectly dry. "There you are," Remus announced as he tucked his wand in his pocket.
"Thank you," was all Brianna could muster.
"Ready?" Remus questioned as he pushed his hands into his pockets. Brianna nodded as she pocketed her hands. "Shall we?"
Brianna Chase had never been on a date before. No one had really shown interest in dating her. Or maybe they had and she'd just been too caught up in her own world that she didn't notice. Either way, she had never been on a date before. However, she had spent seven years in a room with girls that had been on dates. They would sit up late into the night and compare their dates, while she would sit on her bed with her knees pulled to her chest and her pillow under her chin, listening. The stories ranged from great to poor. Once Marlene told them about how she went on a date with a gentleman that started at her chest until she just stood and left. Mary had a boy knock a glass of pumpkin juice all over her and then while trying to help her clean it up flipped a plate of pasta on to her lap. Of course, there were the good ones. The ones where they had dinner and took a stroll about the grounds before coming to the portrait hole where they kissed goodnight. The perfect dates.
Brianna Chase never knew what that felt like. She never knew what it was like to stress for hours over the perfect outfit. Or what it was like to have the perfect date or even a bad date. She never knew what that felt like. However, she was pretty sure that it felt like this. She was pretty sure that it felt like being with someone that she wanted to be with. She was pretty sure it was blushing for no reason when he asked her a question. She sure that it was something like laughing for no reason with him. She was sure that it was like this.
Remus Lupin had been on one date in his entire life. It was one date. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't great either. James and Sirius had set him up on with a charming girl from Ravenclaw. He'd mentioned before that he thought that she was pretty. It was a surprise to him that she had agreed to go on a date with him. They went out on the first Hogsmeade trip of the year. He'd met her outside of her Common Room and walked with her to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, because that was were Sirius demanded that he take her. As their date continued, he learned things about her. She loved to talk about herself and her accomplishments. With that being said, the conversation was very one sided, because Remus was to polite, or shy depending on how one looked at it, to talk over her. She also came across as one of those people that knew everything and wanted to prove that she knew everything. There were many 'did you know…' or 'I bet that you didn't know...' starters to statements. By the end of their date, Remus was able to see the person that was beyond the pretty green eyes. Michelle was far from a bad person, in fact she was wonderful. However, she just wasn't the match of him.
Remus Lupin had had his eye on Brianna Chase for a while, not as long as James had been pining after Lily, but long enough. He'd watched her from the sidelines trying to decide if he wanted to attempt to bring her into this world that he lived in; this façade that he put on for the rest of the world. In the back of his mind, he had decided not to bring her into this. She was having her own problems and struggling with her own things. However, fate, something new that he was beginning to believe in, had other plans for them. Fate twisted their paths together for some reason. He wasn't going to question the rational of fate, but he was glad that fate was doing what it was doing.
Her face was red when he opened the door to Madam Puddifoot's and the cheerful tinkle of the bell above the door greeted them. She didn't know if it was from her blushing, laughing, being cold, or some odd combination of all three. She pulled her hands from her pockets as she walked through the door and into the heat; her fingers tingling as they warmed in the room. Her dark eyes flicked up towards the room before them. Couples sat at tables holding hands and looking into one another's eyes. Others were kissing over their cups. Now she knew that he face as red from blushing at the sight.
"There's some really good hot chocolate here," Remus told her as he moved by her to sit at a table close to the door. An easy out for when they were finished. "Unless you don't want to stay."
"No this is fine," Brianna said as she settled into the chair. She rubbed her hands together and blew into them as a waitress approached the table.
'What can I get for you today?" she asked the two Gryffindor students.
"One tea and one hot chocolate," Remus told the waitress. "If that's okay," he told Brianna. The brunette nodded as the waitress walked off.
There was a moment of quiet between them, as Brianna pulled at a loose string on her jumper. Remus bit down on his lip as he watched her tugging on the string. He sighed, "So Lily and James?"
Brianna laughed and dropped the string on the floor. "That was inevitable. They were going to happen, even if Lily never came around to him, it was going to happen."
"I suppose that you're right," Remus agreed as he placed his hands on the table.
"You suppose? James would have just dragged her out on a date."
The waitress appeared in front of their table and sat the beverages down in front of the two Gryffindors before walking off to another table. Remus pushed the mug of hot chocolate over to towards Brianna as he pulled his cup of tea towards him. He stirred the spoon around in the tea, as Brianna grasped her mug in her hands.
"Why didn't you want to go to Hogsmeade, Brianna?"
Brianna looked over the rim on the mug as she sipped on the beverage. "Why didn't I want to?" Remus nodded as she placed the spoon the table and brought the cup to his lips. Brianna placed her mug on the table and exhaled slowly. "I already told you. I didn't have a reason."
"You told me that, yes. Now would you like to tell the truth?" Remus questioned as he watched her.
"Why does it matter?" Brianna questioned before bringing the mug back to her lips. "I'm here now, right?"
"It matters to me," he responded. Her answers always mattered to him. The reasons that she did things interested him. For the longest, he was wasn't able to admit to himself the reason that he cared so much about her thoughts. It wasn't until this year that he allowed himself to accept that the real reason that he had always analyzed her so. He'd been trying to decide if he wanted to bring her into the chaos that was his life. He was trying to determine if he wanted to involve her in his monthly transformations. He knew the answer that his heart had come to. His heart wanted her.
"What was the question?" Brianna questioned, hoping to stall.
"Why weren't you going to come out today?" Remus asked her.
Brianna pushed the mug between her hands as she sighed. Her dark eyes followed the flow of the chocolate liquid in the mug before she brought her eyes to meet his. "I didn't have anyone to go with," she said honestly. "I usually go with Lily, but she's with James."
"You didn't ask any of your friends?"
"They have all seemed to couple off. James and Lily, Marlene and Sirius, sometimes, Frank and Alice," she stated as she counted the couples off on her fingers.
"You didn't ask me?"
"I figured that you had better plans. At some point today, I did intend to look at the Astronomy assignment. I just don't know when."
"Better plans?"
Brianna arched her eyebrow, before her cheeks started to warm. The thought crossed her mind that she shouldn't tell him what she thought, however, he had asked her to be honest. "I thought you," she bit her lip, "might have a date as well."
Remus fought back the urge to laugh. "Me?"
"Yes you!" Brianna exclaimed, surprised by his outrage. "You're a handsome fellow, any girl would be lucky to have a date with you."
Remus' eyebrow arched. "Handsome fellow, am I?"
Brianna quickly brought the mug to her lips in order to hide the blush on her cheeks. When she placed the mug back on the table, she didn't look away from it as she replied, "Well, yeah. You're handsome."
"You're easy on the eyes yourself," Remus replied timidly as he pushed the conversation into foreign territory. The brunette across from him scoffed. "What? You don't think that you're pretty?"
"Yeah, pretty as a baby mandrake," she stated as she leaned back in her chair. She twisted a strand of her hair around her finger. "Kendell's the pretty one."
"I've told you that her eyes are too spaced apart," Remus told her, crossing his eyes out for visual effect.
Brianna laughed in response. "Well then if the beauty queen isn't perfect, then who is?"
Remus shrugged as he brought the tea cup to his lips and took a sip. "I suppose it depends on the person," he replied as he sat the cup back on the table. Brianna eyebrow knitted together. "What, Bri?"
"I don't understand."
"Every person idea of perfection is different. Let's take James, for example. He thinks Lily is perfect-"
"It's because she is."
"-however, someone else might not," Remus continued as if she'd said nothing. "The idea of perfection varies. There isn't just a set in stone idea. It's all different."
"What's yours?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Your idea of perfection. What is it?"
Remus paused as his light brown eyes met her dark ones. "I think that you're kind of perfect." Again, her eyebrows knitted together. "Brianna?"
"Me? Perfect?" the brunette scoffed as she leaned away from him. "I thought we were being honest."
"I'm telling you the truth."
Brianna paused for a moment as she attempted to let this information sink in. He thought that she was perfect. Her with her dark hair and dark eyes. Her with her insecurities. He thought that she was perfect. It was then that things kind of started to fall into place. The reason that he was always so concerned about her. The reason that he hated to see her upset. The reason that he was always there for her. He cared for her. Of course, he had said that a time or two, but she thought nothing of it. But now, she was realizing it. He actually cared about her. He liked her. He thought that she was perfect, and he cared about her, and he liked her. He liked her with her dark hair and eyes. He liked her with her insecurities. Hell, he probably liked the things she was insecure about.
"Brianna!"
Startled, she looked up into the eyes of a very frustrated Marlene McKinnon. The brunette stormed into the quiet restaurant, breaking the atmosphere with a single word. The couples looked at her, and then towards Brianna.
Brianna was torn. Clearly something had happened to upset Marlene. It was clearly something urgent, because Marlene always said that she would not set foot in Madam Puddifoot's unless, 'she was being dragged into the clutches of the devil himself, and this place was the only safe haven for kilometers'. However, she didn't want to leave just yet. She wanted to finish this conversation. She wanted to talk this out. He liked her.
"I think you should go," Remus said as he leaned away from her.
Brianna pushed away from the table, sensing that the conversation would not be the same even if she stayed. As she reached into her pocket, Remus lifted one hand to stop her.
"My treat."
"BRIANNA!"
"Go on," he said as he waved her off.
The brunette wrapped her scarf around her neck as she approached her angry friend at the door. She cast a look over her shoulder to Remus, who was watching her leave. They both knew what conversation they were about to have. They both knew that it was a step in a different direction, good or not. However, bringing it back up would be more than difficult for them both. Brianna was much too shy, and Remus too hesitant. As their eyes locked, they both knew that they conversation was all but dead.