Chapter 14 dreams
She never realized how much she truly missed Draco. She missed his presence, his cologne, his remarks even just his conversation. She missed the laughter and the jokes the way he would care about her or the way he would just smile at her without reason. She missed him dearly. He had hurt her deeply when he called her mudblood that day and when he made those rude jokes about how filthy and slimy she was.
She had never really cried like she had that night for a long time.
But what surprised her most was that she was missing a Malfoy.
' White…nothing but white…
There Draco stood in front of her smiling they were both hand in hand. She smiled back at him as he produced a delicate rosebud and gently tucked it behind her ear.
Her soft curly tendrils blew around in an invisible breeze
his platinum blonde hair ruffled in that cool breeze also. He led her
through grand doors that had appeared out of nowhere, she gladly
followed him to be greeted by a wonderful paradise.
Lush green
grass sliding over hills until it reached the deep blue of the sky.
There was a lake and with that gushed forth a beautiful waterfall,
crystal clear water flowing from a rocky precipice. Tall green tress
swayed in the breeze as she saw colourful birds fly among the
treetops. At her feet were lovely little shrubs that sprouted many
different kinds and colours of foliage. She heard the birds chirping
sweetly and the little animals as they scurried passed.
Draco took her hand gently and led her on a sandy path down to the banks of the lake. Once at the shore they sat down on the soft sand. She took her shoes off and dipped her feet into the calm caressing water. He watched her tilt her head back and bask in the beautiful sunlight. He admired every soft curve, every angle about her. He gazed longingly at her as the golden light shone upon her delicate pale skin, giving her a glowing golden aura.
"Do you like it?" He whispered softly into her ear.
She looked up at him with her deep brown eyes. She leaned forward and kissed him softly on his mouth, oh how she missed this, the feeling of happiness he gave her. She felt so at peace when she was with him, he whisked her worries and insecurities away. When they finally parted she smiled.
"I love it." She answered.
A pretty white and pink butterfly fluttered around her and landed softly on her nose. She started to giggle and lifted a delicate finger to allow the butterfly to perch itself on her hand. It crawled onto her hand and it flew away.
"Goodbye." She waved after it as it fluttered up to the sky.
Draco put an arm around her and guided her gently so they both they side by side in the luscious grass. They lay there the whole day in each other's arms in blissful harmony. The evils of the world were completely forgotten. They watched the sun go down she cocked her head to the side watching the faint glow of the sun get dimmer and dimmer. There she watched the beautiful array of colors sparkle off the water's edge as gentle waves licked the shore.
Day turned to night and brightness of the full moon shone above them illuminating their features. The numerous stars twinkled above them winking at the two. All that could be heard was the lulling sound of the waves. Slowly but surely the starts dimmed to darkness and Draco sat up. She looked up at him in puzzlement sitting up also.
"Draco what's wrong?"
He didn't answer instead his eyes darted around searching for something. His brows were furrowed and he carried a dangerous look in his eye. Slowly the moonlight had faded also now all it was, was a dull light in the sky. Then she saw it.
Behind them the grand door that they had entered through burst open.
Draco whipped his head around at the door.
Instead of the blinding white world that they had come from an inky black darkness lay on the other side. The black smokiness wafted from the door and started to contaminate their paradise. He stood up, gave her a pained and longing look and turned to leave. She stood up and watched him as he walked into the darkness.
"Draco wait!" She called.
He stopped gave her one glance from over his shoulder and continued walking.
"Draco!"
She now had tears streaming down her face and she ran up to him as fast as she could, she wanted to hug him, to keep him from entering the icy darkness.
He quickly turned around and opened his arms ready to receive her and give her one last hug. But it never happened.
She ran up to him expecting to hug him with full force but instead he vanished.
She went right through him.
"Oh!"
She let out a startled cry as she fell to the floor.
She lay there on the floor as a small tear glided down her cheek.
Draco looked at his hands they were fading every few seconds he actually looked real but then he became transparent. He turned around and looked at her sadly as she slowly got up off the floor and stared at the black door defiantly.
Draco walked up to her and hugged her from behind, she couldn't feel it but she knew he was there. She closed her eyes knowing that this was goodbye. She opened them and saw his transparent arms around her. She gasped and let out a sob.
"Goodbye Hermione," he whispered in her ear, "Like you said…it's for the best, I'll miss you…"
She sobbed again as he let go of her and stepped through the door and into the ink black darkness.
"I miss you Draco…"
The grand doors closed and in a split second their utopian paradise world had vanished. There she was, all alone in the white world again.
Her knees gave way and she crouched down on the floor crying her eyes out.
"I miss you Draco." She regretted ever letting him go.
White…nothing but white…'
Hermione sat up straight her breathing rapid and fast. She took a deep breath, sweat beads ran down her face. She woke up in her dorm, in her bed the quilt covers wrapped around her.
It was a dream…all just a dream.
"It was just a dream." She said to herself.
She rubbed her eyes and realized that they were moist with tears. If it was just a dream then why am I crying? She asked her self and indeed she was crying tears streaked her cheek and her pillow had been slightly damp. But one thing was right she did miss Draco, badly.
He sat there in front of the fire reading, well trying to anyway.
He tried to focus on the words but they always blurred and an image of 'her' appeared.
He blinked his eyes a few times and shook his head. Thinking he needed more sleep, but he knew that angelic face and her warm brown eyes would haunt his dreams. Her voice was ringing through his ears, her smile was smile was fixed in his head. This time he placed the book on his lap and propped up his chin on heel of his hand this time trying his hardest to concentrate on the words before him not on the girl in his mind.
'The complex art of Arithmancy is a numerical based branch of magic…'
By then Hermione's pretty smiling face flashed through his mind. That second the portrait door opened, he absolutely itched to look up at the actual person who plagued his mind but must keep up appearances. So he forced his head down and pretended to read his book, this was not such an easy task it was as if by some magical force was trying to force his eyes up and stare at her endlessly. He struggled with all his might to keep it down and stare at a blind spot on the page. He could hear her faint sobs and he knew he caused them. It seemed like forever but when Hermione was finally through her bedroom door he let out a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes and fought back his own tears, though his lip trembled. Draco Malfoy really, really felt as if he were about to cry. He looked up to her door and stared at the gold lettering: Hermione Granger.
"I want you, I need you, I miss you…Hermione."
Once again his eyes started to heat up. He took a deep steady breath and promised himself he would finish the chapter by morning. That promise was easily broken. He could hear her sobs through her door and had almost actually gone in there to comfort her.
But he sat back down realizing that it was for the best. But sometimes the logical way isn't the best way. In a few minutes he was asleep on the chocolate sofa. His book slipped from his hands and lay forgotten on the floor. Outside he may have looked peaceful in hid sleep but inside was an entirely too different story.
He began to dream…
'Night…a cool winters night…
He kicked off from the ground hard he was flying around on his broomstick, a Firebolt. He closed his eyes as he zoomed higher and higher into the atmosphere the wind ruffling his hair and cooling his face and his robes billowed behind him. He flew around the Quidditch pitch trying to relieve the stress that had been built up upon him the past few days without her.
He flew up higher and higher into the cool grey clouds he got soaked but he didn't care all his anger and hurt was relieved by the cool moisture.
He swerved and headed another direction hurtling into the darkness. He glanced over his shoulder and looked back at the clouds and there shining in the moonlight was her face, his eyes widened in surprise as he had nearly hit a passing bird, he quickly turned towards the right just in time to avoid a collision. He looked back at the clouds and her face was gone. He shook his head blaming it on the cold.
"Hermione…" He breathed.
She haunted him night and day, it was if flying was his only liberation from her smiling face and sparkling eyes but still the clouds painted her beauty in the sky for all to see.
He longed to touch her, to feel her, to take her up in his arms and stay like that.
He wanted to kiss her again and feel her mouth once again be claimed by his, but if not he still just wanted to be with her.
It was just not just lust that controlled him whenever she was near but something deeper than that…another feeling which he could not yet define. The sound of distant thunder snapped him out of his reverie and he realized he had been floating stationary in the air for a few minutes.
He decided that practicing a few Quidditch moves might actually take his mind off her.
So he pulled his broom up and hurtled into a fast dive he was practically vertical lower and lower, faster and faster he went as the ground suddenly rushed up to meet him.
At the last second he pulled out of the dive narrowly missing the ground as he again soared up to the sky. The freedom and exhilaration was comforting to him but nothing could compare to the feeling he received when he was Her-
"Stop! Please stop!" He yelled shaking his head madly.
She stayed in his mind, she was all he could think about. He wanted it to stop but another part of him didn't want to let go and didn't want to accept the fact that what he shared with her was over.
Gone, done and nothing.
The distant thunder grew closer and closer now it was as loud as ever.
Draco ignored it and continued to fly around the pitch. He only noticed it when lighting came in a bright flash and split the sky. Around him the wind blew and the rain began to fall. It pelted towards the ground and drenched him from head to toe but yet still he flew around trying to get the image that certain woman out of his mind.
The storm grew worse and the thunder clapped louder. Lighting bolts narrowly missed him as he weaved in and out of the bolts of electricity.
"Whoa…what's going on?" He asked in bewilderment.
The storm only grew worse as the rain came down harder and fell at different angles because of the rapid changes in the wind. He darted around the pitch trying not to get hit by lightning. Then in a flash the rain turned to hail and pelted him. He flew around dodging lighting for his life, he feared that he would be electrocuted to death that night.
"Argh! What is this disastrous weather?!"
He screamed, but his voice was drowned by the gale force winds.
He quickly decided to go back and change from his drenched robes. He pulled into a steep dive back down towards the ground he landed with a thud on the muddy surface and started to run towards the changing rooms.
All of a sudden it stopped hailing, the storm cleared in an instant. There was no thunder, no lightning no water or hail it was just a clear winter night.
"What the…?" He turned around then he saw a white figure.
It was a beautiful lady she had honey brown curly locks that hung around her face.
She wore a lacy white dress with few ruffles it flowed around her flattering her curves to no end. The clouds parted and revealed the shining bright moon behind her. The moonlight made her glow making her look like a holy being.
At first sight Draco thought this woman to be an angel but when she stepped he realized who it was.
"Hermione?" He asked as she approached.
She gave him one of her sweetest smiles.
Draco reckoned it was so sweet that it could sweeten a lemon. She stepped closer to him.
"Yes Draco?" She asked.
He closed his eyes finally being able to hear her sweet voice again.
"You're back." He said weakly.
She smiled and put her arms around him enveloping them both in long overdue hug.
She rested her head against his chest and spoke.
"Yes Draco I'm back…and this time I'm back for good."
Draco woke up abruptly
"Hermione?"
He called but there was no answer.
He looked around and was brought back to reality.
He wasn't on the Quidditch pitch with her he was in the common room alone. Then he realized he was alone…all alone.
No one was there for him and even though she was sleeping on the other side of the wall he couldn't help but feel as if Hermione was gone from his world. He lifted up a pillow and buried his face in it.
No, he didn't cry but instead he felt pain stabbing his heart, like daggers running through his soul. She was gone and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He lifted his head up from the pillow and spoke four words:
"I want a coke."
He then laughed at his own stupidity.
I'm here, alone missing Hermione wanting her when she's just on the other side of the wall and I'm sitting here saying a I want a coke.
I want a coke?
I Want A Coke?!
What type of stupid statement is that?! What I really want is you Hermione. All I need is you.
Draco sat up and walked into his room hoping to get a good night's rest but doubting that he would.
"It was just a dream." He told himself. "Just a dream."
But all he knew for sure even though it had only been one day he missed Hermione, badly really badly. His one true friend and girlfriend didn't want him to be with him because of what the world will think.
"Well screw what they think…" He whispered as he lay in his bed. He pulled the covers closely around him but still they could not keep him warm. That feeling sparked a new memory.
Flashback
"Morning." A raspy voice said.
"Morning." She replied.
"Where are you going?"
"Shower."
"This early?"
"Draco we have to be in the airport by nine thirty"
"Yes and it is currently eight o'clock, what does that have to do anything?"
"Men…"
"You were keeping me warm."
"It was getting a little too warm"
"Oh so I was too hot to handle?"
"You have a really large ego, you do know that?"
"I've heard it mentioned a few times…"
"A few? Anyway I have to go and shower, just wait until I'm done ok?"
"Whatever you say oh queen of Vampires."
"I'm going to forget you said that."
"That's not going to stop me."
"I have my ways…"
"Oh really?"
"You know when you saved me back there that was really brave of you a real Gryffindor trait. Reminds me so much of Harry."
"Ok, ok no! Please!"
He held his hand up in defeat, a sly smile
spread across her face.
End of Flashback
He smiled at the memory of her but yet he saddened remembering it was no more. All they shared was just a memory, just a scene to be replayed over and over in their dreams. He lay there thinking about her until his eyelids began to droop and he fell asleep.
Hermione woke up the next morning to find she was looking at a nightmare in her mirror. Her eyes were all swollen and puffy and her hair was a mangled mess.
Quickly she got dressed got her things ready and ran out. She wanted to avoid Draco at all costs and get to the Gryffindor Tower as quick as possible. If she wanted to get over him she had to learn to live without him and that was just what she thought. It was very early in the morning and no one was up yet so she ran through the halls without being noticed. The Gryffindor Portrait swung open and she ran up to the seventh year girl's dormitories.
"Lavender! Parvati! Quick!" She called.
All the girls were still in their beds fast asleep.
"Lavender?"
Hermione shook her gently. She stirred and opened her eyes slowly.
"Hermione? What are you doing here?" She yawned and stretched.
"I have a problem." She answered. Lavender shot upright in her bed. She was wide awake now and her grew big.
"Oooh what type of problem? Boy problem? Cosmetic problem? No offence Hermione but you look like as if the cat had just dragged you in."
Even though she knew Lavender and Parvati were absolute experts on boy problems she wasn't about to divulge one of her deepest secrets to one of the Gossiping duo.
"Uh nothing, just a cosmetic problem. See?" She pointed to her puffy eyes and matted hair.
"Oh that's nothing a quick fix can't take care of" Lavender muttered a simple spell and Hermione was left looking as if she had stepped out of the beauty parlor.
Her hair was now smooth and cascading down her back in soft curls, her eyes were no longer puffy but sparkled in content and her face was rid of all blemishes or any traces of pimples.
"Thanks Lav, you really saved me."
So that's how they do it, Hermione thought. She didn't want to let Draco see the amount of crying and hurt she was going through because of this. He needed to move on and so did she.
"I think I'll stay here for a while before breakfast wait for Harry or Ron or something, you go back to sleep Lav."
"Are you sure?" She yawned.
"Yeah"
"Ok" Lavender lay back down and slowly drifted off to sleep while Hermione went downstairs and sat in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common room.
The day progressed on as usual with few narrow misses with seeing him.
Every time she saw a flash of white blonde hair she pivoted straight around and ran the other way. Even though her heart told her she was going the wrong way and that instead of running away she should be running straight in his arms.
'But look what happened last time…' she thought. I ran straight through him. Again the tears began to sting in her eyes.
"Hey what's wrong Herm?" Ginny asked.
They were both in her bedroom admiring the dress she had worn for the Masked Ball. She was sitting on the floor while Ginny sat on her bed twirling the soft fabric of the dress in her hands.
She looked up.
"Oh nothing…just thinking about a dream I had last night…," Hermione said absent mindedly.
"A dream?" Ginny said while fingering the lacy parts of the dress.
"Yeah." Hermione sighed. "A dream."
"About?"
"Oh nothing, don't worry about it."
"Well it has to be about something if it's got you zoning out on me every few minutes and the Hermione I know does not just zone out when she wants to."
Should I tell her? She asked herself. Well maybe…she might be able to help me I'll just leave his name out…she's my friend I should trust her.
"Okay Gin it's about someone."
"Oh, a guy?"
"Yeah a guy."
"Tell me about it, come on I want to know."
"Okay well there's this guy I know, or met rather during the trip. But because I had to come back we decided to break it off. I had a dream last night about him and I miss him so much Gin it's even starting to hurt." She let out a small sob.
"Oh you poor dear." Ginny came off from the bed and sat next to her friend. "Go on."
"Well in this dream it was white just white…he gets a rose and places it behind my ear then he leads me to these doors that appeared out of no where. Through those doors is the most wonderful paradise with a lake and the most beautiful grass. The sun is shining and he leads me to the shore of the lake. We lie there for hours enjoying each other's company until the dark. It's night then he sits up looking around for any danger. Then the doors that we came through burst open and this black stuff comes pouring through. It was so dark and so black on the other side it was so…scary…any way he gets up and walks up to the dark I plead him to stop but he keeps going. I run up to him going to hug him, he turns around and we were about to hug when…" She found herself crying again.
Small droplets of water escaped her eyes. Ginny put an arm around her friend and comforted her.
"Oh don't worry id you don't want to go on then,"
"No, anyways, I was running up to him and just when we're about to hug I go…I go straight through him!"
Ginny let out a gasp.
"I fall to the floor and get up he hugs me from behind and tells me that that's the way it's got to be. He tells me he'll always miss me. Then he steps through the darkness. Then when I can't see him I whisper that I'll miss him and then our paradise world vanished and I'm left all alone in the white world crying…"
This time it was Ginny's turn to cry.
"Oh my gosh Herm I had no idea, no wonder why you look so put out lately. Don't worry." She put her other arm around her friend and they sat there in a nice hug.
"But…" Ginny said sniffing. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were in Lo- Oh hello Crookshanks."
Hermione's cat walked through the door and leaped up onto Hermione's lap.
"Yeah…"
Days turned to weeks and the situation had not changed but even if it had it would have just gotten worse.
Hermione and Draco tried their hardest to forget each other, to forget what they shared and to forget their feelings towards one another. But the more they tried the more it got worse.
Hermione went to Library more than often if possible to read all her favorite books but every time she put one down he was still there instilled in her mind. She tried studying extra hard and still that got her no where. She tried to perform her head duties even more well than usual but still to no avail. She was getting more and more tired and more both mentally and physically worn out. Even her friends began to notice it but she paid no attention to their suggestions. For even if she did take a day off or two he would still be there plaguing her mind. It was not long before she snapped.
She sat in front of the fire one day in the exact same spot where Draco was sitting so many weeks ago. She sat there thinking, wondering about things, her life, Draco and just everything.
What was Ginny about to say before Crookshanks walked in?
She wasn't about to say the L word was she? No! I can't! Me in love with Draco Malfoy? No I can't fall in love with him! No! But still the way he kisses me, the way he just smiles at me as if I'm the only one for him, I love the way he- wait, No! Rewind and freeze! I can't think this! It's wrong no, I have to stop thinking about him…I can't love him. I don't love him…do I?
'I think you have the answer to that question.' A small voice appeared.
I don't love him, I can't! I shouldn't! Him and me? That's just crazy, scandalous! It's too dangerous, it's out of this world! Not in this life time noway! No! I don't love him.
No…
'Yes you do, don't deny it.'
I'm not denying it. It should be a sin to love him and it is!
'The only sin you're committing is denying what your heart truly feels.'
No. I don't love him. We're just friends! We're not even friends! We're merely acquaintances!
'Acquaintances who snog each other half to death? Yeah right.'
Stop it, I don't love him. I'm out of here.
Hermione got up and off the couch and stomped off into her room, things were just getting out of hand.
" "I don't love him." She said firmly
'Are you sure about that? You do love him, yes, yes, yes!'
No! No! No!
'Yes! Yes! Yes!'
No! No! No I bloody don't!
'Yes, yes, yes you do! You do admit it!'
No I don't!
'Yes, yes, yes!'
No! No! No!
'YES!'
And before she knew it the horrid word slipped out of her mouth.
"YES!"
She clapped her hand to her mouth in realization.
"Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god!"
She had fallen in love with him.
She had fallen in love and she didn't even realize it.
She collapsed back onto her bed.
"I love him." She whispered. "I can't believe I love him."
But even though she had found out that she loved him, in a state of pure denial she still tried to forget. But as last time and as always it still didn't work. She kept telling herself that it wouldn't work out, that it was too dangerous and that the world wouldn't accept it. Even though she may have been right, she still loved him with everything she had.
Draco tossed and turned endlessly in his bed. He could not sleep after what he just found out. He found out why she plagued his mind and haunted his dreams, he realized he fell in love with her.
Fell in love with the enemy, Hermione Granger, the mudblood.
He couldn't even believe himself, he denied it over and over again hoping to find relief but still underneath all the meaningless words he knew the truth that lay behind them.
"I can't love her…and she shouldn't love me either."
'Bull.'
"This isn't love this is just an infatuation, an illusion."
'Right…'
Draco sighed and rested his head in hands.
"I can't believe I fell in love with her."
Then another thought entered his head.
What will father say?
Ah crap, she mustn't know that I love her…she'll act upon it, then father, oh god, father will do something.
They both wanted something they couldn't have.
The next few days past so slowly, they all dragged on making the torture more painful. Her heart yearned for him but she couldn't have him. They were enemies: Gryffindor and Slytherin, it was forbidden.
Forbidden, forbidden, forbidden. But that's what made the adventure even more enticing.
Hermione let the curiosity get the better of her and decided to ask Ginny what she was about to say the other night. Even though she did know the answer she had to know for sure. Just to make sure she wasn't going crazy. If she thought she was in love then maybe it could be possible? No, I need to stop thinking like that they would all hate me if Draco and I…no I shouldn't even be thinking about it.
It was a wintry and snowy afternoon in the Gryffindor common room. Harry and Ron who had been slacking off for the past couple of weeks decided to do all their homework in one go and to their disappointment Hermione refused to help.
"It's our NEWTS year and our final year. Boys, if you want to pass then you need to learn for yourself and you seriously need to learn how to properly manage your time. Honestly, Quidditch isn't everything."
She would always say, then receive half-hearted glares from both Harry and Ron.
Ginny who knew how to properly manage her time often stayed and watched the two often correcting certain spelling or grammar errors either of them had. But today Hermione simply stepped in silently and asked Ginny to follow her.
"Hey Gin can you come with me for a minute?"
She asked as she poked her head through the Portrait hole. Ginny's eyes looked up and she looked extremely relieved.
"Thank heavens! I thought I was going to die of boredom!"
She quickly got up and followed Hermione out of the exit. She poked her head back in and noticed the irritated stares from the boys.
"Sorry boys, girl talk, girls only." Then she left. Harry and Ron who looked each other with confused expressions asked each other.
"What do they talk about anyway?"
"Beats me, probably about some cute Ravenclaw or something." Harry answered.
"Lets hope it's not because who ever it is I don't want them to get their grimy little hands on my sister." Ron said through gritted teeth.
"Calm down mate." Harry gave him a pat him on the back. "I swear that won't happen."
Ginny followed Hermione through the corridors and into her Head dorm.
"So Herm what's this about anyway?" She asked.
"Don't worry I'll fill you in when we get there."
And soon enough they were in Hermione's room eating chocolate. Hermione took a deep breath and proceeded to ask Ginny what she had been dying to ask her for the whole evening.
"Gin?"
"Mmm?" She answered between mouthfuls of chocolate.
"What were you about to say the other week before you were interrupted?"
"What? Oh you mean when you told me about your dream?"
She nodded her head silently.
"Well Hermione by the looks of it I think you've fallen in love with the guy."
She nodded her head again. There maybe I'm not going crazy, she thought. But still if she can see I'm in love then why can't Draco? Wait, he shouldn't should he? Oh I don't know! I'm so confused, but still I can't have him. I hate this feeling…I feel so miserable, it's so…I hate it.
"This is about the guy you met isn't it?"
She nodded her head again.
"Look 'Mione if you love him that much then go to him. There's nothing stopping you. If you love him that much to dream about him, work extra hard and lie around here bawling then I think he will see to how much you love him. And I bet he loves you too."
That brought tears to Hermione's eyes. "Gin you don't understand…"
"What's not to understand?" She popped another piece of chocolate in her mouth.
"We're too different. It'll never work out."
"Have you tried to work it out? Have you tried to find a way?"
"Well…no."
"Exactly then how do you know it can't work if you haven't looked or tried?"
She hung her head miserably. "That's what he said."
"Then he's right Hermione. Go to him."
"But you Gin you still don't understand." She said weakly.
The tears really had threatened to fall. She couldn't just waltz up to his room knock on his door and tell him her undying love for him, because now things were back to normal.
"I've tried to forget about him…so many times in so many ways…"
"Herm…I,"
"Don't worry Gin…I shouldn't have gotten you into this mess anyway."
"But the question is why can't you forget about him?"
"I don't know what to do Ginny, I need help, I..he's just always there and I can't do anything about and I-"
They had now finally broken through the barrier and she started to cry. Heck, the helpless girl was wailing. She furiously wiped the tears away and went on.
"I can't get him out of my head! He's always there, I…I just don't know what to do…I" Hermione's sentence trailed off.
She was hugging herself cold and miserable.
"Hermione." Ginny started to say but she cut her off.
"No Ginny don't I know it's not a phase." She told her. "It's just for once in my life I don't know what to do. I studied extra hard and still he's there! I preformed all my Head Girl duties extra well, I spent more time with you guys, I kept my head in books but he's still there! He's still there! I just can't!"
She cried, she had tears in her eyes now it just hurt so much.
Ginny stepped up to Hermione and put her arms around her best friend.
"Hermione calm down. It'll be alright."
"No, it won't!" she said pushing her away.
She stepped away from her.
"It won't, you have no idea how it feels…I feel like there's something broken inside me, and I don't know how to fix it."
She sniffed wiping the tears away as she slowly paced the room and finally stopping at a window.
"And I'm supposed to be the smart one."
She gave a hollow laugh.
"You have no idea how it feels, all this time I've been living in the past…I just want to get through this, it's like everything inside of me wants to feel again. Like how I felt when I was with him, and I hold on to that it's like what keeps me going…"
Hermione lowered her head and started to sob quietly, it was just too painful to remember. Remember the time she spent with him and everything they had shared it was just a fling, she even thought so but that was just what she thought.
Ginny stood beside her.
"Hermione, look I don't know what you're talking about I don't even know when this happened. How can I help you if I don't know what's going on?"
Hermione turned away and sat down.
"I love him and it…it hurts so much…wanting something you can't have…I just feel so miserable, so miserable."
Ginny sat next to her and put an arm around her.
"Look 'Mione we can help you through this…"
Hermione sniffed and nodded.
"Who is this guy anyway?" she asked as calmly as he could, not trying to sound too needy, like the Gossiping Duo basically.
Hermione looked to the floor and sobbed.
"Draco Malfoy"
To any one else in the room that would have just been an incoherent sob, but to the red haired girl sitting beside her she heard it loud and clear.
The girl was speechless.
"Malfoy!?"
She nodded her head.
"That's what you don't understand." She whispered.
"But, but…Malfoy?" Ginny exasperated.
"Oh Ginny please don't hate me."
"Oh no Herm no I could never hate you. But…Malfoy?"
She nodded her head sadly.
Ginny took another huge bite out of her chocolate.
"Yeah you're right I don't understand…but how? When? When did this happen?"
"During the quest and even a little bit before that. I didn't even realised I loved him until lately."
Hermione stopped crying instead now she just looked sad.
Ginny blinked at her friend.
"You've kept this secret that long, this whole time and you never told me?!" Ginny yelled.
Again all Hermione could do was nod.
Ginny stood up and paced the room she started muttering to herself madly but finally she stopped and looked Hermione.
She sat back down and took a deep breath.
"Look," She said in a resigned voice.
"I'm not saying I like this, because I don't and I'm not saying I like the guy, because I don't. I'm also saying I don't approve of it, but I accept it. Because I trust your judgement and I know you're the smartest witch I know, so all I can tell you to do is to be careful around him Herm."
Hermione's face brightened up considerably and she looked at the younger girl.
"Thank you so much Gin." She gave her friend the biggest hug she could muster.
"Hey what are friends for?" Ginny shrugged and passed Hermione another piece of chocolate.
"Eat, you'll feel heaps better."
Hermione slowly ate the chocolate slowly and smiled.
She felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders that she was finally able to tell someone about her feelings.
"Gin can you do me one favor? Please don't tell everyone else, especially Ron or Harry when the time is right I want to tell them for myself. If the time comes."
"Sure, just promise me you won't lie to them."
"Thanks Gin I promise."
"So Hermione…" Ginny asked slowly.
"Yeah?"
"Please you have to tell me, you must and just have to absolutely tell me!"
"Tell you what?"
"Is he a good kisser? Are the rumors true?"
Hermione started to laugh, she hadn't done so in ages.
In fact the last time she had laughed was when she was with Draco.
She flushed a deep red as Ginny waited in anticipation.
"He is absolutely great! And yes the rumors are true, well not all of them. He doesn't sleep around actually. But he's such a fabulous kisser! His tongue just does this amazing thing it's so…passionate and sweet and so many things more and…"
"Okay! Okay!" Ginny held her hands up. "No need to go into so much detail and rub it in. You'll make Lavender and Parvati want to kill you for making out with the hottest guy in school."
Hermione laughed again.
"Hey Herm." Ginny asked again.
"Yeah?"
"One more question."
"What is it? Is it Draco related?"
"Oh so it's Draco now? Anyway, I just have to ask. Have you seen him topless?"
Hermione turned a deep red and squeaked a small yes.
"Really? How many times?"
"Many times…well the first time he was only in his silk black boxers…"
"ONLY IN HIS BOXERS!? YOU LUCKY LITTLE ONE!"
Hermione smiled.
"So what's his bod like?"
"Hot real hot really hot."
You could just tell Ginny was green with envy.
They spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing. She had almost forgotten the meaning of happiness, but still she wished Draco were still with her.
Later that night Hermione still couldn't sleep. In her flannel pajamas she slipped out of her room and walked across the common room.
She stood in front of Draco's door.
"I want you, I need you, I miss you…I love you Draco…I can't believe all these weeks and I'm standing three feet away." She put her hand on his door wishing that somehow he could hear her, but he was asleep.
"I love you Draco Malfoy" She whispered.
She sighed sadly and walked back to her room.
Just as Hermione's door snapped shut Draco's door opened.
"Hermione?" He thought he heard something.
"I'm hearing things…" He muttered.
"I'm probably dreaming again. She doesn't love me."
He turned away from his door and went back to sleep.