"Harder!" I yelled while blood dripped down my mouth.

Karl stood before me, with a displeased look upon his face. His fists were still raised, although he looked reluctant to hit me again.

"You hit like a bitch," I hissed and wiped the blood off of my chin. The taste of it danced on my pallets. My mouth was bleeding badly, as was my nose. But I kept on yelling, kept on encouraging him to beat me.

"I really can't do this," he said for the third time. Well tough luck. No one else had agreed to beat me, although Rylan and Clayton had agreed to do it. I was still waiting for them to change their minds.

"You're really proving me right about the bitch thing."

"I must admit that I've thought about hitting you before. While it seemed to be satisfactory in my mind I must say that I find it repelling to keep doing this."

"I'm getting mighty tired of this bullshit Karl." It hurt to even talk. Breathing proved to be another inconvenient problem. My nose was blocked and swollen by blood. And the damn thing kept dripping down on my shirt making it look a lot messier than it really was.

"I must insist – "

I yelled at the top of my lungs. "I am giving you a golden opportunity to knock me senseless and all I can hear is your pathetic whining!" Karl took a deep breath, I was sure it was supposed to be calming. But I didn't want calm, I had no use for it. I needed enraged and violent at the moment.

"I refuse."

It's not like he had any choice. Karl had asked me many times what he needed to do to earn my forgiveness. And this had been my price. "You will never be forgiven if you walk away now."

"I find that I am no longer in need of your forgiveness if this is your asking price." Bastard. I had planned this so well in my mind. Logan, Kate and their parents were away with the pups for the hour. I had planned to get my ass beat up beyond recognition. Why, a sane person would ask. And it was so simple that it was frustrating that no one seemed to understand. How would one think a prisoner would be treated? Like a spoiled little princess locked away in a tower? Well that was certainly not my idea of being held captive. And I knew that neither was Jonathans.

The others could say what they damned pleased, but I knew that Jonathan would expect me to be beaten. Broken even. That's why I had demanded to get beaten the day before Jonathan came, to make sure the worst of the injuries had some time to heal. He wouldn't question it if I were hurt. But he would question me if I wasn't.

So, naturally, I decided and screamed that the Pack didn't care about me. Or at least not to the point where they would beat me for my own good. Yes, yes, yes. I knew that I was being cruel. And that I was asking for something they simply couldn't give me. Although that hadn't meant that I wouldn't try.

I spat on the ground and even smiled when I saw how much blood there actually was. It could be enough. I dried my nose on the back of my hand and hissed when I touched it. It has to work. My nose was so swollen and sore that even the smallest touch made it scream in agony. Perfect. It's probably broken, thank you Karl.

"Your nose is not broken, yet," Karl said when he saw the content smile on my face. "But I would advise you to let Jeremy take a look at it. And it might not be a bad idea for him to probe your ribs too. I might have gotten carried away."

Well, now that he mentioned it. The ribs on my left side hurt like a son of a bitch. The ones on my right weren't as bad, although they were sore too. "Are you kidding me? This," I said and pointed at my face and body, "was exactly what I wanted."

"Glad to be of assistance." It didn't sound sincere. I didn't really care to be honest. He'd given me what I wanted, even if he'd stopped before our agreement. It was good enough I decided when I took a step forward and had to grit my teeth against the pain.

Home sweet home.

My stomach rumbled like thunder. The sound echoed in the forest. A muscle in Karls cheek twitched, showing his quiet dismay. "Come now Karl, you simply can't start caring now. It is far too late for that sort of bullshit."

"You need to rest. And eat." His words were clipped short. I should have said something to ease his bad conscious, but nah. I had too much to think of as it was. The last thing I wanted to spend my energy and thoughts on was Karl and his feelings…but it wasn't like I had any choice. It was only the two of us out here. Damn it.

And…damn it. I needed help getting back I suddenly realized. My legs weren't working as well as they should've. Karl offered me his arm in silence. I thought about rejecting it for a second before I decided against it. Fuck my pride. We started to walk back in silence, and I was glad that Karl didn't try to coax me into a conversation.

So, I started thinking about Adam, and how devastated he would be when he came back. And I would sputter some bullshit, like I usually did. I could already picture Logan. I could see him become so enraged that I had to smile.

But my smile was short lived. One could say what they wanted. But he loved me. He truly did. And it still warmed my heart that a male like him could have fallen for someone so damaged and broken like me.

I'd kept my distance from him. Even though he pleaded and begged for my forgiveness. I had already given it. And told him not to think about it. I had assured him that both of us had said some pretty awful things, as one usually did while fighting. And he couldn't understand why we couldn't make up if both of us were feeling bad.

And I had to admit that it was hard keeping up with a psychopath like me, indeed. Why couldn't we make up? It's not like we couldn't, like we didn't want to. It was just simpler this way. The more I thought about tomorrow…to surer I became that this was the best choice.

I had thought about sneaking into Logans room the night before. And it had been a blissful reconciliation in my head, I'd pictured myself crawl into his arms and being held by the only man in this world that truly loved me. And then I decided that I was an idiot.

The biggest fucking idiot on this planet.

There had been a reason why I had tried and failed to keep my distance from Logan. Because I had already known that he couldn't, that he wouldn't let me go. And that was why I called this, us, off. Things were already bad as they were. But I could already picture the exchange tomorrow. And I could already see Logans determination shift. I already knew that he would rather fight Jonathan and die than give me up.

So, tada, here I was.

The biggest fucking idiot on earth.

Yup, I really fucked up this time. Fucked up in a way that I really couldn't afford to do. I had fucked up so royally that it was no longer just me that would pay the price. I wanted to slap myself. Everything was so easy in hindsight, wasn't it? I never should have allowed Logan to enter my bedroom when I had been weak and in shock. I never should have told him that I loved him too. I never ever should have slept with him. And not because what we had done had been wrong. It had been the best and the most right thing I had ever done in my life. The least wrong thing in my entire fucking life. I laughed in bitterness. Fucking Logan had felt like being alive for the first time in my life.

The problem was that I knew what love tasted like now. I had felt its spark on my tongue. I had felt it on my flesh. I had scented it on my skin. I had seen it in the most brilliant blue eyes. And faking it with Jonathan would be hard, so very hard now. He knew me, better than I knew myself sometimes. He would sense that something was wrong, that something more than me being captive was off. And he would call me out on it, I would lie, of course. And fuck it, don't think about it. I shook my head hard enough to make my teeth rattle. Well, to be honest, I could speculate, as usual, but never know. Jonathan would probably hit me, rape me, or punish me in some of his favorite fashion. But I could never be sure, he could do whatever he wished actually.

I'd lied again, surprise, surprise.

Adam finally knew what was happening. And he was furious about it. I had never in my life thought that my baby brother could get that mad. Lies had rolled off of my skilled silver tongue. Adam thought that I was going back with the intention to kill Jonathan, to fight him every step of the way and escape. I had to admit that it wasn't really lies. But there were different kind of lies.

Was I going to fight? Hell yes. Would I win? Hell no.

Did I plan on killing Jonathan? Absolutely. Was I going to succeed? Not a chance.

Had I already thought out an escape plan? Of course. Did that mean that I was going to try to escape? No.

I was going to sit my pretty little ass down on Jonathans bed and stay there for the rest of my life. Jonathan would know where Adam were. I wasn't going to risk Jonathan getting him back just to keep me in line. I was going to play house with Jonathan. Albeit a dysfunctional family, but my brothers had always told me I put the 'fun' in the word. I laughed to myself, Karl didn't so much as blink when he heard me. Well, I might have put the 'fun' in dysfunctional. But Jonathan put the 'hot' in psychotic. It made me laugh uncontrollably. Karl might have given me a concussion. It only made me laugh harder.

"When was the last time you slept?" His strong voice made me blink my temporal madness away.

"Last night."

"How many hours?" It sounded like he talked through gritted teeth. But it could have been him straining to drag me through the forest. I had to admit that I wasn't helping much. My arm was clinging to his shoulders, and he had to keep it there with his hand. His other arm was around my waist and kept me standing. He was pulling all the weight to be perfectly honest.

"I have no idea," I lied and had to blink a couple of time for my vision to focus. I was tired to the bone and hungrier than any starved wolf had ever been. I hadn't dared to Change either. It made me agitated, made my skin crawl and itch with fever. I might be able to ignore my hunger and lack of sleep in my human form. But I couldn't as a wolf. I was driven my instincts of survival then that I was able to control for now. But the wolf in me was snarling like a wounded beast licking its wounds.

"Remember our agreement," I reminded Karl when I saw the house.

"You are going to put yourself in an early grave."

"Don't you worry about me. I can take care of myself."

"I saw that." I could tell by his voice that he was far away in his memories. A certain memory that now had him dragging me halfway through the forest out of guilt. I had to admit, that no. I would never be able to 'take care of myself' where Jonathan was concerned. And we both knew that Karl had seen it.

He had finally told the others about our encounter. Or, his encounter with Jonathan. Karl had finally fessed up and told the Pack about what a monster Jonathan was. What he had done to me just because he fucking felt like it. They had finally listened to him. Why was as question I couldn't answer. Maybe because Karl was impartial, my uncle and Nick certainly wasn't.

Karl had told them about Jonathans obsession with me. He had told them of the way he guarded me, how he never let me out of his sight. How he had watched him beat me and humiliate me while my so-called alpha hadn't done anything to stop him. I wasn't even sure if Jonathans father dared stop him, at least not that day. The Pack had listened and I could tell that they finally believed what I, Nick and my uncle had told them.

Not that it mattered. They would see Jonathan tomorrow.

As would I.

Think happy thoughts.

"I'm sorry Karl," I admitted when he cursed my idiocy.

"For what?"

"For everything," I simply said before I could collect my thoughts enough to speak. "It was wrong of me to lash out on you. I knew that it wasn't your fault. But I felt the need to…hurt someone as I had been hurt. And I am sorry that it was you." I wanted to keep my mouth shut, but there was no way now. I took a deep breath. I would make this right between us. I refused to have this on my conscious when I was back with Jonathan. "And, yes, it was wrong of me to make you beat me. Although you must admit that I kind of deserved it."

A humorless chuckle escaped him. "You know, I think I would have liked you had we met under different circumstances. You remind me much of myself when I was your age, full of anger and hate."

"Your father was killed by Jeremys sire." I knew enough about Malcolm not to address him as Jeremys father. He hadn't been a father to him at all. Just like my dad hadn't been either. They had sired us and then hated us for unknown reasons.

He grunted. "It was my fault he died. I wanted to meet the Pack. Even though my father had told me countless of times that they would kill us on sight. I lied and told my father I needed to Change when I knew that members of the Pack were near. My father proved to be right."

"Jesus," I exhaled.

"You see, we are not very different you and I. I can't possibly try to tell you that we've been through the same thing, I would never be so presumptuous." He exhaled and cast his eyes down to my beaten form. I had to say that it felt like he saw me for the first time. "But I can tell you that I lost everything too, at an early age. I know what it feels like to hate yourself, to be so angry with yourself that the only thing that will ease your pain is to hurt others." Yes. Yes! I wanted to cry it out. He'd put in into words with such ease that I wondered if I would ever be able to talk about it like he did. "I accept your apology."

It took me a while to answer, but when I did, I swore he smiled. "Thank you."

I wasn't all too surprised to find the others back at the house. Karl and I had been gone for more than an hour.

"You told us you were going for a run!" Logan snarled inches from Karls face.

"We did," I said from the chair I was sitting on and drew the attention to me. "You just never made us specify what kind of run it would be." Karl already looked guilty enough, no need to put more of the blame on him. It was my fault after all.

"Don't you fucking even start!" he snarled at me instead.

I smiled at his anger. And not because this was funny. I smiled because it warmed my heart that he still had the energy to care. "Come now," I started and had the Pack watching me with fury in their eyes. "Karl and I worked out our differences, you should be happy."

"I can't keep watching you running yourself to the ground. This is– "

"You won't have to," I interrupted Logan. He took a shuddering breath. "I won't be here tomorrow so you won't have to worry yourselves anymore."

"That is beyond the point!" Kate roared. She had been quiet for an awful long time, now that I thought of it.

I waved their anger and concern away with my hand. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"The hell is does!" Clayton was the one yelling now.

"Please," I interrupted again, "just tell me that you know what to do tomorrow. I am going to eat now. And then I'm going to take my brother to our room and sleep for the rest of the day."

Their anger disappeared as soon as I'd said my words. A somber type of quiet settled in the room. The others looked away from me. But Logan flat out stared. "We know what to do."

"Thank you," I said and stood from the chair with a groan. Ok. Maybe Karl gave me everything from the start. I wasn't complaining that he called my beating to quits anymore, nope. Grateful was a better word to describe what I felt.

I managed to walk out of the living room, I tensed when I saw the stairs. That was an obstacle I hadn't thought about. A hidden enemy that I didn't really want to tackle. A silent laugh escaped me, I wasn't even sure if I could walk up the stair on my own.

"Anna." Logans voice was like music to my ears. But I suddenly felt like running up the stair. This was a new kind of torture I realized. Being close to the one you wanted but not being able to touch was hard to say the least.

"Remember what to do tomorrow," I said over my shoulder. I just couldn't bear to see his face. I already knew what I would find in the tired lines of his face. "Promise me that you will do what is needed." I growled when he stayed quiet. I finally turned and saw that Logan couldn't bear the sight of me. "Promise me Logan!"

"Anna," he tried in vain.

I decided to hit him where it would hurt. "You will do this for me if you love me."

His whole face crumbled and a strained whine came out of him. "I promise," he whispered like a broken man.

I hurried up the stairs when I smelled his tears.

Adam rested his head in the crook of my arm. I held him against me as I stroked his soft hair. I would miss this.

I already missed it.

I already knew that not having my brother with me would make me hollow in a way I never could imagine. My heart clenched violently when tears started rolling down his cheeks. It was even worse now, because Adam wasn't truly crying. His tears were just rolling down, like they had a will of their own.

"Is there any other way?" he whispered in the dark. His voice was hushed, like he didn't want anyone to overhear us. It wouldn't have mattered, he wasn't talking English, and it felt good to hear him speak our soft native tongue.

I had almost fallen asleep, but bit the inside of my cheek hard enough to taste blood. I sat in an uncomfortable position, just so I wouldn't fall asleep. But it proved harder than I thought. My body was beyond tired, just like my mind. It craved rest.

"No baby," I said to him and kissed the top of his head.

"Take me with you," he begged again and curled himself closer to me.

Never.

"You know I can't."

Adam sniffled against my shoulder and tried to hide his face from me. "I don't want to be alone," he finally admitted and started crying with great heaves.

I bit back my own tears, I had to stay strong for my brother. I had to make it look like I was ready for this, so that he had nothing to worry about. "I know sweetie, I know," I murmured against his hair. I don't want to be alone either. I hugged him close to me and silent tears rolled down when I realized that this would be the last time I held him. It would probably be the last time I ever saw him.

But it will be worth it.

"You have to come back."

"I will," I whispered fiercely in the dark and thanked the gods that Adam couldn't hear the lie in my voice.

"Do you think Andy and Amadeus are still alive?" It should have bothered me that he cared nothing for our father. But the truth was that neither me nor my brothers had ever cared over much for the man. He had always been cold and callous towards me and my mother. Or, he had been for as long as I could remember.

I still remembered when our mother had been pregnant with Adam. I had been eleven, Andy thirteen and Amadeus fifteen. We had been thrilled when we received the news. Our father? Not so much was an understatement. He'd bellowed and cursed our mother for bearing another child. And I had been too young to understand the why of it. I wasn't too young to understand it now. He'd been furious at her because another child could mean another daughter. And that was something he refused to have.

My parents had even risked going to a hospital that Jonathan and his father ruled just to see the gender of the child. My mother had been furious at him, and she hadn't ever forgiven him to my knowledge. Our father should have been happy when he found out he was having another boy. But he started nagging about the money soon after that and said that we couldn't afford to feed another mouth. Even though that had been bullshit. He even went so far as to sterilize himself after Adams birth. Not that he had needed it. I had never smelled my parents on each other after Adams birth.

"I will find them if they are." Another violent twist of my heart followed. Our brothers were dead and buried, and had been so for long. I couldn't imagine them being alive without finding me and Adam. Jonathan might have kept me isolated with him, but wherever he went I was sure to follow. And none of the members of his pack had ever mentioned our brothers or anything of their whereabouts. It felt like my whole family and their memory had been wiped out the day Jonathan had taken us.

"I know you will."

I rocketed us back and forth in the bed as Adam kept on crying. He was trying to stay strong and be quiet and it killed me to see him like this. "I don't want to be alone," he whispered again in a devastated voice.

Adam didn't try to stop me when I lifted his chin to meet my eyes. More tears spilled over his cheeks when he saw tears reflect in my eyes. "The Pack will take care of you. They will protect you like their own. And most important, you will never be alone."

"But I will be without you and Andy and Amadeus."

I almost sobbed. "Listen to me Adam." His lips were drawn down in a sad face that simply didn't fit a child as happy as my brother. "You will never be alone." I wanted to tell him more, but I didn't want to lie when he looked and me with such expect in his face. "I will always be with you, no matter where I am."

"But you won't be here," he cried and fisted his hands in my shirt.

My arms circled around him and lifted him against my chest. He was trying to control his sobs, which resulted in his whole body shaking. My heart ached as I held him as close as possible. "I will never leave you. I will always watch over you. I will always love you. And I will move heaven and earth to come back to you. I will fight with everything in me to see you again."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Adam rearranged himself in my arms. He lay like a small child would, with his head nestled by my neck and his whole body resting in my arms. He was starting to become too big and heavy for this, but I didn't utter a word.

"Now you have to promise me something," I said back and stroked his cheek.

"What?"

"You will have to be brave while I am away." I hated saying those words to him, although they were necessary. He had to keep on going after I was gone. No matter if he wanted to or not. His lip was quivering and he sniffled out loud. "Can you do that for me?" I whispered and tenderly stroked his hair with my hand. "Can you be brave for me?" I didn't want him to have to be brave. I didn't want him to ever have to face anything alone. It might have been a disadvantage, that Adam had always been sheltered by me and my family. But I cared nothing about it now when I knew that he would be alone for the rest of his life.

"Yes," he finally answered, "I will be brave." I hugged him against me and wondered for a minute if I was squeezing him to hard. But he didn't complain and I felt sleep trying to creep up on me. I didn't try to fight it this time, my lids were as heavy as rocks. I thought that Adam was asleep as well, before he whispered words that were almost too low for me to hear. Words that broke my heart since they were a lie.

"I will be brave, just like you."